Coronation Street (Friday 7.30pm, ITV1)
Charlie Stubbs’s funeral – now that’s something worth missing a Friday night pint for. As the Alan Bradley for the Noughties is laid to rest, how will Tracy’s presence at the funeral add to the atmosphere (because we all love a party with a happy atmosphere). Doubtless, Jason will have something to say in his heartfelt delivered eulogy, most of it on the theme of what a murdering witch the Barlow girl is. Cue lots of emotive crying from Deirdre and pointlessly mild moralising from Ken. Don’t you just love Corrie?
Midsomer Murders (Friday 8.30pm, ITV1)
Midsomer Murders – it’s a bit like a tube of Pringles, you just can’t help yourself. To be honest, every episode of MM started to merge into one great whole about five years ago, but it’s all great, undemanding fun.
The Friday Night Project (Friday, 11.065pm, C4)
You know the form – it’s fun and frolics with the JLC and Alan Carr (no, not the deceased smoking guru) and their special guest host. This week, accept no deals or swaps for the comeback kid – it’s Noel Edmonds. And my, doesn’t he look like a slimmer Justin?
Harry Hill’s TV Burp (Saturday 6.05pm, ITV1)
Watch and learn kids! This is how to do irreverent comedy, and what better way to do it than by poking fun at the object of all our affections – the telly. I recommended this last week, and will probably continue to do so for the remaining 12 of Hill’s madcap run through the schedules. The first episode’s irrefutable proof that Ken Barlow is in fact a vent’s dummy will be hard to top.
Star Trek – First Contact (Saturday, 7.05pm, C4)
Well, we recommended Dancing on Ice last week, and good though it is, bigging it up every week is going to get a bit tedious. They skate, they get voted off. A better bet is this barnstorming entry from the hit-miss-maybe Star Trek franchise of films. This is the one where the Borg go back in time and stop… look, you don’t need to know the details. Like The One with the Whales before it, this is one of the few Trek films that actually sold to you, the general public at large, which is a good indication of its enjoyable pedigree.
The Comedy Map of Britain (Saturday 10.10pm, BBC2)
Once upon a time, in a London suburb, a chap called Reginald Perrin used to catch the train every day into town. And every day, the train was exactly 11 minutes late. Welcome to Norbiton. In the first of a six part series, the legend that is Alan Whicker narrates a tour through the landmarks and inspirations of Britain’s comedic geography. Bristol gets a look in this week, as does Slough…
Top Gear (Sunday 8pm, BBC2)
The return of Top Gear, and while usually a cause for celebration, this is even more notable for the return of Richard “The Hamster” Hammond. And for that we can all be thankful. I just wish the boys wouldn’t treat the near-tragedy of Hammond’s so nearly fatal car smash like it was some great lark. But then, if there was too much overt doom and gloom, it wouldn’t be the Top Gear way, so I’m kind of divided on the subject. I love Top Gear anyway, so long may it reign (but somebody needs to introduce James May to those nice girls from What Not to Wear).
Celebrity Big Brother – the Final (Sunday 8pm, C4)
A week ago, this went mad. Now, we’re making like a Channel 4 exec and not really caring one way or the other. If there’s some consolation for Jade as the paperback edition of her biography is pulled, she might get a contract to advertise Oxo cubes.
Waking the Dead/Trial and Retribution (Sunday 9pm, BBC1/ITV1)
Here’s a new game – watch Waking the Dead and Trial and Retribution with the remote in your hand, and randomly flick from one show to the other. It’s like a whole extra storyline for the price of one. It’s especially great if you can contrive an argument scene between Trevor Eve’s DS Boyd and Victoria Smurfit’s DCI Roisin Connor. Either way, both shows are stylish crime drama and you’ll be hard pushed to find better. But please, somebody tell the highly talented Smurfit that she doesn’t have to shout all the time. You’re in a Lynda La Plante drama, we know you’re a hard bitch!
