I have been accused of being a soppy cry baby by most of my clan. Things that have made me cry include: adverts featuring attractive children doing adorable things, any TV programme featuring a makeover on a lady with low self esteem and… The Fresh Prince of Bel Air: the one where Carlton was hospitalised and it was Will’s fault because the pills were in his locker and… and… oh… dear… sniffle sniffle sob sob.
So here’s the latest challenge faced by yours truly: a short film audition for which I am required to turn up and cry instantaneously. The crying is integral to the scene and opens the dialogue. It is essential. On the train up to the audition I suffer a crisis of faith and feel hideously inadequate: What if I can’t deliver? Oh dear.
Try now, I tell myself. Cry now. Cue constipation face. No. Nothing. Dry as a line of Coward. Noooooooooooo!! If I was a real actor I could do this, surely.