EastEnders/Coronation Street (Monday to Friday, BBC1/ITV1, times vary)
And it’s heads down as the two big soaps make that dash through the final week before Christmas…
In Albert Square, Pauline Fowler is trying to keep a lid on her deceitful ways and stop it getting out that she doesn’t have a brain tumour. Pity Peggy Mitchell has just found out the evil truth. Prepare for some slap-happy times in The Queen Vic. And Billy, for god’s sake, cheer up will you? Your life has been terrible for like, ever. You’d think you’d be used to it by now – it is Christmas, after all…
And Frankie Baldwin’s worst fears escalate when the cops call her in to identify a body. Did Danny really take a dive off the viaduct, and is Jamie not as white as the driven snow? And things aren’t going to get any better for the couple when Danny’s mum turns up and accuses them both of having her loving son bumped off. As Ena Sharples would have said, whatever’s to do?
Losing Gemma (Monday 9pm, ITV1)
As pre-Chrimbo drama goes, this is about all you’re likely to get. Alice (daughter of Trevor) Eve stars as Esther, who heads off to Goa with Gemma, as unlikely a travelling companion as you’ll find. Not surprisingly, considering the title, Gemma goes missing, and that’s when everything turns bizarre for Esther. Worth watching to see if Jonas Armstrong, who pops up in a supporting role, has actually gorrit away from the Lincoln green.
Rick Stein and the Japanese Ambassador (Tuesday 8pm, BBC2)
Rick Stein, god of the undersea food world (and a lot more besides) steps outside his comfort zone to accept a challenge from the Japanese ambassador to Great Britain – cook a banquet for some very special guests. One slight problem – Stein has never visited Japan, and although he loves a bit of sushi, have never attempted preparing this most marmitey of foods. Off Rick pops to Japan to take on his biggest challenge ever, before returning to do battle in the kitchen.
The Worst Christmas of My Life (Tuesday 9.30pm, BBC1)
Oh bliss! Ben Miller returns in this most wicked of sitcoms that actually has the benefit of being quite funny (a rarity in today’s climate). If you don’t know the form, Miller is Howard Steel, who just can’t help getting into embarrassing scrapes with his in-laws. This seasonal three-parter (continuing on Thursday and Friday) is no exception, full of the same slapstick and cringe inducing moments that will make you wince for poor Howard. Good fun.
Bad Girls: a Christmas Special (Wednesday 9pm, ITV1) (pictured)
A sad day – Bad Girls finally gets paroled and goes straight, never to grace our screens again. This Christmas special is a bit barmy, and possibly not the way producers Shed would have liked to go out. Still, there’s lot to enjoy, especially the decomposing body of Natalie Buxton rotting away down in the drains. Fare ye well, girls of Larkhall. Don’t stay away too long.
Father Ted (Thursday 10.30pm, C4)
Repeats are never a problem when they are this good, and A Very Christmasy Ted is sitcom royalty. For my money, nothing can beat the sequence showing Ted leading a group of priests out of a department store lingerie section (it’s the largest in Ireland, so I’m told). The campaign to have this shown every year starts here.
Fanny Cradock Cooks for Christmas (Friday 8pm, BBC4)
Forget the slick shenanigans of Nigella, this is what it’s all about, a bite-size chunk of the marvellous Fanny Cradock, cooking up a storm with mincemeat. She stuffs, she rolls, she bakes and stuffs some more in a vintage festive special from 1975. There are more daily updates from the legendary cook throughout the festive season.
Number 13 (Friday 10.30pm, BBC4)
A spine-tingling return for a one-time Christmas tradition – an M.R. James ghost story for Christmas. Greg Wise plays an academic deep in some research in a cathedral town. But why is his sleep being disturbed by strange noises from room number 13? You may wonder… Nicely creepy in a very cosy kind of way and a perfect aperitif to ease us into Christmas weekend.
