The London Underground likes to state the obvious, and in the absence of anything more constructive and practical on their own part, posters everywhere at the moment tell us: “We know the Tube can be uncomfortable in hot weather.” They then issue a few tips “to help to take the edge off the heat and minimise delays”, amongst which they suggest, “Always carry a bottle of water with you.” The same suggestion, of course, could apply to going to unventilated West End theatres the moment the temperature gauge outside hits anything above 20 degrees; and the PRs were helpfully handing out bottles of water to critics arriving for last night’s opening of Zorro at the Garrick Theatre.
Inside the auditorium, too, it turned out that the theatre owners were also following London Underground’s lead - while some stations are benefiting this summer from some 40 industrial-sized fans being installed around the network, the Garrick had ten portable air-conditioning units dotted around the auditorium desperately trying to cool the place before the show planned to heat it up again.
They were switched off during the show itself - too noisy, apparently, though since the show was making so much noise, I’m not sure anyone would have noticed - but at least someone is recognising the problem: as Nimax co-owner Nica Burns told me during the interval, “We care about our customers”. But air-conditioning would cost £700,000 to install, she added, and it’s not the kind of money the Garrick is used to making.
But if an attempt, at least, was being made to answer a specific problem, someone forgot to attend to more basic housekeeping: none of the hand dryers were working in the men’s stalls loos at all, while a fellow critic, Rhoda Koenig, who visited the ladies reported gravely that it has “only four stalls, one of which was inoperative because the toilet seat was on the floor, next to the fixture, its attachment ripped away. What a charming sight for the auspicious opening!”
Lots of money, however, has been thrown at the stage - some £4.5m, I’m told - but I wonder how they will begin to recoup it in a theatre with the seating capacity of the Garrick, which is just 656. The show toured earlier this year to far bigger regional theatres, and had struggled to find a West End berth. But the producers have surely created more problems for themselves than they’ve solved by shoehorning it into such a financially inappropriate house.
The show, meanwhile, does some shoehorning of its own, as it furiously embeds a couple of old Gypsy Kings crowd-pleasers, “Bamboleo” and “Djobi Djoba”, into the new score that the band have created. Elsewhere, the show inevitably invites comparisons with another Spanish-themed show, Peter Pan - El Musical that also played at the Garrick earlier in the year, and apparently turned it into panto pop. I managed to pass on seeing that one, but no such luck with El Zorro, as he’s sometimes called, though even I was watching it, I had the feeling I’d seen it all before. (A critical colleague invited a friend who was sure she had. “But you can’t have - it’s new,” replied the critic. “Yes, I have - Zorro the Greek”, said her friend.).
The déjà vu is more to do the bone-crunching familiarity of producers clutching at a popular title - and churning out a show that weirdly fails to give it shape or point (though plenty of pounding rhythm and stomping energy; if the audience were working up a sweat thanks to the overheated auditorium, I wondered how the actors were coping). As with Desperately Seeking Susan, briefly at the Novello last year - and sharing the same female lead, Emma Williams, who is surely destined for better things (one day soon, I hope) - it lacks both style and content.
The night before, as it happens, I’d revisited a show that manages to have both - Our House, the musical brilliantly crafted by playwright Tim Firth around the back catalogue of pop band Madness, is on the road, and I caught it again at Bromley. The original creative team behind the show, first seen at the Cambridge in 2002, have reassembled to give it a sharp make-over, including director Matthew Warchus and choreographer Peter Darling whose stunning dances lend it such a propulsive momentum. Paul Kieve, who created the show’s “illusions and costume effects”, was in attendance at Bromley on Monday, keeping an eye - and stopwatch - on the quick changes between the two Joe’s: the fastest, which includes a complete clothing and shoes change-over, is done in four seconds, he told me (and earned a round of applause on Monday).
Kieve’s work was again in evidence last night at Zorro, sharing the credit for illusions with Scott Penrose, and they’re the unsung heroes of the night, master magicians who manage to conjure the title character’s multiple appearances (and disappearances) in flashes of fast brilliance. Perhaps they can be asked to help magic up an audience for the show now…..
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