What makes a critic cross….

Some critics wear a professional mask that makes them impossible to read when they’re watching a show – let alone impossible to read when they then write about them. (I’m not naming any names). But others are far more transparent. There’s often no happier sight in the stalls than the Daily Telegraph’s Charlie Spencer, whose sense of infectious pleasure will actively try to conscript others around him (he should be paid extra by the producers when this happens!). But conversely, when he’s not having a good time, boy, does he let you know it! And let’s ‘em have it!

His review yesterday for the new, admittedly fringe-y production of The Elephant Man at Trafalgar Studios was one such an occasion. Myself, I found things to admire – as you can find in my review on this site, and I wasn’t entirely alone – Sam Marlowe did in The Times, too.

But for Charlie, “Almost everything about the evening seemed determined to create a bad impression, from the undrinkably vile coffee served in the bar before the show, the tiny size of the audience (a couple of dozen at best), to the sheer, mind-boggling inadequacy of the production by the Creative First company.” Creative First can’t exactly be blamed for the quality of the coffee – Ambassador Theatre Group, who own the Trafalgar Studios, need to be challenged on that; nor on the size of their audience (now likely to diminish further after reviews like this!).

Charlie even holds it up as the kind of production that could put you off the theatre for life: “The problem with theatre, of course, is that when it’s good, it’s wonderful, and when it’s bad it is absolutely unendurable. And if you hit a naff production at an impressionable age, you could well be put off for life. One can only assume that Gordon Brown, Tony Blair, Tessa Jowell and the rest of the lamentable crew were unlucky enough to stumble across a show as dire as this revival of The Elephant Man in their youth, and as a result have secretly despised the theatre ever since.”

All of which is an awful lot of weight and responsibility for a small London show to be freighted with. I pity the company that Charlie stumbled upon them. But I also know just how Charlie feels, too. Two other recent productions sent me to a theatrical purgatory: Attempts on her Life at the National and The Wonderful World of Dissocia at the Royal Court, both of which worked hard to put me off theatre for life (or at least the rest of the evening). I’ve already blogged here, however, about the very different critical reactions that Attempts on her Life and The Wonderful World of Dissocia have respectively received.

On both occasions, however, it was the mind-bending tedium of what was on the stage that upset me most, and that is, after all, what we’re there to pass comment on. I had to speak as I found; but I realise that others didn’t necessarily find the same thing that I did — hence my balancing of the critical opinions in those blog entries.

And just as I love Charlie for speaking his mind, too, I feel I need to offer a word of support to Creative First. Lots of factors about going to the theatre influence how we react to something. Critics are only human; and vile coffee can put you in a bad mood. No wonder some producers lay on drinks and even sandwiches before a first night; it’s not exactly a bribe, but a bit of hospitality puts us in a more hospitable mood!