February 2007 Archives

The BBC Trust has given provisional approval for the Corporation to participate in a free-to-view satellite television service, commonly referred to as “Freesat” (not to be confused with BSkyB’s own Freesat from Sky).

The Trust decided that the proposal — which would see the BBC team up with ITV and, possibly, Channel 4, to produce a range of receivers that will be able to receive unencrypted satellite transmissions. Quite how the technical side of transmission and reception will be implemented is unclear — this post from ukfree.tv is over 12 months old, but still valid. For the consumer, though, there would be a straightforward path — a one-off fee (for hardware and installation), and then that’s it.

Acting BBC Chairman Chitra Bharucha says:

A new, guaranteed subscription-free satellite service would provide the public another option when deciding which platform to choose. Over half of those yet to switch fall outside the Freeview coverage area. For these homes, the new service would mean being able to access BBC digital services they have already paid for via their licence fee but until now have been unable to receive on a guaranteed subscription-free basis.

We have considered the market impact and whilst there may be some negative effects, in our view these should be balanced against the potential positive market impact of greater choice. Overall, we believe a “Freesat” service to be in the public interest and we hope that other public service broadcasters would join the BBC in a joint venture. We welcome all responses to our provisional conclusion during the consultation.

The public consultation is now open — and, as with the previous consultation on the BBC’s new media and iPlayer proposals, input from the public is as important as that from interested industry parties.

• BBC Trust: Freesat consultation

The news that trade secretary Alistair Darling is referring Sky’s purchase of 17.9% of ITV to an Ofcom review is the latest twist in an increasingly bitter rivalry between the UK’s two biggest non-terrestrial TV carriers.

Virgin Media, the now-renamed NTL who failed to take over ITV and saw their rival take a significant (but not controlling) stake in the company instead, have been running a big campaign against Sky taking a further hold in the UK broadcasting arena. Hang on, says Sky — we’ve done nothing wrong:

When parliament debated the 2003 Communications Act, it expressly considered that plurality would be protected if Sky were to own no more than 20% of ITV…

ITV is a major, public company led by an independent and experienced board. It is inconceivable to suggest that, as a result of a 17.9% shareholding in ITV, Sky would be able to influence ITV’s broadcasting strategy or policies, including programming or editorial decisions, which remain entirely the responsibility of the board and, under its direction, management.

Compared to the £940m pounds Sky paid for its share of ITV, the prospect of the removal of Sky’s content channels from Virgin Media customers costing them £20m in ad revenues is surely small potatoes to the Murdoch-controlled broadcaster — especially as unilaterally cutting the carriage costs of broadcasting the Virgin-owned Flextech channels could cost Virgin £30m.

Slightly bigger would be the loss if Sky would have to bear if it is decided they will have to sell their ITV stake - £100m, the Guardian’s Nils Pratley estimates.

As far as the Communications Act goes, it does look as though Sky’s position is watertight from the letter of the law, if not its spirit — but to be honest, it’s hard to feel any compassion for Virgin Media, either. It’s not as if they’re complaining about Sky’s activities out of an altruistic sense of justice for the consumer, rather that it gets in the way of their own business plans. And one thing’s for sure — with two giant corporations battling each other and spending millions in legal fees to do so, it’s the end consumer who’s going to end up losing out.

A warning for all those planning their TV viewing this week — criminally, there is no Life on Mars this week. Apparently Reading and Manchester United, having failed to sort out which is the better team, are subjecting us to an FA Cup replay on Tuesday night. LoM returns next week.

The Retreat, BBC2 Monday 9pm

A sequel of sorts to The Monastery. This time round, six people from all walks of life undergo four weeks at an Islamic retreat in Spain. It provides a fascinating insight into the basic religious tenets of Islam, and show that the impression of the religion that recent extremists’ actions have given the world are not necessarily representative of the faith as a whole.

Instinct, ITV1 Monday/Tuesday 9pm

Another week, another two-part crime drama from ITV. Anthony Flanagan, formerly a policeman in Shameless and a murderer in Cracker, jumps back onto the right side of the law this time to play DCI Thomas Flynn. The title comes from Flynn’s intuitive leaps in the course of the investigation — which make the drama play out a little differently to others in the genre, but for me make it a less satisfying plot to follow. Still, I thought Robbie Coltrane’s psychologist, Fitz, was a contrived device in his first Cracker outing, so what do I know?

Celebration, More4 Monday 9pm

Now that he’s retired from playwriting, Celebration will probably now go down in history as Harold Pinter’s last play. This television adaptation pulls in a number of Pinter stalwarts — Michael Gambon, Penelope Wilton, Janie Dee. I can’t help feeling this piece probably works better in its original theatre location, but it’s a tremendous piece of television nonetheless. A Pinter documentary follows — find out more in Liz’s news piece from a few weeks ago.

Shameless, Channel 4 Tuesday 10pm

A feature-length episode, written by series creator Paul Abbott, brings this patchy series of Chatsworth Estate life to a close. I have to admit I’ve found it increasingly easy to turn off Shameless this series — the increasingly prevalent Maguire family being a major cause, and the loss of Dean Lennox Kelly and Maxine Peake being another. Which leads us to…

Confessions of a Diary Secretary, ITV1 Wednesday 9pm

…Maxine Peake, playing the role of secretary Tracey Temple against John Henshaw’s John Prescott. Like More4’s A Very Social Secretary about David Blunkett, this brings out the inherent comedy of the real-life situation without tipping over into all-out farce. The difference here is that, unlike the Blunkett piece’s flights of fancy, a lot of what is portrayed has Temple’s published diaries to back them up.

Grand Designs, Channel 4 Wednesday 9pm

Basically, this is pornography for the homes enthusiast — but at the top end of the scale: the Mapplethorpe to Colin and Justin’s Razzle. Kevin McCloud fronts an extra-long episode that follows a couple as they buy a medieval Yorkshire castle, and face trouble upon trouble in their attempts to turn it into a habitable, exciting home. Possibly the most riveting television of the week.

 Kitchen, Five Wednesday/Thursday 9pm

My worry for this, another of Five’s rare original drama commissions, is that it’ll get lost amongst the strong fare on the other terrestrial channels. Which would be a shame, as Eddie Izzard’s turn as a superchef on a downward spiral deserves a wider audience than it will probably get.

Time Team Special: Pugin - The God of Gothic, Channel 4 Thursday 9pm

Augustus Pugin is perhaps best knnown for his Gothic interior design for the Houses of Parliament, but his own house in Ramsgate, which he built and designed, is possibly his greatest work. Amazingly, until the Landmark trust stepped in in 2004, the house was falling derelict and at risk of being destroyed. This special programme, looking at the now-restored architectural masterpiece, should be fascinating — but why is it a Time Team special? It’s unnecessary branding on a documentary which doesn’t really need it.

Reichenbach Falls, BBC Four Thursday 9pm

This Edinburgh detective thriller, featuring a cynical, alcholic policeman and many literary references, is based on an Ian Rankin short story. Just don’t mention the “R” word, okay? Jim Buchan is obviously nothing like Rebus. Actually, this is a superb thriller in its own right, regardless of its origins, and twists aplenty should keep everyone on their toes.

TV companies and phone-in competitions don’t seem to be having the best of relationships these days. If it’s not all those endless late-night “quizzes” and their freaky handbag content ideas, it’s now those bastions of afternoon chat, Richard and Judy, whose “You Say, We Pay” competition is currently suspended (or, by some reports, permanently ditched) after allegations that viewers were repeatedly asked to call in after the winners had already been chosen. A case of “We Say Keep Ringing, You Pay With No Chance”, if the allegations are true.

Now The Observer claims that a viewer complaint on the same subject dates from September 2004, and was never acted upon. Cactus TV, the production company behind Richard & Judy, says that the complaint from Patricia Brooker was never passed on to it. And Channel 4 points out that web forums are not considered “an official channel for viewer complaints”.

Where’s Right to Reply when you need it? Answers on a postcard, please. Or call our premium rate comments line on 0901… nah, only kidding.

Talking of “You Say, We Pay”, here’s a spoof version created by Adam Buxton (with dialogue that’s definitely NSFW:

After You’ve Gone (Friday 8.30pm, BBC1)

It seems likely that this middle-of-the-road sitcom vehicle for Nicholas Lyndhurst will be commissioned for a second series. With that in mind, it might be worth looking in at this last episode to see why it’s put on nearly two million viewers across its run. To be honest, it’s not all that, a My Family clone with Rodders instead of Wolfie. But, as I kind of like My Family, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

The Wild West – Custer’s Last Stand (Friday 9pn, BBC2)

A nicely shot docudrama covering the legendary General Custer and his famous (but fatal) battle at Little Bighorn. As the first in a series covering other legends of the Wild West, it’s very well done, although the central casting is bewildering - Toby Stephens? As General Custer? You are, as they say, having a laugh. Get past that, though, and this is a fine hour of television.

Ugly Betty (Friday 9pm, C4)

Had a bad week? Well sooth your woes away with a dose of Ugly Betty, the best feel good fare on the box. It’s Thanksgiving, and of course Daniel manages to ruin it for our put-upon heroine, while Wilhelmina gets a visit from her daughter. Always a laugh, always makes you feel a bit better about the world at the end.

The Services (Friday 11.35pm, C4)

It’s a little rough around the edges, but see where it all began for Peter Kay with this repeat of The Services. All the ticks of what Kay does best are here with this docudrama about the day in the life of a service station. And after the woeful Max and Paddy, the man himself should perhaps look back to his TV roots to see how he used to do it.

House Weekend (Saturday 10am, Hallmark)

For want of anything better, you might plumb for the entirety of season one of Hugh Laurie’s America conquering drama, spread across Saturday and Sunday. I still can’t get past Laurie’s thickly trowelled Yank accent, even though some people tell me its chameleon like in its execution, but that’s not enough to stop me seeing lots to enjoy in this fun drama series.

Primeval (Saturday, 7.45pm, ITV1)

Oh dear, I’m suffering from Saturday night fatigue again. It’s difficult to say anything new about ice skaters, hospital dramas, talent shows and, I’m ashamed to say, Harry Hill. So that just leaves Primeval as pretty much the only diverting show on the box tonight. There are big alligators in swimming pools, and some movement on the Cutter and his missing missus plotline. Erm… Yay!

Rough Diamond (Sunday 8pm, BBC1)

It’s tanking in the ratings somewhat, but I’m holding tight on the reigns of Rough Diamond as a fine slice of undemanding Sunday night drama. Maybe it’s the fact I’m a sucker for a hard luck case, but I can’t help but like the cosy predictability and lovely scenery.

Recovery (Sunday 9pm, BBC1)

That David Tennant, he’s a canny one. Just a handful of weeks before the premiere of Doctor Who series three, he essays a role so different from the Time Lord that one can’t help but have warm thoughts as to his career prospects once he hands over the TARDIS keys. His role as Alan, recovering after a shocking accident left him in a coma, screams “I might be Doctor Who, but I’m a cracking actor with huge range, so don’t you dare typecast me!”. It’s something Tennant did to good effect with Secret Smile about this time last year when he played a nasty piece of work, and no mistake, and it works again here. The piece itself, penned by Tony Marchant, is heartbreaking, and pairs Tennant once more, to great success, with Sarah Parish. Parish is the wife who battles to bring Alan back as he goes through jarring personality changes in the weeks following his emergence from the coma. Strong and brilliant, this is easily the drama of the week.

Kombat Operas Present – The Applicants (Sunday 10pm, BBC2)

A clever piece of telly from the creator’s of Jerry Springer: The Opera, this sees John Thompson in an opera version of The Apprentice, playfully titled The Applicants. It’s great fun, poking a stick at both The Apprentice and opera itself, as contestants sing their innermost thoughts in fabulous mock opera stylee. Why can’t more TV be like this?

The Oscars (Sunday/Monday 12.30am, Sky Movies 1)

It’s a bit galling this is going out on a premium subscription channel, but never mind. If you can stay awake and love your movies, you’d be silly not to tune in and see dame Helen pick up her gong. Oh and, “Come on Little Miss Sunshine!”

And with that, I’m off to strap some planks to my feet and throw myself down a mountain for a week, so I’ll leave you in the capable hands of Scott and Liz. Hot tip for next week: LIfe on Mars episode 4. Best one yet!

Apologies for not being around much on TV Today this week, but it’s been an ultra-busy week.

The more observant of you may have noticed that we’ve just doubled the number of blogs here at The Stage. In The Paper gives a sneak preview of what’s in each week’s print edition of our newspaper. This week, for example, there are great interviews with Sarah Parish (appearing with David Tennant in Recovery on Sunday) and Hayley Mills (who has joined the cast of ITV’s Wild at Heart).

More excitingly, we’ve also launched our new podcast. I was lucky enough to have a few minutes with Lesley Garrett, talking about her new album, The Sound of Music and her forthcoming return to the judge’s chair on Comic Relief does Fame Academy.

Listen online over at http://www.thestage.co.uk/podcasts, or subscribe in iTunes and receive future episodes as soon as they’re published. If you use any other podcasting software, you can use the MP3 feed to subscribe.

We’ve also been busy on the broadcasting news front (that’s the royal “we”, of course — Liz has worked her socks off this week):

• Russell Brand will take an acting role in ITV’s new series of In Cold Blood
• Martin Shaw is to play George Gently, a 1960s detective, in a new BBC1 series
• Radio 3’s adaptation of Harold Pinter’s The Homecoming will star Pinter himself, alongside ex-EastEnders actor James Alexandrou
• Newsnight presenter Martha Kearney is to take over Radio 4’s The World At One
• Richard Thomas, creator of Jerry Springer: The Opera and BBC2’s new Kombat Opera Presents… series, is planning a ‘psychotic’ ballet
• Derek Waring, star of Z Cars, has died aged 79
• Sarah Parish (see above) is in line for a new BBC1 series about infidelity…
• …as well as starring in an Erin Brockovitch-style legal drama for BBC2.

No, no, no! Enough with spin-offs already! Why is it that when a channel or network hits pay dirt with a successful show, why do they feel the need to flog its hide until it produces a family of spin-offs.

It seems that in the US, Grey’s Anatomy is the latest show to sire a spin-off. Rumours are abound that the character of Dr Addison Montgomery-Shepherd (Kate Walsh) will be transplanted into a new situation that will be showcased in a special two-hour episode of Grey’s. Quite what format the new show will take has not been revealed, but I hope to the great gods of network television that it shows more imagination than merely relocating to a different city.

Has the creativity of commissioners and programme makers sunk so low that they can’t see past the latest high rating show? Law and Order, a great, seminal TV show, had the arse flogged off it and watered down into different permutations until it was a shadow if its former, majestic self. Poor NBC! CBS could learn from the example of Law and Order and pull back from its reliance on CSI before the tent pole collapses and brings the whole damn circus tent falling down around them.

There’s also talk of a spin-off from the fine-as-it-is Battlestar Galactica, provisionally titled Caprica. And don’t get me started on Stargate: Atlantis…

But of course, while the ratings hold, those champagne corks will keep popping! When Lost finishes, will there be a spin off called Found?

And this quirk is not just confined to US shores, it’s started to travel the Atlantic in increasing levels – and surprisingly, the Beeb are the prime culprits. Doctor Who has been turned into veritable industry – it still mystifies me as to who Torchwood is actually aimed at. The Sarah Jane Adventures is fine as it clearly identifies its audience, and its one that is being catered for less and less in TV today.

But how far can it be pushed?

And now we have Rogue Spooks, the imaginatively titled crib from Spooks, and the highly anticipated (by Zoe Lucker’s mum at any rate) Holby Blue.

I’m hoping for Holby on the Buses to be commissioned any day now.

Possibly because I made a habit of never reading him, the departure of one of the most turbulent sons of TV criticism completely passed me by. Yes, Gary Bushell penned his final Bushell on the Box column for the Sunday People this weekend just gone.

Although I never read the column with any regularity and find a lot of Bushell’s views thoroughly hateful, there is a tiny part of me that’s sad about this. Bushell might have been a boorish voice at a certain level, but he was never an apologist for his views, however bizarre and obviously wrong they could be (my middle name is Devil’sadvocate) I personally feel that his attacks on Queer on Folk at the time of its transmission to be a depressing low point in TV criticism, but still, I’m sure he stands by what he said. Channel 4 is certainly wowing them in the cheap seats now, isn’t it?

So, join me in marking the passing of a controversial giant of a TV critic. I might not have been a fan, but you always stuck to your guns, and I guess that has to be respected. And if you read the column and Bushell’s reasons for walking, there is a genuine sense of sadness at what British television has become, some of it I find it difficult to argue with. Some. Not all.

Now I’ll be content to spend my Sundays waiting for those glorious words to come round:

AA Gill is away

Too much television can be bad for our children, according to a report.

Well of course it can!! You don’t need a PHD in social sciences to work out that little nugget of wisdom, and let’s be honest, the assertion that that too much TV is bad for you isn’t particularly new. Even when I was a nipper back in the early 70s, a veritable scientific dark age when parents actually had to be parents and not have their hand held by the nanny state, it wasn’t particularly radical thinking.

I’m at a loss as to why the report by Dr Aric Sigman is being given so much attention considering it doesn’t bring anything new to the table. What does crease my brow in irritation is that the report seeks to scare and demonises television to a new level, claiming it can be responsible for childhood obesity, onset of autism, sleep disruption, diabetes and early puberty. Next we’ll be blaming it for bird flu.

Erm… I’m not disputing that these claims might be true, Dr Sigman is clearly a well-respected academic who knows his onions. But, is it strictly necessary to go to such lengths in pointing out that too much TV is bad for you? If I sit in a room for eight hours reading a book, I’m still not getting any exercise. Ergo, I’ll get fat.

The BBC News report on this story quotes from one Professor Frank Furedi, and his calm, reasoned comment is worth repeating here as it culls through all the bullshit quite succinctly:

“We seem to have lost the capacity to simply say that it’s not a good idea for children to watch too much TV”

Hear, hear! That’s it, that’s all we need in this particular case. And distilled down to this very pure statement, Dr Sigman’s report comes across as an unnecessary, overblown analysis of something that, when it comes down to it, is very simple.

Television is, when used properly, a powerful cultural tool to inform, educate and entertain whether you’re four or 40. Children’s television viewing habits should be policed by parents. If parents choose to allow a child to have a TV in the bedroom, then it’s their responsibility to ensure that child doesn’t sit up until 2am watching Quiz Call and turning up at school knackered the next day.

In all honesty, I probably watch too much TV (but then, it’s my job), but I’m an adult and it’s up to me. We’ve talked about the role of parents in the viewing habits of their children before, and I’m sure the majority of parents take this role seriously. It’s time for less hysteria in favour of a calm approach. Such a straightforward concept should not be this emotive.

Besides, the TV industry has greater problems than this. Holby Blue is starting soon.

The Bad Mother’s Handbook (Monday 9pm, ITV1)

The big test for Catherine Tate and her bid for freedom from the sketch-show clink starts tonight in The Bad Mother’s Handbook. Be prepared for a different tone from Ms Tate. There’s no gurning, no eye rolling, just a straight down the line turn of a modern woman whose life is a bit shit. Her daughter’s pregnant, her mother’s fading, and she feels that, as a once-teenage mother herself, that she might not have gained the best out of life. For some this might be too much of a jar to see Tate take such a big dramatic leap, but it does show she has the chops to be a contender.

Heroes (Monday 10pm, Sci-Fi)

It’s due on BBC2 later this spring, but the UK launch of Heroes on Sci-Fi is something of a coup for the digital channel. This show is doing wonders for the slow rehabilitation of NBC in the States, showing that the once great drama producer can ride a wave to come up with some genuinely challenging and imaginative drama. The first episode focuses on a disparate group of people who wake one morning to find themselves… different. They are all starting to display powers that go beyond human capabilities – flying, precognition, and stopping time, amongst others. Just why is this happening, and how far will these powers take them? Thankfully Heroes dumps the flights ‘n’ tights mentality of spandex clad super types and grounds it in reality (well, you know what I mean). With Lost seemingly on the wane, there could be a new obsession on the block.

Emmerdale (Tuesday 7pm, ITV1)

The murder storyline continues to bulldozer through all Emmerdale’s current plots, and very diverting it is too, and tonight, daddy King is finally laid to rest. But, there’s a stranger lurking amongst the mourners, and it turns out to be Tom’s ex-mistress, played by former Page Three stunner Linda Lusardi. Sublime or ridiculous? You decide!

Life on Mars (Tuesday 9pm, BBC1)

Last week’s opener gained disappointingly average ratings. Hopefully this second series of Life on Mars will slow burn to a huge audience by the end, but there’s tricky competition on the other side in the form of a Man United Champions League tie. However, this is a fine episode that showcases how both race and sex are approached in a 1970s CID office. First, we have Annie Cartwright (the fantastic Liz White) transferring into CID from uniform, and giving the sexist pigs as good as she gets. Secondly, and a driving force of this plot, is Sam coming face-to-face with his future mentor, raw recruit Glenn Fletcher and the first black CID officer in Manchester. Also on guest duties is Pirates of the Caribbean star Kevin McNally as the retiring DCS Harry Woolf, wanting one last case cracked in his name. If anything, the question hanging over Sam’s presence in this world, real or imagined, is starting to get in the way of a damned good cop show.

The Day Today (Tuesday 9pm, BBC4)

Chris Morris at his finest, with A-grade accompaniment from Steve Coogan and Patrick Marber. Forget what followed, this is quite simply one of the best satirical comedies to grace our screens.

New Street Law (Wednesday 9pm, BBC1)

Rejoice, for it is the return of New Street Law! Erm… don’t all cheer at once, will you? This is a perfectly fine legal drama that never once drifts into cliché or predictability. I’m sorry, I’ll read that again. This is a perfectly dull legal drama that regularly drifts into cliché and predictability. Which is a shame, as the cast deserve better. When will somebody come and do a State of Play equivalent of the courtroom drama?

Hotel Babylon (Thursday 9pm, BBC1)

It’s like a big, colourful ice cream sundae of a drama, and I love it! Hotel Babylon requires no thought or concentration whatsoever, and sometimes that’s a good thing.

Fear, Stress and Anger (Thursday 9pm, BBC2)

A strangely traditional sitcom in which Peter Davison (making a rare return to BBC land) plays an advertising executive who has to work from home, bringing him into conflict with his missus (Green Wing’s Pippa Haywood) and kids. It’s very middle of the road, although Davison and Haywood raise things above the average with game performances, but I doubt this is bedding in for a long run.

The Graham Norton Show (Thursday 10pm, BBC2)

Finally! Somebody at the BBC has been doing their sums and tried adding two and two. Contrary to popular belief, the answer really is four, and thus Graham Norton gets his own chat show again. A rocket and science interface situation wasn’t exactly needed to come to this conclusion, and with a 13 week run planned, let’s hope the wily (and expensive) Norton can get back to what he does best. Fingers crossed!

Please join us here at TV Today in a collective sigh of relief at the news that EastEnders will not be gaining a fifth episode.

Because that’s just what the world needed, isn’t it? Pauline Fowler must be turning in her grave at the very notion.

Coming to Your Screen: DIY TV (Friday 7pm, BBC2)

Is YouTube the future of television? Many think so, and Max Flint of The Money Programme seeks to discover if there really is something in it and just how easy it is to auteur your very own YouTube masterpiece. Who knows, thanks to YouTube, you might see TV Today Television coming to a laptop near you soon!

Ugly Betty (Friday 9pm, C4)

Well, it is Friday!

Comedy Connections (Friday 10.35pm, BBC1)

Whatever you think of The Office, there’s no denying its place in the pantheon of influential comedies, and the always enjoyable Comedy Connections draws together those lines of creativity into one big whole. And if they don’t mention that Lucy Davies is an alumnus of The Archers, there will be trouble…

Marcus Brigstocke’s Trophy People (Friday 11pm, BBC4)

A repeat of last night’s incredibly charming closer to this four part series in the company of the amiable stand-up comic, Radio 4 and BBC 4 stalwart Marcus Brigstocke. Trophy People has seen Brigstocke travel to various competitions and championships devoted to quirky pursuits and interview the participants like a more whimsical Louis Theroux (if such a thing were possible). Here, he covers the finals of the National Scrabble Championships and interviews the two contenders – young pretender Christian, and recovering heart attack victim Jake. Lovely stuff, and the key is in Brigstocke’s approach, which doesn’t seek to take the piss, even when little old ladies ruthlessly lay down the word ‘twat’ for a quick score.

Bourdain: A Cook’s Tour (Saturday 12pm, UKTV Bright Ideas)

One of the reasons I love the multi-channel age (and there are, as we know, many pros and cons) is that gems you might have previously missed can crop up anywhere. I caught up with the John Hannah Rebus adaptations thanks to UKTV Drama, and now I can go on Anthony Bourdain’s A Cook’s Tour. I’ve read all Bourdain’s entertainingly acidic scribblings on the world of food, including A Cook’s Tour, which this series accompanies. Bourdain writes in that particular tome quite scathingly about his experiences making this documentary series. But he’s great company, very honest and up for just about anything. If you’ve read his books, you’ll recognise the same voice here as the New York chef heads around the world eating anything and everything.

Harry Hill’s TV Burp (Saturday 5.35pm, ITV1)

The best thing on the box, bar none. Mr Hill should be belching all year round.

Primeval (Saturday 7.20pm, ITV1)

After a healthy start both in terms of content and ratings, the big test this week will be to see if Primeval can hold both ends up. This is quite scary stuff with giant spiders and a poisonous millipede infiltrating the London Underground, seeing one of the team succumb to the leggy one’s venom. Cutter heads into the tunnels to hunt the creature and bring back a sample of venom so an antidote can be found in the nick of time. It’s good, but after a promising opener with the general public being menaced by the beasties, the action takes place against the backdrop of some generic corridors and rooms that could be anywhere. Doctor Who managed it in 1968, and fooled London Transport enough for them to lodge a complaint against the BBC for unauthorised location filming. On this budget, there’s no excuse.

Nobody Knows (Saturday 9.40pm, BBC4)

A sharp contrast to the other offerings on TV tonight, this Japanese film premiere is based on a true story, known as the Affair of the Four Abandoned Children of Nishi-Sugamo. Four children are abandoned by their mother and forced to fend for themselves while keeping their tragic situation a secret from the rest of the world. Movingly brilliant.

Rough Diamond (Sunday 8pm, BBC1)

God help me, with this and Hotel Babylon on my list of shows to keep up with, I’m thinking of going into therapy. Can somebody send me a copy of State of Play?

Waking the Dead (Sunday 9pm, BBC1)

The final story of the current Waking the Dead season is a typically dense affair, but rewarding if you concentrate hard enough. If you don’t, just revel in Trevor Eve’s performance as Boyd, as the team investigate the murder of a Jewish girl in 1945 when an SS dagger is delivered to the Cold Case office. A new series of Waking the Dead is currently in production.

Lewis (Sunday 9pm, ITV1)

Morse’s faithful sidekick returns in three new cases following last year’s successful pilot. Lewis and Hathaway are assigned to investigate the murder of a graduate, where the trail could lead to one of Oxford’s most respected dons. Erm… Sounds just like good old-fashioned Inspector Morse, but the selling point is Kevin Whateley’s solidly reliable turn as Lewis and Laurence Fox as Hathaway. It’s spikier than Lewis’s bond with his old guv’nor, and the suitably different dynamic helps you to ignore that this is essentially the same as it always was. In a good way, that is…

Following on from our still image previews of the new BBC2 idents which debut this weekend, the channel has uploaded a couple of preview clips to its website.

• View the Zoetrope ident
• View the Tent ident

(Both clips, as with most BBC video content, require RealPlayer.)

In the grand tradition of pretty much most newspapers these days, the channel has even produced a wallchart as a PDF file for you to print out and enjoy. Gotta love the cod Latin names (Morris Ridiculus, Exterminator Galactica)… but really — Biggus Dickus?!?

• Everyone’s talking about… All change for Two (BBC)

Here we go again. The front page of today’s Daily Star carries the headline CORRIE GAY SNOG STORM. The full story, on page seven, doubles up with CORRIE IN NEW GAY KISS SHOCKER. What’s got their knickers in a twist is the developing storyline which sees Sean Tully (Antony Cotton) lock lips with his ex, Sonny Dhillon (Pal Aron) — even though Sonny is going out with barmaid Michelle, played by Kym Ryder.

This rekindling of an an old romance is clearly too much for the tabloid to deal with. For the second day in a row, rent-a-quote John Beyer of Mediawatch UK is called upon for some colour. Disappointingly, though, his contribution is a bit dull today:

TV is bound by the broadcasting code and will have to make sure they comply with those regulations.

Well, duh. And your point is, exactly?

Clearly not satisfied with such an anodyne soundbite, the Star calls upon self-styled ‘family values compaigner’, Adrian Rogers:

People are too afraid to say what they really think these days but I believe a substantial amount of viewers will find this scene uncomfortable and quite shocking.

There is no shortage of competition these days for shows to attract as much attention as possible for the worst reasons.

At the end of the day shock is never a long-term substitute for quality.

You’ve got to love how these “family values” groups stay silent when, for example, we have a woman who fabricates evidence of an abusive relationship so she can claim that murdering him was actually an act of self-defence. Or a son who torments his mother with cards supposedly written by his deceased, serial-killing stepfather. Or a man who has an affair with his stepmother (and former babysitter) under his father’s nose. Yes, those are fine family values. But two men showing attraction for one another? Bring out the flaming torches!

The Star’s editorial, on the opposite page, is thunderous.

Now this is the 21st Century. Gays can get married and the days of victimisation are rightfully behind us.

But do we REALLY want to watch two men, or two women, or indeed ANYONE getting steamy at 7.30pm?

Well, Daily Star, Corrie has often been far steamier with straight relationships. And guess which paper has been enthusiastic about such scenes?

If only the days of “victimisation” really were behind us…

The Star has form for this, of course. In 2004 when Bruno Langley and Christopher Finch, as Todd and Karl, shared a kiss while on a night out on Canal Street, the paper similarly blazed with indignation. CORRIE IN GAY SEX SHAME, the front page cried out. The fact that there was (a) nothing shameful about it and (b) only a mad fool who really needs to get out more could confuse a quick snog for “sex” just made their case seem even weaker than it already was.

I covered the 2004 incident for a (now sadly defunct) blog that covered gay issues. What was interesting at the time was that, in the same week that Coronation Street (a soap with many gay fans, created by a gay writer) featured a rather sweet coming out story, the Star’s owner, Richard Desmond, launched a pay-TV soft porn channel for men called Gay TV, to sit alongside his multiple straight porn channels. I wonder what family values campaigner Adrian Rogers thinks of those?

Not that it’s likely to make a blind bit of difference, but it’s heartening to see Ofcom commencing a review of childrens’ programming, and I for one am hoping that ITV comes under close scrutiny in this area, along with any other broadcaster who fails to come up to scratch.

Okay, okay, okay, I know that there’s an argument thanks to the proliferation of the digital age that there might be more children’s programming on air than ever before. But, how much of that is made up of original, home grown shows that nurture not only young and upcoming talent, but bring new audiences to the table? Not much, that’s for sure.

We’ve had this argument before many times here at TV Today towers, but a new perspective on the talent issue brings some pertinent points into the debate. Just out of curiosity, I cast my eyes down the list of writing talent who contributed to one of ITV’s premier children’s drama series of the last decade, Children’s Ward. And who do we find..?

• Paul Abbott (creator/writer of State of Play, Shameless, Linda Green, Clocking Off)
• Russell T Davies (creator/writer of Queer as Folk, The Grand, Bob and Rose, Mine All Mine, Casanova, The Second Coming, Doctor Who)
• Matt Jones (producer/writer Shameless, Serious and Organised, POW, Linda Green, Doctor Who, Coronation Street)
• Sally Wainwright (creator/writer At Home With the Braithwaites, Bonkers, The Amazing Mrs Pritchard
• Kay Mellor (creator/writer Fat Friends, Band of Gold, The Chase, Strictly Confidential, Playing the Field)

Oh, so that would be a crop of writers who are currently among the premier drama writers in the country, all having taken in scribing duties on a children’s drama. Yes, let’s read that again. CHILDREN’S drama.

So, with ITV continuing to curtail its children’s programming and shutting down the children’s drama production unit, this has cut off a route for not only writers, but also actors, directors, producers to break into the business.

Yes, the BBC is still making good solid children’s drama, but that shouldn’t excuse the independent sector from having to address this issue. We might lose out on the next Paul Abbott or Russell T Davies because the opportunities to get into the business are significantly reduced. As has been said time and again, the children are your audience of the future. Why, ITV, do you insist you on giving them an excuse to sod off to the Internet and not come back?

And don’t tell us there isn’t an audience out there for children’s drama anymore. It’s there, you just have to get better at finding it. There wasn’t an audience for the first series of Celebrity Love Island, but you went and made a second.

Subscribers to Sky’s movie channels will get a shock come April, according to Variety — the current system of numbering the channels from 1 to 10 is to be scrapped, and replaced with genre-based branding.

As of April 4, the new-look Sky Movies will group its pics into categories such as comedy, drama, family, action/thriller, indies, classic and horror/sci-fi… “The evolution of our film channels is driven by our customers,” said Sky Networks deputy managing director Sophie Turner Laing. “With these changes, viewers can enjoy even greater control over the films they want to watch.”

So instead of Sky Movies 1, Sky Movies 2 and so on, we’ll have Sky Sci-Fi Movies, Sky Family Movies, and so on. If current practice is anything to go by, all the daytime movie channels will therefore have to be renamed Sky Rubbish Made-For-TV Movies That Require Viewers To Be Lobotomised To Be Able To Tolerate Such Nonsense…

Seriously, it does make me wonder which of the new channels will be the one to be included on Sky’s planned digital terrestrial subscription service? The broadcaster is planning to take its current three MPEG2-encoded services (Sky News, Sky Sports News and Sky Three) off the free-to-air Freeview platform, and use the bandwidth to transmit four new channels (encoded with the more efficient, but non-DVB standard, MPEG4 algorithm). The new channel suite is yet to be announced, but is set to include some form of movie package. Will Sky DTT viewers only get one genre of movies to choose from in their subscription?

• Update: The Guardian’s business pages now confirm that the current Sky movies subscription package will be split into two (as previously noted by Adam in the comments below).

It seems that the voice of light and reason, aka the Daily Mail, is none too happy about the new BBC2 idents which we previewed yesterday.

As usual, when there’s something about television that they think deserves a nice bit of moral outrage, they call John Beyer, head of Mediawatch UK for that all important quote. Although I have to say that, this time, he is quite amusing:

If they had given me a giant 2, I could have taken some pictures for £70 and saved them some money.

I’m half tempted to go to the cash machine right now, hand him some dosh from my own pocket and see what he thinks he could come up with…

In this week’s print edition of The Stage, Mark Shenton interviews Patrick Stewart, who stars as Prospero in The Tempest at the Novello Theatre from February 22.

Stewart talks about the time in 1986, when he got the call to appear in a production of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? at the Young Vic. Instead of transferring to the West End, he ended up travelling to the West Coast, playing Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

I was a different actor after that — doing that kind of play, and finally being able to make truth of an emotional commitment to a role like that in such a small, exposing theatre, with the support of three magnificent actors [Billie Whitelaw, Saskia Reeves and Matthew Marsh], made all the difference to me. The calamity that then happened to me was that I was offered Star Trek: The Next Generation.

[…]

It did change many, many things, and I’m immensely grateful for that. I have worked hard not in any sense to feel they were wasted years —though time is a factor in all of this, and I now have a lot of catching up to do. I feel that acutely — not that there have been lost opportunities, but that there are things I might have done and I’ve got to do a lot of them quickly now.

Also this week, we have some behind-the-scenes talk from the people behind Primeval. Producer Tim Haines and writer Adrian Hodges share their thoughts, as does lead actor Douglas Henshall:

For someone who is playing an all-action hero, I’ve a number of phobias, which aren’t particularly tough or indeed heroic. I’m a bit claustrophobic – I’ve never done any deep water diving in my life – and I have vertigo. Not a great start really.

The Stage is published every Thursday, price £1.30 from most WH Smith outlets and other newsagents. Subscription options are also available.

Probably one of the more annoying things about TV award ceremonies (apart from the endless 5am pictures of “tired and emotional” stars with questionable dress sense and a total disregard for underwear) is the fact that quite often when the elegant envelope is opened and winner read out - you totally disagree with the outcome.

Certainly there have been a few times in recent years when I’ve wondered who the hell was responsible for the decisions and why they were still allowed to work in the industry.

Well not anymore folks. This time - I am the decision maker. Ok, that’s not strictly true, I’m perhaps more of a conduit, but we’ll just keep that between ourselves for now as I’m enjoying how it sounds. The good people at Pioneer have invited me to be on the judging panel for their Audience Award for the Best Television Programme of 2006 for the 2007 Bafta Television Awards.

The accolade, they tell me, aims to:

Honour the show that has helped define television in 2006. It is given to the programme that has received critical acclaim through its original approach whilst also capturing the public’s imagination.

Now knowing that TV Today readers are the discerning sort I’m asking for your assistance to help shape the long list. After that you’ll have to trust me and the fellow judges to whittle your choices down to a final six. Those shortlisted then go out to the public vote - with the winner announced at the swanky bash on May 20.

So cast your mind back through last year and let me know which dramas were an appointment to view, which reality programmes made for compulsive water cooler chat, which comedies made you laugh out loud, which factual formats…you get the point.

Perhaps a little caveat to this - I know we all love Life on Mars, The X Factor and Doctor Who (in fact I am considering banning some of you, specifically Scott and Mark W, from taking part in this for loving one or all of the aforementioned too much) - but it would be good to get a broad range of suggestions from across terrestrial, cable, satellite and digital channels.

Remember the programmes must have been transmitted in the UK from January 1 - December 31, 2006 and can be a single or series in any genre. The judging takes place on February 28 so all answers on a postcard before then please. (Well, not literally on a postcard — either in the comments below, or by email to liz.thomas@thestage.co.uk will be fine!)

As regular readers will know, I have two great loves in the world of broadcasting – Doctor Who and The Archers. It’s therefore quite disconcerting when the two collided in the first 30 seconds of last night’s chunk of life for everyday country folk.

Drippy Emma Grundy (isn’t she divorced yet?) has started looking after the youngest of the endless Archer brood, namely Ruth and David’s boys, Josh and Ben. The episode opens with the boys running rings round their new babysitter as they tell her how much they like Doctor Who. Not only that they like Doctor Who, but that they really like Doctor Who. One of them even tries to show Emma his sonic screwdriver. Filthy beast.

I suspect that there’s a fan of Doctor Who working on the scripting team up in Birmingham. Either that, or there was a BBC-wide policy to remind the public that Doctor Who is still around and not to bother with the dinosaur nonsense on the other side. Not much more than a month ago, the entire Grundy clan were united for one night only in front of the Doctor Who Christmas special. Eddie Snr, in his wisdom, opined that it was alright once you’d got used to Billie Piper not being there. Thanks for that, Eddie. What next, a guest slot on Late Review?

Why does this bother me? Well, it destroys my dream of there ever being a Doctor Who/Archers crossover. Not like that would ever be a possibility in the real world outside my confused brain, but one can idle the day away with the odd daydream. Doctor Who exists as a TV series in The Archers. Never will the TARDIS land in Ambridge. Never will the Doctor be called upon to take on the peril of the Mutant Cows of Brookfield. Never will Rose get off with a Grundy brother, or the Doc be told off by Linda Snell for parking on the village green.

All this being said, I’m sure there’s a canny fan of both shows who could sift through the endless continuity to reconcile the situation and restore the fragile fictional balance.

But how does my muddled little OCD mind cope with the presence of veteran Archers actor Terry Molloy? He’s played pigman/milkman Mike Tucker since 1973, but is possibly better known as evil genius Davros, creator of the Daleks in Doctor Who. Now that would cause problems with the continuity police…

I bag The Archers and Doctor Who - which of your favourite shows would you like to crossover?

I received a lovely email in my inbox this morning. Well, it was a press release, so at least it wasn’t trying to sell me prescription medicine or make insinuations about my manliness or lack thereof.

Anyway, it seems that lovable floppy-haired Irish comedian Ed Byrne is releasing a series of short stand-up videos on the internet.

The comedian from Dublin has created a series of 3-minute stand up clips called Ed Byrne’s Bytes, exclusively for MSN Video. Containing fresh and exciting material, a new clip will be uploaded onto the site each day from Monday 19th February until Friday 2nd March, providing three minutes of light comic relief for anyone who tends to be tied to their computer all day.

The clips can be viewed online at video.uk.msn.com and for those who can’t get online each day, they will remain available to view on the site until May. While visiting MSN Video, comedy fans should also take time out to enjoy the best of Jongleurs stand up clips, which will be streamed on site for the next six months.

Which is all well and good — except, this being MSN Video and a Microsoft product, they have made absolutely no attempt to cater for Mac users. Not only that, but their landing page can’t even let you down gently. Instead, they tell you to download new software using “the links provided”, and then don’t provide any links:

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the software company that the BBC are intent on getting into bed with…

The latest TV series to be fed into the Hollywood recycling machine is to be The Bionic Woman, reports SciFi Wire (via Rob’s unending source of news titbits).

NBC has commissioned a pilot of the new show, and has cast former EastEnders actress Michelle Ryan (Zoe Slater) in the lead role. Variety reports that the network initially considered some better-known actors for the role, but ultimately chose to go with a fresh face for US audiences.

If they need anyone to play Jaime Sommers’ elder sister who blurts out, after a drunken hen night, that she’s actually her mother, we hope they have Jessie Wallace’s number on speed dial…

Now that the hubbub has died down over BBC 1’s new idents, its terrestrial sibling is to get a fresh makeover this weekend. Fourteen films on seven themes will, apparently, show how “you are looking at the world in an unexpected way” through the figure 2.

The distinctive shape of the 2 remains, but these new idents resonate more with the old-style distinctive films that preceded the current CGI robots that zoom around on an all-yellow background. That familiarity is compounded by the dropping of purple as BBC2’s predominant logo colour, to be replaced by “deep aqua” — not too dissimilar to the turquoise that used to dominate the idents. In addition, the channel becomes the last in the BBC’s portfolio to drop Gill Sans as its typeface, replacing it with Avenir.

The changes will apply equally to the channel’s broadband website. Currently, its cloud theme only shares the purple logo and the use of the figure ‘2’ with its broadcast counterpart.

Screen grabs from each ident theme (designed by Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO and produced by Red Bee Media) after the jump.

Queen of the bonkbuster novel, Jackie Collins, has signed a ‘first-look’ deal with FremantleMedia North America, the US wing of the company that owns TalkbackThames in the UK.

Under the deal, Fremantle will develop series based on the author’s back catalogue as well as her original ideas, reports Variety:

Eugene Young, FMNA’s chief creative officer, called Collins “the queen of the guilty pleasure” and said the scribe is already starting to generate program ideas.

“She’s got a great track record of being able to tell a great story,” he said. “And she’s a voluminous consumer of pop culture who never misses a TV show, a magazine, a new story.”

It’s too early to say exactly what form Collins’ first project will take, but scribe said she’s keen on creating a telenovela-style drama with a beginning, middle and end. Whether the project airs weekly or is stripped for several weeks will depend upon the buyer.

“We’re thinking telenovelas because they’re so much fun,” Collins said. “And I love the idea of a series with an ending, rather than an idea that goes on forever.”

The article also reveals that, alongside its reworking of Channel 4’s The IT Crowd, FMNA is also developing a US version of Simon Nye’s veterinary sitcom, Beast, which starred Alexander Armstrong in the UK.

TV Squad reports that two of Sesame Street’s favourite characters, Bert and Ernie, are to get their own spin-off show. While the original puppets will appear, the bulk of each episode will consist of Morph-style claymation.

The bulk of the show takes place in their imagination, where they’ll be depicted in clay. Also featured in the animated segments will be Ernie’s beloved Rubber Duckie and Bert’s pet pigeon.

The new series is slated for a first and second season debut in 2008 and 2009, respectively, but as of this writing it appears the series has not been picked up in the United States.

The series is a co-production with NDR and Ki.Ka in Germany and the UK’s Five, which will broadcast it its Milkshake! kids’ strand, according to WorldScreen.

Via TV Squad, YouTube now has a preview featurette where Buffy and Firefly creator Joss Whedon talks about the upcoming episode of The Office he is going to be directing.

Joss Whedon is joining Harold Ramis and J. J. Abrams as a member of the Office directorial pool… now there is a video on YouTube where Joss talks about why he decided to work on the show. He also says that in doing something like this the director needs to be anonymous and that this will not be “The Joss Whedon episode.” Looking at the clips that go along with the interview though, I don’t think the writers got that message. It looks like the Joss Whedon episode.

After the sad and unexpected death of Ian Richardson last week, The Stage’s obituary is now online.

Nick Smurthwaite writes:

Richardson seemed happily resigned to the vicissitudes of an actor’s life, and the diminishing ambition that accompanies old age. “I’ve had a superb career,” he told me, “and I was very lucky to do all those big Shakesperean roles in my twenties. What really matters to me now is not my CBE nor my acting awards but my family and my beautiful estate in Devon.”

On the subject of Richardson, Radio Times film editor Andrew Collins bemoans the lack of any mention of the great man in the traditional montage at last night’s BAFTA film awards.

They can whip up a montage of the evening’s best frocks while the awards are going out, but they couldn’t add some footage of Richardson, or at least a still with a caption, in two days? It was left to Helen Mirren to tearfully pay tribute, but this was a pretty shabby own goal by the programme-makers. Even if he’d died this afternoon, they could have quickly edited him in. It must have been a simple, but unforgiveable, oversight.

Of course, one of Richardson’s better-known film roles was in Terry Gilliam’s 1985 classic Brazil. By sheer coincidence, we’ve also just uploaded the obituary for character actress Myrtle Devenish, who appeared in the same film as well as several other Gilliam projects.

Trial and Retribution (Monday 9pm, ITV1)

Top-drawer drama from the pen of Lynda La Plante, and a very strong duo of episodes to close a satisfying run. Roisin and Mike play their usual game of one-upmanship as they investigate the death of a retired police chief and his wife. Was the murder the opportunistic work of a burglar, or is the family hiding something? If you can chip your way past Victoria Smurfit’s one note performance, this is rewarding stuff in the way that only La Plante can be.

Charlie Brooker’s Screen Wipe (Monday 10pm, BBC4)

More pithy appraisals of the last week’s viewing from the crown prince of television commentary. Essential appointment viewing for anyone obsessed with the gogglebox. And that’s you lot, isn’t it?

ER (Monday,10pm, C4)

Because a world without ER would be a poorer place.

Life on Mars (Tuesday 9pm, BBC1)

Here we go, eight episodes of the finest acting and Life on Marswriting as the most imaginative show of the last decade returns for its second and final series. It’s kind of a relief that the creative team has decided to call it a day when the plight of time displaced cop Sam Tyler still has plenty of questions left to make it interesting. It would have been a crime to let a format like this descend into the thread-dangling tedium that has blighted other shows like Lost. Tonight’s episode features a guest spot from Marc Warren as a dodgy club boss who Sam put away for murder in the future. All part of the delicious conceit, but the real treat is always the great one-liners from the majestic, magnificent TV great, DCI Gene Hunt.

The Wire (Tuesday 10pm, FX)

The Wire. One of those shows that frequently slips under the radar of even the most savvy and clued-up TV viewer. But it’s back for a fourth season, hidden away on digital channel FX. It’s all about life on the streets of Baltimore from multiple viewpoints covering both sides of the fence – the cops and the drug dealers and the innocents and not so innocents caught in the crossfire. Beware, it’s twisty and turny and you’re never quite sure where the allegiances are going. Brutal and brilliant, it makes The Shield look like a sunny afternoon in Trumpton.

The Brit Awards (Wednesday 8pm, ITV1)

We couldn’t not mention The Brits, considering it’s the first time they’ve been broadcast live since 1989 and Fleetwood/Foxgate. And with the not quite as cheeky as he thinks he is Russell Brand on host duties, anything could happen in the next two hours. And it probably will, especially as Oasis are picking up an award for just being them. Who do we think would win in a fight between the Gallagher boys and the Arctic Monkeys?

Never Mind the Buzzcocks (Wednesday 10pm, ITV1)

While the potential for mischief is uncertain at The Brits, if you want to see some guaranteed celebrity flouncing, then Buzzcocks is the place to be. Yes, it’s Preston (off of Chantelle and Preston) getting upset on his wife’s behalf when nasty Simon Amstell deigns to take the piss. Oh Preston, Preston, Preston, what on earth did you expect? Buzzcocks seems better than it has been in ages at the moment, and while some may find Amstell’s brand of needling comedy annoying, personally, I love it.

The Abbey (Wednesday 10pm, ITV1)

A pretty limp original comedy from ITV, scripted by and starring Morwenna Banks, set in a cheap imitation of The Priory. It’s all a bit lazy, but thankfully the brilliant Miranda Hart and Liz Smith are on hand to add some class to proceedings. As is Russell Brand. Oh well.

Hotel Babylon (Thursday 9pm, BBC1)

Hurrah for Thursdays, it’s the return of Hotel Babylon! I must confess to having loved the first series, and this second looks set to serve up more of the same. It’s not big, it’s certainly not clever, but it’s fun and zippy and has a sheen (some might say sickly) that I can’t help but like. Pity Tamzin Outhwaite stuck around for season two, but you can’t have everything. My appreciation of Hotel Babylon, combined with the realisation that I quite liked last night’s Rough Diamond, has me wondering if there’s any hope…

Sky Digital channel Propeller TV will have a new presenter for its primetime Red Carpet slot for a week in March — and, in an unusual twist, the presenter will be paying for the privilege.

No, this isn’t one of those “give us your money and we’ll rip you off” schemes — this was a one-off, where Propeller auctioned off the presenter’s job on eBay to raise money for Macmillan Cancer Support. 23-year-old Mary Betts won the auction this morning, paying a whopping £810 for the privilege. She’ll spend two days next month at Propeller’s TV studios, recording her pieces and walking away with that all-important showreel at the end of it.

While we at TV Today of course wish her well, and we can’t fault the worthiness of the charitable cause, we would of course suggest that there are other, more reliable (and, one hopes, less expensive) ways of obtaining a showreel. The print edition of The Stage carries pages of training advertisements every week, including several offering TV presenter courses.

Budding TV presenters should also browse our Advice section, which is full of practical advice. And, if you have any questions, there is always peer support available in our StageTalk message boards.

BBC News reports that Billie Piper, shortly to be seen in ITV1’s new adaptation of Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park, is in the frame to play an altogether saucier role.

She is reported to be attached to a project in development for Channel 4 based on the exploits of Belle de Jour, a London call-girl whose blog has spawned two books.

Whether she’s actually committed to the role, or “attached” means (as it so often does) “this is the calibre of actress we’re looking for, but we’ve not signed anything with anybody yet”, only time will tell.

It seems even Belle herself doesn’t know for sure:

Oh, and before you ask - I heard the rumours too, and think she would be absolutely lush.

• Belle De Jour: Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl
• The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl

So the BBC are going to dramatise the life of Daphne du Maurier as part of a celebration of the author’s centenary. Based on Margaret Foster’s biography, the 90-minutes drama for BBC2 will chart “her struggles with her sexuality and how they informed her writing.”

Ooh, lesbianism in costume drama. The Tipping the Velvet fans must be pleased.

My only reservation is that the adaptation is being penned by Amy Jenkins — creator of This Life, and author of the highly disappointing This Life + 10. She says:

I always want to write about strong, interesting women and Daphne’s story is both tragic and illuminating.

I feel like crying out “Yes! But look at what you did with Anna! You took a strong, empowered, albeit flawed woman and turned her into Bridget Jones, complete with biological clock and a Gay Best Friend to act as sperm donor!”

Still, I suppose it could have been worse. The task could have been handed over to Tipping’s adapter, Andrew Davies…

Well, the overnights for ITV1’s dinos’n’Dougie drama Primeval were pretty solid — with 6.7 million viewers and a 29% share over the hour on Saturday night. But what did the public — at least, the portion with a blog and time on their hands — think?

Rob Buckley: “As many holes in the plot as there are in the space-time continuum, apparently. But things move along quickly enough that most of the time, you can’t spot the problems - you’re always at least four obvious flaws behind so at least you get to enjoy the nonsense as it’s happening.”

AnnaWaits: “This wasn’t awful, and I’ll be watching again I’m sure, but I had to excuse too many things by saying to myself - well, it’s a kid’s show. You just never have to do that Doctor Who (yes, the Slitheen, I know). But worst of all was the script. It was really quite poor - no wit, no heart, no drama.”

John Beresford, TV Scoop: “I have to say right from the off: the CGI dinosaurs were great. From the cute little green flying lizard - Coelurosauravus - which was vaguely reminiscent of the pet monster from Surface to the Gorgonopsid (how does every dinosaur programme manage to come up with another you’ve never heard of?) they were all designed and rendered extremely well, and clearly explain where most of the drama budget went. Because unfortunately, they were also far better actors than anyone else in the show.”

Struggling Author: “I have to put it into that bracket marked “better than Torchwood, not as good as Who” (though really, what television doesn’t slip into that category? Robin “even worse than Torchwood” Hood perhaps. But I digress.)”

Fazzinchi: “The main protagonists are dissappointingly cliched: cute and tomboyish blonde, sceptical bereaucrat, handsome young adventurer, rugged leading man and the likeable, geeky one who comes out with the funny lines. The only factor missing from the 21st century checklist of necessary character types is also the factor noticable by its absence and that is the ethnic minority representative.”

John Toon: “Fairly transparently a knock-off of ‘Torchwood’, even down to the directing (as The Lovely Jo was quick to point out), but without endless gratuitous shootin’ ‘n’ shaggin’ this felt better than ‘Torchwood’. In fact, what with this and ‘Dancing on Ice’ we spent most of Saturday evening watching ITV. Shocker. That must be the first time that’s happened.”

lonemagpie: “It should really be called ‘Walking With Torchwood: SG1’.”

An eagle-eyed viewer on MSN’s Tech & Gadgets Editor’s blog spotted this menu card just before Match of the Day was due to come on:

I guess we can file that one under “Oops”.

Comedy site Chortle has interviewed veteran light entertainment producer Michael Hurll, who this year is celebrating 50 years in television — and, as ever, he’s no shrew when it comes to passing judgement on the comedians of today.

Let’s start off with people he has great praise for:

He’s not lost his eye for talent, as he proves by reeling off a roll of honour of contemporary comics, from names you might have expected to come onto radar like Catherine Tate, Peter Kay (‘he makes me laugh out loud’) Sean Hughes (‘very funny, but you never see them now), Dave Gorman (‘I think he’s great’) and Harry Hill (‘TV Burp is a very funny show - he’s exactly the same as the old comedian Harry Worth’) to circuit names like Andy Parsons.

The two comedians I’d put money on making it would be Michael McIntrye and Russell Howard,’ he said. ‘They are very, very funny.’

There’s one thing a great talent needs to have, Hurll reckons, and that’s sex appeal. Russell Brand has it; Roy Castle, despite being a prodigious talent, didn’t. And one present day comedian Hurll dismisses is Jimmy Carr.

As anybody who saw the first episode of BBC3’s Comedy Shuffle will know that nobody is more aware of Jimmy Carr’s distance on stage than Carr himself. At the time, I said:

He show manages to make the studio guest, Jimmy Carr, actually seem quite a likeable chap. It’s a persona that works well for him, I have to say, and I’m not sure I understand why he doesn’t use it more in his act.

I mentioned this a couple of weeks ago to an associate of Jimmy’s, and was glad to hear that it is something he’s working on. It may never be enough to satisfy Michaell Hurll, but any softening of his persona would be a step in the right direction.

• Hurlls of wisdom (Chortle.co.uk)

The Economist has published a good article on the developing world of online television, covering a lot of ground from Joost to Viacom’s legal demands to YouTube. One thing it gets, which many such articles don’t, is that there are two very different ways of watching television over the internet.

The article describes them (quite neatly) as “lean-forward” (sitting at your PC, clicking on links to see short content, a la YouTube), and “lean-back”, as in sitting back on the sofa and enjoying a more passive viewing experience. Both approaches to watching television impose very different requirements on both the viewer and broadcaster — and if you try and impose one type of technology onto the wrong audience, your project will be more likely to fail.

The conclusions? Necessarily vague. Nobody has the answers for how TV will develop over the next few years:

There is, in short, no consensus about the best way to combine television with the internet. Instead, there are a variety of experiments, of which Joost is the latest example and YouTube the best-known. But as with telephony, the internet is unpicking service delivery from network ownership. Joost, YouTube, iTunes and Netflix do not need their own networks to supply their video services: they can piggyback on fast internet links provided by others.

One of the jewels in the BBC’s internet crown has always been its radio player and, in particular, the “Listen Again” feature which enables you to hear most programmes on demand, up to a week after their original transmission.

Unfortunately, one of the few radio shows which is not available via Listen Again is Desert Island Discs. Which is a shame, as it’s often the highlight of Radio 4’s week. While audience figures may have dipped since Kirsty Young took over the presenter’s chair, all that means is more people are missing out on some superb interviews.

This week’s, for instance, featured Paul Abbott, creator of Shameless, State of Play, Clocking Off, Children’s Ward and habitually known (with good reason) as one of Britain’s best television writers. As well as selecting his eight records of choice, he talked candidly and openly about his childhood, his bipolar disorder and his constant thoughts of suicide. On a lighter note, he also revealed that one of his first writing jobs was creating photo-love stories for Jackie magazine.

Thankfully, we do at least have a second chance to listen again — through the old-fashioned medium of the repeat. This edition can be heard again on Friday 16 February, at 9:00am.

The Guardian reports today that Gillian McKeith, presenter of Channel 4’s You Are What You Eat and purveyor of all sorts of nutritional supplements, has agreed to stop referring to herself as “Doctor” in her company’s advertising.

Channel 4 stopped referring to her as “Doctor Gillian” after the first series of her programme, once it became clear that she was not a medical doctor, but had acquired a PhD via a correspondence course from a non-accredited American college. While the agreement McKeith came to with the Advertising Standards Authority is voluntary, it has been made to avoid the ASA publishing its draft adjudication which, the Guardian claims, says that her advertising breached both the ‘substantiation’ and ‘truthfulness’ clauses of its Code.

The newspaper takes the opportunity to give space in its G2 supplement to a feature by Ben Goldacre, who writes a regular “Bad Science” column in the paper highlighting misrepresentations of science in the media. Both in his column and on his own website, badscience.net, Goldacre has long campaigned against McKeith and the claims she makes, both on her television programme and in the advertising for her company’s various products. In today’s piece, he describes McKeith as “a bad joke”, and says Channel 4 “should be ashamed of itself” for promoting her.

In today’s Independent on Sunday, Life on Mars star John Simm talks about his decision to leave the show after its second series, which will now also be its final one:

My instinct tells me not to hang around too long.

As well as briefly talking about his forthcoming role in The Yellow House, in which he plays Vincent Van Gogh for Channel 4, the profile also reveals that Simm is to play a part in another of TV Today’s favourite series.

If it’s true (and the Sindie is the second paper, after the Sun a couple of weeks ago, to make the same claim), then it’s a huge spoiler — of the sort that fans may well want to avoid. So only read to the bottom of their article if you’re happy about spoiling a big surprise for yourself…

UPDATE: In an interview with The Sunday Times, Simm says (thanks to ‘Poly’, who commented on Rob’s blog)

after The Yellow House is a children’s TV show: “My son will love it — it’s for him.”

Room 101 (Friday 9pm, BBC2)

Paul Merton takes his bow on Room 101, and he’s been saving his good mate and colleague Ian Hislop for last. Hislop tries to stick The Beatles and silent comics down the fabled shoot, but it all feels a little bit lack lustre, and not the send-off Merton deserved. Perhaps the familiarity between the two has bred a comfortable kind of contempt. But it’s bye, bye Paul, and here’s to the next host of Room 101.

Ugly Betty (Friday 9pm, C4)

Ugly Betty’s executive producer, Salma Hayek, grabs herself a guest spot in tonight’s episode of the frothy US drama – and ends up flashing her bra at Daniel in the lift! Well, crikey. The thing to remember with Ugly Betty is that it’s a colourful, fun Saturday morning cartoon made flesh. And you know, that’s no bad thing.

Comedy Connections (Friday 10.35pm, BBC1)

You might not think of Don’t Wait Up, being the trials of the Drs Latimer as played by Nigel Havers and Tony Britton, as being particularly classic comedy. But, it ran for seven years and pulled in mammoth audiences at its height. Find out just how the players in this fondly-remembered (by me, at least) sit-com thanks to those snaking Comedy Connections arrows.

When Will I Be Famous (Saturday 5.55pm, BBC1)

I’m weak, I freely admit it. This had me totally hooked last week, and it pains me that it’s up against TV Burp. Crazily inventive turns are put through their paces in front of a receptive audience and a panel of judges, just like a good old-fashioned talent show should be. Having said that, the best thing about last week’s show was judge Max Clifford – he looked like he’d stepped into the studio from having his tea in front of the telly. Bless.

Harry Hill’s TV Burp/Dancing on Ice (Saturday from 5.55pm, ITV1)

Finally, a piece of canny scheduling from ITV. The channel finally has a very strong Saturday night line up, starting with a double-header to provide a gift of a lead in to the big new drama at 7.45. TV Burp is a rare delight, as you know, and Dancing on Ice is just a very strong format that does what it says on the tin. Perfect Saturday night TV.

Primeval (Saturday 7.45pm, ITV1)

You know what we think, so set the kids down in front of the telly with some pop, open an enormous bag of crisps, and enjoy what is a decent piece of sci-fi fun.

The Verdict (Sunday 9pm, BBC2)

A curious experiment that sees a group of well-known and not so well-known faces form a court jury involved in a staged trial for a high-profile rape case. Witnesses, the accused and the victim are actors, the judge and barristers are the real deal. The jurors will watch the trial and then retire on the fourth day (to be shown next Thursday) to make their deliberations. It’s quite a bold project and tensions are guaranteed to run high. The jurors are: Michael Portillo, Jeffrey Archer, former footballer Stan Collymore, Honor Blackman, Jennifer Ellison, Alex James, So Solid Crew member Megaman, Jacqueline Gold of Ann Summers, Ingrid Tarrant, Dominic McVey, Patsy Palmer and Sarah Payne, mother of the tragically murdered Sarah.

The British Academy Film Awards (Sunday 9pm, BBC1)

Will Jonathan Ross be able to step into Stephen Fry’s comfortable shoes as the new host of the Helen Mirren show? Hopefully he’ll take a calmer route than his well-worn routine at the Comedy Awards, but he’s a devout film buff, and should be an excellent choice. As for the winners, Mirren deserves all her gongs for her showing in The Queen, Forest Whitaker is the only choice for Best Actor, and Little Miss Sunshine is my tip for Best Picture.

Foyle’s War (Sunday 9pm, ITV1)

There’s something very soothing about Foyle’s War, and a lot of that comes down to Michael Kitchen’s laconic, terribly nice performance as DCI Christopher Foyle. He just looks so comfortable in the role, complete with trilby and mac. What a shame it’s been said that this will be the last series. This week, an explosion in a munitions factory brings Foyle and his team a-knocking, but a discovery could bring the investigation closer to home.

Sad news — Ian Richardson, personification of one of British television’s most iconic villains with House of Cards’ Francis Urquhart, has died.

Most recently, Richardson made his presence felt as the voice of Death in Sky One’s adaptation of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novel, Hogfather. He was due to film an episode of Midsomer Murders for ITV1 next month.

Picture shows Ian Richardson in The Creeper at The Playhouse Theatre in February 2006. Photo: Tristram Kenton

• House Of Cards Trilogy [1990]
• Hogfather

We know that you are looking forward to the return of the International Emmy Award-winning Life on Mars next Tuesday (9pm BBC1, with the second episode following straight after on BBC4) as much as everybody at TV Today is.

To whet your appetite, here’s a chance to watch the retro-style trailer in all its glory:

• Life on Mars Series 2 Trailer

Guest starring in this second (and, sadly, final) series will be Marc Warren (Hustle, Dracula, and a lovable geek in Doctor Who), Yasmin Bannerman (Hollyoaks, 55 Degrees North, and a very sexy tree in Doctor Who) and Georgia Taylor (Blackpool, Coronation Street, yet to appear in Doctor Who at all). Also, Kevin McNally takes a break from his Pirates of the Caribbean Hollywood career to reprise the role of Superintendent Harry Woolf.

Co-creators Matthew Graham and Ashley Pharoah return to writing duties, as does Chris Chibnall (who, since writing an episode of Series 1, was appointed to be the less-than-inspiring head writer for Torchwood). More promisingly, new writing talent on board for this series includes Guy Jenkin (Drop The Dead Donkey, Crossing the Floor, The Private Life of Samuel Pepys).

While John Simm has confirmed that he didn’t want to continue after a second series — the implication being that it was his decision that nixed a third — rumours persist that Philip Glenister’s awesome DCI Gene Hunt will live on, in a sequel widely belived to be called Ashes to Ashes. While that may or not be true, there are eight whole episodes of 1973 to look forward to first…

• Life On Mars: Series 1 is available now on DVD. Series 2 is available to pre-order, as is the complete series boxset.

Head over to our main news section for a report by Liz Thomas on how both the BBC and ITV have been advertising for amateurs to work as unpaid extras.

One email from an ITV production offered “the opportunity to your performers to star as wedding guests at the reconstruction of a wedding reception… Of course we would like you to come dressed as you would for an actual wedding reception” with travel expenses, but no wage. Another sought two people to play a pregnant woman and her partner - again unpaid. Meanwhile, the BBC posted a request for a male actor to perform in a show as a policeman, “unpaid but great fun and good exposure”.

The actors’ union, Equity, says it is now investigating, while trade body Bectu points out that anybody who had taken up the invitation could retrospectively enter a legal bid for wages, possibly making a claim to an employment tribunal.

According to the print edition of today’s Daily Star (page 3), Carol Vorderman was left red-faced and giggling during yesterday’s Countdown when the first four letters requested out of the box came out MILF. Much hilarity ensued around the studio, but I just think it’s a shocking slip in the usual high moral standards of a television institution.

And now what fresh madness is this? Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher in negotiations to do a stint in Dictionary Corner? Poor Suzy Dent! I shudder to wonder what words he’s going to be looking up. What next? Donny Tourette in the frame as guest host?

A new pressure group, backed by the UK’s terrestrial broadcasters and a number of television manufacturers and retailers, is planning to lobby the government to ensure that some of the analogue TV spectrum freed up on digital switchover be re-allocated to allow national HD broadcasts via Freeview.

HD For All points out that under Ofcom’s proposed Digital Dividend review, the freed analogue spectrum that isn’t already allocated to expand existing digital TV coverage is planed to be sold off to the highest bidder. With 112 MHz of spectrum falling into this bracket (comprised of UHF channels 31-35, 37, 39-40 and 63-68), there’s potential for a lot of revenue to be gained for the Government.

However, as we’ve pointed out on TV Today before, much of the cost for the switchover — quite apart from the costs of each household in buying new equipment — is being borne by the BBC, which must provide financial help and support out of its (already much reduced) new licence fee settlement. So, money that could have gone into programme-making is instead being diverted into a technological transition that will result in profit for the government — a government that has shifted most of the transition costs away from itself.

Without any commitment for HD on digital terrestrial, the scope for competition in providing HD services is going to be limited — basically, to Sky and (if they can get their fingers out) digital cable providers. With ‘standard definition’ Freeview’s widespread availability helping to drive take-up of all digital television, there’s no reason why a terrestrial HD service shouldn’t provide a similar market boost, to the benefit of all service providers.

Of course, take-up of “HD ready” televisions is already well under way, driven not only by Sky’s nascent HD service, but with the promise of high-def DVD and the latest generation of games consoles. Sales of HD-ready TVs in the UK reached an estimated 2.4 million in 2006.

John Cresswell, ITV’s Chief Operating Officer, says:

It is clear that the UK public expect an HD TV option whichever digital platform they choose. But the future of HD on the UK’s fastest growing platform, Freeview, is far from guaranteed. Ofcom and Government now have the chance to act to bring HD for all.

If you’re interested in adding your voice to the campaign, you can register your interest at the HDForAll website. They have also create an electronic petition at the Number 10 website, which can be signed by any UK resident until 21 February 2007.

UGC website Your Kinda TV has announced the winners of its British User-Generated Awards (the BUGAs, for short). Unlike most of the content you find floating around UGC video websites, all the winning material is new and original. I have to say, most of the winners are very high quality indeed — although personally, the wisdom behind offering a category of “most dangerous stunt” eludes me. The winning short films, and the judges’ summaries on each, are below.

Best Animated Short

Gill and Lou by Pete Butler

“Pete Butler is a student of performing arts at a university in London. Originally from Carlisle, Pete has been drawing cartoons since a very young age. Gill & Lou are characters that could only work in cartoon format as they are so shockingly crude and delightfully random; celebrating your last bowel movement anybody? You can never guess what is coming next with Gill & Lou but you can be sure it is going to make you laugh. The Simpsons originally started as filler on the Tracey Ullman show and you can imagine Gill & Lou could also work in a longer format.”

Most Original Clip

Audrey Explains by Anna Black

“Anna Black has filmed, featured in and produced over 100 short films of various genres including comedy, documentary, and drama. Describing herself as a visual physical performer with a unique style and talent, she can be seen around the country performing stand up, character comedy, improvisation, and sketch shows and as a compere. At the 2006 Edinburgh Fringe she produced the internet film series 30 Films in 30 Days which was watched by thousands of people around the world. Recent TV credits include Strutter with Paul Kaye for MTV, and a forthcoming Channel 4 comedy sketch show. Anna lives in London, enjoys metal music, Guinness and silent comedy movies.”

Best Comedy Clip

Hello Geoff Clinge by Matthew Stott

“Matthew Stott is a comedy writer from Birmingham. He has written lots of sketches for live shows including London’s famous News Revue, and for the Radio Four show Bearded Ladies. Whilst he has many sitcoms being considered by production companies yourkindatv.com gives Matt the opportunity to quickly and easily test new comedy characters, such as Geoff Clinge, to get instant feedback.”

Best Documentary

The Last People Shepherd by Ben Wilson

“Ben Wilson is at university in Liverpool studying Mechanical engineering. His flat mate’s camcorder sat in a cupboard gathering dust ever since it was rashly purchased on a holiday until Ben started taking it out to make short surreal films in his spare time. Having never considered a career in anything other than engineering Ben simply claims to enjoy having a laugh and sharing it with the world on the Internet.”

Most Dangerous Stunt

Shrewsbury Trails by Alexis Park

“Alexis is a builder by trade but a BMXer and filmatographer at heart. The Shrewsbury trails are a new set of trails set by the hard work of his close biking friends. Having a degree in film and motion graphics he is regularly commissioned by Mountain Biking UK magazine and well known in the industry. Alexis was National Four Cross Champion for three years until an injury pulled him out of the sport which is when he began sitting on the side lines and filming the action. All his clips have a stand alone style with some very recognizable graphics. Picking the best stunt from all of the BMX action was the hardest part but some of the jumps on the Shrewsbury trails speak for themselves.”

Best User Generated Advert

Happy Day by Claudiu Voicu

“Claudiu had orginally wanted to work in IT but decided at the age of 18 that something “less boring” was calling. Working with her friends she records short films and several have been shortlisted for awards. Obviously neither Creative nor Apple were associated with this video but with Government posters warning of the dangers of visibly using your iPod this video should have been commissioned as part of the campaign. Filmed on a “boring” night in only 20 minutes it would not look out of place in this week’s SuperBowl.”

Best Local News Report

Hampstead News by Hanna Stewart

“Hannah Stewart (aged 14) was the youngest entrant in the BUGAs and won hands down in her category. From an early age she created mock radio shows alone in her room with a tape recorder and has recently moved on to film. Using her Myspace page as a foundation she regularly puts up clips and sound effects she has made and is growing in popularity. Her typically British humour transpires not only through her hand made films but also her music. She is incredibly talented with a guitar and hopes to play professionally in the future.”

Best Live Music Clip

Merry Christmas performed by Koopa

“Koopa consists of Ollie Cooper, Stu Cooper and Joe Murphy. A rock pop band from Essex, who hit the headlines recently as the first unsigned act to score a top 40 hit. They sing in their native Essex accents and name-check local landmarks as part of their unique style. Refusing to water down or conform to the manufactured standards so commonly pushed by record companies, koopa do things their way. Without the massive advertising budgets available to signed bands, koopa use Myspace and YourKindaTV to reach their audience. Most bands would be horrified to share an uncut live video of a Slade classic with fans but then most bands don’t have their down to earth honest nature.”

“I could do without standing in an some anaemic office in Whitehall talking to a Civil Service pen pusher, when I should be exploring the most significant phenomenon in the history of science.”

Well, yes, you should. It’s this statement from Professor Nick Cutter (Douglas Henshall) about halfway through the first episode of Primeval that highlights the major fault line running through what is otherwise a slick, exciting adventure series.

After 25 minutes running round the Forest of Dean chasing some impressive CGI dinosaurs, Cutter and his unlikely team find a porthole through time to Prehistoric Earth. Cool. Why the need to then drag Cutter and lizard expert Abby Maitland (ex S Clubber Hannah Spearritt) all the way to London and a 10-minute chunk with comedy Civil Servant Ben Miller comes as a mystery. Just get in there and do it, jump through the portal and give us all a thrill.

There’s just a bit too much standing around talking and not enough doing, with some bizarre script editing choices that fragment the narrative and our characters. Which is a shame, as when Primeval gets going, it’s knock out. Scary, exciting and quite dark, the kids are going to love this.

What about the adults? Different kettle of fish of there. The humour isn’t quite clever enough, and when it’s there, it’s forced. The best science-fiction needs that knowing wink from the lead, to let us all know that this can be scary and dramatic, but really, it’s all just a bit of knock about fun and we’re all in on the joke. Unfortunately, Cutter has been written as a stoic, quietly romantic character, abandoned by his wife through one of the sparkly time portals. It’s a noble quest he’s on to bring her back, but he’s a but dull with it. And that isn’t Henshall’s fault; it’s all in the writing.

The humour comes from Ben Miller’s clichéd government lackey James Lester, who you just know is going to be doing the same shtick week in, week out. And then there’s Connor Temple (Andrew-Lee Potts), a bit of a sci-fi geek who finds himself joining the team. He says things like: “If I don’t come back, you can have my Star Trek: The Next Generation Top Trumps cards.’ Ah, and that would be a slap in the face to a tent pole cult audience who will now be turning off as you’ve just taken the piss.

And then there’s that schoolboy error in the first five minutes. A woman runs through a supermarket car park, being chased by something that can throw cars round with ease, leading to a fantastic money shot of a big scary dinosaur roaring into camera. Well it would have been fantastic – if only we hadn’t seen a very dull, lumbering shot of the dinosaur walking across camera as if it were going to the shops within the first four seconds of the show. A textbook example of how to destroy the impact of your money shot.

But all this aside, there is a lot to like about Primeval. It’s slick, the CGI is stunning, the cast are all trying very, very hard to run with this - and for the most part, succeeding. Henshall, despite the humour deficiency, is a great actor and a strong lynchpin for an attractive team.

The test for Primeval will be in making sure the format doesn’t descend into a monster of the week show and writing around the time portal format with some imagination to keep the audience guessing.

Overall, I’m glad that ITV, former purveyors of tat like The Vanishing Man and the woeful, woeful The Outsiders is making a show like Primeval. This is a good, solid and overall successful stab at doing something new and exciting. And that needs to be applauded.

1) The front cover to this week’s Radio Times. Another masterstroke to promote the new series of Life on Mars, back next Tuesday on BBC1. It’s this attention to detail that gives TV dafties like me a warm, fuzzy feeling.

2) The first four minutes of Primeval. What should have been a thoroughly terrifying sequence with some amazing CGI work, destroyed by a single, solitary schoolboy error. More on that in our First Look preview later in the week.

3) The things that arrive in your inbox:

Hi there!

We thought that you may be interested to know that we are currently booking tickets to attend a screening of ‘Rush Hour’, BBC3’s brand new sketch show.

RUSH HOUR

Stuck in traffic during the daily scrum to get to where no one really wants to go, Rush Hour dips into the lives of the disturbed drivers and peculiar passengers as they argue, flirt and bicker their way round the rat run.

Characters include Ian The Pervy Boss, a balding 50-something business man who likes to give his PA a lift to work every morning, so he can try to impress her, Jolyon The Shock Rocker, the lead singer of Black Metal collective, DogFist who happens to be a fifteen year old boy who has to be driven everywhere by his mummy. The show also features Chantaigne, who thinks she’s famous after her one, incredibly brief, appearance on X-Factor and Frank The Intolerant Taxi Driver, who hasn’t got a good word to say about anyone.

The cast of Rush Hour includes Frankie Boyle, David Armand, Naomi Bentley, Adam Buxton, Kerry Godliman, Miranda Hart, Sanjeev Kholi, Marek Larwood, Bruce McKinnon, Lorna Watson and Katy Wix.

I don’t know about you, but I can hardly wait.

4) Your intrepid TV Today writer in the impressive Birmingham based Mailbox studios, home to the BBC Asian Network’s daily soap (and rather good it is too), Silver Street and Radio 4’s The Archers. Check out the Silver Street website to see the evidence (and yes, that is me standing at Ruth Archer’s sink. Oooooghhh noooooaahhh! Look out for an expanded blog on a fascinating visit to the world of radio drama in the not too distant.

5) Kirstie Alley starring in a US remake of The Vicar of Dibley, to be retitled The Minister of Divine. Good thing: Richard Curtis will be on hand as Exec Producer. Bad thing: it’s a US remake of The Vicar of Dibley.

6) Masterchef Goes Large. A golden nugget of beautiful scheduling to make 6.30pm of a weekday appointment TV. But do we have what it takes to convince John and Greg?

There aren’t many programmes that deserve a Square Eyes all of their very own, but one such show is back tonight in the form of Charlie Brooker’s Screen Wipe (10pm, BBC4).

If ever there was a show that was right up the street of TV Today’s readers, it’s Screen Wipe, a TV spin on Brooker’s always pithily sage and bang on the money Screen Burn column in The Guardian. Brooker makes a snarling bedfellow as he huddles down on his living room sofa, spitting venom at the TV screen like a belligerent (yet lovable) snake, passing judgement on the week’s televisual schedules, bemoaning the state of British television.

And for the most part, I find myself nodding along in agreement. If there’s one thing that Charlie Brooker has in spades, it’s a damn good point about most things - my favourite of recent editions being that Torchwood’s SUV should have a penis on top to make it less conspicuous. And he’s not wrong.

But Brooker is also willing to give out praise where praise is due - tonight’s edition gives a big up for Battlestar Galactica, currently doing the rounds on Sky One (and I assume he means the new stuff and not the dodgy one with Dirk Benedict), and one hopes there will be a hefty tongue-lashing for Celebrity Big Brother (the dodgy one with Dirk Benedict).

If Harry Hill’s TV Burp is the Sunny Delight of TV commentary, Screen Wipe is the tequila slammer. Pour me one of each please!

Out of Practice (Monday, 6.30pm, Five) (pictured)
A nice, but little-known US comedy, that sadly has already gone to sitcom graveyard in the sky. For now, enjoy its run on Five, and especially enjoy the performances of TV legends Henry Winkler and Stockard Channing in this show about a group of doctors who are all related. With Kelsey Grammer on directing duties for the pilot, and writing personnel who have worked on Frasier, The Golden Girls and Desperate Housewives, you know there’s a quality product on display.

Bash (Monday 9.30pm, BBC3)
A quite passable one-off comedy starring Susan Earl as Stacey, the host of a Hallowe’en party. Stacey is neurotic to say the least, and her control-freakish ways lead to misunderstandings aplenty throughout the course of the party. Her boss (Kevin McNally) develops a crush on her boyfriend, who is in costume, and Stacey seems to have mislaid him. Or has she? There are more one-offs to follow from BBC3, and it would be surprising if at least one didn’t serve as a successful pilot for a series.

ER (Monday 10pm, C4)
With Forest Whitaker riding high on a quite stunning performance as Idi Amin in The Last King of Scotland, ER has more reason than usual to tune in. It’s one of those fantastic ER conceits to mess around with time, seeing the still-smoulderingly sexy Luka Kovak in court for a malpractice case. Whitaker plays Curtis Ames, a patient who suffered a stroke while in Luka’s care. The narrative splits, with ER’s deft skill, between hospital flashbacks and the courtroom, and this episode is just the beginning of Luka’s dramatic relationship with Ames. ER – it’s still got it!

Don’t Die Young (Tuesday 8pm, BBC2)
I think I’m in love with Dr Alice Roberts. Brainy and beautiful, she has a lightness of touch in tackling subjects that are close to every single one of us – mainly our vital organs. Last week it was heartening to see her tucking into a bag of chips and saying that it’s alright once in a while (take note, Gillian McKeith), this week she turns her eye to our, um… eyes. Excellent stuff, informative, educational and entertaining.

You Don’t Know You’re Born (Tuesday, ITV1, 9pm)
Yes, we know it’s Who Do You Think You Are? in all but name, but a good concept is a good concept, and this week is more interesting than previous editions of You Don’t Know You’re Born. Ken Stott embraces both Scottish and Italian roots as he bakes cakes in Scotland and catches fish in Sicily trying his hand at some of his ancestors’ jobs. Stott is an amenable companion to spend time with.

The Hound of the Baskervilles (Wednesday 3.40pm, Five)
A woeful entry into the pantheon of Sherlock Holmes, this dreadful TV movie is worth watching for the sheer folly of casting Matt (Max Headroom) Frewer as the world’s greatest detective. Quite what went through the minds of the producers in this piece of casting suicide is anybody’s guess, and the greatest Holmes mystery since somebody gave Roger Moore a deerstalker and pipe in Sherlock Holmes in New York.

Dragon’s Den (Wednesday 8pm, BBC2)
The swift return of a now BBC2 mainstay, Dragon’s Den has the feel of a comfy pair of slippers to pull on for an hour of cosy viewing. The fun is in watching the so-called Dragon’s facing off to each other when a potentially good idea shuffles through the door (although they are few and far between), but the real delight is in those ideas that get short-shrift for being utter rubbish.

Child Genius (Thursday 9pm, C4)
A new documentary series that will, over the coming years, revisit the lives of a group of children who are, as the title says, child geniuses. They are all at the top of the IQ tree, all destined for great things in the world of academia. Will it be the noughties answer to the Seven Up documentaries? Time will tell.

Man Stroke Woman/Comedy Shuffle (Thursday, 10.30pm, BBC3)
With the offerings on ITV1 not being the best in the world (both Bonkers and Benidorm have their plus points, but sadly not enough), it might be best to turn to BBC3 for your chuckles tonight. My liking of Man Stroke Woman has struck a negative chord with some TV Today readers, but I still like it. A great cast and some good, honest sketch comedy make it more inoffensive than other shows. Afterwards in Comedy Shuffle, Rob Rouse chats to Mock the Week’s Frankie Boyle in between watching some of the up and coming acts on the comedy circuit. There’s a nice feel to Comedy Shuffle, a bit like a variety show for stand up comics, and Rouse’s laddish charm is quite endearing.

EastEnders (Friday 8pm, BBC1) (pictured)
The end of an EastEnders era as, for the first time since day one, there won’t be a Fowler in Albert Square. Yes, after Michelle went to America (via bedding Den Watts and Grant Mitchell), Mark passed quietly away off screen, and Pauline took her bat and ball home, Martin Fowler decides enough is enough and packs his bags to head off into the grimy Walford sunset. It’s a sad moment - soaps need links to their past, and EastEnders has scant few left. Will Martin and little Rebecca have a happy ending, or will Pauline manage to have the last laugh from beyond the grave? What do you think? Good luck to James Alexandrou, a half decent performer who deserves to do well in the jobbing actor stakes.

Ugly Betty (Friday 9pm, C4)
Now that Big Brother has sloped off for some rehab in The Priory, Ugly Betty is given the much more satisfying time slot of 9pm. It’s Halloween, which will put Betty clearly in the firing line for some monstrous jokes at her expense. What I like most about Ugly Betty is that it doesn’t hold the pretensions of the likes of Lost and Desperate Housewives. It is what it is, a frothy confection with some bursts of interesting flavour underneath, but it never gets too sickly for its own good. And it has Jim Robinson off of Neighbours.

When Will I Be Famous? (Saturday 6pm, BBC1)
The BBC tries to wring as much value as it can from Graham Norton’s over-inflated contract and serves him up in another asinine waste of decent talent - quite amusing, considering this is all about finding new turns. To be fair, he might be the making of this variety show that is trying to emulate the success of America’s Got Talent before Simon Cowell drags it over here, and provided we don’t take the cavalcade of comedy turns, illusionists, acrobats and Lord knows what else seriously, it might be a laugh. Be back for the results show at 8.35 to see who wins the ten grand prize stash.

Harry Hill’s TV Burp (Saturday 6.05pm, ITV1)
Well, what else are you going to be watching?

CSI: New York (Saturday 10.05pm, Five)
Beware! This episode of the youngest CSI sibling contains cut glass English accents. Which is, apparently, a bad thing. Entertaining as always in the way that only CSI can be.

The Comedy Map of Britain (Saturday 10.05pm, BBC2)
Follow the trail to Wales and the West Country this week under the comforting narration of Alan Whicker. Naturally, Rob Brydon’s magnificent performance in Marion and Geoff comes under scrutiny, as do the Wurzels and the location of Fawlty Towers. Nice, undemanding stuff.

Emmerdale/Coronation Street (Sunday, from 7pm, ITV1)
With little else on, sometimes it’s best to take refuge in some soap action, and a double header of Corrie and Emmerdale can help soothe away that sinking back to school feeling that Sunday brings. Both soaps are in a holding pattern tonight, with some big stories bubbling nicely before big pay offs. In Emmerdale, hunky Andy Sugden finally declares his feelings for Jo in public, which doesn’t go down well with Katie. But then, she did cheat on Andy years ago with his own brother (well, adoptive brother), so it’s all fair game. Elsewhere in Corrie, Tracy spends the night away from Coronation Street, much to the indignant outrage of Ken. Ken Barlow, displaying healthy levels of indignant outrage? Surely not!

Rough Diamond (Sunday 8pm, BBC1)
So Aidan is a bit of a chancer and a reformed gambler, who sells his down-at-heel stables to a rich neighbour. Then a young scamp from England comes over, along with a new feisty horse called, um, Rough Diamond, who might just have what it takes to revive Aidan’s failing fortunes. Ah, can you just smell the corny cheese in the air? It’s 8pm on a Sunday night, time for Monarch of the Ballykissangel! The BBC got its hooves burnt the last time it dabbled in a horsey based drama (the best-forgotten Trainer), so this might suffer the same fate. It all looks very pretty, but don’t go looking for any substance. Or galloping, for that matter.

Louis Theroux – Gambling in Las Vegas (Sunday 9pm, BBC2)
Louis Theroux is back with the first in an occasional series of new films, this time abandoning his systematic stalking of celebs, returning to his roots of looking at lives which go off the beaten track. If you want weird and wacky, there’s probably no better place to go than Vegas, and withy the recent super casino furore, anybody living in Manchester should be very afraid. It’s good to have Louis back, but don’t keep away from the celebs for long – go and knock on Boris Johnson’s door. Please?

Photo: James Alexandrou (Martin) and Jade Sharif (Rebecca) in EastEnders. © BBC/Adam Pensotti

With the release of the initial findings by the fledgling BBC Trust on the development of the corporation’s proposed television on demand service, has this overhaul of how the BBC is governed passed its first test?

I’ll admit that at first, in relation to Ofcom’s Market Impact Assessment (MIA) on the proposals, I felt that Auntie was unfairly having its wings clipped. At such a time of change in the broadcasting world as we hurtle towards the digital switchover, the BBC should be at the forefront of driving new technology. Anybody in the DVD industry will tell you that the future is in video on demand services.

Why shouldn’t the Beeb have free reign to stick its programmes on-line for all to enjoy? After all, we paid for it. There’s nothing stopping ITV doing the same, except this is where that pesky Public Service/commercial schism comes in, and why I’m now a little more relaxed about the limitations being placed on the iPlayer.

Much like the successful Listen Again facility on BBC radio, programmes will be available to download for seven days after transmission. Initially, BBC execs wanted a storage window of 13 weeks for the programmes to be watchable once downloaded. This is now being significantly reduced to 30 days, along with restrictions placed on the ability to “series stack” multiple episodes to watch in a nice large chunk like a DVD boxset.

The Trust has been mindful of the impact this could have on the commercial sector of DVD sales, although, a few licensed deals aside, it would be BBC Worldwide that would suffer most in this respect. This is where, personally, it comes down to quality and content. I’ll download shows I like and want to watch, just as I buy DVDs I like and want to watch. And considering I’ve bought Goldfinger three times in different formats, I’ll probably be likely to buy something on DVD to keep that I’ve already downloaded – because I’m stupid like that!

But the Trust is being prudent, ensuring that not only the public value and commercial impact aspect of the iPlayer is addressed, but also that the potential for Digital Rights Management to limit who can use the iPlayer is not an issue. The iPlayer as it stands is using a DRM system created by Microsoft, which will doubtless favour PC systems, but may cause problems for Mac and other users (of which I am one). The Trust has put its foot down quite hard on this matter, insisting a “platform-agnostic’ system is developed:

“in a reasonable timeframe”

In other words, pull your fingers out and look sharp!

So what now? As of yesterday, the BBC Trust opened a period of public consultation on all the issues surrounding the introduction of the iPlayer. This is a chance to have your say and take advantage of the fact we have a public service broadcaster in the UK. Go on, go and have a look…