June 2012 Archives

I have been accused of being a soppy cry baby by most of my clan. Things that have made me cry include: adverts featuring attractive children doing adorable things, any TV programme featuring a makeover on a lady with low self esteem and… The Fresh Prince of Bel Air: the one where Carlton was hospitalised and it was Will’s fault because the pills were in his locker and… and… oh… dear… sniffle sniffle sob sob.

So here’s the latest challenge faced by yours truly: a short film audition for which I am required to turn up and cry instantaneously. The crying is integral to the scene and opens the dialogue. It is essential. On the train up to the audition I suffer a crisis of faith and feel hideously inadequate: What if I can’t deliver? Oh dear.

Try now, I tell myself. Cry now. Cue constipation face. No. Nothing. Dry as a line of Coward. Noooooooooooo!! If I was a real actor I could do this, surely.

Tuesday 19 June, 9-11am.
Wednesday 20 June, 11am-1pm.
Friday 22 June, 1pm-3pm.

This is a public safety announcement to residents of North Buckinghamshire. During the times indicated above, please stay at home. Do not make any unnecessary journeys. Do not venture outside. You have been warned; I am learning to drive.

Readers, I got a job. A paid job. A paid acting job. For a year. Excited doesn’t quite cover it. As of August, I shall be touring theatres across the UK and Ireland with ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and ‘Spring Awakening’, thanks to Icarus Theatre Collective.

Everybody has always said I could play a teenager. Pop me in a school uniform and pack me off with my satchel; I’m a shorty with a baby face. I was refused alcohol at Wetherspoons only last Christmas; which I am blaming on the fact I’d forgotten my ID rather than any other reason * Hiccup *

So, having initially auditioned for Juliet and ended up being cast as The Nurse, I’ve had to have a long hard look in the mirror and adjust to the fact that my casting might not be quite as youthful as I thought. Not thirteen anyway. There are clues; the beginning of lines and the increasing amount of salt in my pepper pot which means I’m starting to pay more attention to Davina McColl’s endorsements of ‘grey coverage’. Alas, it appears my Juliet ship has sailed and the role will now be resigned to the list I shall entitle ‘the parts that got away’. Sigh…. Still; no frowns- that ages the face! Besides which, the Nurse is great fun! And I very much look forward to clutching at the nipple of my dug and being horribly inappropriate.

The cherry on the cake, besides enjoying some fantastic Shakespeare and playing to proper houses with dress circles and ice-cream vendors and whatnot: a modicum of financial security. It means I do not have to have ‘that’ conversation with my parents for the next year. Watch as my shoulders creep down by three inches and my neck reappears for the first time since graduation.