February 2007 Archives

The BBC Trust has given provisional approval for the Corporation to participate in a free-to-view satellite television service, commonly referred to as “Freesat” (not to be confused with BSkyB’s own Freesat from Sky).

The Trust decided that the proposal — which would see the BBC team up with ITV and, possibly, Channel 4, to produce a range of receivers that will be able to receive unencrypted satellite transmissions. Quite how the technical side of transmission and reception will be implemented is unclear — this post from ukfree.tv is over 12 months old, but still valid. For the consumer, though, there would be a straightforward path — a one-off fee (for hardware and installation), and then that’s it.

Acting BBC Chairman Chitra Bharucha says:

A new, guaranteed subscription-free satellite service would provide the public another option when deciding which platform to choose. Over half of those yet to switch fall outside the Freeview coverage area. For these homes, the new service would mean being able to access BBC digital services they have already paid for via their licence fee but until now have been unable to receive on a guaranteed subscription-free basis.

We have considered the market impact and whilst there may be some negative effects, in our view these should be balanced against the potential positive market impact of greater choice. Overall, we believe a “Freesat” service to be in the public interest and we hope that other public service broadcasters would join the BBC in a joint venture. We welcome all responses to our provisional conclusion during the consultation.

The public consultation is now open — and, as with the previous consultation on the BBC’s new media and iPlayer proposals, input from the public is as important as that from interested industry parties.

• BBC Trust: Freesat consultation

The news that trade secretary Alistair Darling is referring Sky’s purchase of 17.9% of ITV to an Ofcom review is the latest twist in an increasingly bitter rivalry between the UK’s two biggest non-terrestrial TV carriers.

Virgin Media, the now-renamed NTL who failed to take over ITV and saw their rival take a significant (but not controlling) stake in the company instead, have been running a big campaign against Sky taking a further hold in the UK broadcasting arena. Hang on, says Sky — we’ve done nothing wrong:

When parliament debated the 2003 Communications Act, it expressly considered that plurality would be protected if Sky were to own no more than 20% of ITV…

ITV is a major, public company led by an independent and experienced board. It is inconceivable to suggest that, as a result of a 17.9% shareholding in ITV, Sky would be able to influence ITV’s broadcasting strategy or policies, including programming or editorial decisions, which remain entirely the responsibility of the board and, under its direction, management.

Compared to the £940m pounds Sky paid for its share of ITV, the prospect of the removal of Sky’s content channels from Virgin Media customers costing them £20m in ad revenues is surely small potatoes to the Murdoch-controlled broadcaster — especially as unilaterally cutting the carriage costs of broadcasting the Virgin-owned Flextech channels could cost Virgin £30m.

Slightly bigger would be the loss if Sky would have to bear if it is decided they will have to sell their ITV stake - £100m, the Guardian’s Nils Pratley estimates.

As far as the Communications Act goes, it does look as though Sky’s position is watertight from the letter of the law, if not its spirit — but to be honest, it’s hard to feel any compassion for Virgin Media, either. It’s not as if they’re complaining about Sky’s activities out of an altruistic sense of justice for the consumer, rather that it gets in the way of their own business plans. And one thing’s for sure — with two giant corporations battling each other and spending millions in legal fees to do so, it’s the end consumer who’s going to end up losing out.

A warning for all those planning their TV viewing this week — criminally, there is no Life on Mars this week. Apparently Reading and Manchester United, having failed to sort out which is the better team, are subjecting us to an FA Cup replay on Tuesday night. LoM returns next week.

The Retreat, BBC2 Monday 9pm

A sequel of sorts to The Monastery. This time round, six people from all walks of life undergo four weeks at an Islamic retreat in Spain. It provides a fascinating insight into the basic religious tenets of Islam, and show that the impression of the religion that recent extremists’ actions have given the world are not necessarily representative of the faith as a whole.

Instinct, ITV1 Monday/Tuesday 9pm

Another week, another two-part crime drama from ITV. Anthony Flanagan, formerly a policeman in Shameless and a murderer in Cracker, jumps back onto the right side of the law this time to play DCI Thomas Flynn. The title comes from Flynn’s intuitive leaps in the course of the investigation — which make the drama play out a little differently to others in the genre, but for me make it a less satisfying plot to follow. Still, I thought Robbie Coltrane’s psychologist, Fitz, was a contrived device in his first Cracker outing, so what do I know?

Celebration, More4 Monday 9pm

Now that he’s retired from playwriting, Celebration will probably now go down in history as Harold Pinter’s last play. This television adaptation pulls in a number of Pinter stalwarts — Michael Gambon, Penelope Wilton, Janie Dee. I can’t help feeling this piece probably works better in its original theatre location, but it’s a tremendous piece of television nonetheless. A Pinter documentary follows — find out more in Liz’s news piece from a few weeks ago.

Shameless, Channel 4 Tuesday 10pm

A feature-length episode, written by series creator Paul Abbott, brings this patchy series of Chatsworth Estate life to a close. I have to admit I’ve found it increasingly easy to turn off Shameless this series — the increasingly prevalent Maguire family being a major cause, and the loss of Dean Lennox Kelly and Maxine Peake being another. Which leads us to…

Confessions of a Diary Secretary, ITV1 Wednesday 9pm

…Maxine Peake, playing the role of secretary Tracey Temple against John Henshaw’s John Prescott. Like More4’s A Very Social Secretary about David Blunkett, this brings out the inherent comedy of the real-life situation without tipping over into all-out farce. The difference here is that, unlike the Blunkett piece’s flights of fancy, a lot of what is portrayed has Temple’s published diaries to back them up.

Grand Designs, Channel 4 Wednesday 9pm

Basically, this is pornography for the homes enthusiast — but at the top end of the scale: the Mapplethorpe to Colin and Justin’s Razzle. Kevin McCloud fronts an extra-long episode that follows a couple as they buy a medieval Yorkshire castle, and face trouble upon trouble in their attempts to turn it into a habitable, exciting home. Possibly the most riveting television of the week.

 Kitchen, Five Wednesday/Thursday 9pm

My worry for this, another of Five’s rare original drama commissions, is that it’ll get lost amongst the strong fare on the other terrestrial channels. Which would be a shame, as Eddie Izzard’s turn as a superchef on a downward spiral deserves a wider audience than it will probably get.

Time Team Special: Pugin - The God of Gothic, Channel 4 Thursday 9pm

Augustus Pugin is perhaps best knnown for his Gothic interior design for the Houses of Parliament, but his own house in Ramsgate, which he built and designed, is possibly his greatest work. Amazingly, until the Landmark trust stepped in in 2004, the house was falling derelict and at risk of being destroyed. This special programme, looking at the now-restored architectural masterpiece, should be fascinating — but why is it a Time Team special? It’s unnecessary branding on a documentary which doesn’t really need it.

Reichenbach Falls, BBC Four Thursday 9pm

This Edinburgh detective thriller, featuring a cynical, alcholic policeman and many literary references, is based on an Ian Rankin short story. Just don’t mention the “R” word, okay? Jim Buchan is obviously nothing like Rebus. Actually, this is a superb thriller in its own right, regardless of its origins, and twists aplenty should keep everyone on their toes.

TV companies and phone-in competitions don’t seem to be having the best of relationships these days. If it’s not all those endless late-night “quizzes” and their freaky handbag content ideas, it’s now those bastions of afternoon chat, Richard and Judy, whose “You Say, We Pay” competition is currently suspended (or, by some reports, permanently ditched) after allegations that viewers were repeatedly asked to call in after the winners had already been chosen. A case of “We Say Keep Ringing, You Pay With No Chance”, if the allegations are true.

Now The Observer claims that a viewer complaint on the same subject dates from September 2004, and was never acted upon. Cactus TV, the production company behind Richard & Judy, says that the complaint from Patricia Brooker was never passed on to it. And Channel 4 points out that web forums are not considered “an official channel for viewer complaints”.

Where’s Right to Reply when you need it? Answers on a postcard, please. Or call our premium rate comments line on 0901… nah, only kidding.

Talking of “You Say, We Pay”, here’s a spoof version created by Adam Buxton (with dialogue that’s definitely NSFW:

After You’ve Gone (Friday 8.30pm, BBC1)

It seems likely that this middle-of-the-road sitcom vehicle for Nicholas Lyndhurst will be commissioned for a second series. With that in mind, it might be worth looking in at this last episode to see why it’s put on nearly two million viewers across its run. To be honest, it’s not all that, a My Family clone with Rodders instead of Wolfie. But, as I kind of like My Family, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

The Wild West – Custer’s Last Stand (Friday 9pn, BBC2)

A nicely shot docudrama covering the legendary General Custer and his famous (but fatal) battle at Little Bighorn. As the first in a series covering other legends of the Wild West, it’s very well done, although the central casting is bewildering - Toby Stephens? As General Custer? You are, as they say, having a laugh. Get past that, though, and this is a fine hour of television.

Ugly Betty (Friday 9pm, C4)

Had a bad week? Well sooth your woes away with a dose of Ugly Betty, the best feel good fare on the box. It’s Thanksgiving, and of course Daniel manages to ruin it for our put-upon heroine, while Wilhelmina gets a visit from her daughter. Always a laugh, always makes you feel a bit better about the world at the end.

The Services (Friday 11.35pm, C4)

It’s a little rough around the edges, but see where it all began for Peter Kay with this repeat of The Services. All the ticks of what Kay does best are here with this docudrama about the day in the life of a service station. And after the woeful Max and Paddy, the man himself should perhaps look back to his TV roots to see how he used to do it.

House Weekend (Saturday 10am, Hallmark)

For want of anything better, you might plumb for the entirety of season one of Hugh Laurie’s America conquering drama, spread across Saturday and Sunday. I still can’t get past Laurie’s thickly trowelled Yank accent, even though some people tell me its chameleon like in its execution, but that’s not enough to stop me seeing lots to enjoy in this fun drama series.

Primeval (Saturday, 7.45pm, ITV1)

Oh dear, I’m suffering from Saturday night fatigue again. It’s difficult to say anything new about ice skaters, hospital dramas, talent shows and, I’m ashamed to say, Harry Hill. So that just leaves Primeval as pretty much the only diverting show on the box tonight. There are big alligators in swimming pools, and some movement on the Cutter and his missing missus plotline. Erm… Yay!

Rough Diamond (Sunday 8pm, BBC1)

It’s tanking in the ratings somewhat, but I’m holding tight on the reigns of Rough Diamond as a fine slice of undemanding Sunday night drama. Maybe it’s the fact I’m a sucker for a hard luck case, but I can’t help but like the cosy predictability and lovely scenery.

Recovery (Sunday 9pm, BBC1)

That David Tennant, he’s a canny one. Just a handful of weeks before the premiere of Doctor Who series three, he essays a role so different from the Time Lord that one can’t help but have warm thoughts as to his career prospects once he hands over the TARDIS keys. His role as Alan, recovering after a shocking accident left him in a coma, screams “I might be Doctor Who, but I’m a cracking actor with huge range, so don’t you dare typecast me!”. It’s something Tennant did to good effect with Secret Smile about this time last year when he played a nasty piece of work, and no mistake, and it works again here. The piece itself, penned by Tony Marchant, is heartbreaking, and pairs Tennant once more, to great success, with Sarah Parish. Parish is the wife who battles to bring Alan back as he goes through jarring personality changes in the weeks following his emergence from the coma. Strong and brilliant, this is easily the drama of the week.

Kombat Operas Present – The Applicants (Sunday 10pm, BBC2)

A clever piece of telly from the creator’s of Jerry Springer: The Opera, this sees John Thompson in an opera version of The Apprentice, playfully titled The Applicants. It’s great fun, poking a stick at both The Apprentice and opera itself, as contestants sing their innermost thoughts in fabulous mock opera stylee. Why can’t more TV be like this?

The Oscars (Sunday/Monday 12.30am, Sky Movies 1)

It’s a bit galling this is going out on a premium subscription channel, but never mind. If you can stay awake and love your movies, you’d be silly not to tune in and see dame Helen pick up her gong. Oh and, “Come on Little Miss Sunshine!”

And with that, I’m off to strap some planks to my feet and throw myself down a mountain for a week, so I’ll leave you in the capable hands of Scott and Liz. Hot tip for next week: LIfe on Mars episode 4. Best one yet!

Apologies for not being around much on TV Today this week, but it’s been an ultra-busy week.

The more observant of you may have noticed that we’ve just doubled the number of blogs here at The Stage. In The Paper gives a sneak preview of what’s in each week’s print edition of our newspaper. This week, for example, there are great interviews with Sarah Parish (appearing with David Tennant in Recovery on Sunday) and Hayley Mills (who has joined the cast of ITV’s Wild at Heart).

More excitingly, we’ve also launched our new podcast. I was lucky enough to have a few minutes with Lesley Garrett, talking about her new album, The Sound of Music and her forthcoming return to the judge’s chair on Comic Relief does Fame Academy.

Listen online over at http://www.thestage.co.uk/podcasts, or subscribe in iTunes and receive future episodes as soon as they’re published. If you use any other podcasting software, you can use the MP3 feed to subscribe.

We’ve also been busy on the broadcasting news front (that’s the royal “we”, of course — Liz has worked her socks off this week):

• Russell Brand will take an acting role in ITV’s new series of In Cold Blood
• Martin Shaw is to play George Gently, a 1960s detective, in a new BBC1 series
• Radio 3’s adaptation of Harold Pinter’s The Homecoming will star Pinter himself, alongside ex-EastEnders actor James Alexandrou
• Newsnight presenter Martha Kearney is to take over Radio 4’s The World At One
• Richard Thomas, creator of Jerry Springer: The Opera and BBC2’s new Kombat Opera Presents… series, is planning a ‘psychotic’ ballet
• Derek Waring, star of Z Cars, has died aged 79
• Sarah Parish (see above) is in line for a new BBC1 series about infidelity…
• …as well as starring in an Erin Brockovitch-style legal drama for BBC2.

No, no, no! Enough with spin-offs already! Why is it that when a channel or network hits pay dirt with a successful show, why do they feel the need to flog its hide until it produces a family of spin-offs.

It seems that in the US, Grey’s Anatomy is the latest show to sire a spin-off. Rumours are abound that the character of Dr Addison Montgomery-Shepherd (Kate Walsh) will be transplanted into a new situation that will be showcased in a special two-hour episode of Grey’s. Quite what format the new show will take has not been revealed, but I hope to the great gods of network television that it shows more imagination than merely relocating to a different city.

Has the creativity of commissioners and programme makers sunk so low that they can’t see past the latest high rating show? Law and Order, a great, seminal TV show, had the arse flogged off it and watered down into different permutations until it was a shadow if its former, majestic self. Poor NBC! CBS could learn from the example of Law and Order and pull back from its reliance on CSI before the tent pole collapses and brings the whole damn circus tent falling down around them.

There’s also talk of a spin-off from the fine-as-it-is Battlestar Galactica, provisionally titled Caprica. And don’t get me started on Stargate: Atlantis…

But of course, while the ratings hold, those champagne corks will keep popping! When Lost finishes, will there be a spin off called Found?

And this quirk is not just confined to US shores, it’s started to travel the Atlantic in increasing levels – and surprisingly, the Beeb are the prime culprits. Doctor Who has been turned into veritable industry – it still mystifies me as to who Torchwood is actually aimed at. The Sarah Jane Adventures is fine as it clearly identifies its audience, and its one that is being catered for less and less in TV today.

But how far can it be pushed?

And now we have Rogue Spooks, the imaginatively titled crib from Spooks, and the highly anticipated (by Zoe Lucker’s mum at any rate) Holby Blue.

I’m hoping for Holby on the Buses to be commissioned any day now.

Possibly because I made a habit of never reading him, the departure of one of the most turbulent sons of TV criticism completely passed me by. Yes, Gary Bushell penned his final Bushell on the Box column for the Sunday People this weekend just gone.

Although I never read the column with any regularity and find a lot of Bushell’s views thoroughly hateful, there is a tiny part of me that’s sad about this. Bushell might have been a boorish voice at a certain level, but he was never an apologist for his views, however bizarre and obviously wrong they could be (my middle name is Devil’sadvocate) I personally feel that his attacks on Queer on Folk at the time of its transmission to be a depressing low point in TV criticism, but still, I’m sure he stands by what he said. Channel 4 is certainly wowing them in the cheap seats now, isn’t it?

So, join me in marking the passing of a controversial giant of a TV critic. I might not have been a fan, but you always stuck to your guns, and I guess that has to be respected. And if you read the column and Bushell’s reasons for walking, there is a genuine sense of sadness at what British television has become, some of it I find it difficult to argue with. Some. Not all.

Now I’ll be content to spend my Sundays waiting for those glorious words to come round:

AA Gill is away

Too much television can be bad for our children, according to a report.

Well of course it can!! You don’t need a PHD in social sciences to work out that little nugget of wisdom, and let’s be honest, the assertion that that too much TV is bad for you isn’t particularly new. Even when I was a nipper back in the early 70s, a veritable scientific dark age when parents actually had to be parents and not have their hand held by the nanny state, it wasn’t particularly radical thinking.

I’m at a loss as to why the report by Dr Aric Sigman is being given so much attention considering it doesn’t bring anything new to the table. What does crease my brow in irritation is that the report seeks to scare and demonises television to a new level, claiming it can be responsible for childhood obesity, onset of autism, sleep disruption, diabetes and early puberty. Next we’ll be blaming it for bird flu.

Erm… I’m not disputing that these claims might be true, Dr Sigman is clearly a well-respected academic who knows his onions. But, is it strictly necessary to go to such lengths in pointing out that too much TV is bad for you? If I sit in a room for eight hours reading a book, I’m still not getting any exercise. Ergo, I’ll get fat.

The BBC News report on this story quotes from one Professor Frank Furedi, and his calm, reasoned comment is worth repeating here as it culls through all the bullshit quite succinctly:

“We seem to have lost the capacity to simply say that it’s not a good idea for children to watch too much TV”

Hear, hear! That’s it, that’s all we need in this particular case. And distilled down to this very pure statement, Dr Sigman’s report comes across as an unnecessary, overblown analysis of something that, when it comes down to it, is very simple.

Television is, when used properly, a powerful cultural tool to inform, educate and entertain whether you’re four or 40. Children’s television viewing habits should be policed by parents. If parents choose to allow a child to have a TV in the bedroom, then it’s their responsibility to ensure that child doesn’t sit up until 2am watching Quiz Call and turning up at school knackered the next day.

In all honesty, I probably watch too much TV (but then, it’s my job), but I’m an adult and it’s up to me. We’ve talked about the role of parents in the viewing habits of their children before, and I’m sure the majority of parents take this role seriously. It’s time for less hysteria in favour of a calm approach. Such a straightforward concept should not be this emotive.

Besides, the TV industry has greater problems than this. Holby Blue is starting soon.

The Bad Mother’s Handbook (Monday 9pm, ITV1)

The big test for Catherine Tate and her bid for freedom from the sketch-show clink starts tonight in The Bad Mother’s Handbook. Be prepared for a different tone from Ms Tate. There’s no gurning, no eye rolling, just a straight down the line turn of a modern woman whose life is a bit shit. Her daughter’s pregnant, her mother’s fading, and she feels that, as a once-teenage mother herself, that she might not have gained the best out of life. For some this might be too much of a jar to see Tate take such a big dramatic leap, but it does show she has the chops to be a contender.

Heroes (Monday 10pm, Sci-Fi)

It’s due on BBC2 later this spring, but the UK launch of Heroes on Sci-Fi is something of a coup for the digital channel. This show is doing wonders for the slow rehabilitation of NBC in the States, showing that the once great drama producer can ride a wave to come up with some genuinely challenging and imaginative drama. The first episode focuses on a disparate group of people who wake one morning to find themselves… different. They are all starting to display powers that go beyond human capabilities – flying, precognition, and stopping time, amongst others. Just why is this happening, and how far will these powers take them? Thankfully Heroes dumps the flights ‘n’ tights mentality of spandex clad super types and grounds it in reality (well, you know what I mean). With Lost seemingly on the wane, there could be a new obsession on the block.

Emmerdale (Tuesday 7pm, ITV1)

The murder storyline continues to bulldozer through all Emmerdale’s current plots, and very diverting it is too, and tonight, daddy King is finally laid to rest. But, there’s a stranger lurking amongst the mourners, and it turns out to be Tom’s ex-mistress, played by former Page Three stunner Linda Lusardi. Sublime or ridiculous? You decide!

Life on Mars (Tuesday 9pm, BBC1)

Last week’s opener gained disappointingly average ratings. Hopefully this second series of Life on Mars will slow burn to a huge audience by the end, but there’s tricky competition on the other side in the form of a Man United Champions League tie. However, this is a fine episode that showcases how both race and sex are approached in a 1970s CID office. First, we have Annie Cartwright (the fantastic Liz White) transferring into CID from uniform, and giving the sexist pigs as good as she gets. Secondly, and a driving force of this plot, is Sam coming face-to-face with his future mentor, raw recruit Glenn Fletcher and the first black CID officer in Manchester. Also on guest duties is Pirates of the Caribbean star Kevin McNally as the retiring DCS Harry Woolf, wanting one last case cracked in his name. If anything, the question hanging over Sam’s presence in this world, real or imagined, is starting to get in the way of a damned good cop show.

The Day Today (Tuesday 9pm, BBC4)

Chris Morris at his finest, with A-grade accompaniment from Steve Coogan and Patrick Marber. Forget what followed, this is quite simply one of the best satirical comedies to grace our screens.

New Street Law (Wednesday 9pm, BBC1)

Rejoice, for it is the return of New Street Law! Erm… don’t all cheer at once, will you? This is a perfectly fine legal drama that never once drifts into cliché or predictability. I’m sorry, I’ll read that again. This is a perfectly dull legal drama that regularly drifts into cliché and predictability. Which is a shame, as the cast deserve better. When will somebody come and do a State of Play equivalent of the courtroom drama?

Hotel Babylon (Thursday 9pm, BBC1)

It’s like a big, colourful ice cream sundae of a drama, and I love it! Hotel Babylon requires no thought or concentration whatsoever, and sometimes that’s a good thing.

Fear, Stress and Anger (Thursday 9pm, BBC2)

A strangely traditional sitcom in which Peter Davison (making a rare return to BBC land) plays an advertising executive who has to work from home, bringing him into conflict with his missus (Green Wing’s Pippa Haywood) and kids. It’s very middle of the road, although Davison and Haywood raise things above the average with game performances, but I doubt this is bedding in for a long run.

The Graham Norton Show (Thursday 10pm, BBC2)

Finally! Somebody at the BBC has been doing their sums and tried adding two and two. Contrary to popular belief, the answer really is four, and thus Graham Norton gets his own chat show again. A rocket and science interface situation wasn’t exactly needed to come to this conclusion, and with a 13 week run planned, let’s hope the wily (and expensive) Norton can get back to what he does best. Fingers crossed!

Please join us here at TV Today in a collective sigh of relief at the news that EastEnders will not be gaining a fifth episode.

Because that’s just what the world needed, isn’t it? Pauline Fowler must be turning in her grave at the very notion.

Coming to Your Screen: DIY TV (Friday 7pm, BBC2)

Is YouTube the future of television? Many think so, and Max Flint of The Money Programme seeks to discover if there really is something in it and just how easy it is to auteur your very own YouTube masterpiece. Who knows, thanks to YouTube, you might see TV Today Television coming to a laptop near you soon!

Ugly Betty (Friday 9pm, C4)

Well, it is Friday!

Comedy Connections (Friday 10.35pm, BBC1)

Whatever you think of The Office, there’s no denying its place in the pantheon of influential comedies, and the always enjoyable Comedy Connections draws together those lines of creativity into one big whole. And if they don’t mention that Lucy Davies is an alumnus of The Archers, there will be trouble…

Marcus Brigstocke’s Trophy People (Friday 11pm, BBC4)

A repeat of last night’s incredibly charming closer to this four part series in the company of the amiable stand-up comic, Radio 4 and BBC 4 stalwart Marcus Brigstocke. Trophy People has seen Brigstocke travel to various competitions and championships devoted to quirky pursuits and interview the participants like a more whimsical Louis Theroux (if such a thing were possible). Here, he covers the finals of the National Scrabble Championships and interviews the two contenders – young pretender Christian, and recovering heart attack victim Jake. Lovely stuff, and the key is in Brigstocke’s approach, which doesn’t seek to take the piss, even when little old ladies ruthlessly lay down the word ‘twat’ for a quick score.

Bourdain: A Cook’s Tour (Saturday 12pm, UKTV Bright Ideas)

One of the reasons I love the multi-channel age (and there are, as we know, many pros and cons) is that gems you might have previously missed can crop up anywhere. I caught up with the John Hannah Rebus adaptations thanks to UKTV Drama, and now I can go on Anthony Bourdain’s A Cook’s Tour. I’ve read all Bourdain’s entertainingly acidic scribblings on the world of food, including A Cook’s Tour, which this series accompanies. Bourdain writes in that particular tome quite scathingly about his experiences making this documentary series. But he’s great company, very honest and up for just about anything. If you’ve read his books, you’ll recognise the same voice here as the New York chef heads around the world eating anything and everything.

Harry Hill’s TV Burp (Saturday 5.35pm, ITV1)

The best thing on the box, bar none. Mr Hill should be belching all year round.

Primeval (Saturday 7.20pm, ITV1)

After a healthy start both in terms of content and ratings, the big test this week will be to see if Primeval can hold both ends up. This is quite scary stuff with giant spiders and a poisonous millipede infiltrating the London Underground, seeing one of the team succumb to the leggy one’s venom. Cutter heads into the tunnels to hunt the creature and bring back a sample of venom so an antidote can be found in the nick of time. It’s good, but after a promising opener with the general public being menaced by the beasties, the action takes place against the backdrop of some generic corridors and rooms that could be anywhere. Doctor Who managed it in 1968, and fooled London Transport enough for them to lodge a complaint against the BBC for unauthorised location filming. On this budget, there’s no excuse.

Nobody Knows (Saturday 9.40pm, BBC4)

A sharp contrast to the other offerings on TV tonight, this Japanese film premiere is based on a true story, known as the Affair of the Four Abandoned Children of Nishi-Sugamo. Four children are abandoned by their mother and forced to fend for themselves while keeping their tragic situation a secret from the rest of the world. Movingly brilliant.

Rough Diamond (Sunday 8pm, BBC1)

God help me, with this and Hotel Babylon on my list of shows to keep up with, I’m thinking of going into therapy. Can somebody send me a copy of State of Play?

Waking the Dead (Sunday 9pm, BBC1)

The final story of the current Waking the Dead season is a typically dense affair, but rewarding if you concentrate hard enough. If you don’t, just revel in Trevor Eve’s performance as Boyd, as the team investigate the murder of a Jewish girl in 1945 when an SS dagger is delivered to the Cold Case office. A new series of Waking the Dead is currently in production.

Lewis (Sunday 9pm, ITV1)

Morse’s faithful sidekick returns in three new cases following last year’s successful pilot. Lewis and Hathaway are assigned to investigate the murder of a graduate, where the trail could lead to one of Oxford’s most respected dons. Erm… Sounds just like good old-fashioned Inspector Morse, but the selling point is Kevin Whateley’s solidly reliable turn as Lewis and Laurence Fox as Hathaway. It’s spikier than Lewis’s bond with his old guv’nor, and the suitably different dynamic helps you to ignore that this is essentially the same as it always was. In a good way, that is…

Following on from our still image previews of the new BBC2 idents which debut this weekend, the channel has uploaded a couple of preview clips to its website.

• View the Zoetrope ident
• View the Tent ident

(Both clips, as with most BBC video content, require RealPlayer.)

In the grand tradition of pretty much most newspapers these days, the channel has even produced a wallchart as a PDF file for you to print out and enjoy. Gotta love the cod Latin names (Morris Ridiculus, Exterminator Galactica)… but really — Biggus Dickus?!?

• Everyone’s talking about… All change for Two (BBC)

Here we go again. The front page of today’s Daily Star carries the headline CORRIE GAY SNOG STORM. The full story, on page seven, doubles up with CORRIE IN NEW GAY KISS SHOCKER. What’s got their knickers in a twist is the developing storyline which sees Sean Tully (Antony Cotton) lock lips with his ex, Sonny Dhillon (Pal Aron) — even though Sonny is going out with barmaid Michelle, played by Kym Ryder.

This rekindling of an an old romance is clearly too much for the tabloid to deal with. For the second day in a row, rent-a-quote John Beyer of Mediawatch UK is called upon for some colour. Disappointingly, though, his contribution is a bit dull today:

TV is bound by the broadcasting code and will have to make sure they comply with those regulations.

Well, duh. And your point is, exactly?

Clearly not satisfied with such an anodyne soundbite, the Star calls upon self-styled ‘family values compaigner’, Adrian Rogers:

People are too afraid to say what they really think these days but I believe a substantial amount of viewers will find this scene uncomfortable and quite shocking.

There is no shortage of competition these days for shows to attract as much attention as possible for the worst reasons.

At the end of the day shock is never a long-term substitute for quality.

You’ve got to love how these “family values” groups stay silent when, for example, we have a woman who fabricates evidence of an abusive relationship so she can claim that murdering him was actually an act of self-defence. Or a son who torments his mother with cards supposedly written by his deceased, serial-killing stepfather. Or a man who has an affair with his stepmother (and former babysitter) under his father’s nose. Yes, those are fine family values. But two men showing attraction for one another? Bring out the flaming torches!

The Star’s editorial, on the opposite page, is thunderous.

Now this is the 21st Century. Gays can get married and the days of victimisation are rightfully behind us.

But do we REALLY want to watch two men, or two women, or indeed ANYONE getting steamy at 7.30pm?

Well, Daily Star, Corrie has often been far steamier with straight relationships. And guess which paper has been enthusiastic about such scenes?

If only the days of “victimisation” really were behind us…

The Star has form for this, of course. In 2004 when Bruno Langley and Christopher Finch, as Todd and Karl, shared a kiss while on a night out on Canal Street, the paper similarly blazed with indignation. CORRIE IN GAY SEX SHAME, the front page cried out. The fact that there was (a) nothing shameful about it and (b) only a mad fool who really needs to get out more could confuse a quick snog for “sex” just made their case seem even weaker than it already was.

I covered the 2004 incident for a (now sadly defunct) blog that covered gay issues. What was interesting at the time was that, in the same week that Coronation Street (a soap with many gay fans, created by a gay writer) featured a rather sweet coming out story, the Star’s owner, Richard Desmond, launched a pay-TV soft porn channel for men called Gay TV, to sit alongside his multiple straight porn channels. I wonder what family values campaigner Adrian Rogers thinks of those?

Not that it’s likely to make a blind bit of difference, but it’s heartening to see Ofcom commencing a review of childrens’ programming, and I for one am hoping that ITV comes under close scrutiny in this area, along with any other broadcaster who fails to come up to scratch.

Okay, okay, okay, I know that there’s an argument thanks to the proliferation of the digital age that there might be more children’s programming on air than ever before. But, how much of that is made up of original, home grown shows that nurture not only young and upcoming talent, but bring new audiences to the table? Not much, that’s for sure.

We’ve had this argument before many times here at TV Today towers, but a new perspective on the talent issue brings some pertinent points into the debate. Just out of curiosity, I cast my eyes down the list of writing talent who contributed to one of ITV’s premier children’s drama series of the last decade, Children’s Ward. And who do we find..?

• Paul Abbott (creator/writer of State of Play, Shameless, Linda Green, Clocking Off)
• Russell T Davies (creator/writer of Queer as Folk, The Grand, Bob and Rose, Mine All Mine, Casanova, The Second Coming, Doctor Who)
• Matt Jones (producer/writer Shameless, Serious and Organised, POW, Linda Green, Doctor Who, Coronation Street)
• Sally Wainwright (creator/writer At Home With the Braithwaites, Bonkers, The Amazing Mrs Pritchard
• Kay Mellor (creator/writer Fat Friends, Band of Gold, The Chase, Strictly Confidential, Playing the Field)

Oh, so that would be a crop of writers who are currently among the premier drama writers in the country, all having taken in scribing duties on a children’s drama. Yes, let’s read that again. CHILDREN’S drama.

So, with ITV continuing to curtail its children’s programming and shutting down the children’s drama production unit, this has cut off a route for not only writers, but also actors, directors, producers to break into the business.

Yes, the BBC is still making good solid children’s drama, but that shouldn’t excuse the independent sector from having to address this issue. We might lose out on the next Paul Abbott or Russell T Davies because the opportunities to get into the business are significantly reduced. As has been said time and again, the children are your audience of the future. Why, ITV, do you insist you on giving them an excuse to sod off to the Internet and not come back?

And don’t tell us there isn’t an audience out there for children’s drama anymore. It’s there, you just have to get better at finding it. There wasn’t an audience for the first series of Celebrity Love Island, but you went and made a second.

Subscribers to Sky’s movie channels will get a shock come April, according to Variety — the current system of numbering the channels from 1 to 10 is to be scrapped, and replaced with genre-based branding.

As of April 4, the new-look Sky Movies will group its pics into categories such as comedy, drama, family, action/thriller, indies, classic and horror/sci-fi… “The evolution of our film channels is driven by our customers,” said Sky Networks deputy managing director Sophie Turner Laing. “With these changes, viewers can enjoy even greater control over the films they want to watch.”

So instead of Sky Movies 1, Sky Movies 2 and so on, we’ll have Sky Sci-Fi Movies, Sky Family Movies, and so on. If current practice is anything to go by, all the daytime movie channels will therefore have to be renamed Sky Rubbish Made-For-TV Movies That Require Viewers To Be Lobotomised To Be Able To Tolerate Such Nonsense…

Seriously, it does make me wonder which of the new channels will be the one to be included on Sky’s planned digital terrestrial subscription service? The broadcaster is planning to take its current three MPEG2-encoded services (Sky News, Sky Sports News and Sky Three) off the free-to-air Freeview platform, and use the bandwidth to transmit four new channels (encoded with the more efficient, but non-DVB standard, MPEG4 algorithm). The new channel suite is yet to be announced, but is set to include some form of movie package. Will Sky DTT viewers only get one genre of movies to choose from in their subscription?

• Update: The Guardian’s business pages now confirm that the current Sky movies subscription package will be split into two (as previously noted by Adam in the comments below).

It seems that the voice of light and reason, aka the Daily Mail, is none too happy about the new BBC2 idents which we previewed yesterday.

As usual, when there’s something about television that they think deserves a nice bit of moral outrage, they call John Beyer, head of Mediawatch UK for that all important quote. Although I have to say that, this time, he is quite amusing:

If they had given me a giant 2, I could have taken some pictures for £70 and saved them some money.

I’m half tempted to go to the cash machine right now, hand him some dosh from my own pocket and see what he thinks he could come up with…

In this week’s print edition of The Stage, Mark Shenton interviews Patrick Stewart, who stars as Prospero in The Tempest at the Novello Theatre from February 22.

Stewart talks about the time in 1986, when he got the call to appear in a production of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? at the Young Vic. Instead of transferring to the West End, he ended up travelling to the West Coast, playing Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

I was a different actor after that — doing that kind of play, and finally being able to make truth of an emotional commitment to a role like that in such a small, exposing theatre, with the support of three magnificent actors [Billie Whitelaw, Saskia Reeves and Matthew Marsh], made all the difference to me. The calamity that then happened to me was that I was offered Star Trek: The Next Generation.

[…]

It did change many, many things, and I’m immensely grateful for that. I have worked hard not in any sense to feel they were wasted years —though time is a factor in all of this, and I now have a lot of catching up to do. I feel that acutely — not that there have been lost opportunities, but that there are things I might have done and I’ve got to do a lot of them quickly now.

Also this week, we have some behind-the-scenes talk from the people behind Primeval. Producer Tim Haines and writer Adrian Hodges share their thoughts, as does lead actor Douglas Henshall:

For someone who is playing an all-action hero, I’ve a number of phobias, which aren’t particularly tough or indeed heroic. I’m a bit claustrophobic – I’ve never done any deep water diving in my life – and I have vertigo. Not a great start really.

The Stage is published every Thursday, price £1.30 from most WH Smith outlets and other newsagents. Subscription options are also available.

Probably one of the more annoying things about TV award ceremonies (apart from the endless 5am pictures of “tired and emotional” stars with questionable dress sense and a total disregard for underwear) is the fact that quite often when the elegant envelope is opened and winner read out - you totally disagree with the outcome.

Certainly there have been a few times in recent years when I’ve wondered who the hell was responsible for the decisions and why they were still allowed to work in the industry.

Well not anymore folks. This time - I am the decision maker. Ok, that’s not strictly true, I’m perhaps more of a conduit, but we’ll just keep that between ourselves for now as I’m enjoying how it sounds. The good people at Pioneer have invited me to be on the judging panel for their Audience Award for the Best Television Programme of 2006 for the 2007 Bafta Television Awards.

The accolade, they tell me, aims to:

Honour the show that has helped define television in 2006. It is given to the programme that has received critical acclaim through its original approach whilst also capturing the public’s imagination.

Now knowing that TV Today readers are the discerning sort I’m asking for your assistance to help shape the long list. After that you’ll have to trust me and the fellow judges to whittle your choices down to a final six. Those shortlisted then go out to the public vote - with the winner announced at the swanky bash on May 20.

So cast your mind back through last year and let me know which dramas were an appointment to view, which reality programmes made for compulsive water cooler chat, which comedies made you laugh out loud, which factual formats…you get the point.

Perhaps a little caveat to this - I know we all love Life on Mars, The X Factor and Doctor Who (in fact I am considering banning some of you, specifically Scott and Mark W, from taking part in this for loving one or all of the aforementioned too much) - but it would be good to get a broad range of suggestions from across terrestrial, cable, satellite and digital channels.

Remember the programmes must have been transmitted in the UK from January 1 - December 31, 2006 and can be a single or series in any genre. The judging takes place on February 28 so all answers on a postcard before then please. (Well, not literally on a postcard — either in the comments below, or by email to liz.thomas@thestage.co.uk will be fine!)

As regular readers will know, I have two great loves in the world of broadcasting – Doctor Who and The Archers. It’s therefore quite disconcerting when the two collided in the first 30 seconds of last night’s chunk of life for everyday country folk.

Drippy Emma Grundy (isn’t she divorced yet?) has started looking after the youngest of the endless Archer brood, namely Ruth and David’s boys, Josh and Ben. The episode opens with the boys running rings round their new babysitter as they tell her how much they like Doctor Who. Not only that they like Doctor Who, but that they really like Doctor Who. One of them even tries to show Emma his sonic screwdriver. Filthy beast.

I suspect that there’s a fan of Doctor Who working on the scripting team up in Birmingham. Either that, or there was a BBC-wide policy to remind the public that Doctor Who is still around and not to bother with the dinosaur nonsense on the other side. Not much more than a month ago, the entire Grundy clan were united for one night only in front of the Doctor Who Christmas special. Eddie Snr, in his wisdom, opined that it was alright once you’d got used to Billie Piper not being there. Thanks for that, Eddie. What next, a guest slot on Late Review?

Why does this bother me? Well, it destroys my dream of there ever being a Doctor Who/Archers crossover. Not like that would ever be a possibility in the real world outside my confused brain, but one can idle the day away with the odd daydream. Doctor Who exists as a TV series in The Archers. Never will the TARDIS land in Ambridge. Never will the Doctor be called upon to take on the peril of the Mutant Cows of Brookfield. Never will Rose get off with a Grundy brother, or the Doc be told off by Linda Snell for parking on the village green.

All this being said, I’m sure there’s a canny fan of both shows who could sift through the endless continuity to reconcile the situation and restore the fragile fictional balance.

But how does my muddled little OCD mind cope with the presence of veteran Archers actor Terry Molloy? He’s played pigman/milkman Mike Tucker since 1973, but is possibly better known as evil genius Davros, creator of the Daleks in Doctor Who. Now that would cause problems with the continuity police…

I bag The Archers and Doctor Who - which of your favourite shows would you like to crossover?

I received a lovely email in my inbox this morning. Well, it was a press release, so at least it wasn’t trying to sell me prescription medicine or make insinuations about my manliness or lack thereof.

Anyway, it seems that lovable floppy-haired Irish comedian Ed Byrne is releasing a series of short stand-up videos on the internet.

The comedian from Dublin has created a series of 3-minute stand up clips called Ed Byrne’s Bytes, exclusively for MSN Video. Containing fresh and exciting material, a new clip will be uploaded onto the site each day from Monday 19th February until Friday 2nd March, providing three minutes of light comic relief for anyone who tends to be tied to their computer all day.

The clips can be viewed online at video.uk.msn.com and for those who can’t get online each day, they will remain available to view on the site until May. While visiting MSN Video, comedy fans should also take time out to enjoy the best of Jongleurs stand up clips, which will be streamed on site for the next six months.

Which is all well and good — except, this being MSN Video and a Microsoft product, they have made absolutely no attempt to cater for Mac users. Not only that, but their landing page can’t even let you down gently. Instead, they tell you to download new software using “the links provided”, and then don’t provide any links:

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the software company that the BBC are intent on getting into bed with…

The latest TV series to be fed into the Hollywood recycling machine is to be The Bionic Woman, reports SciFi Wire (via Rob’s unending source of news titbits).

NBC has commissioned a pilot of the new show, and has cast former EastEnders actress Michelle Ryan (Zoe Slater) in the lead role. Variety reports that the network initially considered some better-known actors for the role, but ultimately chose to go with a fresh face for US audiences.

If they need anyone to play Jaime Sommers’ elder sister who blurts out, after a drunken hen night, that she’s actually her mother, we hope they have Jessie Wallace’s number on speed dial…

Now that the hubbub has died down over BBC 1’s new idents, its terrestrial sibling is to get a fresh makeover this weekend. Fourteen films on seven themes will, apparently, show how “you are looking at the world in an unexpected way” through the figure 2.

The distinctive shape of the 2 remains, but these new idents resonate more with the old-style distinctive films that preceded the current CGI robots that zoom