Contrary to what the ITV and Channel 4 schedulers would like us to think, there are many of us who aren’t into football — especially of the pro-celebrity kind — or who, like Mark, are trying to escape the William-Golding-brought-to-life-in-Borehamwood behemoth.
So, let’s dance!
Saturday sees the semi-final of Strictly Dance Fever (6:00pm & 9:10pm, BBC1), which I have to admit I’ve found hard going this series. Maybe it’s just because after so many series of Strictly…, Arlene’s pouting frown is wearing a little thin, and new judge Ben Richards is just too softly spoken to provide much of a counterbalance. Anyway, the four remaining couples each have to dance an Adagio, one other dance from the series’ repertoire they haven’t previously done, and a group swing. Plus, if you live near Darlington, Milton Keynes, Thurrock or Brighton, then you may be able to see the three finalist couples next week (the exact schedule depends on who gets the boot this week).
Shuffling over to Channel 4 now, where the channel promises an evening of delights in the company of choreographer Russell Maliphant. Light and Movement (7.40pm, C4) is a half-hour documentary which “focuses on his working relationship with lighting director Michael Hulls and examines how their collaborative process enhances and influences the work they create”. Following straight after is Rise and Fall, with three new Maliphant pieces performed by Ballet Boyz William Trevitt and Michael Nunn, with Sylvie Guillem.
Nestling snugly in between, the ever-reliable Doctor Who (7.00pm) has an extra special TV-related episode this week. In The Idiot’s Lantern Mark Gatiss, who scripted last year’s Charles Dickens Victorian episode, takes the Doctor and Rose back to 1953, where an evil alien entity (is there any other kind?) is taking over humanity via this new-fangled televisual device. (It’ll never catch on.) Maureen Lipman guest stars as the creepiest continuity announcer since Susie Blake on Victoria Wood: As Seen on TV.
Sunday’s a bit of a washout, really. BBC1 and ITV1 both have easily ignored one-offs (Test the Nation and Posh’n’Becks respectively), and the only British dramas of note on terrestrial TV are the usual two hours of Emmerdale, Corrie and Heartbeat. Turn over to ITV3 instead, and wallow in the treat that is Sherlock Holmes Weekend - Jeremy Brett doing his thing, back in the day when ITV did decent drama of the sort they’re unlikely to do again.
And Monday (part of this weekend round-up by virtue of the bank hols) sees a worthwhile repeat of Tommy Cooper: Must See TV (7:30pm ITV1), plus the oh-we-know-it’s-going-to-be-so-bad-but-won’t-be-able-to-stop-watching X Factor: Battle of the Stars (9:00pm ITV1). Paul Daniels. Debbie McGee. Chris Moyles. Gllian “obsessed with other people’s excreta” McKeith.
I expect that the X Factor will be the one thing that gets me to start watching Big Brother…
