May 2007 Archives

In his latest post, Mark explains why he’s going Big Brother free again this year.

Which is a laudable aim. And, going by reactions to the first night’s viewing, one that many others may be sharing (although people do say that every year, don’t they?). In fact, I was all prepared to declare TV Today a 100% Big Brother Free blog…

And then the fates conspired against me. For it turns out that one of the initial 11 contestants has not one, but two direct links in to this very office. It turns out that Watford-based Nicky Maxwell is not only the cousin of one of The Stage’s subeditors, but also was in the same year at school as one of our reporters.

As a result, I feel I have no choice but to name Nicky as the official TV Today-endorsed contestant.

We just won’t be writing about her…

TV Today. As free of Big Brother as Mars bars are of animal products.

It’s that time of year when, I make wildly ambitious statements about my intent over the next few months.

Long-time readers of TV Today might remember my very first post to this blog, in which I said:

“I have willingly become a social pariah at the water cooler by a conscious decision to go Big Brother free this year”

and once again, thus creating a TV Today tradition, I’m doing the same this year.

Well, that’s the theory. Other readers with a long memory may also recall me posting this less than a month later, reporting my complete failure at the task in hand.

But not so this year! This year I will be strong! This year I will be forthright! And after the mis-managed disaster area that was Celebrity Big Brother and Channel 4’s belligerent refusal to take any kind of responsibility, I don’t think I’ll have a problem.

The main obstacle for Big Brother is the fact that it has, almost overnight, stopped being cool. It’s an embarrassment to watch, and despite a strong audience for the opening night, I predict that ratings for this year’s tedious battle to become famous for doing nothing to earn it will slide off as we go along. I can but hope, anyway…

And even before the first week is out, the producers have made a huge error of creative judgment in choosing to populate the house exclusively with women. Now, before anybody pounces and accuses me of being sexist, this decision doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Remember, I’m not watching. I’m merely reporting the reaction of my beloved who flicked on for two minutes before grimacing and switching over for some Adrian Chiles action on BBC2.

“What’s wrong?” I called from the kitchen where I was attempting to slide cocktail sticks under my fingernails as a suitable alternative to BB.

“A bunch of shrieking women in a room is not what I’d call entertainment,” she sighed.

And there we have the problem in a nutshell with no need to elaborate. If you want to preserve your ratings, Channel 4, get some blokes in there quick sharp, or disaster will be just around the corner…

Which might not be a bad thing on reflection.

It seems apt that on the tenth anniversary of one of the BBC’s most successful children’s programmes, Teletubbies should be at the centre of a controversy… in Poland.

Poor Tinky Winky… Ewa Sowinska, a Polish spokesperson for children’s rights has tasked psychologists to evaluate the content of the still hugely popular Beeb show to assess whether or not it encourages a homosexual lifestyle.

Um… what?

Sowinska has been quoted in the press, specifically on the subject of Tinky Winky, saying:

“I noticed he was carrying a woman’s handbag. At first, I didn’t realise he was a boy.”

Yes. You heard right. Confusion is reigning over the sexualty of a seven-foot-tall, fat purple alien creature with a triangle on his head and a TV screen on his sizeable paunch, all because he carries a handbag. Personally, I just thought he was stylishly accessorised with a particularly jaunty man bag.

I can’t help wondering what the psychologists carrying out the task make of their current project. I take it they’ll be talking to Polish children on the subject, and one can only hope they’ll be rewarded with bewildered stares from the little ones. Either that or they’ll have Tinky Winky himself on the couch to get to the deep-seeded route of all his problems.

We really do live in a world gone mad, don’t we? And if Sowinska’s people do find that (by whatever nebulous means) Teletubbies promotes a homosexual lifestyle, she can recommend that the show be taken of the air. Sigh.

I think the point is being missed somewhat. The Polish psychologists should be looking into other psychological aspects of the Teletubbues. For example, have children who watched the programme grown up to develop unhealthy addictions to custard and toast with smiley faces burnt into them?

Research like this is essential I feel, to combat dangerous tendencies in our children. I want answers as to why, after watching The Magic Roundabout and The Wombles as a kid, I have a secret sugar mine hidden beneath my house and wake up with dangerous compulsions to collect litter on Wimbledon Common.

UPDATE: As I was writing this piece, news has broken that the story may have been a storm in a bowl of tubby custard. Ewa Sowinska’s office are not now launching an investigation into the Teletubbies, saying they are:

“fictional characters; they have nothing to do with reality.”

Well I’m glad we got that cleared up…

Mmm, so EastEnders think that the results of Saturday night’s British Soap Awards 2007 were fixed, do they? A BBC insider allegedly complained to the Daily Star:

“The panel isn’t fair. It’s made up of executives from ITV as well as critics and representatives from each soap. But there isn’t much impartiality and a lot of the voting is tactical. It’s a bit of a fix.”

According to my sources, the panel is actually made up of a representative from each soap, alongside five journalists and that there is no weighting in favour of ITV on the voting panel. So is this just a bit of saber rattling from Auntie in the face of an embarrassing defeat for the flagship soap, or a genuine case of sour grapes?

Probably both, but it’s worth noting that EastEnders managed no wins in any of the categories voted for by viewers. Traditionally EastEnders has done well here, probably down to the highly dedicated fanbase. But what has happened this year? It seems that even the die-hard fans can’t be relied on to come through for ‘Enders now and are starting to turn their backs on the soap.

But it does seem that there’s some foot stamping going on here because things haven’t gone EastEnders’ way. Oh boo hoo! You weren’t complaining last year were you? No, of course not, because ‘Enders won Best Soap, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Single Episode, Sexiest Female and Villain of the Year. No accusations of bias coming from the Walford camp in 2006.

Instead of griping about not winning a few gongs to stick in the bathroom back at Elstree, it might be best for the ‘Enders team to go and have a good long look at why they might have been passed over for all but one award.

I’d start with the [psychic twins[(http://www.thestage.co.uk/tvtoday/2007/05/thetomorrowpeople.php)…

There’s a general view (sometimes held by us here at TV Today) that television isn’t what it used to be. We are bombarded by cheap reality shows, twee Sunday night dramas, cookery, property, wife swaps and diminished opportunities for children’s drama. Yep, sometimes watching television can be a real chore.

And then along comes something that restores your faith, that brings home all the things that are great about this most frustrating of mediums and reminds us of how lucky and privileged we are to have huge talent in front of and behind the cameras making television. That happened on Saturday night watching Human Nature, the first of a two-part Doctor Who story. Not only is Human Nature the best piece of Doctor Who I’ve ever seen (and I’ve been there through thick and thin), it ranks up there with the best television drama I’ve ever seen.

Long story short - some bad guys are after the Doctor’s Time Lord DNA, so he decides to lie low for a bit and willingly give up his memories, identity and race to become human. And so we meet John Smith, an unassuming teacher at a boarding school in 1913, and his maid, Martha Jones. Martha’s looking after everything, making sure that Smith keeps his head down until the heat from the alien bad guys goes away. The Doctor has left her a list of things that cover all eventualities and a pocket watch. If anything goes wrong, Martha must open the watch.

There are just three small problems: the Doctor didn’t say what to do in case his human alter ego falls in love, the creepy Family of Blood turn up to literally sniff the Doctor out and the watch goes missing…

Down to five contestants now, after what host Graham Norton describes the departure of “the mighty Daniel” as a decision that “shocked the nation”. And judging from the reaction to last week’s recap and Friday’s interview with Daniel, he’s not wrong…

Everything kicks off with a group number that’s notable for two things: firstly, Lee’s voice is far stronger that of the others (unless they’ve all started singing Could be famous, Could be a big shucchessh). Also, at one point Lewis and Lee get their positions mixed up. While it’s pretty obvious that something went wrong, to both guys’ credit they both do their best to recover as quickly as possible.

Before we get on to the solo performances, we have another explanation from Andrew why he chose to save Lewis over Daniel last week. I don’t necessarily buy his explanations, but his daughter certainly has taste.

This week, the five solo songs are to cover the five key themes of Joseph’s emotional journey: arrogance, betrayal, vulnerability, courage and being a dreamer. First up, Lee handles dreaming with the Monkees’ Daydream Believer. It’s another of the series’ obsession with pop songs that offer very little in the way of light and shade to play with, and Lee ends up with a performance which is unabashed cheese. It’s still very professionally handled, though, and at least he shows that he’s capable of handling lighter material. Zoe says she’s been working with Lee on not setting his jaw too tight — I wonder if this is related to his issue with sibilance? His performance was relaxed and comfortable, she says. John uses a lemonade simile to describe what he says was a brilliant, professional, polished performance. Andrew says it was a perfect ‘early Joseph’ performance.

Second, Ben has to show vulnerability. And is promptly given what must count as the most difficult song of the whole series, with the Roy Orbison classic Crying. And with most of the song, he is able to bring the pop number into a musical theatre space. Where he falls down is with the falsetto — which, to be honest, any of the other four would have had trouble with. It’s a creditable performance, even with the vocal faults. Bill says that even though he blew a few notes, he kept on the journey that the song goes on. Zoe says that it shows Ben has worked on his pitch, but his vibrato needs work (“you could drive a bus through it”). John points out that Joseph never has to sing that high. Which does make one wonder — just why have so many songs the Josephs have been given this series included falsetto passages? Andrew says he still has a long way to go in this competition. Well, not too long, seeing as the final is just two weeks away…

This week, Craig is asked to portray betrayal with Suspicious Minds. Andrew warns that he can’t smile his way through this one, and to begin with it’s a warning Craig takes to heart. A strong vocal is almost enough to let me forgive his usual shtick of holding his outstretched hand palm down, which he does in very single performance and is one of those things that is really irrationally bugging me. Unfortunately, once he passes the bridge of the song he reverts his classic cabaret singer persona — all smiles and flirtations with the audience. Which, I have to say, he is very good at — but is maybe not ideal for a West End performer. Bill thinks he found the perfect line between drama and selling the song — and he loved the twinkle that Craig gets once he’s working the room. Denise thinks he gave a fantastic performance, while Andrew asks himself whether he forgives Craig his smiles. On balance, he says, he does…

Lewis has to show courage this week, and not just with the performance of Enrique Iglesias’ Hero. And in contrast to the last couple of weeks, he gives a controlled, theatrical delivery. It just shows that, given the right material, he can portray a maturity far beyond his years. Indeed, he makes it easy to forget that he’s only 17 years old — clearly capable of portraying the older Joseph, should he get the job. Both Zoe and John admit that they thought Lewis should have gone instead of Daniel last week, but on the strength of tonight’s performance he sang well. However, John says he thinks Lewis is more of a singer than a West End performer, which Denise quite rightly pulls him up on. To be honest, I’m surprised that they say that about Lewis and not about Craig, who clearly struggles with his acting when Lewis has no problems in that area. Bill says he sees and hears a Joseph, while Andrew says he saw charm, but no inner strength.

Finally for the solo slots, Keith has to portray arrogance with Robbie Williams’ Let Me Entertain You. And if he was on radio, he might — he has a great voice and, as ever, delivers the song with conviction. But his stage presence is patchy. I know these guys don’t have too much time to develop a full routine, but of the stage performances today this was, with Craig’s, the weakest of the night. John was entertained, but noted his occasional drop of focus. He does point out, though, that Joseph rarely needs to deliver a full high-octane performance. Denise says Keith reminds her of a young John Barrowman (maybe it’s just the cockiness and big teeth). For Zoe, he is a star vocally. Bill doesn’t think Keith is quite there yet, while Andrew thinks he handled the song fabulously.

With another group number, Do You Love Me? — another pop song, if one that has a veneer of musical theatre respectability by being included in Dirty Dancing: The Musical, I’d say that it shows that Lee has the strongest voice, Ben is the most charismatic dancer, and the others Keith and Lewis are good all-rounders, while Craig is more comfortable with this style of song than he is with ‘true’ musical theatre.

In the results show, Andrew tries his best to disprove Daniel’s suggestion that judges are fed lines. Who would ever try and give such abysmal jokes to anyone? I mean, “The Curse of the Goat”?

I’m not goint to make any comment about this week’s mission about conquering a fear of heights — I get dizzy climbing the external steps to my first-floor flat, so I’m in no position to judge. Following the VT package, we get another group performance, Born To Be Wild, in which all the Josephs are good. For me, Lee stood out yet again, while Craig does his pointy-hand thing again and Keith does lose focus as he gets into position for each part of the choreography.

Next up, we see that Josh Groban has selected Lee to sing with. Rather cruelly, Andrew tells the others that they can be backing singers, which goes down like a lead balloon. The remaining four look like they’ve just been told they’re lowering the lifeboats on the Titanic, but won’t be able to get in themselves. That said, Lee does an excellent job and I find it hard to believe that any of the others could have been better.

And so we get to the climax. Asked who isn’t Joseph, Zoe and Bill plump for Ben, while Denise and John both go for Lewis. It’s public votes that matter, though, and Lewis gets through, with Ben and Craig in the sing-off. Singing Barry Manilow’s Through The Rain, and Ben’s acting training shines through. Craig has a possible edge vocally, but it’s Ben’s performance that’s the most believable piece of theatre. Andrew makes the decision to save Ben and send Craig home, and unlike last week I agree wholeheartedly. Craig has progressed phenomenally throughout the course of the series, but I think ultimately he would be better putting that experience to work in developing his stage presence as a singer, rather than heading towards musical theatre.

There are a few things that I’ve learnt from this week’s edition of Grease Is The Word. First, the single-show format is looooooong. And I mean long with many, many o’s. At times Zoe, bless her, was clearly being given the sign to fill and she herself brings so little to the show that it’s quite a slog, in my opinion. Second, I hate the phrase ‘triple-threat’. It’s a personal thing, but couldn’t there be a nicer term? It sounds like a plan for waging war…

But enough of my foibles, onto the show. This week, you might remember, the format has changed and it’s all about the Dannys. Danny B, Michael, Anthony and Danny R opened the show with Greased Lightening, and it looked like they were having a blast. I found it slightly worrying that it was felt that other dancers were needed to fill the stage - a Danny should be able to do that on his own, of course, but I’ve a feeling that’s more to do with the producers of the TV show, rather than a comment on the abilities of the semi-finalists.

First up tonight, was Michael. I was really impressed with Michael last week, and I thought he was the strongest male in the show. I still think that he’s got the voice that you would most readily associate with musical theatre, but I actually thought he struggled just a little with the more complicated, technical parts of his first song, Burning Love, tonight. Still, it was an assured performance, and he got a massive reception. This week, the guys went for an acting class with Jennifer Ellison as their Sandy, and Ellison was very impressed with his stage presence. David Ian (and yes, I) agreed, but David Gest and Brian were both a little concerned about his American accent. He didn’t storm it tonight, then, but he certainly held the stage well.

Second was . The problems he has with his speech were clearly a problem in the acting class, and unfortunately he’s too honest for his own good - he openly admitted that he’s not ready for this role. But you have to say that he’s right; as Ellison said, he’s just got too big a mountain to climb. Danny R sang I’m Still Standing and, acting aside, it wasn’t really good enough. He’s got a decent voice, but his movement looked a little awkward, and he didn’t stand out from his backing dancers - that’s not good for a guy auditioning to be Danny. All the judges praised his singing, and indeed his heart, but said that he’s not who they’re looking for.

Next came Danny B. (By the way, do we think that the two Daniels in this competition have always called themselves Danny…?) Danny B got the best comments last week, and I was a little confused as to why. I saw that he had talent, but that particular performance didn’t grab me. But this week I got it. He did very well in the acting class, and while the poppier side of his voice grates with me just a little, he had fabulous presence during this rendition of It’s Not Unusual, he’s a really good mover, and I think he probably looked most at home on the stage out of them all tonight. David Gest said he’s got that triple-threat, and Brian said outright: ‘You are Danny Zuko’.

And so to Anthony. I didn’t think that Anthony clicked at all well with his new partner Vicky last week, and I can’t say I was over-impressed this time around either. He came over all star-struck when he did the acting class, and fluffed a lot of his lines, and when it came to his performance of Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher, all I could keep thinking was ‘this guy is a pop star, not a musical theatre performer’. His charisma, which David Gest sees as lovable cockiness, seems very studied to me, but then, so does Robbie Williams’s. He’s a really entertaining performer, and it was clear that he’s a favourite with the audience - I’m just waiting to be totally convinced.

It came down to the judges, at this point, to choose someone to leave, and I don’t think anyone was surprised that that person, unfortunately, had to be Danny R. All that was left, then, was for the remaining three to sing a ballad. I think I was flagging a bit by this point, and so couldn’t really understand the positive comments that all three received… I think I’ll have to put that down to my own state of mind. In the end, the viewers decided that Michael should be the one to leave. Personally, I’d have rather Anthony had left, as I just don’t think that this is his environment. But I look forward to be proved wrong in the final in two weeks’ time, when he’ll take on Danny B. Next week, the Sandy’s (Sandies?!) get their time to shine.

It’s been a hectic week for Daniel Boys since having to leave Any Dream Will Do last Saturday. I was lucky enough to grab half an hour with him at his agent’s office as he paused for breath.

Scott Matthewman: Hi Daniel. So sorry about Saturday.

Daniel Boys: That’s okay!

Let’s start from the very beginning. Did you see How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? last year?

I did. I didn’t watch it avidly, but I did see a few of the episodes.

And was that what inspired you to apply for Any Dream Will Do?

No, not really. I have always loved Joseph since I was a kid, and the way the business is going, I just treated it like any other audition. I thought, “If I want to be Joseph, I’ll do the programme”. I never thought for one second I would get on the programme, and never thought I’d be taken seriously because I’ve already done things. I didn’t think they’d allow that, almost. So I was pretty shocked when I kept getting further and further.

In The Guardian this week, Elaine Paige described Any Dream Will Do as “the greatest threat to theatre today … Actors already striving in the theatre wouldn’t dream of putting themselves on these shows”.

Did she? Do you know what, this time last year when the Maria programme was on, I probably would have absolutely agreed with her. It was getting to the stage where reality TV is taking over every art form, and when I heard they were doing Maria?, I admit I did think, “Oh my goodness, now it is taking over musicals”. But unfortunately, art forms change, and this business changes a lot — I almost gave in, if you like. I just thought, well, if I want to do these parts which I’m not getting seen for, because I’m not a ‘name’, if you like, then why not? Not only is it amazing exposure, and an amazing showcase for an actor, you’re being seen by 7 million people every week and Andrew Lloyd Webber is sitting there watching you. That really can’t do that much harm, surely. So I don’t think I agree with her now. You have to play the game now, and that’s what I did.

Ugly Betty (Friday 9pm, C4)

As I clearly have no life worth speaking of, Friday nights don’t come much better than this. A double-bill of Ugly Betty fun. Bliss! It’s all the usual, frothy run around, but with a crisp glass of wine and a pizza alongside, there are few better ways of enjoying watching the telly.

Have I Got News For You (Friday 9pm, BBC1)

Alexander Armstrong, the man who should be doing this gig on a full time basis, sits behind the desk for this Friday night ratings winner. He has the right sense of detachment combined with matey jocularity with the guests. Could it be time for another change of format for HIGNFU and have a full time presenter again?

Ronni Ancona & Co (Friday 9.30pm, BBC1)

One-time sidekick to Alistair McGowan, Ronni Ancona has now bagged her own show, mixing some top impressions and new, original characters. Ancona is always watchable, even if all the turns sometimes don’t quite work. There’s some genuinely funny stuff on display here and it deserves to do well.

Doctor Who (Saturday 7.10pm, BBC1)

Blimey, those scarecrows don’t half look bloody frightening! Human Nature, alongside the magnificent The Shakespeare Code and The One With the Boy in the Gasmask, is likely to go down as the finest that new Doctor Who has to offer. Based on writer Paul Cornell’s own Who novel (and making fans sweaty-palmed as they discuss the thorny issue of canon), this is a beautiful piece of television. The Doctor abandons his Time Lord heritage for a bit so he can avoid a bunch of bad guys who want his DNA. So he becomes human and takes on the identity of schoolteacher John Smith in a village in 1913. Problem being, he doesn’t remember being the Doctor, relying on Martha as his maid to look after things. But when the bad guys turn up, how can the Doctor save the day when he isn’t even the Doctor any more? Quite simply the best thing on television this weekend.

Any Dream Will Do (Saturday 8.05pm, BBC1)

You know the drill – we’ll see you on Sunday for the usual post match analysis.

Goodbye Children Everywhere (Saturday 7.40pm, BBC4)

BBC4 takes the concept of down the pub conversations about children’s TV and turns it highbrow in this brilliant piece that opens Children’s Television Week. With children’s television under increasing threat, this is timely stuff, and looks at the history of the genre from the 50s through to the 90s. This is followed at 9.40pm by The Kids’ Verdict where a panel of Noughties children review some of the best shows each decade has to offer and see what a modern eye makes of them.

Lusitania: Murder on the Atlantic (Sunday 8pm, BBC1)

In May 1915, the ocean liner Lusitania was torpedoed by a German U-boat, seeing over half of the 2000 crew and passengers losing their lives. This classy BBC docudrama pieces together events both on board the Lusitania and the U-boat in a highly credible manner, from the point of view of John Hannah’s survivor. Quite disturbing in places, this is quality stuff and very absorbing.

Bring Back… Dallas (Sunday 9pm, Channel 4)

If you can get past the often-tedious shouting of Justin Lee Collins, these shows can be quite entertaining on a nostalgic level. And in this case, all the cast are quite happy to be doorstepped by the tubby Bristol lad and talk about their days on this most classic of TV shows.

Kingdom (Sunday 9pm, ITV1)

I’ve become something of a Kingdom apologist. It isn’t high art, it isn’t edgy, it isn’t exciting. But it does have a kind of compelling sedateness to it that makes it highly watchable, not least of all for Stephen Fry’s likeable turn at the centre of it. So I’ll be sad to see it leave the schedules after tonight’s final episode that sees Peter coming to aid of a concentration camp survivor. The ratings haven’t been as disastrous as some may lead you to believe, with last week’s bouncing back to a healthier 6 million. Hopefully the second series will still be planned for next year.

Children’s TV on Trial (Sunday 9pm, BBC4)

Classic children’s TV from the 1950s is put under the microscope. How will it fare?

There’s none on television for years, and then loads come along at once.

It seems the success of Doctor Who (and to a lesser extent Life on Mars) has finally persuaded drama commissioners that science fiction may have a place on mainstream British television after all.

BBC Wales and Kudos Film and Television are currently in development on Outcasts, which according to the BBC Press Office is about:

“a group of social misfits and criminals… sent to be the pioneers of a large new settlement on a near planet. They contain a variety of different types – from the brilliant deviant to the petty thief. They are the “outcasts”, fascinating but ultimately dispensable who must build the conditions for a new life.”

So, this is going to be a prime time drama set on an alien planet? Crikey, that’s brave. I for one am glad to see a show like Outcasts on the roster of drama developments, but fear how a wider audience might take to something that isn’t set on Earth.

Russell T Davies has kept Doctor Who’s sojourns to other planets to a bare minimum, both a cost and an audience friendly initiative. He told BBC News last year:

“The mockery we would get walking into a forest and saying that we’re on the planet Zagfon!”

while also feeling that sci-fi shows like Stargate and Star Trek are:

“subscription-based programmes for a dedicated audience.”

And with Outcasts, we have what sounds like the first primetime British drama to be set exclusively on an alien planet since… well, I can’t remember the last time we had that. Unless we count the last days of the original Doctor Who, which zipped around to different planets every week.

It’s a bold move. Doctor Who has, for the most part, cleverly anchored itself to an effective domestic backdrop. It’s one thing to accept Cybermen invading Canary Wharf, or Sam Tyler being zapped to 1972, quite another to get behind a group of people living on a totally alien planet.

Of course, I have no idea how the tone of Outcasts will pan out. Kudos aren’t stupid (although Holby Blue could be entered as Exhibit A to the contrary), and writer Ben Richards other credits aren’t exactly fanciful fare. Well, okay, Spooks might push that assertion a little bit…

Outcasts could be a good opportunity to bring a decent sci-fi drama to an adult audience (sorry, because Torchwood ain’t it – but I have high hopes for season two). Kudos and the BBC need to look to Battlestar Galactica as their blueprint. It might have space battles, but it has a sheen of reality that’s rare in science-fiction television. Make Outcasts about real people and real situations that have resonance, then it might just have a chance.

And please, no aliens with bumps on their foreheads. That way madness lies.

We are one year old today! Yes, that’s right — it’s been a full twelve months since TV Today launched as a blog. And to celebrate, I thought I’d unleash my inner geek (I keep it very well hidden — okay, not that well) and regale our lovely readers with some facts about what you lot have been reading in that time.

Top 5 most read articles

It won’t surprise anyone to know that our most popular page is the front page of the blog. However, each blog article has its own page, and over the last year, these are the five that have been accessed more times than any other:

1. Lost: Season 3 casting news?

   Way back when everybody was desperate to find out what happened in Lost, The Stage accidentally stumbled upon a clue that Desmond (played by Henry Ian Cusick), a guest character in Season 2, would have a greatly increased presence in the following season, when his wife Annie Wood gave up her job to move out to Hawaii.

   Of course, since then Lost has moved to Sky One, and the series no longer has the grip on the UK it once did.

2. Go, go, go, Joseph — but Grease is the word

   Apparently, the BBC and ITV decided that they would launch rival musical theatre recruitment shows. We’ll let you know how that progresses… :-)

3. Patrick Stewart: Star Trek was a ‘calamity’

   Jean-Luc Picard himself talked to The Stage about how being hired by the hit TV show sidelined his theatrical career.

4. The Murder Game

   Our piece about the Emmerdale online game revolving around Tom King’s murder came to become a place for the game’s players to hang out and swap clues.

5. Any Dream Will Do: week 5

   Was it because it was the week the guys stripped down to their loin cloths? Or was it because love-him-or-hate-him Seamus got the boot? Either way, this edition of our weekly ADWD recaps remains the most widely read to date (although last week’s is catching up fast…)

If you’re on the blog front page, continue reading for some more factoids about the last year…

Just what the heck is going on with EastEnders (aside from the usual, that is)?

Friday’s much-hyped stunt-centric episode was one of the most bizarre, drawn out, melodramatic segments in the show’s long history. Basically one long stunt sequence and lots of shouting spread out over two nights. I have to admit watching slack-jawed in amazement as events played out in the most hackneyed way imaginable.

A sequence of events that led to Peter Beale unconscious on the side of a lake after nearly drowning took an entire episode, where most soaps would have had it over and done with in about five minutes. Emmerdale plunges a car into a lake pretty much every week and they’ve got very good at it. Script calls for car to crash into lake? Right, let’s crash the car into the lake. Job done!

Down Walford way, if a car needs to crash into a lake, we have to take a detour via Slough, stop off for a burger, play a round of golf, do the laundry, get lost on the ring road, stop for a pee, and then we get to crash the car. Friday’s episode of ‘Enders made Casualty look like it has the pace of 24.

And then we have to endure lots of tedious shouting from Ian and Phil, before Mr Mitchell does his best David Hasselhoff and goes all Baywatch on us. By this stage, the pizza menu has become much more interesting…

But that’s ain’t the end, not by a long stretch. We have yet to experience EastEnders’ most outlandish, let’s-stretch-our-audience’s-patience, bonkers moments ever.

Peter and Lucy Beale are psychic!

Yes, they are, it was on telly and everything, so it must be true. As Peter is left alone in a sinking car, water up to his ears, he cries out for help… cries that, inexplicably, are heard miles away in The Queen Vic by his sister, Lucy…

Gasp!

That means… they’re telepathic! What other explanation is there, other than a director who’s trying to make ‘Enders a bit arty? What a brilliantly realised piece of edgy, window-on-the-world writing that was. I think I just heard my mother switching off in Halifax. Rather than worrying about a baby abduction storyline upsetting people, I really think EastEnders should be more concerned about ridiculous plot moments that insult the intelligence of a loyal audience.

But wait a minute… Perhaps this is part of some new initiative on the part of the producers to cash in on the current vogue for spin-offs. We’ve had Holby Blue (oops, some of our ratings are missing), Torchwood, the forthcoming Rogue Spooks and now… a reboot of 70s kids classic The Tomorrow People starring Peter and Lucy Beale. Fantastic!

They’ll be able to teleport, read people’s thoughts and move objects with their minds, operating from a secret base deep beneath the site that used to be the Dagmar. There, with the aid of their supercomputer, DEN, they will launch a war on crime, injustice and preventing Juley Smith ever returning to Walford. No wildly unrealistic storyline will go unchallenged in their pursuit of justice and truth for all Walford residents.

Well, it’s either that or Minty: the Wilderness Years.

Oh dear. Perhaps Five may have been a little too hasty in emptying its piggy bank of a rumoured £300 million in hard cash to secure the rights to Neighbours over eight years, starting in 2008.

It seems Neighbours on its native soil has taken an alarming tumble in the ratings, dropping as low as 700,000. Neighbours has traditionally lost out to rival soap Home and Away on native territory. Home and Away, which is also shown in the UK on Five, regularly rates upwards of a million viewers, and the gap between the two shows has become more pronounced in recent years in Australia.

Dan Bennett, drama executive for Channel Ten in Australia told the press recently that:

“Certainly, the figures we’re getting now aren’t a great basis for our nighttime schedule.”

Ouch!

Suddenly Neighbours doesn’t look such a good bet, casting into doubt whether the show will actually be around for another eight years. I’m sure Five wouldn’t end up out of pocket if Neighbours were to close its doors for the final time before the current deal is up, but it would leave a liberal smearing of egg on face.

And then the winners become the BBC who would look like a sensible broadcaster with a far-reaching vision to dump a show with an uncertain future from its schedules.

As for Auntie’s strategy on the Neighbours front, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if plans are already afoot to dump the evening repeat slot as soon as possible. The sooner the schedules can be adjusted ahead of the handover, the better really. Although quite what would go in there is anybody’s guess. But somewhere down the line, it might just be on the cards for Doctors to get a little bit more cash thrown at it in the hope of retaining the Neighbours loyalists. Who knows, an evening repeat might not be totally out of the question.

Watch this space.

Before Sunday’s BAFTA TV awards, most commentators were speculating over whether EastEnders or Coronation Street would win the Continuing Drama award (the posh name for ‘Best Soap’). That Casualty trounced both took everyone — including, it seemed to those watching, the Casualty team themselves — by complete surprise.

The Sun reported that ‘Soap bosses were in shock’, but one soap boss definitely wasn’t — John Yorke, the BBC’s Head of Continuing Drama and the man ultimately responsible for the Holby soap.

In a blog post on Broadcast magazine’s website, Yorke — who also oversees EastEnders as well as independent commissions such as Life On Mars and The Street — feels that perceptions of the series in the press are out of step with the audience:

Casualty is one of those shows that journalists tend to take for granted. For 21 years it has been toiling away on a Saturday night as the bedrock of the BBC1 schedule. Often perceived as less glamorous — or as not sensational — as the soaps, but still profoundly successful, it is largely ignored by critics but loved by its legions of fans.

Its revival, Yorke argues, is down to Waking The Dead creator Barbara Machin, who has returned to the show she used to write for as a series consultant.

All of which is true — and, as Yorke reveals, each series’ submission for the Continuing Drama award consists of just one episode. For Casualty, that episode quite rightly deserved to wipe the floor with the competition:

What they missed was a brilliant piece of popular telly at its best. It was shot entirely on Steadicam, employing an extremely complex narrative style (the same story told from four different points of view). It had a director (Diarmuid Lawrence) and actress (Holly Aird) who were brave enough to come back and work on a show that neither of them needed to do. Plus it had the regular Casualty team raising their game to heights they hadn’t touched in years.

Said episode, Killing Me Softly, was broadcast as the first part of a two-episode story last Christmas. At the time, I blogged about it, describing it as

the most surprisingly original and affecting drama to be shown this Christmas

And you know what? I still stand by that. It was, and is, the benchmark for what a ‘Christmas special’ of an established format can do.

But here’s the thing — not only was it head and shoulders above much of the rest of Christmas television, it was also far, far better than a usual episode of Casualty. Since that episode, the series has reverted somewhat to type — still producing good, solid programming every week; still getting guest actors of variable quality. And, sadly, still not of the calibre week-to-week of Coronation Street.

So, if you ask the question “Did Casualty’s Killing Me Softly deserve an award?”, I’d unequivocally answer ‘yes’. Ask me if Casualty as a series does, though, and you’d get a very different answer. And here’s the problem — if an award is to be given to a continuing drama, why are the dramas being judged on the basis of a single episode? How can one judge continuity from under an hour’s worth of programming?

The Great British Menu (Monday – Friday 6.30pm, BBC2)

It’s no Masterchef Goes large, but The Great British Menu is mildly entertaining, mostly for the pained expressions on the judges faces when each new dish is presented before them. This week might be worth a look as it’s the final cook off before the dishes are selected that will be cooked at a dinner hosted by the British Ambassador in France.

Paul Merton in China (Monday 9pm, Five)

Paul Merton attempts to set himself up as the new Michael Palin with this four-part travelogue around China. More than just being pretty pictures, it’s also an examination of the deep cultural backdrop of the nation, something that will come under greater scrutiny on the world stage come the 2008 Olympics.

New Tricks (Monday 9pm, BBC1)

It’s Monday. There’s nothing else on. It’s no wonder then that New Tricks is pulling cracking ratings – there’s nothing to challenge it. That being said, it’s always entertainingly good. This week the team reopen a 20-year-old case when a murder victim’s camera is found in a Soho pub. Dennis Waterman’s daughter, Hannah, guest stars.

Roman Mysteries (Tuesday 4.30pm, BBC1)

A good sign that decent, imaginative children’s drama is still alive and kicking on BBC1 is tucked away on a Tuesday afternoon in this series based on the popular books by Caroline Lawrence. Four children in ancient Rome get to have a jolly old time of it and solve mysteries, which is just what young children in ancient Rome should be doing. Looks great and has some good guest support. Entertainment for adults and children alike.

Andrew Marr’s History of Modern Britain (Tuesday 9pm, BBC2)

TV may have come a long way, but there’s always time for a good old-fashioned bloke-talking-to-a-camera documentary series. Andrew Marr takes us through well-worn territory, being the history of post war Britain, and manages to paint a new shine onto the subject matter. His bouncy style and the excellent writing, alongside well-chosen archive clips bring the late 1940s and the big personalities into sharp focus.

Longford (Tuesday, 10.05pm, C4)

A timely (and previously postponed) repeat of Longford in light of Jim Broadbent’s well deserved win at the Baftas. The cynical among you might think Channel Four were hedging their bets. You may think that, I couldn’t possibly comment.

Champions League Final (Wednesday 7pm, ITV1)

Let’s face it, not much else gets a look in tonight with the footie action in Athens. It’s not our usual remit here at TV Today, but when your team is out there fighting the good fight in the name of kicking a ball around, it would be rude not to mention it.

The Apprentice (Wednesday 9pm, BBC1)

Seven candidates left, seven egos to deflate with a well timed “You’re fired!” from Sir Alan. This week, the teams select products and then attempt to sell them to the trade. But we’re not here for that, we’re here to see just what Katy did next… And, just because, let’s have a look at last week’s firing of Ghazal in glorious Lego form…

A Tabloid is Born (Wednesday 9pm, BBC4)

In a world where tabloid gossip and sleazy paparazzi pics are the norm, this is an interesting look at the work of Alfred Harmsworth and his far-reaching influence in the world of newspapers. Harmsworth launched the Daily Mail in 1896, which took a snappier approach to reporting the news than the wordier papers of the time. So now we know who to blame…

Hustle (Thursday 9pm, BBC1)

This fourth series of Hustle has taken time to find it’s feet, and the absence of Adrian Lester’s Mickey hasn’t helped. Thankfully things have settled down and Marc Warren now looks right at home in the centre seat. This week, the team take on a woman with a liking for ripping off charities, so that makes her fair game to shake down and see if a few quid falls out. Slick and fun, this is just the ticket for a Thursday night in front of the telly.

House (Thursday 9pm, Five)

It’s Christmas in Houseland, but there’s no time for festive spirit in the life of the grumpy superdoc. He’s still got a rabid cop on his tale trying to bust him for painkiller abuse, not to mention patients with curious conditions for him to heal in the usual imitable style. When a deal is offered that would send House to rehab instead of jail, he says no, no, no…

Grey’s Anatomy (Thursday 10pm, Living)

If you’re lamenting the absence of Grey’s Anatomy after its second season run on Five, then Living TV is the place to go as the cable broadcaster has bagged the first run rights to season three. It’s like Christmas has come early. If you’re a Grey’s Anatomy fan, that is…

I was trying to live blog this, but the web server clearly couldn’t cope with the repeated updates. So instead, here are the full results for the evening — hidden after the jump for those who want to avoid spoilers for the rest of the evening. Winners in bold.

TV Today readers with good memories may recall that I described Cyberwoman, the fourth episode of Torchwood as:

“Cyberwoman ranks highly amongst the worst 50 minutes of drama I’ve ever seen.”

So it was with some trepidation that I approached 42, seeing as both it and Cyberwoman had the name Chris Chibnall on writing duties. Thankfully my fears were unfounded as 42 was a taut sci-fi thriller with some genuine scares and the best performance yet from Doctor Who’s lead actor.

The conceit of the episode is simple - the TARDIS lands on a spaceship in deep trouble. In 42 minutes, the vessel will plunge into the heart of a very hot, very big and very orange sun, and the crew don’t seem able to do anything about it. With the Doctor and Martha cut off from the TARDIS, they literally will be frying tonight if our heroic Time Lord can’t get past some deliciously Galaxy Quest-esque sci-fi obstacles and get the engines back on line. Oh, and this being Doctor Who, there’s a parasite infecting members of the crew that makes them go a bit psycho and breathe the chilling words “Burn with me” in deep, ominous I’ve-been-taken-over-by-an-alien tones.

42 whips along at a cracking real time pace. 42? Geddit? It’s a bit like 24… Of course, like 24, there’s some fudging of the conceit, but not enough to trouble the scorer. As the Doctor takes charge to get the engines back on line, we have Martha paired off with a fresh-faced crewmember to get through a sequence of locked down security doors. And then the mystery hits, as the parasite possessed crewmembers (including the captain’s husband for a bit of emotional thumbnail characterisation) start to sabotage the crew’s efforts to escape. Why? Could it be that the crew aren’t victims of terrible circumstance and have been up to something they shouldn’t?

Our usual Grease Is The Word reporter, Alistair Smith, is away, but fear not, I’ll be filling his shoes from now on. Well, maybe fear a little - I’ve got to confess I’m a Joseph girl and haven’t been following this quite as closely as I should. But hey, let’s not be negative, we can use this to our advantage. I’ll be bringing fresh eyes to the show, no preconceptions. That’s the story, and we’re sticking to it.

Not that they made it easy for me. I’d done all my research, found out who’s paired with who, who the front-runners were, who the audience liked and who the judges liked. But then nasty old David Ian threw a spanner in the works. This week, the couples were split up, and changed around.

First up, and first to try and “adapt and change”, as David Ian stated is so important, were Anthony (formerly with Alison), and Vicky (Michael). I’m not sure Anthony really got into the spirit of the whole thing very quickly: “My loyalties still lie with Alison” he said. Unfortunately, I don’t think he’s got over his previous relationship even now, because there was no spark in their performance of Ain’t No Mountain High Enough. Bizarrely, both David Ian and David Gest thought they made a great couple (I’ve never really trusted those two), but luckily Brian and Sinitta agreed that they just didn’t click. It left them cold, and me too.

Next came Danny R (who used to be with Alistair’s “little firecracker” Lauren) and Alison (Anthony’s ex, remember?). Alison was not at all happy with the pairing, and she was probably right to be wary. She reasoned that as they don’t really like Danny R, maybe they don’t like her either. It’s a theory that makes sense, but I’m not sure the judges are that clever. Anyway, they sang the Bryan Adams/Mel B song Baby When You’re Gone, and while they seemed to enjoy working together, like Gest said, there were no fireworks. Plus, Ian’s misgivings that Danny’s just not ready to handle the acting side of the role seem to have foundation (ok, I trust them sometimes).

Third to take to the stage were Bradley (formerly with Michelle) and Lauren (Danny R). Well, it’s an odd pairing certainly, as there’s such an age gap between the two - but then, Lauren is sixteen, and that’s almost always going to be a problem. They had the awww factor certainly, but Sandy has to change into a little minx, and Danny’s not the perfect English gent Bradley seems to be - it was all wrong. I felt incredibly endeared towards the pair of them, but you simply couldn’t imagine them in the roles they’re auditioning to play. As Ian said, Bradley’s clearly a hugely accomplished actor, and Lauren’s got a good pop voice - this just isn’t their competition.

Are you keeping up with the pairings? Now we’re onto Michael (Vicky’s previous partner) and Susan (who used to be with Danny B). For me, this was the performance of the evening, without question. Susan’s got a lovely, clean voice, and Michael matched her note for note in this performance of We’ve Got Tonight. At this point, it really seemed to me that the judges had put these two together basically because they’re the two they want to win, and you wouldn’t have thought any different from their comments.

Fifthly and finally, there was Danny B (Susan) and Michelle (Bradley). Now, you’ve got to help me out here. I thought that it was a perfectly good rendition of Endless Love - Danny certainly looks like a Danny, and Michelle is a really likable performer. But the judges went wild over this - Gest said they were the best couple and it was Brian’s favourite performance. Suddenly Michael and Susan were out of the window. I couldn’t understand that - it all seemed a little measured to me. But maybe I’m seeing measured when they were going for contained.

In any case, both of those couples got through the public vote (sense prevails for once) along with Anthony and Vicky (well, can’t get it right all the time), leaving Danny R and Alison, and Bradley and Lauren in the bottom two places. I really liked the joy and the sincerity that Bradley and Lauren have, but I wasn’t surprised that the judges saved the other couple - though I have a feeling that they were keeping Alison rather than Danny R. Because, guess what, they’re messing with the format once again. Next week, it’s Danny-only, and two of the guys will go; the week after, it’s the same for the Sandys. It makes sense to get the strongest all-round performers, and I’m all for getting the right people, but it makes you wonder why they went for couples in the first place. Overall, I think this show came out with the right result, but would suggest that Danny R, Anthony and Vicky are all living on borrowed time.

This week’s opening song, Go Go Go Joseph, shows just how close all six remaining contestants are. Only two things really stood out for me — Keith seemed to be unsure of his moves as he was descending the stairs, and Ben’s over-exuberance looked out of place in an ensemble. Minor quibbles, then.

Glossing over the preponderance of yellow ribbons (you can probably guess my opinions on that sort of thing) and on to the solo performances — this week, on the theme of colour.

First up is Keith, who continues his run of solid songs with Brown Eyed Girl. Notably, he’s got very little choreography to contend with again this week - we haven’t really seen him have to move much, instead letting him deliver a song in his curious backward-leaning pose. John reckons he’s a definite contender, but fell back a bit on diction — Zoe disagrees, but noted he did miss some vocal show-off moments. Andrew repeats that he’d gone backwards a little in his voice.

Next up, Lewis sings The Rose, a song with a deceptively tricky opening, with just a piano solo beating out; it’s really easy to mess up the timing at that point, but he copes well. A much better performance all round after a run of so-so weeks. Zoe thinks his off-stage persona clouds over when he’s performing, and he didn’t portray the song well. Bill disagrees, saying his interpretation of a simple song was sensational. Denise chips in to back Zoe up, while Andrew says that he worked better on the song midweek.

Ben follows up with Blue Suede Shoes, and it’s the performance of the evening — with a great vocal that suits his voice, and a confident, crowd-pleasing choreographed routine. Denise says that he’s turned into a star, and it’s not hard to agree. Bill questions whether he can bring a vulnerable aspect to Joseph, while John reckons Ben is his pick for Joseph. Andrew praises his Elvis-like cheekiness.

New for the competition is a trio performance, with Keith, Lewis and Ben performing That’s Life. All sang well, though to my mind Keith’s posture still niggles with me. Andrew says all three were great, Zoe tells Lewis he was ten times better than in his solo, but Ben stood out; John agrees.

Singing Black or White, Craig is clearly struggling with the need to deliver songs in a musical theatre style. From the VT it’s clear he’d rather sing and dance the pop song as Michael Jackson originally did — but this is an MT competition, and to be honest he struggles. There’s clearly potential there, but with only a few weeks to go, he is clearly the weakest actor while singing. Zoe worries that he may fall back in to his old style. Bill feels he told the story of the song well, and Denise agrees, while voicing doubts about whether he could deliver an opening night performance. Andrew reiterates Zoe’s concerns that he may not manage well when he’s not surrounded by the show’s coaches.

Daniel is next, with Evergreen, that awful Westlife song that was foisted on Daniel look-a-like Will Young when he won Pop Idol. A couple of years ago, I saw Young do a live performance of the song that was a million miles away from the insipid version he released; Daniel’s version is closer to the original in style, but has a hundred times more heart. John thinks he was vocally perfect, but a little ‘beige’, rather than Technicolor, in performance. Zoe, who last week said Daniel wasn’t Joseph, said his performance last week didn’t excite her as she’d hoped; this week, she feels he gave a phenomenal vocal. Denise wants to see more emotion, and see through his smile. Andrew worries whether Daniel has what it takes to hold an audience for two hours.

Final solo performance of the week is Lee, singing Paint It Black. I find that, more than any other week, the defects of his sibilance, mispronouncing every ‘S’ as ‘Sh’, is really noticeable, and detracts from what otherwise is a superb performance. Bill reckons that is was leagues ahead of anything else tonight, while John would give him his leading man shoes — he’s Joseph. Andrew agrees, saying it was a magnificent performance.

Craig, Daniel and Lee are next up, with Don’t Rain On My Parade. As the VT points out, Craig has to cope with performing with two fully trained professionals. At times he doesn’t quite manage to pull of the some sense of effortlessness that Daniel and Lee manage, but overall he really steps up to the challenge. Denise thinks Craig looks a little lost at times, but Lee stood out. Bill praises Craig’s professionalism — and John feels he stood out over the other two.

In the second show of the evening, we’re shown how the boys got on with acting out a seduction scene with Denise Van Outen. Lee comes off worst in the acting stakes, succumbing to a fit of giggles, while Keith turns his love scene into pure farce with a performance that wouldn’t look out of place in Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em. If Michael Crawford had been replaced by Liza Minnelli. Only Daniel and Lewis seem to be comfortable throughout.

The final group song of the evening again fails to separate the six finalists, but it’s a great Saturday evening performance. It’s eclipsed, though, by the guest performance from Leon Cook, one of the leads currently playing Billy Elliot. If anything, it shows what a gulf there is between nearly all of the remaining Josephs and a true West End star.

As we come down to the closing stages, Zoe says that Lewis didn’t do it for her tonight; Bill picks Keith, Denise Craig and John gives a second thumb down to Lewis. It’s the public votes that matter, though, and the sing-off is between Daniel and Lewis, with Daniel getting the fewest votes. Are they mad?

The deciding song this week is Bring Him Home from Les Miserables. Lewis seems to have a few tuning issues at times, but Daniel gives possibly what is his best vocal performance to date. The emotion that John, Denise and the other judges wanted is there in spades. However, Andrew saves Lewis, meaning that Daniel is out. Andrew says that he thinks that while he had expected Daniel to stay in for a couple more weeks, it was always likely to go this way. I can’t say I agree. And in his closing Close Every Door, Daniel shows that the emotion was always there, if he had the song to show it off.

So one professional gone; one still left in. It’s clear that this year won’t simply be another retread of last year’s Maria? — the question remains, is that good or bad for the West End?

Coronation Street (Friday 7.30pm, ITV1)

Since starting watching early Corrie, I find myself comparing and contrasting modern with vintage, and every time, the distance across the decades is always just a mere stone’s throw. The soap has never been afraid of tackling big, dramatic events, with tonight’s blaze at the Peacock’s house the most recent example. But even in the 60s, the soap was staging ludicrously ambitious moments, such as 1967’s train crash that left Ena Sharples buried, presumed dead. Of course, tonight’s episode also marks the change in storylines surrounding the abduction of baby Freddie in the wake of the tragic events in Portugal. Whether the producers were right or wrong to alter the on-going story, the fact that new scenes have been written, recorded and edited within two weeks is testament to an accomplished production operation that works to tight deadlines at the best of times.

Ugly Betty (Friday 9pm, C4)

Apparently I’m not keen on strong women characters on television (which I’ll admit, was news to me), so it’s therefore surprising that I love Ugly Betty so much, seeing as it has strong women coming out of its fashion conscious ears. And in most cases, the men are depicted as weak, arrogant, idiots, and in the case of Alexis (nee Alex), we have a man who sought out the female form to truly take power. Tonight, the diary of Fey Sommers has fallen into the hands of a writer, which could cause big problems for the Meade family. But then, with all these magnificently strong female characters, I won’t be tuning in…

Peep Show (Friday 10.30pm, C4)

Ah, a time for lament as Peep Show’s fourth series closes with Mark and Sophie’s big day. It’ll be excruciating, embarrassing, uncomfortable, disgusting, but above all, very, very funny. And we still don’t know if Mark and Soph will actualeep Showly go through with it. I predict a yes, considering that a fifth series has already been commissioned and what better potential for comedy than Mark being trapped in a loveless marriage. Enjoy!

FA Cup Final (Saturday from 12.40pm, BBC1)

We’re not big on plumbing for sports around these parts, but this is the first FA Cup final to be played at the new Wembley Stadium, which surely is worth a recommendation? And of course, TV legend John Motson is on commentary duty, and he’s always good value.

Doctor Who (Saturday 7.15pm, BBC1)

The Doctor is back after a week’s break, and 42 sees this third series really start to cook on gas – quite literally. The TARDIS lands on a massive spaceship that’s hurtling towards a sun, where it will be destroyed in 42 minutes – conveniently being just about the running time of your average Whovian episode. There’s some properly spooky stuff going on here in the realtime action – not least from Doc Tennant himself, and Michelle Collins cuts a dash as the tough-talking ship’s captain. Just three words – “Burn with me!”

Any Dream Will Do (Saturday 8.10pm, BBC1)

With even Simon Cowell sticking the knife into his own Grease is the Word, it seems there’s only one West End musical talent show worth watching. As always, TV Today’s very own Scott Matthewman will bring you the usual in-depth analysis of the contestants’ fortunes on Sunday.

The British Academy Television Awards (Sunday 8pm, BBC1)

Graham Norton’s a busy bunny this weekend, what with ADWD and the TV Baftas. I’m a sucker for awards ceremonies, and the Baftas are my absolute favourite. Naturally there’ll be some surprises along the way, but if Life on Mars doesn’t grab best drama series, there will be serious trouble. And will EastEnders manage once again to warp reality and bag the Best Continuing Drama award?

Lenny Henry’s Perfect Night In (Sunday 9pm, C4)

One can only hope that Mr Henry who, like Ben Elton, stopped being funny in 1984, won’t be picking any of his own TV exploits as an example of a perfect night of TV viewing (although I’ll make an exception for Chef!).

Gavin and Stacey (Sunday 9pm, BBC3)

Despite what some readers of TV Today might think, this really is one of the best things on the box at the moment. A fantastic cast, a sharp, genuinely funny script, and a central relationship that is very real, sweet and, above all, likeable. Following their whirlwind engagement, Gavin and Stacey’s chalk and cheese families get together for a celebration. Naturally, things descend into chaos pretty quickly – I predict that our young lovebirds will be eloping come episode 6.

Just a quick note to any followers of Any Dream Will Do who don’t regularly read The Stage’s news pages: the BBC have confirmed to us that the ten-week series will be extended by one show, moving the grand final until June 9.

While The Sun reported the story this morning, they failed to notice that the extra show means that the final will occur on the very same night as the final for Grease is the Word.

So, we will have three West End stars selected by public vote on the same night. While the letters page of The Stage have been featuring letters both for and against these Saturday night shows, the audience have at least been voting with their remotes as well as their premium-rate phone calls: the BBC’s show has been trouncing ITV’s in terms of ratings.

It would be a cold and cynical man who suggested that extending the tails of Joseph’s dreamcoat by an extra week was a way of adding further misery to ITV1’s Saturday evening schedulers. And, being a cold and cynical man myself, that’s exactly what I am suggesting. It’s the poor showing of Grease is the Word that has helped to inspire Peter Fincham to commission one more week of ADWD.

Let’s just hope that it doesn’t impinge too much on the winner’s rehearsal time. Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat may not have a reputation for being the most demanding of musicals, but even a show of such apparent simplicity only gets that way through lots of hard work from the entire cast.

After the recent attacks on children’s television being responsible for all manner of evils from child obesity to Rupert Grint (sorry, didn’t mean that…), I’m pleased to see that finally somebody who actually works within the industry is fighting back.

Richard Deverell, children’s controller at the BBC, has ordered an investigation into the deluge of reports damning children’s viewing habits and claiming that TV is the spawn of the Devil (and yes, Dr Aric Sigman, I’m looking at you). Deverell has said:

“I do think it’s an issue but I think it’s overblown,”

and has tasked his former head of CBeebies production, Clare Elstow, to dive into the various reports and produce an evaluation of their validity.

Now, some may argue that this cannot be an independent undertaking, being that Elstow is likely to be singing from the same hymn sheet as Deverell as somebody who is pro-children’s television. However, my feeling is who better to handle the task than somebody who is highly experienced in producing television for very young children to assess whether these reports make valid points or are talking cobblers?

Some may also argue that as an interested party, Deverell would be keen to debunk the theory that TV rots our children’s brains, seeing as he is responsible for a high output of programmes that cater for kids. Deverell maintains that he is taking the issue seriously:

“… a broadcaster like the BBC needs to be responsible. If there is clear evidence of harm we should act on it,”

which neatly takes care of the BBC’s public service remit and casts them the corporation in a fluffy, cuddly light.

The advent of Clare Elstow’s investigation is a very welcome piece of news. Too often, so-called experts are given free reign to expound on their theories without anybody stepping into the fray with a challenge.

This is the first positive step into really hammering out a decent set of guidelines of how television-viewing habits really affect our children and as such, needs to be applauded.

Bad news for British indie producer Shed, who were in the throes of birthing Footballers’ Wives for the Disney owned ABC network across the pond as Football Wives. The network has decided not to pick up the show, despite having attracted a decent cast including Ving Rhames, Lucy Lawless and James Van Der Beek, not to mention a top-drawer director in the form of Bryan (Superman) Singer.

But it seems ABC’s decision was not based on the quality of the pilot (although when did the nebulous notion of quality ever matter with the original?). The House of the Mouse may not be as powerful and influential as it thought, caving in to pressure from the National Football League (NFL) to not go ahead with a series.

Why so? Disney owns the highly lucrative ESPN sports cable network, on which NFL football games are by far the highest-rated programming strand. The NFL has made it clear to Disney that they would rather not see American Football players depicted in anything other than glowing tones. Let’s face it, that isn’t going to be something a show about the sleazy underbelly of sports and the greedy manipulations of the wives and players is going to be big on. So rather than risk losing a highly lucrative deal with the NFL, Mickey has squeaked and chosen not to pick up the show.

And in many respects, you can’t blame them – the several million dollars poured into making the pilot will be a drop in a very large ocean compared to the potential loss of ad revenues if the NFL decided to take their ball home and play with some new friends.

What I do have trouble with is that everybody at Disney seems to have a very short memory. Nobody referred back to a similar situation in 2003 when ESPN ran the drama series Playmakers, centred on the players in fictional football team the Cougars. The series covered drug abuse, steroids, domestic abuse, to name a few and NFL made some very public complaints to ESPN which eventually led to the series being dropped pretty quickly.

You might have thought that somebody at ABC might have put the words football, Disney and NFL together before greenlighting the project. I mean, 2003? That’s virtually last week… Still, let’s revel in the fact that 24 has just been commissioned for another two seasons of Jack Bauer action. On the downside, The Bionic Woman pilot starring Michelle Ryan has been picked up for a full series.

Oh well, swings and roundabouts…

In an exclusive interview with The Stage this week, Hustle star Robert Glenister bemoans the current state of British television.

In the eighties you went for a TV job and you met the director and producer, and they decided whether to cast you in the role. You went along and you read with another actor or you met the cast. Now you have to go before a committee. I have to say it’s bloody galling when you have been in the game as long as I have.

You also get typecast easily. People only think of you in your last role, in my case Hustle. If I were up for a costume drama, a committee would say, ‘He doesn’t do costume, he does Hustle.’ That’s how television has changed. Your qualities as an actor are valued less now than they were in the past and it is a far more formal process. I think most actors find that.

Technically, working in TV is much quicker these days. It’s a bit like working on the hop. There was a time when if you filmed two pages a day that would be okay. Now it has to be six a day because TV is very expensive. And I think that when analogue changes to digital it will be spread even thinner… Twenty years ago you had two weeks’ studio rehearsal for a teleplay [but now] as an actor you have to make decisions very quickly. Before, you could think about them and discuss. Today you have one day’s rehearsal if you are lucky and you turn up for shooting. You hope you have a director who is making the right decisions and if you haven’t, you’re on your own.

Despite his concerns as an actor, Glenister does have a love for the genre as a whole:

There may be things wrong with TV in this country, but I spent six weeks in Los Angeles last year and what we have in the UK is like manna from heaven compared to American TV. Okay, they have some great programmes that we see over here like The Sopranos, but that is surrounded by dross and adverts.

I still think we do great TV drama and that is a benchmark, but I think we have to be careful that we don’t get too blase about it.

He’s not the only Glenister to be concerned about the state of British telly: younger brother Philip, star of Life on Mars, made similar comments recently. And the Glenisters have a better position than most to comment: their father, John, was a BBC staff director for many years, and used to take his two sons around BBC TV Centre every Saturday.

What may be the most galling aspect of the interview for fans of Hustle is the news that the BBC have not yet commissioned any more episodes. According to Glenister, the series was due to be recommissioned in January, but:

The BBC put us on hold because they don’t know where the money’s coming from. Whether we do another series or just a one-hour special I don’t know. The BBC has left it rather late as some of the cast have other commitments.

The full interview is in this week’s print edition of The Stage, available from today in some parts of Central London and from tomorrow around the rest of the UK. More details on our In The Paper blog.

The 1960s Coronation Street DVD boxset. 10 discs of monochrome Street goodness in a snazzy box. It is sublimely wonderful and I urge any self-respecting Corrie fan to get to the nearest DVD emporium immediately.

Surprisingly, not much has changed. Yes, TV production has moved in 47 years, but the same lightness of touch, snappy dialogue and beautifully formed, legendary characters are all there from the word go. This is undeniably, recognisably Corrie.

The first disc in the collection comprises the first eight episodes chronologically, covering Christmas 1960. It’s rare to get a complete run from those days, so this is a glorious way to ease into the collection.

Things myself and the beloved noted: Ken Barlow smokes?! And where did his accent go? Albert Tatlock looks ready for retirement before he’s even started; the front of the Rovers is huuuuge and everybody calls it the Rover (apart from Ken’s girlfriend who prefers “that quaint little Victorian pub on the corner”); mentions of off-screen character Miss Nugent, who we now know and love as Emily Bishop; Annie Walker flirting with any man who chose to prop up the bar; Arthur Lowe as Leonard Swindley…

It’s almost too much to take in. And then there’s the magnificence that is Ena Sharples. I have very vague memories of Ena, and as a Corrie legend, she still has a resonance in the show today, but nothing can quite prepare you for seeing her in her prime. From Ena’s very first entrance into the corner shop, you know you are watching genius at work as she browbeats poor Florrie Lindley (and buys two slices of boiled ham for her tea).

In this scene, more than any other, you can see modern Corrie. Fast, sharp dialogue that is delivered with whip crack precision by a stunningly talented performer. Brilliant.

Go on, you know you want to.

• Coronation Street: The 1960s (Amazon.co.uk)

Newsnight presenter Jeremy Paxman is currently on a book tour of the United States, it seems, promoting his latest work, On Royalty, which in the US is subtitled ‘A Very Polite Inquiry into Some Strangely Related Families’.

Last night, he was the guest on one of my favourite shows, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. I can’t imagine that, had he been a guest on any show which knew him a little better, that he’d be allowed to call somebody else rude without at least some form of comeback.

The video of his appearance (available for a limited time only, I’m afraid) is below. For the whole show, tune in Tuesdays-Fridays, More4, 8.30pm.

New Tricks (Monday 9pm, BBC1)

New Tricks arrives in Square Eyes this week by the very virtue of there not being a great deal on tonight that’s particularly good. Not to say that New Tricks isn’t good, it is. As the auditors descend on the aged team of detectives, they need to find a case to keep them busy, and Brian (Alun Armstrong) obliges by unearthing a skellington whilst out walking his dog on the common. The bony find might be 600 years old, but are these the only human remains buried out there?

Ian Hislop’s Scouting for Boys (Monday 9pm, BBC4)

Ian Hislop, love him or loath him (I take a fine line between the two) is on good form in this fun documentary that looks into the life of Robert Baden-Powell, father of the scout movement. It all started with Powell’s book, Scouting for Boys, using a military sensibility to get boys out into the fresh air. Although it’s part of the Edwardian season, this might have some resonance for contemporary eyes and lead some of us to wonder if we’re not in need of another scout movement…

Cutting Edge: Mind Your F-ing Language (Monday 9pm, C4)

Alison Graham off of the Radio Times will probably be avoiding this one, containing as it does much discussion of the last remaining taboo of the swearing world – the c-word. But beyond that, this is interesting look at just how foul mouthed a nation we are, with particular reference to kids and schoolyard cussin. Those of a fragile disposition should probably keep away.

ER (Monday 10pm, C4)

Just because.

Holby Blue (Tuesday 8pm, BBC1)

After last week’s disastrous opener, is policing still really, really hard in a post 9/11 world? I can’t wait to find out. And will DI Keenan get to spout more clichéd dialogue that makes The Sweeney look like Shakespeare? Do you really need to ask?

A Widow’s Tale (Tuesday 9pm, BBC2)

A humbling and, in many ways uplifting programme that sees several well-known (and some not so well-known) women talk about losing their husbands and picking up the pieces afterwards. Joan Rivers, Anna Ford, Alex Best and Katherine Whitehorn share their innermost thoughts on this most painful of subjects, and Stuart Prebble’s documentary makes for awe-inspiring viewing.

The Bill (Wednesday 8pm, ITV1)

Former EastEnder Louisa Lytton (Ruby Allen) makes her debut in The Bill as rookie PC Beth Green. With Holby Blue not getting off to the best of starts, it might be time to give this veteran cop drama a dusting of and see if things are any better down Sun Hill way.

The Good Samaritan (Monday 9pm, ITV1)

With Alan Sugar’s gang over on the Beeb, and a brand new Shane Richie comedy drama on ITV, I’m afraid there’s no contest for me. However, Richie is still popular in certain circles of housewives. Here he plays Brian, a fella with a good heart who is led to believe he’s responsible for a man’s suicide. He attempts to make amends by giving the widow some money and pretty much getting off with her.

The Apprentice (Wednesday 9pm, BBC1)

As a confirmed northerner, last week’s comments from hamster faced posh bird Katie about my region of origin has got my dander up and no mistake. I’m not quite sure what my dander is, but it’s definitely up. Just what is wrong with being from the north you smug, superior snake in the grass? And by the way, you’ve got terrible taste in men (sorry Paul, but she really has). This week, Sir Alan sets a task for the teams to come up with a marketing campaign for a new pair of trainers. The results, as always, are entertainingly brilliant, and this is traditionally the task that starts to separate the men from the boys. This really is the best thing on the box.

Emmerdale (Thursday 7pm ITV1)

It’s an hour-long Emmerdale special, so EastEnders better batten down the hatches to prepare for an arse kicking. After five months of red herrings, blind allies and double bluffs, tonight we discover just who killed Tom King. Emmerdale has done a good job of keeping this plot bubbling away nicely, coupled with a cracking on-line interactive investigation competition that has kept a lot of viewers occupied. This episode is played out against the backdrop of the village fete, which features a guest turn from opera star Katherine Jenkins. And as for the killer, my money’s on Amos Brearly.

The Last Detective (Thursday 9pm, ITV1)

There’s something nicely comforting about this Peter Davison starrer, now in its fourth series of adventures for hapless copper ‘Dangerous’ Davies. This episode is noteworthy for the presence of comedy names Roy Hudd and Russ Abbot, not to mention Toby Jones, now dipping his toes in the Hollywood pool in a recent Truman Capote biopic (yes, another one). When a veteran comedian dies on stage, his partner and manager deny foul play, but Davies isn’t so sure. There are better detective dramas, but there are also a lot worse.

Things get underway quickly this week, with a group rendition of One More Angel In Heaven. Unfortunately, Lee manages to miss his cue in terms of engaging the camera, only turning towards the audience at home in time to see their attentions dragged towards Craig instead. Oops.

But it’s the solo performances that really count, of course. The theme is, apparently, taking everyone out of their comfort zone. First up, though, Rob seems perfectly at home with Born To Run. The raw and rough actually suits him to a T, despite a shaky start. John thinks he’s back on track, but still isn’t convinced that he could be Joseph. Denise disagrees, saying he could make a very different Joseph. Andrew gives him 10/10 for enthusiasm, but still wonders whether he could work in the West End.

Daniel, who in past weeks has been criticised for being too “nice”, is told to show an edgier side with Maggie May. And to my mind he really steps up, giving a real acting performance all the way through. It’s also notable how he’s able to portray anger without sacrificing control of the lyric — none of the shouting that characterises oh so many of the performances we’ve seen this series. The only down side is that he sings the whole thing dressed as a geography teacher. John says he’s turned a page, and Denise agrees. Andrew says that, despite a few misgivings, it’s the best version of Maggie May he’s ever heard.

Lewis is given I’m A Believer this week. And I’m sorry, but he doesn’t find a fellow believer in me. His style of delivery seems compmletely at odds with the exuberance of the backing dancers. Even his mother in the audience seems more animated than he does. Vocally it doesn’t seem to be anything special, either. However, the judges seem to disagree — Bill thinks he could be a great Joseph, and Zoe reckons he’s sorted most of his vocal blips out. Andrew reckons he’s a contender.

The gods of irony give Lee, who was on the verge of walking out earlier this week, the song Leave Right Now. And for me, his performance demonstrates just why there’s no real need for every song in the competition to have originated in musical theatre. It’s delivered with the passion and conviction that we expect from an MT performer, and something that is intrinsic to the performer, not the song. Bill praises his consummate interpretation, and both Zoe and Andrew think he’s awesome.

Cabaret Craig is given a song with a purely musical theatre origin, This Is The Moment from Jekyll and Hyde. And it’s a definite improvement — but like Zoe, I can’t abide the lip-smacking he does after every line. Trust me, once you’ve had it pointed out you can’t help but be drawn to it. But that said, she thinks he’s fantastic and it’s hard to disagree. And as for John’s reaction — somebody pass him the ritalin, please… Andrew compliments him on his brilliant turnaround.

Next up, Ben gives the perfect example of someone so far outside their comfort zone they’d need a map to get back. His rendition of Tom Jones’ Help Yourself works the stage well, but vocally it’s all over the place — frequently shouting instead of singing throughout. Denise says he needs to be more consistent with his tuning. Bill reckons he’s got the look, and I’ll just pretend that I’m far too young to know what he means by “teenybopper”. He needs to watch his confidence level, though — a response to his suggestion that ALW doesn’t know what he’s talking about? This week, the Lord thinks it was Ben’s best performance to date. Bah, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about! ;-)

Keith has been told he has to try and act older this week. And while he doesn’t convince in terms of pure age, there’s a great sense of maturity as he sings Always On My Mind. After his excellent performance last week, it shows that Daniel’s right — Keith has real potential to be in the top three, if not win outright. Denise found it really moving, but has concerns about his stature for the role of Joseph. Bill says he’s become a man, and a star. Andrew praises his intelligent performance.

With the solo performances out of the way, let’s just be kind and draw a veil over the group performance of You Really Got Me, in which nobody did themselves any favours. Once the lines closed, we see a VT of some acting classes hosted by John Barrowman. Erm, excuse me? How often has Andrew Lloyd Webber said that this isn’t just a singing competition, and yet we only see the acting classes once the phone voting has ended?

But all too soon, we’re back to the studio. Asked who isn’t Joseph, John, Denise and Bill all plump for Rob, while Zoe picks — to obvious studio surprise — Daniel. Were these guys watching the same performances? Ah well.

But the two in the sing-off are Lewis and Rob. Singing Tell Me It’s Not True, neither does particularly well with a song that has a larger than average range. Lewis fluffs his words, loses the tune when dropping into his bottom register. However, Andrew saves Lewis, sending Rob home. On the basis of the sing-off, I think he made the wrong decision, but Rob shows his magnanimity in defeat, and when ALW says that he’s bound to go on to a career in musical theatre, I can only hope he’s right.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. ITV audiences clearly don’t have a clue.

Endless series of X-Factor style pop talent shows have meant that they are now quite incapable of casting someone for a musical. Yes, Grease is the Word is meant to be casting leads for a West End musical, although you wouldn’t realise it from the way people are voting.

Again, we have two of the best acting couples in the final sing off and Danny Rhodes and Lauren McConnell left in the show.

Now, before anyone starts to think I have a vendetta against Danny and Lauren, I’ll start by saying that they do indeed have fantastic voices (especially Lauren who is something of a star in the making) and yes, they are very sweet. Very sweet indeed.

But (and this is a big but) they have quite simply walked into the wrong show. They think they’re on X-Factor. Unfortunately so do the voting public.

They came on this week and plonked themselves (e)motionless at their microphones and sung (perfectly well) but with absolutely no attempt to act. I stand entirely by what I said last week - these two would be hopelessly out of their depths on a West End stage. If that weren’t ridiculous enough - them playing Danny and Sandy? Have you lot voting for them been popping happy pills?

Clearly I’m not the only one to realise this. The judges, presumably beginning to get a little worried that this duo are still around, embarked on a four-flanked assault this week. The pair’s performance wasn’t great, but it wasn’t that bad - so, for me, the quartet’s comments must stem from a desire to be rid of them. Maybe they’ve seen the voting figures and are a little worried by how well they are doing?

David Ian calls them “boring”, while Sinitta, in what is one of her first really negative comments of the series says to Danny R “if you opened in the West End as Danny, I’d want to slap myself because I hadn’t done my job properly.”

Yes, if Danny R opened in the West End I’d want to slap Sinitta too. And the other judges. And everyone who voted for them.

So, who has gone home instead? Who did Joe Public, in their great wisdom, decide to put into the final two? Wayne Smith and Hayley Clarke and Bradley Clarkson and Michelle Antrobus.

If you can cast your mind back to last week they were my No1 and No3 couples. Maybe that was the kiss of death for them both. Well, it certainly was for Wayne Smith and Hayley Clarke.

It’s a shame that Wayne and Hayley have gone, a travesty even, but I can understand why David Ian and his fellow judges decided to save Bradley and Michelle. Firstly, their performance this week was, in many ways, excellent. Certainly they acted their parts better than the other couples. And, if there are still some question marks over their vocal talent, maybe that can be worked on.

Wayne and Hayley meanwhile put in a disappointing show, but really they should have been safe baring in mind how superlative they had been on the first two outings. Still, perhaps David Ian could consider them for a couple of the other roles in Grease. Wayne would certainly make a good Kenickie.

I think perhaps, though, their exit has again highlighted Grease is the Word’s fatal flaw. Wayne was undoubtedly a more realistic prospect as Danny than Hayley was as Sandy. I can’t help but feel that despite Hayley’s excellent voice, he might have been better served if he had been partnered with a different Sandy. Who knows?

What of the other contestants? Danny Bayne and Susan McFadden are still front running along with Anthony Kavanagh and Alison Crawford.

Danny and Susan are probably edging it and this week chose a challenging number from West Side Story, which they performed very well, if not inspiringly. Indeed, while they are certainly the most plausible and commercially viable couple, I just struggle to get excited about them as a duo.

Michael Quinn and Vicky Hoyles weren’t bad, but I really feel it should have been them and Danny Rhodes and Lauren McConnell in the sing off. I’m not sure they have that something special which is required from a West End leading duo. And their acting is a little suspect.

Still, as the voting shows, there are many of you out there who think differently. What I would like to know from those of you who are voting to keep these people in is why? Do you have something against David Ian? Do you want to see the end product fall flat on its face? Because that is exactly what will happen if you keep voting off the talent. Or, do you just want to see an underdog on the West End stage?

And from those of you who didn’t vote for them - do you think the results would have been different if the show had been screened on BBC?

Ugly Betty (Friday 9pm, C4)

The ultimate Friday night guilty pleasure, Ugly Betty requires takeaway and a zippy bottle of wine to go alongside. There’s only four episodes to go, and I’m pleased that the bright colours of this most cartoonish of shows haven’t dulled through familiarity. Tonight, Marc’s mum is in town, and he corrals Betty into posing as his girlfriend as he’s never come out to the quite scary matriarch. Presumably some hilarious consequences will ensue, they usually do…

Balderdash and Piffle (Friday 9pm, BBC2)

We get so little TV with intelligence these days, so it’s nice to have a show that takes the time to investigate words and their origins in a prime time slot. Having said that, Balderdash and Piffle is hardly demanding, and here the lovely Victoria Coren explores why we have so many words to describe madness – nuts, bananas, fruitcake etc etc. Come to think of it, why are they all food related?

Peep Show (Friday 10.30pm, C4)

The words “Peep Show” and “Mark’s stag night” are possibly the most glorious ever written to preview a sitcom. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

The Eurovision Song Contest (Saturday 8pm, BBC1)

Sob! No Doctor Who tonight (but don’t fret, it’s back next week and it’s a good ‘un!), but there’s more than enough to keep us occupied with this annual campfest masquerading as a singing competition. Clearly Scooch haven’t got a hope in hell (I’m sorry my darlings, but you haven’t got the range), but I’m not tuning in for them. It’s the sheer exuberance of Eurovision that makes me come back year after year, not to mention Sir Terrence of Wogan’s pithy and dry commentary. Oh, and I drew Finland in the sweepstake. Never mind, eh?

How to Be Edwardian (Saturday 9.30pm, BBC4)

Joy! Nicholas Craig, most beloved of luvvies, makes a contribution to BBC4’s cracking Edwardian season. In his inimitable style, Craig takes us through a masterclass of period acting, illustrating his points with some fabulous clips of the Edwardians on telly. Any similarity between Nicholas Craig and Nigel Planer is purely coincidental. Probably.

Parkinson (Saturday 10.25pm, ITV1)

Gene Wilder is Parky’s top-drawer guest tonight, along with Ian Hislop, but I’ll be tuning in to watch Patrick Stewart. He’s a proper serious actor now, so it’s always amusing to see how he can squirm out of questions about Star Trek and pretend that his most famous role never really happened. Bless.

Kingdom (Sunday 9pm, ITV1)

I like it, okay?

Frost and Pegg’s Perfect Night In (Sunday, 9pm, C4)

I’m still unsure about the format of this show, which takes a popular creative partnership and gets them to talk to each other about their favourite shows of yesteryear, stretched out over two hours. It’s just a new way of doing those I Love… kind of shows, but with Nick Frost and Simon Pegg choosing the clips tonight, this should be right up my street. With clips from Blake’s 7 (the good, original series and not the lack lustre audio reboot), Doctor Who, Animal Magic and um… Kick Start, I think they’ve nicked my own choice of clips.

Gavin and Stacey (Sunday 9pm, BBC3)

A double-bill to kick of BBC3’s most promising new sitcom in ages. Gavin and Stacey embark on a long-distance relationship that isn’t made any easier by the mad array of friends and relatives that surround them. This is rather lovely and there isn’t one dud amongst the cast, which includes Rob Brydon, Alison Steadman and the divine Ruth Jones (who also doubles on co-writing duties). This one might have legs.

If you’d been anywhere on the internet when the BBC announced that Doctor Who would be taking a week off to make room for the Eurovision Song Contest, you would have thought the sky was about to fall in. Of course, it isn’t — although if a little Scooch-sized portion of it did decide to collapse above a certain four-piece in Helsinki, you won’t see me complaining. However, there are still some people out there who just can’t cope without the good Doctor for a week. So, to plug the gap, we’ve scoured YouTube for our pick of Doctor Who-related videos.

in selecting these videos, we’ve deliberately avoided any ones where fans have just uploaded segments of their favourite episodes. Instead, any fan-created videos had to include a degree of creativity. The use of copyright material in this way barely evens steps foot into a legal grey area, but just occasionally the quality of the end product is sufficient to warrant inclusion here.

All ten videos are available in the viewer below — select the thumbnails in the right-hand side to switch between the videos. After the jump, some info about each, with a link to the video on YouTube.

On Tuesday, The Stage broke the news that Coronation Street is changing a major storyline involving a baby abduction, after toddler Madeleine McCann went missing in Portugal.

Here on TV Today, Mark says that Corrie was right to pull the storyline. But I think they were wrong.

Don’t misunderstand me — I’m sure that ITV Productions feel that they’re doing the right thing for the right reasons. Their hearts are clearly in the right place. But who benefits from being shielded from a fictional storyline, albeit one that has slight parallels with a current news story?

There are people who are genuinely affected by the events surrounding Madeleine’s disappearance — her family. One can only imagine what they are going through right now, not least because her parents’ decision to have an evening out in a restaurant just a stone’s throw from their apartment is coming under much tabloid scrutiny.

But for everyone else, would there be any negative impact upon seeing a fictional drama series deal with a baby abduction that was due to happen in very different circumstances? And if anybody said that there was, how could that be?

I fear that the answer is with the 24-hour news culture that we now have. In an effort to fill the vast wasteland that is the rolling news schedule, news broadcasters now pore over every single aspect of sensationalist news stories such as this one. GMTV has got in on the act as well, devoting most of its airtime to the story, sending Kate Garraway out to anchor reports from the Algarve for much of this week. Of course, this story pushes all the right buttons for the breakfast broadcaster — anything that provokes fear in the hearts of middle-class housewives up and down the country is right up their street. And of course, devoting so much airtime to a single news story is also cheaper than covering multiple news stories in any great depth, something that doubtless appeals to the notoriously tight pockets of the breakfast show’s controllers.

Doubtless they’d cite ‘human interest’ as justification for covering the story in such depth, as would the 24-hour news channels who are just as culpable. But there is a point where interest crosses the line into prurience, and it’s a line that’s all too easy to cross these days, it seems.

As with Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman before her, we are being encouraged to think more of Madeleine McCann than we do of our own families. It’s enforced empathy and there’s more than a whiff of fascism about it. Sadly, there are no signs of resistance anywhere — and, frankly, I would have expected rather better of Coronation Street’s producers, whose first responsibilities should be to the Peacocks, not the McCanns.

• See also: Corrie was right

While it may have caused nightmares in the world of TV listings and soap magazines (myself included), I think that the producers of Coronation Street are right to curtail an upcoming baby kidnap storyline in light of the tragic events in Portugal.

In the storyline as filmed, fire rips through the home of Ashley and Claire Peacock and when the dust has settled, baby Freddie is found to be missing. Has the mysterious Casey abducted him or is Claire going nuts again? Pictures had already been doing the rounds of the tabloids showing actors Stephen Arnold and Julia Haworth on location, handing out pictures of Freddie.

As The Stage reported, producers at Coronation Street have considered the tragic abduction of Madeleine McCann in Portugal and the plight of her parents and decided to curtail the sensitive storyline despite having filmed several weeks of footage. The storyline will now be rewritten and it seems likely that a plot involving the Peacocks will still appear but in a radically altered form.

I think that the line taken by the production team in Manchester is the correct one, showing a sensitivity that is appropriate in the face of such an extreme and shocking circumstances.

But something to ponder here is the notion of where we draw the line. Soaps, by their very nature, are social dramas that, to a greater or lesser extent mirror the trials, drama, love and laughter of everyday life. There is always the danger that any given storyline will upset or offend somebody out there.

Consider the death of Mike Baldwin after suffering with Alzheimer’s disease. It’s highly likely that some members of the audience would have relatives who have suffered from the illness and no doubt found the somewhat sensational storyline upsetting. Should it have been pulled?

Corrie itself has been criticised recently for the murder of Charlie Stubbs, which saw Tracy Barlow masquerading as a battered wife to gain sympathy from her neighbours. Corrie made a staunch defence, but this might have led to more caution when making decisions on the current Peacocks storyline.

There’s going to be something in most soaps from time to time that creates an uncomfortable resonance in sections of the audience. It’s up to the producers to act responsibly when planning all storylines, and to move to quickly when real world events come dangerously close to fiction.

• See also: Corrie was wrong

Some shrewd scheduling from ITV saw the opening night ratings for BBC1’s new police series, HolbyBlue, to be somewhat short of outstanding.

The premiere of HB (and you can see what we thought of it here, in our First Look: HolbyBlue article) pulled in an overnight rating of 5.4 million, slightly shy of the 6m-plus ratings usually achieved by Holby City in the same slot.

In this climate of multi-channel viewing and diminishing ratings, some shows pray for a rating of 5.4 million. But, for the first night of a high profile, frequently (if bizarrely) trailed show, it looks bit shabby. I’m sure the BBC were probably hoping for 7, if not 8 million, with an expectation that ratings would settle down to a regular and healthy 6 million.

But it’s clear that ITV’s canny scheduling put paid to ratings glory, pulling an hour-long Emmerdale special out of the hat, followed by brand new investigation for Chief Inspector Barnaby in Midsomer Murders. The everyday story of country folk provided a 6.6 million inheritance to Barnaby, who kept hold of most of it to romp home with 6.5 million. In other words, a fairly watertight schedule for ITV.

But is tactical scheduling of this nature to take the shine off a brand new show on t’other side strictly gentlemanly behaviour? In this case I’d say it’s fair game, considering that the BBC played the same game on Sunday night by pulling out a new Dalziel and Pascoe to hammer punch Kingdom into next week and a lowly 4.9 million rating.

For the BBC, the bigger worry should be the pulling power (or lack of it) of EastEnders, which provided the lead-in for HolbyBlue. Time was, EastEnders could provide a security blanket, a fireproof audience of up to 10 million for the next show to inherit. But last night, ‘Enders itself took a battering from Emmerdale, providing an audience of 6.1 million for HolbyBlue to look after. The fact it held on to as much as it did is a miracle.

Not a good night for the BBC: its once mighty flagship soap unable to keep Emmerdale at bay, and a high-profile launch failing to set the world alight.

Or maybe HolbyBlue was just a bit rubbish…

The new Radio Times includes the opinions from some of television’s most famous faces on the state of British television. Stars such as David Tennant (“I have to confess I’ve been watching Any Dream Will Do”), Armando Ianucci (“I’m really into Heroes - I watch it thinking, ‘On paper, this is b******s’”) and EastEnders’ Steve McFadden (who nominates Emmerdale as one of his three favourite programmes) are all featured.

Top of the list for controversial viewpoints, though, has to be astronomer Patrick Moore. You do have to wonder how long the interview RT conducted with him was to get the five paragraphs that they have published, but they’re clearly something from a bygone age. Of the news, he says:

These jokey women are not for me. Oh, for the good old days! There was one day [in 2005] when BBC news went on strike. Then we had the headlines read by a man, talking the Queen’s English, reading the news impeccably.

Which kind of makes you think, ‘bless’. Sir Patrick’s of a different generation, and it’s not so long ago that people were bemoaning the loss of dinner jackets on their news presenters.

But then things start going ever so horribly worse…

I used to watch Doctor Who and Star Trek, but they went PC — making women commanders, that kind of thing. I stopped watching…

…The trouble is that the BBC is now run by women and it shows: soap operas, cooking, quizzes, kitchen-sink plays. You wouldn’t have that in the golden days. I would like to see two independent wavelengths — one controlled by women, and one for us, controlled by men. I think it may eventually happen.

When you’ve got over the breathtakingly sexist attitude, you do also have to wonder what state Sir Patrick’s memory is in. Are cookery shows new? Only recently, we celebrated 70s cook Fanny Cradock. Soap operas? Coronation Street has been going for nigh on half a century — and, of course, was commissioned and created by men.

And let’s not forget that, while he may no longer watch Doctor Who, the series’ first producer back in the 1960s was Verity Lambert. How dare she be involved in a programme which saw fit to depict futures where women strayed from the washing-up and child-rearing, where they belonged!

Somebody get Sir Patrick a special TV set, permanently tuned into Men and Motors. And let the rest of us revel in the diverse offerings made for and by all, men and women alike.

Fans of cult 70s TV may like to drop what they’re doing and head over to the Sci-Fi Channel’s website where the first in a new series of Blake’s 7 audio adventures is availalble for download.

But beware, members of the original cast have not been called to arms for this reboot, so if you want to hear Gareth Thomas hiding his welsh accent as the titular rebel hero of the future, and Paul Darrow chomping down on vast amounts of scenery as Avon, this isn’t the series for you.

While I’m pleased to see somebody having a bash at Blake’s 7 again, I think the completely new cast is a negative point and less of an incentive for me to go and have a listen. Derek Riddell as Blake? Colin Salmon as Avon? And I’m not quite sure what the point of Daniela Nardini as a supposedly more real, less camp take on Supreme Commander Servalan. I hate to say it, but the entire point of Servalan was that she was the campest thing ever! To dilute that, in my humble view, is just madness.

But don’t let my backward looking views sway you. Check out the first episode and see for yourself…

Don’t worry, everything’s fine. It’s all right…

After last week’s sub-standard run around in New York, Doctor Who returns to top form with The Lazarus Experiment in an episode that owes a debt to The Fly (with a touch of James Bond).

As the Doctor drops Martha home after her “one trip” in the TARDIS, his curiosity is piqued by the experiments of one Professor Lazarus, who announces on TV that the unveiling of his research will change what it means to be human. (Cue big “Ooooh!” from the audience). Conveniently, Martha’s sis is head of PR for LazLabs, and one tuxedo and evening dress later, the Doctor and Martha are on the guest list for the swanky reception. Nice canapés!

Just what is Lazarus up to? He doesn’t wait long to reveal his plans as he jumps inside a nifty machine (which has been funded by the mysterious Mister Saxon) and knocks about 30 years off his age (although not before the experiment is saved from going disastrously wrong by the Doctor). Lazarus, along with his accomplice Lady Thaw, intends to market the process commercially, which is obviously a bad thing…

But hang on, the experiment did go wrong, and lurking within Lazarus’s DNA is a nasty mutation that transforms his into a hideous creature that drains the life energy of anyone who comes too close. And cue the running and screaming…

Okay, so we’re back after last week’s calamity, which saw Tom Bradley and Kate Somerset-How exit the competition, and it’s good to see everyone has managed to make it into the studio.

Apparently David Gest had to take a trip over to Ireland to sort out some visa problems, but he’s here now - although frankly I can think of plenty of good reasons not to let the man into the country - This is David Gest, anyone?

But, back to the task in hand, which is finding a Danny and a Sandy for David Ian’s West End production of Grease - the universe’s most popular musical… probably.

I know I said this last week, but I’m still a little surprised: the standard is really coming on leaps and bounds. Actually, I think on this week’s showing the vocal talent might even be shading Any Dream Will Do

The format, though, doesn’t work quite as well, and I think the show lacks something by not showing us all the background which its BBC competitor offers. Indeed, it seems that the format might be proving problematic for ITV as well. Ratings haven’t been great and after shifting the time slot around to little avail, they have this week decided to switch from two shows to one, which Zoe Ball explains, only leaves the audience seven minutes to vote. Seven minutes? That can’t do much for the phone revenue.

Still, back to the performers and I’m going to try something different this week. Here’s my run down of the couples in my preferred order. Not necessarily the order I think they’ll finish is, but the order I would chose, if it were down to me. Oh, and just to remind you, the theme this week was songs from the movies.

So lets start at the bottom.

At No 7. Danny Rhodes and Lauren McConnell Performed What a Feeling. Lauren has had her brace off and looks much better for it, but she’s still very young and I think the thought of her and Danny doing eight grueling shows a week in the West End is, frankly, laughable. Vocally, they are both impressive, but this week their harmonies aren’t as strong and Danny’s solo work, while good, isn’t up to the standard he set in the previous show. As good as they are, I think it’s slightly strange they got this far and they are living off the sympathy vote to some extent. Having said that, I could see them both doing okay as recording artists, but they’re not musical theatre performers.

At No 6 Richard Morgan and Joanna Power Performed Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me. First of all ( if any of you are wondering) the chosen song features in the 1987 film The Lost Boys, in a cover version by The Who’s Roger Daltrey. Yes - I had to look that one up. I think with a theme of movie songs, one would expect the contestants to be singing something one instantly associated with a movie, rather than a cover version, which was fairly incidental to the movie in question. Still, I’m not sure that alone would have been grounds for voting off Richard and Joanna, who were actually rather unlucky. Last week they were poor, this week they were certainly better - especially in the sing off. Still, in the end, their lack of training became apparent and if they hadn’t gone this week, they probably wouldn’t have lasted much longer.

At No 5. Michael Quinn and Vicky Hoyles Performed Up Where We Belong They were simply 500% improved this week. Quite a miraculous change. The song suited both of their voices much better, there was chemistry and they’ve managed to put themselves back into the reckoning. Their performance in the sing off wasn’t quite as strong, but they were under pressure, so lets give them the benefit of the doubt. They only get to No 5 because of quite how disappointing their first week’s performance was. They are going to have to keep up the high standard if they are to stay in the competition. Unfortunate to be in the sing off this week.

At No 4 Anthony Kavanagh and Alison Crawford Performed Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now This is where it starts to get tricky. The final four pairs are, for me, all real contenders and are quite some way ahead of the bottom three. Anthony and Alison come in at four, but they are very much biting at the heels of third place. Anthony has put in some hard work getting into shape and he is certainly starting to look the part. Alison is a real firecracker and her confidence and enthusiasm seems to be rubbing off on Anthony. Think Sinitta bangs the nail on the head when she says “you guys had a fantastic time and you took us along with you.” While they may not have the best voices, or the best performances in the competition, their enthusiasm and sense of fun is certainly infectious.

At No 3 Bradley Clarkson and Michelle Antrobus Performed Against All Odds. Last week, I thought they put in what was one of the top two performances. Somehow they managed to find themselves in the sing off. This week, I didn’t think they did as well and they managed to avoid it. Go figure. As a pair, they interact better than any of the others. The chemistry is spot on and Michelle, who trained at the same drama school as Connie Fisher (Mountview) - is really excellent. Both - especially Bradley - need to pick up their vocals, but the dancing and acting is there. Would have been my No2 after the first week, but have slipped down slightly in the standings. Still, I think they deserve to be in it for the long run.

At No 2 Danny Bayne and Susan McFadden Performed Time of My Life Okay, so if I were making a list of who I thought would finish where, this pair would be No1, but I’m not, so they haven’t. This is my list of favourites and, at the moment, they just aren’t quite doing it for me. On paper, they are very strong. They both look the parts and they’re good all-rounders. Equally, their performance this week was a huge improvement on the disappointing showing from last week. Still, I’m not a huge fan of his voice and Susan, while extremely accomplished, still needs to show the required sex appeal. Still, I’m sure they’ll be there or thereabouts and, if I were a betting man…

At No 1 Wayne Smith and Hayley Clarke Performed When You Say Nothing At All I’m not convinced they are going to win the competition, but for me, at the moment, they are the strongest pair. Wayne, a former clubland singer, is the find of the series - in fact the find of both Grease is the Word and Any Dream Will Do. He looks confident on stage, he has a great voice and he and Hayley work extremely well together and make a very convincing couple. Also, they managed to make a really good job of what is one of my least favourite songs - so that can’t be bad. If I have one reservation, it is that they don’t really look the parts. Maybe, David Ian might like to consider casting them in one of the supporting roles, if they don’t win this competition.

I’m sure you won’t all agree with me, so I’d be interested to know what order you’d have them in, and also if you think that certain pairs might be more suitable for roles within Grease other than Danny and Sandy. And what did you think of shortening the format down to one show?

It seems hard to believe, but we’re already halfway through Any Dream Will Do. With just eight Josephs left, this week the opening song actually allows solo performances. “Pharoah’s Song”, with its cod Elvis routine, is handled adequately by all. Noticeably, Lee (who has actually played the role of Pharoah for Bill Kenwright in the past) not only benefits from his prior experience, but also gets given the stanza which allows for the greatest expression and individuality. If I were Seamus, I’d be suggesting a conspiracy theory… Noticeably, he’s absent from the crowd but fellow evictee Antony is in attendance.

This week’s theme is “songs of the last four decades”. So, not at all vague, then.

First up this week is Ben who, after being saved by Andrew Lloyd Webber twice, goes to visit Helena Blackman, who in Maria? last year was saved four times. Addicted to Love is kind to him, with most of the vocals filled out by backing singers, but he gives a good show. As with all our Josephs, he seems uncomfortable with any attempt at falsetto, and nearly stumbles at a very obvious edit point in the song. Not the strongest opening performance we’ve had this series, but reasonable. Zoe says Ben’s pitch — apart from a couple of really bum notes — has improved enormously, and she could turn him into Joseph. Bill reckons he’s a contender, too. Andrew disagrees, though, and is worried.

Next, “Cabaret Craig” sings December 1963 (Oh What A Night) — a decent pop song, which is apparently now a musical theatre song courtesy of being used in Jersey Boys. ALW says he wants Craig to be less cabaret — how about giving him a genuine piece of musical theatre with which to prove himself? Zoe says he was better vocally than Ben, but compares his performance to a sack of spuds. For Bill, Craig isn’t yet out of his comfort zone — he’s great, but needs to go for it. Andrew reckons Craig has taken the note about moving away from a cabaret style.

Third is Lee, singing Alright Now. His voice seems to drop out a couple of times in the opening verse, though knowing the BBC that could well be a mic problem. Andrew doesn’t look happy — and to be honest, neither does Lee. This song seems outside his comfort zone any way, but given his throat problems this week this is possibly the harshest song he could have been given. John thought he struggled, but committed to it like a true professional. Denise felt he shouted through it (and Zoe butts in that he was flat, too). Expanding, Zoe thinks that it was rubbish. Doesn’t mince her words, does she? Andrew thinks Lee was better in the dress rehearsal, and has to learn to keep his voice safe.

Keith sings Love Is All Around — and shows that he can really deliver. It’s a storming performance that makes Lee, the professional, look amateur by comparison. Restraint on stage, and as John says, vocal perfection. Denise thinks Lee’s going to have to watch his back now — the performance of the night. Zoe thinks he was great, as does Andrew — but does he have what it takes to portray the older Joseph as well as the younger?

The fifth singer this week is Lewis, with Dancing in the Moonlight. In the verses he has a little tuning problem, and in the choruses he seems to shout a bit too much for my liking. He’s another that Bill thinks needs to do better — which seems to be Kenwright-speak for “wasn’t good enough tonight”. Zoe noted his voice cracking and his ongoing breathing, and says he needs to get his head back in the game. Andrew thinks that he’s regressed.

Rob, meanwhile, sings Back For Good. And, if they haven’t yet finished casting Never Forget, the “Take That” musical, he could make a decent Gary Barlow in the musical’s tribute band. He looks nothing like Gary, of course, but regular readers of The Stage will know that needn’t hold any tribute act back… Performance-wise, he’s less cheesy than last week, and his new look works for him. Bill felt he was nervous. Zoe says he did okay with the hardest song of the night, but prefers his previous, rougher look. Andrew thinks he has talent, but still doesn’t know if he has a West End presence.

Next, Chris B tackles All Night Long. The stern look from Andrew says it all, really — he may sing “come join the fun”, but doesn’t really give me any sense of fun when he performs. Pointing at the audience doesn’t, for me, act as a valid substitute for stage presence. Vocally, he’s incredibly ropey this week. John thinks he’s walking around scared, having not recovered from his knockback a couple of weeks ago when he ended up in the bottom two. He was nervous and bland, he says. For Denise, he needs to toughen up. Andrew still has worries — and rightly, I feel: the snatch of rehearsal we saw on the VT had much more going for it than his live performance tonight.

Daniel rounds off the solo performances with All About You which, while a recent song for McFly, has an elegant simplicity about it that could have stepped straight out of the Merseybeat era. The audience in the studio seems completely engaged, and I was too. A great conclusion to the solo segment of the show. John says he’s “nice, nice, nice”, but wants to see the naughty Daniel. Steady, John! (Mind you, I wouldn’t say no…) For Denise, she saw a platter of cheese, and she wants her heart broken — but Andrew disagrees. Daniel’s definitely got charisma, and he’s going to have to find a song that proves it to the others.

Cue a short break for another bonkers edition of Casualty — I don’t care if those kids were sci-fi fans, I still wanted to swing for ‘em — and an even more bonkers Lottery mini-show (hurrah! Only seven more days until Scooch fade back into the obscurity they deserve!), after which we’re back for the final group performance of the evening.

And, after another bad attempt at comedy by Andrew Lloyd Webber — improved only by an even worse attempt by Meat Loaf (‘Shakespearean’?) — the boys treat us to a rendition of Dead Ringer for Love, in which nobody disgraces themselves but equally, nobody really stands out. Unlike the 35-year-old clip of The Liver Birds, guest starring a very fresh-faced Bill Kenwright…

On to this week’s recorded challenge and, as we exclusively revealed earlier this week, the Josephs descend on the Queens Theatre and ascend the Les Miserables barricade — in which Ben and Craig seem to do the best, Chris does the worst, and Daniel is told he needs to get fitter.

As the panel make their choices for who wasn’t Joseph: Zoe picks Lee, Bill and Denise go for Rob and John says Lewis. When it comes to the public vote, though, it’s Chris and Craig — both sing-off veterans — who have to sing for survival, with Chris getting the fewest votes.

This week’s song is The Long and Winding Road. For me, Chris edged ahead in both stage presence and vocal performance. Andrew saves Craig, though, so we close a door for Chris Barton, who takes it on the chin and gives a great farewell performance. How different from last week — a performance that leaves us wanting to see more of the departing Joseph!

In a news story that couldn’t wait until Monday, it seems that the BBC has finally said “Enough is enough” and thrown in the towel to keep Neighbours as part of its day time schedule.

With Fremantle rejecting Auntie’s more than generous offer of £70,000 an episode, ITV could be poised to swoop in, with Michael Grade rumoured to be prepared to enter into a deal to pay £104 million over four years for the show.

As my dad is often heard to say: HOW MUCH?!

If this is the case, than ITV really is stupider than it looks.

Personally, if this turns out to be true by this time next week, I think this is a sad state of affairs. The ravens will be leaving the Tower next, mark my words!

With HolbyBlue (and any show that runs its name together like that for NO REASON WHATSOEVER deserves a good kicking), one has to sympathise with the production staff at indie producer Kudos. Known for Spooks, Hustle and Life on Mars, the notion of a new, gritty police procedural from this most top-drawer of production houses is rather seductive. Sadly some bright commissioner at the Beeb has looked at the pitch and thought it would look prettier with the word ‘Holby’ in the title. Thus what could have been a decent stab at a new cop show is weighed down by the tedium of an existing franchise.

The first episode of HolbyBlue opens with a montage of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centre. “Oh,” I ponder, “I wonder of this is a cop show about policing in a post 9/11 world.” Ah, apparently it is, because every character in this show seems to want to tell the audience that “policing in a post 9/11 world is really, really hard.”

Sigh.

So here we are in the sunny town of Holby in Bristol – I know that because there was a big shot of the Clifton Suspension Bridge. Otherwise I might have been confused. The episode focuses on the lives and loves of the officers of Holby South (not HolbySouth?) police station. And what a motley collection of thumbnail characters we have, from the plucky raw recruit WPC, the cocky Jack-the-Lad PC, the harassed and jaded DCI, the tough uniform Inspector trying to juggle work and family life, and the macho DI with marriage problems who plays by his own set of rules. No, really, he does…

The main thrust of episode one is DI John Keenan (Cal Macaninch) breaking in his new DS, Luke French (Richard Harrington). Keenan is the tough talking rule breaker, French is the by-the-book do-gooder. Jolly good.

In fact, so lightly sketched is this relationship, one could be forgiven for thinking we’re back in the 70s. Torturous dialogue is chewed through, with Keenan growling at one point:

“We’re the police, we’re supposed to harass scumbags.”

I think I spotted Gene Hunt blushing with embarrassment at the back of that scene.

Keenan is on the hunt for a suspected paedophile he’s been trying to get behind bars for weeks, but has had to let go. As the investigation gets underway, this leads to some quite bizarre sequences in a childrens’ playground. Happy children playing in the background, and suddenly a bag of sweets being held by a clammy hand comes into sharp focus in the foreground with appropriate sinister music. Why not give the bad guy a black cape and evil goatee beard. It’s this ham-fisted treatment of such a sensitive and emotive subject that makes a mockery of the work done by the recent Secret Life.

On display throughout are some bizarre choices, from dialogue and casting, to more stylistic gaffes that leaves one head-scratchingly bewildered.

And then we have Kacey Ainsworth as hard-but-fair Inspector Jenny Black. She too would like us all to know that policing is really hard in a post 9/11 world – which is good, because it’s at least five minutes since anybody dropped that concept clanging into the narrative.

I can sympathise with any actress wanting to avoid typecasting, but Ainsworth has gone so far off-piste from Little Mo, her performance smacks a touch of trying too hard. This role needed a Jessie Wallace, or God forbid, Zoe Lucker, who is on hand here as Keenan’s alcoholic ex-missus who just happens to be the station’s receptionist. Fantastic, now Keenan’s marital strife storyline is a convenient walk along a station corridor. Hurrah!

It’s a worry when you write a preview and the bad things flow easily onto the keyboard. I desperately wanted to like this, and the involvement of the legendary Tony Jordan and Kudos gave me high hopes that the Holby tag would be a misnomer.

Sadly not.

Is there anything to recommend it? Looking around, Life Begins actress Chloe Howman as Constable Kelly Cooper hasn’t been saddled with a dreadfully thin character and is working hard with the material on offer, but that’s about it. Curiously, the HolbyBlue website fails to mentions Howman’s most high-profile credit on her CV, which seems odd. But that’s just me being picky.

Am I being too harsh on HolbyBlue? I don’t think so, but ultimately the audience will vote with their feet (or their remotes). In the meantime we have Derek Thompson making a cameo appearance as Casualty’s Charlie Fairhead (just to ram home that WE’RE IN HOLBY!). The poor fella looks a tad mystified, as if he’s wandered into the wrong show.

I know just how he feels.

HolbyBlue starts 8th May at 8pm on BBC1.

A quick snippet of Any Dream Will Do news to whet the appetites of all my fellow Dreamers… The eight remaining finalists are, as I type this, participating in this week’s West End task, which will be shown on Saturday’s live show.

“Bootcamp Barricade” sees the boys head off to the Queen’s Theatre to meet the cast of Les Miserables, the West End’s longest-running musical. There, they’ll be learning and performing some of the songs from the show.

No word yet on how Lee is holding up after contracting a virus earlier this week…

If The Sun is to believed (and let’s just read those words carefully now), speculation is rising that Doctor Who actor David Tennant is to leave the top-rating BBC drama at the end of the current run. This is based on nothing more than a bizarre increase in bets at bookmakers Paddy Power on who might take over the role (if this notion that Tennant would leave such a successful role doesn’t turn out to be a load of Evolution of the Daleks, that is).

Persons unknown have reportedly been popping into the bookies to have a punt on a relatively unknown actor called Julian Walsh, with somebody said to have put down £2500 on the certainty of taking over the role.

Julian Who? Well you might ask, although a quick run to the IMDB poles will tell you that his most famous turn was as gormless goalie Harvey in legendary BBC children’s series, Jossy’s Giants. “Legendary” being used at my own discretion here as I seem to recall I quite liked it. But then, I was young and naïve… He is also the current face of Warburtons. Mmmm, hardly Estee Lauder, is it? But why the sudden interest and betting on Mr Walsh, which has brought him respectable odds at 12-1 on him becoming Doctor Who? Does somebody know something we don’t?

Probably not.

This story has quite tickled me, and hotfooting it over to the Paddy Power website will reveal who the other front-runners are for a part that, to my knowledge, isn’t currently available.

How about Robert Carlyle as odds on favourite at 5-2? I’ve heard worse suggestions. Jason Statham at 4-1 is obviously some kind of joke, as is Nigel Harman at 8-1 (Lobster is still off, I’m afraid). Other names include Bill Nighy, John Simm, John Barrowman (!?) and um… Christopher Eccleston.

The point being, Doctor Who has a fantastic leading man who, it seems, isn’t going anywhere. But it’s amazing just what people will bet on…

And as such, the Paddy Power website is veritable mystic oracle of our TV future. Consider, the thorny question of who will take over from Ben Shephard as presenter of The Xtra Factor (although the fact that people will bet on this is a deep cause of concern for the future of society as we know it). Holly Willoughby and Steve Jones are leading the pack at 2-1 and 4-1 respectively, but for a laugh, why not take a chance on Michelle McManus way down at 100-1?

If the odds are to be believed, Neighbours has an 8-11 chance of being poached by ITV, although MTV has a shot at a whopping 500-1.

But of greater interest to readers of TV Today will be the betting form on two current shows – Any Dream Will Do and Grease is the Word...

For Any Dream Will Do, the perceived wisdom of the betting community is that Craig will be out on Saturday, and the current favourite to win the overall contest is Lee, with an even chance of going the distance.

Meanwhile, on t’other side, Joanna and Richard are predicted to say goodbye this weekend, with Susan and Danny the favourites to claim the spoils in the overall contest?

Sauce for the goose, or complete nonsense?

TV Today would like to make it clear that we do not condone or encourage gambling. Although I’m sorely tempted to have a punt on this year’s Celebrity Jigs ‘n’ Reels.

It’s all go with broadband television this week. After an eight month Public Value Test consultation, the BBC Trust has finally approved the Corporation’s new video-on-demand service, dubbed the iPlayer. And today, ITV have formally announced plans to convert their existing website, itv.com into a full broadband experience with facilties for on-demand, catch-up and exclusive content.

The Trust’s final conclusions, which are available from their website, don’t vary all that much from their provisional conclusions, which they published at the end of January. The biggest difference concerns the availability of series stacking. Put simply, some series will have all episodes available for ‘catch-up’ viewing throughout the series’ run, whereas most programmes will only be available for seven days after their original transmission.

Previously, the Trust proposed that programmes would be eligible for series stacking would have to be:

those with a distinct run, with a beginning and end, and a narrative arc or those which are landmark series with exceptionally high impact.

Unfortunately, that last possibility has proved confusing, so the Trust has changed the definition to remove the term ‘landmark series’. In its place, they have insisted that series stacking will be available for a maximum of 15% of all on-demand content, a metric that should be much easier for the BBC Executive to adhere to.

The other area of contention is on the thorny subject of platform neutrality and its associated digital rights management (DRM). Because of the way modern broadcasting works, channels only acquire the rights to broadcast a specific programme for a limited period. Once the ‘primary’ rights have expired, the programme can then be re-sold to other channels for repeat viewings. When the BBC has commissioned programmes from independent producers, the indies may retain all secondary rights; even when it’s an in-house production, the BBC often sells on the secondary rights via BBC Worldwide, whether it’s to the UKTV channels (a joint venture between BBC Worldwide and what is now Virgin Media) or other prooviders.

Both the BBC Trust and Ofcom, in their respective market impact assessments, agreed that limitless on-demand access was a non-starter, as it would negatively impact the commercial market for secondary rights (and, it must be noted, would limit the amount of money the BBC could demand for secondary rights to its own programmes). That means that whatever delivery system the iPlayer uses, the Corporation sees a need for time-limited DRM.

Unfortunately for many BBC licence fee payers who don’t use Windows-powered computers, the only DRM mechanism at the moment that suits the BBC’s needs in this area is Windows Media Player 10 — and that’s only available for Windows XP and Vista users. And so, as a result, the iPlayer will be Windows-only when it launches later this year — in common, it has to be said, with the on-demand offerings from all other UK terrestrial channels.

Now, the BBC Executive has always said that they want to open up the iPlayer to other platforms, but have to do so in ways that aren’t going to jeopardise the Corporation in any way. And that means that it’ll be a while until Mac users such as Mark and myself are able to view BBC content that our licence fees have helped pay for.

Believe me, I’m not happy about that. But it seems that the Beeb are caught between a rock and a hard place on this one. They have to tread far more carefully than any commercial player — hence why the whole Public Value Test process has taken a full eight months to get this far. They have the choice of delivering an on-demand product now that is available to the majority of licence fee payers, or holding back completely until they can come up with a solution that satisfies everyone. What the Trust have said is that, while the iPlayer will be able to launch in a Windows-only form, they will be closely auditing the development of a cross-platform version.

Given the size and scale of the BBC, it can hopefully use its muscle to come up with a solution that other broadcasters can use. It still irks me that 4OD is Windows-only, too.

Of course, there are other opportunities for electronic distribution that remain untapped in the UK. Our American cousins have TV shows coming out of their ears via Apple’s iTunes, but no UK distributor has yet offered any programmes through this route. As a ‘buy once, keep forever’ business model, iTunes is a much more consumer-friendly business model than any UK broadcaster’s on-demand offering — yet it’s that same model that would effectively rule out iTunes as a distribution mechanism for the BBC Executive. Even if TV shows on iTunes ever take off in the UK, any BBC content is likely to be limited to that which BBC Worldwide can distribute via secondary rights acquisition.

The on-demand business model is still a very young one, and I expect (indeed, hope) that things will look very different in two to five years’ time. In the meantime, I shall just have to limit my on-demand viewing to (the Mac-compatible) Joost…

For any fans of The Apprentice, you need to go here right now for a rare display of genius in the stakes of appreciating great television…

Why is it that, as a species, we find things rendered in Lego so utterly fascinating and funny?

Well, I do anyway.

And as for The Apprentice live action, I suddenly find myself missing Sophie. Poor Dr Kain . Never more will the milk be frothy…