June 2007 Archives

The Sky man cometh! Oh yes, I’m a dither of excitement that tomorrow I’m finally getting Sky+ installed. Everybody tells me it will revolutionise my viewing life, but if it doesn’t, I’m not quite sure which number to phone. So is there anything worth pressing that series link button for this weekend?

The Shield (Friday 11pm, Five)

Kids may know him as Ben Grimm, aka The Thing in The Fantastic Four movies, but for me Michael Chiklis will always be detective Vic Mackey in one of the best cop dramas of all time. The sixth series begins on Five tonight, and the strike team are looking to avenge the death of one of their own. Beware, Holby Blue this ain’t. Having said that, I’d pay good money to see Vic Mackey kick DI Keenan’s backside.

Friday Night With Jonathan Ross (Friday 10.35pm, BBC1)

Dame Shirley Bassey proves she’s still got the range as she flirts with Jonathan Ross and bigs up her new album. Hopefully Gok Wan won’t be giving JR any practical tips on how to look good naked.

Doctor Who: The Last of the Time Lords (Saturday 7.05pm, BBC1)

It’s season finale time, and after last week’s bonkers episode it’s anybody’s guess as to how it will all end. Preview discs for this episode haven’t been forthcoming, but it seems Martha’s out there leading the resistance against the Master, while the Doctor and Jack are still at the evil Time Lord’s mercy. I have one prediction for this episode – one member of the Jones family isn’t going to make it out alive, and my money is on the winsome and lovely Tish. Anybody want to run a book?

Jekyll (Saturday 9pm, BBC1)

Jekyll finally gets into its stride after two episodes of set-up, and the format has settled down for the real showpiece of the series to take centre stage: Steven Moffat’s effortless, insanely clever writing. I’m even warming to Nesbitt’s patchy turn in the lead role, and like Doctor Who’s Master, you can’t help but like the charismatic Hyde. But then, I’m guessing that’s the point.

Gavin and Stacey (Saturday 9.55pm, BBC3)

One of the best things to come out of BBC3 gets a complete re-run of the first series (we are assured there’s a second series on the way). I’ve eulogised this sweet, believable and, most importantly, funny sitcom in previous columns, so won’t go overboard here. If you’ve decided not to brave the expected rubbish weather this Saturday evening, I can’t think of anything better than cracking open a bottle of wine and watching this from start to finish. Actually, given five minutes, I could probably come up with something…

The Dame Edna Treatment (Saturday 10.25pm, ITV1)

A one-off edition of the hit and very miss series, celebrating dame Edna’s 50th year in showbiz. Guests include James Nesbitt, Jeffrey Archer and Robin Gibb. Not bad, not great.

Concert for Diana (Sunday 3.30pm, BBC1)

Erm… I’m down with the kids on this, I think a concert in memory of Diana is a Good Thing. But… why does it have to run from 3.30 in the afternoon until 10pm? Come on, I’m missing The Great British Village Show for this. At this rate, I’ll be watching Big Brother.

The Simpsons (Sunday 6.30pm, Sky One)

With the movie only a stone’s throw away, the world is going to go Simpsons mad. And when the episodes are still this good, why not? This week Kiefer Sutherland lends guest vocals in a wickedly funny satire on 24 that’s sees Bart and Lisa thwarting a stinkbomb at school. The clock’s ticking Jack!

Memoirs of a Cigarette (Sunday 10pm, C4)

A timely examination of the pleasures of the cigarette in light of the smoking ban that comes in on Sunday morning. If you’re a smoker, don’t watch this in a pub, it will make you gasp for a smoke. Tongue in cheek and fun, this chooses to show that we can have a sense of humour in the face of the nanny state.

Who would have thought that two new additions to the family tree of EastEnders’ Mitchell clan might actually signal a positive directional shift for the sometime-troubled soap?

In a few short weeks, Ronnie and Roxy Mitchell will totter into Albert Square for the upcoming nuptials of Phil Mitchell to loony lawyer Stella Crawford. And my word, if they don’t look like just what EastEnders needs.

For months now, the ‘Enders has been drowning in bizarre, stretched out storylines centring on psychologically unstable posh women. Thankfully both Dr May Wright and Stella are practically out of the door, and I can’t say I’m sorry (although I think Amanda Drew, who played May, is a terrific actress who I hope to see more of elsewhere).

Ronnie (played by familiar TV face Samantha Janus) and younger sister Roxy (Rita Simons) look like proper, ballsy traditional EastEnders women. And here’s a simple plea to the storyliners over at Elstree – don’t get these two wrong. It isn’t rocket science to give them some decent line and length plots to establish them within the mythology. It really isn’t, you know…

Similarly, there’s another underused weapon in the Walford arsenal – Shirley Carter. Linda Henry is far too good an actress to waste on limp storylines, and Shirley is far too good a character. She needs unburdening of her entry storyline now, extricating from the familial ties that will only ever peg Shirley as Kevin Wicks’s ex-missus. And please, when is Pat going to have a decent storyline? Has she actually done anything since bedding Patrick (a sequence I still have nightmares about)?

The departure of Pauline Fowler has created a vacuum at the centre of the show, and scripts have been floundering around for a way to fill it.

A soap can live and die on the strength of its female characters, and I have high hopes that Ronnie and Roxy will be just the tonic EastEnders needs to sort it out…

I was quite taken aback to read some rather negative comments over at the Guardian’s Organ Grinder blog today about Marcus Brigstocke. Seems that people aren’t particularly keen on the lad and think he’s a bit annoying. Well, they’re wrong.

Reading Brigstocke’s 60 Second Interview in this morning’s Metro (I was weak, okay? I don’t make a habit of it…), I was struck by how much sense the lad talks, especially on the subject of television.

“There’s too much arrogance in TV – too many people thinking just because they make programmes, they are more interesting and important than anyone else.”

This quote was in relation to his BBC4 show, Trophy People, which I have previously bigged up in Square Eyes. In Trophy People, Brigstocke travels the country to interview people with strange hobbies, including bell ringers, scrabble players and model plane enthusiasts. When asked if the original concept was to take the piss, Brigstocke firmly replies:

“I said at the original meeting that on paper it looked like we’d do what telly people do these days, which is to turn up with a camera and say: ‘You must be dicks because you don’t have the camera and we’re brilliant.’ It’s too easy to edit people badly and make them look stupid and it’s cheating.”

Is it me, or is this some of the sanest commentary on the TV industry we’ve heard in a long time? Blimey, I think I just outed myself as a fan of Marcus Brigstocke.

Well, I am. I saw his stand-up show a couple of weeks ago and he’s brilliant. Anyone expecting the cuddly Radio 4 persona will be in for a shock – I don’t recall that many fs and cs in Giles Wemmbley-Hogg. The air was positively blue (and he’s absolutely right about Richard Littlejohn).

Speaking of Giles Wemmbley-Hogg (as played by Brigstocke), the gormless toff’s most-recent misadventure, Giles Wemmbley-Hogg Goes Off to Glastonbury, is still available via Radio 4’s Listen Again facility, and it’s really rather funny. There’s no fs or cs here, so it’s safe for granny to listen to.

I’m actually mystified as to how anybody could be as down on Brigstocke as some of the Organ Grinder readers clearly are. He’s funny, he’s versatile (working across TV, radio, and the live circuit), works endlessly and is one of the most politically honest touring stand-ups. What’s not to like? (and with that I realise I’m opening myself up to big can of worms wriggling all over TV Today towers).

I even liked The Savages, so there!

Visit Marcus Brigstocke’s official website here.

So after much discussion, a Public Value Test conducted by the BBC Trust and lots of rants from non-Windows users who won’t be able to access it initially, the BBC’s new video-on-demand service, the iPlayer, is to become publicly available to users of Windows XP from July 27, exactly one month from today.

iPlayer will not have all the promised features when it launches as a ‘beta’ next month, with live streaming and integration of the BBC’s much-praised Radio Player coming later. Also, anybody who has already upgraded to Windows Vista will have to wait, along with those of us who use Apple Macs.

Promotional links to iPlayer content will appear on the Corporation’s own website, as well as its YouTube channel. The BBC are also talking to a limited range of third party partners who may be able to host promotional clips which will link back to iPlayer. The official press release lists examples including MSN, telegraph.co.uk, AOL, Tiscali, Yahoo!, MySpace, Blinkx and Bebo.

My question is, why not open this up further? At the moment, the BBC’s YouTube channel is the only one that disables embedding on every single video. If I want to alert you to, say, a promo for episode 3 of the increasingly patchy Jekyll, I have to link to it, rather than embedding a copy on this page. With iPlayer links integrated into the YouTube channel, though, embedded videos would acts as promotional inroads that would penetrate into the blogosphere, effectively turning personal webspaces into free promotion for BBC programmes.

The images to the right show some example screenshots of the iPlayer. The BBC has also provided this video, which requires RealPlayer, to give you a rundown of some of the features.

The iPlayer brand will be further used for on-demand facilities via mobile phones and cable providers, with a deal via Virgin Media already announced. This mirrors ventures such as Sky’s Anytime service, which uses the same brand across its Sky+ and broadband services, despite being implemented in ways that vary on a technical level.

From what I can see, the iPlayer structure and navigation looks like it should be quite easy to follow. I do hope, though, that once it launches we won’t see other forms of video content on bbc.co.uk disappear completely — as that would mean Vista and Mac users lose out straight away, rather than merely having to wait until iPlayer is available on their platforms.

Ashley Highfield, the BBC’s director of future media and technology, tells Media Guardian (free reg. required) that he is aiming for 1 million users of the services within its first year. If it works as promised, it could gain more than that. By then, of course, work on Project Kangaroo, which would deliver a unified on-demand service for any broadcaster to slot their programmes into, ought to be well under way.

While All Saints debuts in the BBC daytime schedules next month and could prove to be an obvious contender for the Neighbours crown, it seems Auntie has other plans bubbling away in the soap cauldron.

If today’s Liverpool Daily Post is to be believed, plans are already well advanced to find a possible replacement for the Neighbours come next summer. Former Brookside producer Colin McKeown has told the Liverpool newspaper that his company, LA Productions, is in advanced talks with the Beeb to produce a soap based in Liverpool.

While I’m sure McKeown, who has also served as writer on Emmerdale and Grange Hill and produced Liverpool One, is positive of his facts, this looks like more smoke than fire. While I relish the prospect of a possible new soap set in a Liverpool, I suspect McKeown is talking up a bit of publicity for a possible independent project. Certainly the naming of Jimmy McGovern as an executive script writer/producer sounds unlikely (although not totally beyond the realms of possibility.

I’m also not sold on the concept that the Beeb are looking to commission a 20-week run of two episodes a week. If the BBC is going to commit to a new daytime soap, then it really must commit. I’m talking five days a week, for an initial six months at the very least. In the current climate, nothing less will really cut it.

I hope the LA Productions project comes off, I really do. The more new drama, the better as far as I’m concerned, but I suspect this is far from being a done deal at this stage.

For my money, Doctors is still favourite for having a spring clean and being bumped up to premiere daytime soap on BBC1, with an evening repeat alongside.

Of course, I could be way off the mark and this time next year we might be sitting down to the return of Eldorado. Or Albion Market. Shudder…

No sooner have the removal vans been booked for popular BBC Aussie daytime soap Neighbours do we get the chance to see what the BBC may be lining up to take its place.

Metro reports that the BBC has acquired the rights to Australian drama All Saints — thankfully nothing to do with the uber-annoying Appleton sisters and the more talented other two, but a continuing drama set in a fictional Sydney hospital.

Apparently, we do not have enough BBC medical based soaps, being blessed with just Casualty, Holby City and Doctors. So now, we will have the lives and loves of Yvonne ‘Von’ Ryan and her friends and colleagues from Ward 17 to enthrall us.

The BBC will pick up the series from the beginning of its 2002 run, with a two-part episode that involves a fatal train crash. As is the way of these things, members of the team may be involved, with the requisite question marks hanging over their survival. After another two series of life on Ward 17, however, the series underwent a revamp and focus moved to the emergency department.

Quite how the British public will cope with yet another medical drama (especially when ITV is due to launch its own daytime medisoap, The Royal Today) remains to be seen.

All Saints debuts next month.

The Time of Your Life (Monday 9pm, ITV1)

After a cracking first episode and some top ratings, will The Time of Your Life be able to keep it up? I do hope so as this could turn out to be a clever little drama that plays around with the usual safe 30-something family/friends kind of genre. It certainly has a lot more going for it than Talk to Me. Genevieve O’Reilly is an intriguing lead as Kate, her emotions ranging from childlike curiosity to bitter anger and resentment at what’s happened to her. All in all, the prospects look good.

The Women’s Institute (Monday 9pm, BBC4)

Fly-on-the-wall documentaries don’t get much better than this, and the subject matter is a goldmine of material. In the modern world, do we really know much about the reality behind this most lampooned of organisations? After this three part series, enlightenment is assured.

The Tower (Monday 10.35pm, BBC1)

A new documentary series that charts the regeneration of the Pepys Estate in London’s Deptford. It’s a fascinating social portrait made over a period of three years, chronicling the regeneration of one of the tower blocks into exclusive private apartments and the affect it has on all residents. Shocking in places, this is rewarding viewing.

Tony Blair: My Part in His Downfall (Monday 11.05pm, C4)

The inevitable Rory Bremner rundown of Tony Blair’s Prime Ministerial career from the satirist’s own archive of material. Good fun if a little obvious.

Holby Blue (Tuesday 8pm, BBC1)

It’s the final episode of HB, and I’m only tuning in to discover if the renewal for this ill-advised series is just a sick joke on the part of the BBC. Here’s hoping…

Sensitive Skin (Tuesday 10pm, BBC2)

A BBC2 highlight of 2006 returns with a slightly different format, seeing Joanna Lumley’s Davina widowed and coming to terms with life without a partner (and a series without the sublime Denis Lawson). Sensitive Skin is quite beautiful to watch and the dialogue is intricately constructed, with Davina a delicate lily surrounded by crassidiots. Of course, she’d never tell them what she really thinks – she’s too classy for that.

Location, Location, Location (Wednesday 8pm, C4)

There’s only one property show worth making an offer on, and that’s Location, Location, Location. Phil and Kirstie are back to what they do best, with none of that relocation malarkey going on. It’s had a bit of a format tweak, and now two buyers are getting the Phil/Kirstie treatment every week. It’s not too much of a change, and the essential entertainment factor is still there. And I still love Kirstie a little more than I probably should.

Cold Blood (Wednesday 9pm, ITV1)

No Matthew Kelly this week, which makes for an interesting episode of Cold Blood, and might just about convince that there’s more life in this concept than might be apparent. Bill Ward makes his first TV drama appearance since leaving Charlie Stubbs behind, so many will be watching closely to see if he has the acting chops to make a go of things away from the safety net of those Weatherfield cobbles.

True Dare Kiss (Thursday 9pm, BBC1)

With The Time of Your Life and Channel 4’s Brothers and Sisters doing the business earlier in the week, Debbie Horsfield’s True Dare Kiss rounds of a good week for drama viewing. An event brings four sisters back together for the first time since a funeral 20 years previously – what dark secrets are waiting to be unearthed. A great cast is headed by Dirvla Kirwan, and once again, Horsfield has gifted the audience with some strong, believable characters and some fantastic dialogue.

My Name is Earl (Thursday 10pm, C4)

Earl tries to make amends with a girl he made fun of because she had chronic facial hair. When he catches up with her, he’s mortified to discover she’s working as a bearded lady in a carnival! This is sublime stuff and easily the best comedy on the box. Let’s face it, the competition isn’t exactly brilliant.

After last week’s Utopia left me hot and cold in equal measure, Doctor Who moves swiftly onto the traditional two-part season finale that usually brings spills, thrills and action galore. Year one we had Big Brother, Anne Robinson and millions of Daleks (not to mention a regeneration). Year two introduced Torchwood, a crowd-pleasing face-off between the Daleks and the Cybermen and the departure of the much-loved Rose. So the question is, have Russell T Davies and his reliable team managed to keep their powder dry for another year to give the faithful (and still rather large) audience another explosive season finale?

On the evidence of part one, the answer is yes, but there’s so much going on in The Sound of Drums you wonder if an extra episode wouldn’t have helped the story to breathe a bit more. We rattle through election day that sees the Master (aka Harry Saxon) rise to power as Prime Minister of Great Britain, the Doctor, Martha and Jack going on the run as Martha’s family are taken into custody, have five minutes to fill in the back story on the Master’s origin, supposed first contact with the cutely spherical Toclafane, a visit from the US President (and his subsequent death), the reintroduction of UNIT, a trip to an airborne aircraft carrier, the Doctor discovering the Master’s “paradox machine”, the Doctor ageing a hundred years and Martha escaping to carry on the fight as millions of Toclafane descend on the earth, opening a can of whup ass on anything that moves.

Phew!

A truncated Square Eyes this week, as here at TV Today Towers we’re still trying to get over the shock that Holby Blue has just been recommisioned. Sorry.

Glastonbury (All weekend BBC2/BBC3)

Starting at 7pm on BBC3 and then 8pm on BBC2, Auntie stops in at the annual mud bath to see which bands are wowing the campers on stage in Somerset. The coverage is usually pretty good, and some would argue it’s the best way to experience the event. Or not.

NCIS (Friday 9pm, Five)

Often dismissed as an also ran in the US drama stakes, NCIS is worth a look when there’s not much else on – much like tonight. Tonight’s season finale sees Gibbs (St Elsewhere legend Mark Harmon) waking up from his coma in time to foil a terrorist plot. It’s not quite up there with CSI, but it’s enjoyable enough fare. And hey, it’s got David McCallum in it, so hurrah for Brit actors still working in Hollywood!

The Rise and Fall of Tony Blair (Saturday 7pm, C4)

The inevitable documentary about the political highS and lows of our most recent premier. Quite how history is going to remember Tony Blair is unclear, but the first part of this mammoth examination is a good place to start.

Doctor Who (Saturday 7.15pm, BBC1)

A bonkers, brilliant beginning of the end for the third series of Doctor Who. It’s been a great ride, but we still have on episode to go after this, so enjoy. The Master becomes Prime Minister of Great Britain and brings the alien Toclafane to earth. But where is the Doctor?

Jekyll (Saturday 9.00pm, BBC1)

Episode 2 sees this new drama from Steven Moffatt build a much-more satisfying aura about itself, even if some of the performances let down the clever and tricksy script. James Nesbitt shines as Hyde and feels much more settled into the material.

Saving Planet Earth (Sunday 7pm, BBC1)

More sumptuous wildlife footage in the company of Sir David Attenborough. This feels like a natural progression from Planet Earth as he’s now considering the impact of man in the face of nature. Less welcome are the various celebrities who will be highlighting the plight of endangered species throughout the week at 7pm, which just feels mawkish.

News Knight with Sir Trevor McDonald (Sunday 10pm, ITV1)

Worth it for the title alone, this satirical look back at the last seven days in the company of Sir Trev might actually be quite good fun. Marcus Brigstocke is on hand to help out.

The world domination of YouTube has taken a step further with yesterday’s software update to bring a YouTube portal to Apple TV in the UK.

As I don’t have Apple TV (feels a bit pointless at the moment, to be honest), I’m finding it difficult to get overly excited about being able to watch photomontages of McFly and Girls Aloud on my TV at home. The beauty of YouTube is its immediacy – a friend sends me a link at work, I watch it, I laugh (or cry at the insanity of it all), I get on with what I was doing. Brilliant!

I’m having problems visualising myself sitting down on my comfy sofa with a cup of tea and spending some quality time watching prime YouTube clippage. Maybe I’m just not down with the kids (or could it be that life is simply too short?)

According to online coverage of the update, it’s simplicity itself to install and you could be trawling through YouTube within minutes. Hurrah!

But hang on, what’s this?

Only about 10,000 clips have currently been converted for Apple TV, which is just a fraction of the reported 5.5 million clips that you can access on YouTube. Which seems a bit of a swizz on the face of it. If you’re an experienced hand at this game we call YouTube, it isn’t going to take long to exhaust the parameters of what’s currently there.

Still, it’s an interesting development towards the eventual integration of our PC and entertainment needs, if a bit limited in the here and now.

However, the iPhone launches in the States next week, complete with built in YouTube portal, an addition I find much more appealing. I can see that fitting into the social-networking lives of youngsters, and soon YouTube material will be swapped across phone networks as prime cultural currency.

Probably.

You’ll no doubt know that, over the last twelve weeks, everyone at TV Today has been wearing our “I [heart] Doctor Who” badges on our sleeves for all to see (they’re lovely. Especially embroidered for us by Madame Nostradamus).

But if you think we’re bad, imagine what it must be like watching an episode with these two enthusiastic fans. Quite why anyone would film themselves watching telly I don’t know, but here we see their reaction to that revelation in Utopia. Warning: contains the sort of language that you’re not going to hear on BBC1 primetime…

Update: I’ve replaced the YouTube video with one that shows exactly what the girls were reacting to. You can still watch the original by going to its YouTube page.

TV Today told you a few months ago that Lou and Andy from Little Britain were due to make a cameo appearance on Neighbours.

Now, thanks to the glories of YouTube, you can see the result:

Ouch! Tycoon, ITV’s answer to The Apprentice, didn’t get off to the best start in the ratings, pulling in a measly 2 million viewers according to the overnight ratings (free registration required). That has gotta hurt, and will cast serious doubt on the show lasting in that slot.

Fair enough, I shouldn’t count a show out before letting it have a chance to find its feet and build an audience, but Tycoon had an iffy smell about it from the word go.

I don’t have a problem with a programme that attempts to emulate the success of another show (and Tycoon isn’t exactly a carbon cop of The Apprentice). That’s the way of the telly, but my main problem is with Peter Jones. I’m sure he’s a very nice bloke, and he’s very successful, but a TV personality he isn’t.

On Dragons’ Den he has the safety net of working alongside big personalities. Jones’s calm manner is a boon here as it complements the brash charisma of a Duncan Bannatyne or Theo Paphitis. On his own, I’m sorry to say, he’s just a bit dull. And it really brings this show down.

Sorry Peter.

I dread to think what would happen if he went into the boardroom with Alan Sugar. It would be a verbal massacre. Let’s face it, Margaret and Nick would probably have a field day with him.

So sorry to say, Peter, I think most of the audience are definitely “Out” on Tycoon.

In further news from the high-powered world of finance TV, it seems I’m never to be free of Katie Hopkins. It looks like experienced eyelash flutterer and Alan Sugar teaser Katie is in talks to go Down Under on the next series of I’m a Celebrity… If this is true, it confirms that all she was ever after was a career in the limelight.

I’m not going to begrudge anybody the right to earn a crust, but one only hopes that that Ms Hopkins consults her babysitters before heading off to eat kangaroo balls with Ant and Dec.

They call themselves Loppies — short for Lee-Obsessed People. I am, of course, talking about fans of Lee Mead, winner of Any Dream Will Do and now in rehearsals to play the eponymous Joseph at the Adelphi Theatre.

At the press launch earlier this week, The Stage’s Matthew Hemley caught up with Lee and his co-star Preeya Kalidas. The interview is now online.

I’ve always found Imagine… to be one of the most frustrating arts shows. Presenter Alan Yentob has a horrible habit of placing himself between the nominal subject of each film and the audience, as if he’s desperate for us to notice how good he is as a presenter — when, if he’s doing his job properly, he should be encouraging us to look not at him, but at something or someone else entirely.

Which is why it’s so nice to see him acknowledge that, in this BBC-provided clip from tonight’s Buzzcocks… Imagine a Midly Amusing Panel Show (sorry, not available to either of our non-UK readers), he openly mocks himself, walking aimlessly in front of VT clips of Never Mind The Buzzcocks presenter Simon Amstell, as well as the show’s title sequence.

In fact, both Yentob and Amstell seem to be enjoying taking the p*ss out of themseleves, adding something really rather special to what would otherwise be a clip show of the best of Amstell’s first series as the show’s regular host. In itself, that would be worth watching, but the extra material makes it unmissable.

• Buzzcocks… Imagine a Mildly Amusing Panel Show is on tonight, BBC2 at 10pm.

While Paul Potts certainly deserved his win on Sunday’s final of Britain’s Got Talent, one thing I did find odd — even on a a commercial channel such as ITV1 — were the number of occasions on which Paul’s ‘day job’, that of a salesman at Carphone Warehouse, got a mention.

Now, playing up the job that pays the wages for a contestant is nothing new — after all Connie Fisher was forever pitched as a “telesales girl”, and Daniel Boys as a “cement administrator”. But the number of times Paul’s employer was referred to by name did seem a bit excessive.

So, what’s this? The makers of Britain’s Got Talent, TalkbackThames and Syco, have just announced who will be sponsoring the next series of The X Factor (free registration required). The previous sponsor, Nokia, pulled out just days after Ofcom upheld a complaint of undue product placement in the show’s ITV2 sibling, The Xtra Factor.

So, who is to take Nokia’s place? Spookily, it’s Carphone Warehouse.

I’m sure the frequent mentions over the last week’s shows had absolutely nothing to do with the decision…

So the reassuring, calm, easy going presence of crimebuster Nick Ross will no longer grace Crimewatch following the next episode, after 23 years presenting the legendary show. “Ah well,” thought I on hearing the news. “23 years is a good long haul. I bet he’s looking forward to having a rest.”

And then the seething anger hit when reading through various reports and I suddenly realised that the inimitable Mr Ross has not had his contract renewed. Let’s just go through that again:

Nick Ross has not had his contract renewed after 23 years of presenting Crimewatch

Yep, Auntie Beeb is happy moving on one of the most experienced and reassuring faces it has left on its schedules. Are they mad? First Moira Stuart, and now Nick Ross. I dread to think who might be next.

I’m not going to go down the route and suggest that Ross’s removal from Crimewatch is influenced by his age (plenty of other reports are doing that for me), but I feel the BBC is walking dangerous ground here. If there’s even the remotest sniff of age discrimination at work, the Corporation will have an enquiry down on its head quicker than you can say:

And now on BBC1, Crimewatch with Fearne Cotton and Vernon Kay.

Nick Ross, TV Today salutes you and wishes you the greatest of fortune in your future projects. And you know what, I never once had a nightmare…

Over in our news section, Matt reports that Tiger Aspect chairman Peter Bennett-Jones has warned that user-generated content could lead to a decline in quality talent and see the “amateur taking over”.

There is so much trash out there and such a danger of a dilution of standards. User-generated content is 99.9% rubbish and there is a danger of the amateur taking over.

Which is a familiar argument to anybody who’s spent even the slightest bit online, especially in the world of blogging. Blogs are 99.9% rubbish, say journalists (predominantly those in print). But clearly some blogs have risen to the top, being read by thousands every day, and making money as they go. So why, when the number of revenue-generating blogs is so small and the chances of making a profession out of blogging so small, are so many people starting blogging?

The simple answer is that they’re not doing it for the money. The vast majority of blogs aren’t intended for a wide audience; most of them will have an audience in single figures. They exist because when the economic barrier to publishing is effectively zero, it appeals to people who aren’t interested in its economic value.

Clay Shirky coined the phrase mass amateurization in his 2002 essay, Weblogs and the Mass Amateurization of Publishing:

The search for direct fees is driven by the belief that, since weblogs make publishing easy, they should lower the barriers to becoming a professional writer. This assumption has it backwards, because mass professionalization is an oxymoron; a professional class implies a minority of members. The principal effect of weblogs is instead mass amateurization.

Mass amateurization is the web’s normal pattern. Travelocity doesn’t make everyone a travel agent. It undermines the value of being travel agent at all, by fixing the inefficiencies travel agents are paid to overcome one booking at a time. Weblogs fix the inefficiencies traditional publishers are paid to overcome one book at a time, and in a world where publishing is that efficient, it is no longer an activity worth paying for.

Then, in 2003, Tom Coates expanded upon the idea in (Weblogs and) The Mass Amateurisation of (Nearly) Everything):

It’s not just publishing or journalism that are going through a process of mass amateurisation at the moment. In fact over the last fifteen years or so pretty much all media creation has started to be deprofessionalised. We only have to look around us to see that this is the case — as individually created media content that originated on the internet has started to infect mass media. Hard-rocking poorly-animated kittens that once roamed e-mail newsletters (http://www.b3ta.com) are now showing up in adverts and credit-sequences, pop-songs written on home computers are reaching the top of the charts, weblog commentators in Iraq are getting columns in the national and international newspapers, music is being hybridised and spliced in the home for competitions on national radio stations. The whole of the mainstream media has started to look towards an undercurrent of individual amateur creation because of the creativity that’s bubbling up from this previously unknown swathe of humanity. Mass-amateurisation is EVERYWHERE.

But does all this amateurisation really threaten professionals? I think it probably frightens those at the lower end of the scale. The economic barrier to becoming a professional — both in terms of equipment and production costs, and in formal training — acts not only as a barrier to entry, but also as a safety net, guarding some professionals’ heels from being snapped at by young upstarts. Once that safety net falls away, some will surely have to raise their game or risk falling by the wayside.

But for many professionals, any fear of amateurisation will be unfounded. As with blogs, most people uploading their own content to YouTube are’t doing so with a viewing to making a career out of it, and are certainly not to make money. They’re doing so because it’s fun. Recent TV shows have shown that, for example, the public desire for new West End blood is best satisfied by professionally trained talent — be it Lee Mead, Connie Fisher, Susan McFadden or Danny Bayne; four performers ‘elected’ to West End leading roles by the public, and each with a professionally trained background. Britain’s Got Talent winner Paul Potts may not have earned a full-time wage from his voice before Sunday’s final, but he has been professionally trained and has competed in other singing competitions before.

The threat, if threat there is, will not come from those creating amateur content. It may come from over-eager television executives, wanting to be seen to be onto the ‘next big thing’, overplaying ‘user-generated content’ because they think it’s cheap and/or cutting edge (see my post from a year ago on this same subject).

But you know what? I quite like the idea that professionals are scared by the rise of the amateur. The ones that take that fear and use it to raise their game will be the ones who are truly worth watching.

• TV Today will be at UGTV’07 tomorrow. If you’re there too, do say hello!

Trawlermen (Monday-Friday 7pm, BBC1)

Masterchef may have gone, but the Trawlermen are back for more high drama in this excellent human-interest documentary series. Running throughout the week, we catch up with the crews of the Amity II and Ocean Venture as they head into choppy seas to bag a good haul of fish. It’s brilliant stuff, and one has to admire the calm manner of the crews as they work gruelling shifts in horrible, horrible conditions.

The Time of Your Life (Monday 9pm, ITV1)

A promising new drama from ITV, which could be a good sign of the direction the channel is going in this genre. Kate has been in a coma since she was 18, so when she wakes up at the age of 36, she has a lot of catching up to do! Her boyfriend’s moved on (or has he?), her parents aren’t speaking and her life has pretty much grown up without her. Comas are not particularly original, but here it’s used well as a device to bring us into Kate’s life as she has to adjust pretty damn sharpish. A well-rounded cast rises to the challenge of great material, with Genevieve O’Reilly particularly good in the difficult central role.

ER (Monday 11.05pm, C4)

Despite a terrible time slot, a season finale of ER is always worth tuning into as it kicks into the usual cliffhanging, high drama mode. As Luka leaves for Croatia to see his sick father, will the dishy doc ever return to be with his new wife? ER without Goran Visnjic scarcely warrants thinking about…

Andrew Marr’s History of Modern Britain (Tuesday 9pm, BBC2)

I shall miss my weekly appointment with Mr Marr, who has guided us through some of the most important moments of the 20th century with enthusiastic, knowledgeable aplomb. Considering that Tony is off next week, we come up to date with timely scheduling as Marr moves on through the twilight of John Major’s time at Downing Street and into the bright, brash Blair years. Hopefully this won’t be the last we’ve seen of Andrew Marr doing a Simon Schama.

Tycoon (Tuesday 9pm, ITV1)

I’m not sure what Peter Jones’s ITV vehicle is meant to offer that The Apprentice doesn’t, so imagine this will suffer in the wake of Sir Alan’s triumphant third series. The participants have ten weeks to prove that their money-making ideas have what it takes to make them oodles of cash and become the next Peter Jones. Out of all the Dragons from Dragon’s Den, Jones is the most charmless, and this would have fared better with Duncan Bannatyne at the helm.

Syed Ahmed – Hot Air? (Wednesday 9pm, Sky One)

Brilliant, it’s more Apprentice-styled nonsense! It was only a matter of time before Syed, who was doing a Tre on The Apprentice last year before Tre had even applied, got his own show. Bless him, he’s trying to market and sell a warm-air body dryer, and is singularly bad at it. It’s comforting to know that the more the world changes, some things stay the same.

Brothers and Sisters (Wednesday 8.30/10pm, C4)

A bit of a muted start for this US series that brings Calista Flockhart back to our screens. This double-bill also suffers from odd scheduling thanks to the Big Brother factor, with a half hour break between the episodes. This family saga looks like a bit of a slow burner, and once we get to know the characters, the quality cast and writing should start to shine.

Rome (Wednesday 9pm, BBC2)

Hurrah! Lots of British thesps get to toga it up again in one of the most hit and miss dramas ever put out by HBO. Mark Antony (James Purefoy) tries to save his own skin following the death of Caesar, proving his mettle in the political arena (as well as being bloody devious). It can all feel a bit OTT in places with much scenery chewing, but where else do we get this calibre of homegrown talent in such glossy material?

Cold Blood (Wednesday 9pm, ITV1)

Matthew Kelly returns as creepy killer Brian Wicklow along with Gemma Redgrave as DS Eve Granger and John Hannah as the enigmatic Jake. This third outing for Cold Blood is starting to stretch things a little now as there’s only so many ways you contrive to get Brian, Eve and Jake back together again. It’s like a low-rent Silence of the Lambs as Brian offers to help with a new investigation, but the performances (Kelly chief amongst them) just about carry this off. It’s worth watching for the sight of Russell Brand stretching his acting wings as a dodgy stalker.

Krapp’s Last tape (Thursday 9pm, BBC4)

Harold Pinter’s critically acclaimed return to acting in Samuel Beckett’s play comes to BBC4. There’s something awe-inspiring about watching one great master of the word speak the dialogue of an even greater master, and despite losing the immediacy of being in the theatre audience, this is very successful indeed.

Utopia presents one of the most troublesome episodes of Doctor Who purely from a reviewing perspective. I’ve never made a secret of my daftie credentials when it comes to Doctor Who. I can name all the companions in order, give a detailed description of a Taran Woodbeast, and expound on the complexities of production codes in the classic series at great length. I also appreciate the other side of Doctor Who, where it’s just full on brilliant and provides stunning, entertaining TV drama for the widest possible audience - see Human Nature/The Family of Blood for starters.

So how do I review Utopia, an episode that contains some sublimely cack-handed sequences of the variety that used to get the series sniggered at with alarming regularity? There are quarries, cringe-worthy savage future humans, and a grey depiction of the far future with overly serious men striding around corridors. On the other hand, there are some beautifully subtle performances (David Tennant and John Barrowman, I’m looking at you), a brilliant guest-star who makes this acting lark look effortless, and one of the most jaw-dropping moments that pushes my fanboy buttons like never before.

I’m going to rip the plaster off quickly, because having a go at Doctor Who is like insulting your gran. I thought the first 20 minutes were pretty dreadful. It had the hallmarks of that silly brand of TV sci-fi that sketch shows have been ripping the piss out of for years. We’ve zapped forward to the year 100-trillion and suddenly find ourselves in aliens-from-the-planet-Zog territory, previously criticised by Russell T Davies, so it’s a surprise to see his name on scripting duties. This wouldn’t have been out of place in an episode of Blake’s 7, and I love Blake’s 7. I just fear for the regular audience, the real people out there who might feel cheated by an unusually silly, over-earnest opening. Sorry…

Celebrity Masterchef – The Final (Friday 7.00pm, BBC1)

As I write this, I’m kicking myself as I totally forgot to set the DVD recorder for my favourite show (well, aside from that thing with the police box and the monsters). Oh well, the nice man from Sky is coming next week to install Sky Plus, so Series Link feature, here I come! Anyway, this show highlights why I love the tellybox so much. Anything that can make compelling TV out of three celebs cooking a steak has got to be doing something right. Nadia to win!

Jericho (Friday 8pm, Hallmark)

In light of Jericho’s recent reprieve from cancellation across the pond, it might be worth checking out what’ left of the first series in its UK home on Hallmark. It’s good stuff, and you can see why there’s such a dedicated fanbase behind the show. Watch out for Britain’s own Lennie James high up on the cast list.

The Professionals (Friday 9pm, ITV4)

Digital TV is great, isn’t it? Where else could I watch crass, violent, macho 70s crime drama nonsense that left me with a desire to drive a Capri when I was old enough? It’s rubbish, of course, but that neatly sums up that there ain’t much else on tonight worth watching.

Eight out of Ten Cats (Friday 9.30pm, C4)

Return of the mildly entertaining panel show hosted by the “hilarious” Jimmy Carr, where celebrity teams answer questions based on the week’s news. Sean Lock and Dave Spikey are on captain duties, but however funny this is, it’s no replacement for Ugly Betty in my affections.

Doctor Who (Saturday 7.15pm, BBC1)

Doctor Who fanboys should prepare themselves for some jaw-dropping moments this week that will strike at your very heart. The rest of the audience should prepare themselves for some silly running around in a quarry – which is no bad thing. John Barrowman is back as Captain Jack with a fantastic first entrance, and Derek Jacobi makes everything look so effortless as this week’s big guest star. Very much a game of two halves, but you won’t be disappointed…

Jekyll (Saturday 9pm, BBC1)

After his chilling episode of Doctor Who last week, Steven Moffat is on scripting duties for this new James Nesbitt starrer. It’s an intriguing beast that updates the Jekyll and Hyde story with a contemporary setting. In many respects this is a sequel to Robert Louis Stephenson’s original novella, which Moffat takes and moulds to his own purpose. This first episode feels confused in places, but I suspect that’s deliberate and more becomes clear next week. But there’s enough mystery and slick writing to make this a must-watch element of the Saturday night schedule.

Tiswas Reunited (Saturday 9.15pm, ITV1)

You were either a Swap Shop or Tiswas kid – there was no crossover. I was always firmly in the Swap Shop camp with its cosy jumpers and trustworthy presenters. Tiswas was just a little too out there for me, but in later years I appreciate the anarchy and fun on display so much more. Chris Tarrant and Sally James are back together for this one off special that reunites the gang one last time. Lenny Henry, Sylvester McCoy and Bob Carolgees are all on hand, and no doubt Spit the Dog and the Phantom Flan Flinger will be lurking around somewhere. What, no Cough the Cat?

Sex, the City and Me (Sunday 9pm, BBC2)

Cracking one-off drama starring the always-brilliant Sarah Parish as Jessica Turner and set in the cut and thrust world of the City. Merchant banker Jessica embarks on a dangerous journey when she attempts to sue her employers following the treatment she receives after having a baby. A fascinating look at the politics of power and gender in the workplace. Ben Miles, Shaun Dingwall and Sarah Lancashire round out the cast.

Britain’s Got Talent – the Live Final (Sunday 8pm, ITV1)

Well, against the odds, BGT has proved not only to be great TV, but a massive ratings winner for ITV to boot. And I’ll happily admit to being utterly won over by the concept and the acts on show, especially the overwhelming talent of opera singer Paul Potts. It would probably be churlish of me to say that tonight’s live final could be something of a one horse race, as that does a disservice to the other talent getting to this stage. One way or the other, I doubt we’ve seen the last of this incredible, unassuming talent. Although curse Britain’s Got Talent for making me dislike Piers Morgan a little less than I used to.

As all our lovely new readers won’t have any Grease is the Word or Any Dream Will Do coverage to look forward to this weekend, here’s some other reading material: this week’s TV news from The Stage.

• South Bank Show to explore modern themes of Macbeth
• Writer Flannery pens war drama for Channel 4
• Joseph and Grease stars are decided in TV show finales
• ITV launches estate agents-based comedy
• Coupling creator develops new BBC romcom
• BBC talent costs under review
• Grade looks to originality to regain ITV’s drama crown
• Full Grease cast is revealed

And speaking of Grease is the Word, have you caught Alistair’s podcast interview with the winners, Susan and Danny B, and judge David Ian? The Stage was the only paper allowed at Saturday night’s show, and these interviews were taken straight after the results were announced.

Also on TV Today this week:

• Any Dream Will Do, Week 11: The Final
• Grease is the Word, week 10: The Final
• Grease is the Word: The Final - The Live View
• Doctor Who 3.10: Blink
• Steven Moffat wants to bring back ‘Press Gang’
• When reality TV bites back…
• Is the BB love affair over?
• Signs of intelligence in Project Kangaroo
• Britain’s Got Talent - who’s in the semi-finals

I don’t know about you, but I’ve actually been really enjoying the audition shows of Britain’s Got Talent. Okay, so last night’s show started to go a little too far down the traditional X Factor route of showcasing the slightly rubbish acts, leaving less time to enjoy the good ones. And bringing 120 qualifying acts to London for a “callback” that consists of them all sitting in a big room while the judges supposedly work out which ones go through to the live shows was a disappointment. Frankly, I’d rather have had one less audition show (which would mean weeding out several of the so-rubbish-we’ll-laugh-at-them acts) and devote a full episode to callbacks/’boot camp’, where the hopefuls would repeat (and hopefully improve upon) their audition acts.

But anyway — here we are, with the first live semi-final due to go out at 9pm tonight on ITV1. And just for you, the lovely people at ITV have given TV Today the full list of acts for each of the three semi-final shows. If you were watching last night, you’ll know that the original plan to include 24 acts was extended at the last minute to 26. Unfortunately, Richard Bates has now had to pull out, so we’re down to 25.

Below, we list all the acts — and, where possible, link to their appearance on the auditions shows via the copyright-busting goodness that is YouTube. I can’t guarantee the running order for each show, but this is how the line-up for each programme looks:

Thursday

• Caroline Boyes - the break dancer in the Madonnaesque basque
• Damon Scott - the man with the Michael Jackson miming monkey
• Dominic Smith - 14-year-old singer who sang Unchained Melody
• The Free Runners - parkour acrobatic team
• Luke & Charlotte - junior ballroom dancers
• MD Productions - urban dance troupe
• Paul Potts - opera singer
• Mel’s Klever K9s - line dancing dogs

Friday

• Bessie Curzons - 11-year-old Eliza Dolittle
• Craig Womersley - the secret baton twirler
• Crazee Horse - the husband-and-wife balancing act
• Crew 82 - beat-boxing group
• Jake Pratt - diminutive comedian
• The Mini Mezzos - children’s dance troupe
• Scott Holtom - break dancer
• Victoria Armstrong - angle grinding speciality act

Saturday

• The Bar Wizards - Neil and Neil, professional cocktail ‘flarers’
• Cheeky Bits - children’s dance troupe
• Connie Talbot - Six-year-old singer
• Doctor Gore - Horror magician
• Jack Reeve - 79-year-old tap dancer
• Kombat Breakers - hip-hop dance troupe
• Mike Garbutt - comedy impressionist
• Kit Kat Dolls - drag queen girl group
• Tony Laf - singer/songwriter

With Channel 4 creating its own 4OD on-demand service, the BBC still threatening to introduce the iPlayer any year day now, and ITV.com threatening to relaunch with broadband video content, it looked as if the world of TV-by-internet was becoming awash with different mechanisms for delivering much the same sort of content.

Thankfully, it appears that some common sense has prevailed. The BBC, ITV and Channel 4 are in talks to develop a unified platform for video-on-demand services (free registration required). Codenamed Project Kangaroo, the service would ideally provide a one-stop shop for on-demand video, whether it’s free catch-up services immediately after original transmission or paid-for archive material.

One thing that hasn’t yet been disclosed is whether the BBC would be able to sell its back catalogue through this new platform. The BBC Trust’s recent evaluation of the iPlayer was very rigid about what the Beeb could and couldn’t do with its online video services. While BBC Worldwide can, as the Corporation’s commercial arm, achieve more in this area, both a BBC and BBCW presence on Project Kangaroo could muddy the waters somewhat.

That aside, this is very definitely a positive step. And with the project members already in talks with the Digital Television Group, which maintains the standards for Freeview boxes, in time we may come to see on-demand services available via the set-top box in a standards-based way. I know that BT Vision already offers something along these lines, but a standards-based approach that aggregates content from multiple sources is surely the way to go.

I do hope so.

So successful has my quest to go organic on Big Brother been this year that I’ve actually forgotten I was on a quest to avoid the thing in the first place. Is this a sign of how apathetic we’ve become towards the while enterprise?

It makes my heart swell with joy to see headlines like the front page of today’s Daily Star:

“B Bro in Big Crisis!”

I positively skipped into the office with my low-fat Soya mocha this morning, I can tell you. Even more good news followed as I did my daily checks on the over night ratings as reported in the press. It seems that Wednesday night saw something of a ratings low for Big Brother, getting its arse kicked by The Apprentice and Britain’s Got Talent. Only 2.1 million tuned in to the house of tedium against 6.8 million for both The Apprentice and Britain’s Got Talent. (source: Media Guardian [registration required])

This restores my faith in the taste of audiences and strikes a blow to the often-lazy tendencies of our reality TV. Yes, The Apprentice and Britain’s Got Talent are effectively reality shows, but there’s something about them. The Apprentice has some real thought put into the concept, has high production values and is about people competing for something they want in the real world (mostly). And BGT is a new spin on the Opportunity Knocks formula, which is no bad thing. These people are getting up on their hind legs and putting heart and soul into actually doing something. This is a show that celebrates our capacity for fun, and it’s no coincidence that nobody’s attempted an act where they sit on their backside on a sofa, screech at everybody and then bitch about not enough toilet roll being added to the shopping list.

I pray that the days when an audience will willingly watch a group of nobodies sleeping are fast coming to an end. I genuinely believe that the tide has turned and we want more challenging fare from the goggle box. Well, I can hope…

The question to ask is just how much use is Big Brother to Channel 4 now? Reams and reams of bad publicity surround the show, revenues from phone lines are out now that proceeds go to charity, and with ratings slipping, how long will the advertisers stick around?

Of course, it’s early days for Big Brother 8. The series has become a popular whipping boy for the press in recent months, but there’s no smoke without fire. Depressingly, it’ll probably be hailed as the best Big Brother yet in a couple of weeks.

In the meantime, I’d suggest Davina starts looking for a new gig, as I fear Andy Duncan may finally realise that Big Brother just isn’t worth the hassle…

I have to confess at not being particularly upset over the plight of Katie Hopkins, the most controversial candidate ever to take part in The Apprentice. Not only has she crashed out of The Apprentice by her own volition (let’s face it, she wasn’t sacked), she’s now been left out in the cold (geddit?) by the Met Office.

After last Wednesday’s shocking exit by my current most-hated figure on the box (nobody disses Northerners on my watch!), our Katie has now found herself sacked from her £90,000 a year job with the Met Office failing to pass her probationary period. Oops! While the Met Office hasn’t commented on specific reasons for her firing, it has, according to BBC News, considered her conduct on The Apprentice as one of the elements under discussion.

For those who may not be running to the beat of The Apprentice drum (you mad fools), Katie had set herself up as the alpha female of this year’s the show. She has mercilessly gone out of her way to make enemies in the house and insult as many social groups as she can. In last Wednesday’s edition, she happily admitted to lying so she could:

“get someone else’s husband because I wanted him”

adding with a coquettish smile that this was a positive highlight as to how ruthless she could be in business.

I’m not going to go into detail as to the reality of what this really makes Katie, but ruthless it ain’t. She didn’t go on to help herself by getting pictured frolicking in the Sunday papers with her latest married conquest.

Katie seems thoroughly mystified at why she might have become such a hated-figure of fun for the country, and has tried to cast herself as some kind of victim and scapegoat in the aftermath of her time on the show. She told Radio One’s Newsbeat:

“You are going to get loads of press and the people that let me go on the show wanted to cover their own backs and I have become, yet again, a scapegoat.”

Oh dear, you don’t like the away game do you Katie, my orange hued poppet? For somebody who is clearly intelligent and savvy, she’s been terribly naïve. The Apprentice might be a reality show, but it doesn’t give you a free pass to act like a prime bitch who flagrantly admits to (alleged) actions of a socially questionable nature on national TV. In allowing Katie to go on The Apprentice, I’m assuming the Met Office weren’t expecting to have her slarted all over the papers in passionate clinches with married men. Would I want somebody working for me who has the potential for causing personnel issues and conflict within the workplace? What do you think?

Whatever Katie’s motives for going on The Apprentice (and I’m well aware that careful editing and storylining can play a huge part in shaping the facts), there’s a word to the wise in all this. Considering the recent fate of Jade Goody after Celebrity Big Brother and other controversies, reality TV isn’t an automatic route to positive media exposure and big money deals. Audiences are not as forgiving as they used to be and will turn on you in an instant.

Katie might have earned some dosh on the back of being an alleged home-wrecker and trying to cast herself as a victim, but how long is that going to last before the harsh reality of the dole queue hits home?

The final of The Apprentice is on BBC1 tonight at 9pm.

In this week’s edition of The Stage, TV writer Steven Moffat talks to Matthew Hemley about his new fantasy series for BBC1, Jekyll.

Nobody ever adapts the story because the original is based around the idea that you don’t know Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde are the same person until the very end. Because that is so famous now, you can’t really do the original story… One of the variations you can do is modern day, which makes it more immediate — more chilling and contemporary.

And while I’m tremendously excited by the prospect of Jekyll (less so by the prospect of James Nesbitt, but that’s a purely personal thing), as well as the news that Moffat is developing a new romantic comedy, there’s one thing above everything else that tantalises my televisual tastebuds: the possible return of Press Gang.

I would revive that like a shot. I would love to do a reunion episode — a grown-up version. I know Julia Sawalha is interested — every time I see her she asks me when we are going to do it. Maybe it will happen — I would like it to.

Press Gang remains one of the best children’s dramas to ever come out of the UK, and regularly tops the nostalgia polls. If I didn’t already have most of the DVDs already, I must admit I’d be tempted by the Press Gang Complete Series Box Set…

Moffat also talks about rumours that he is to take over from Russell T Davies as head writer on Doctor Who — but you’ll have to buy the paper for that morsel.

The full interview is in The Stage, cover date 14 June 2007, available for £1.30 from most branches of WH Smith and other major newsagents. For more information on this week’s issue, see our In The Paper blog.

Apologies for the late arrival of our weekly Doctor Who review. I’ve only just emerged from under the duvet after Blink scared the living daylights out of me.

Die-hards will always tell you that Doctor Who is such a great idea because it’s such a flexible format, can go anywhere in time and space, can give us an urban techno-thriller one week, silly alien invasion the next, with a tear-jerking romance not far behind. It’s a cliché because it’s true. The format is so loose and broad that we can even have episodes that barely feature the two leads at all, while still managing to feel so much like Doctor Who it hurts (in a good way).

Bill Oddie’s Top Ten Birds (Monday 9pm, BBC4)

I’m trying not to snigger, I really am…

Paul Merton in China (Monday 9pm, C4)

There really is some top-notch documentary fare in the schedules at the moment, and Paul Merton reaches the end of his journey in this excellent travelogue series. Merton arrives in the breathtaking bustle of Shanghai where he visits the bizarre Thames Town, a crazy mock up of a British town, which appears to serve no real purpose as nobody seems to live there.

24 Hours with… (Monday 10pm, C4)

A high concept chat show that sees nicely spoken documentary maker/journalist Jamie Campbell spends 24 hours in a room with a well-known face. He’s a braver man than I as his first interview subject is singer and ex Mr Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown. And it takes just one off-the-cuff comment to get him riled…

Emmerdale (Tuesday 7pm, ITV1)

An hour-long visit to Emmerdale that will have EastEnders battening down the hatches and hope the ratings hold against the Dales juggernaut. Marlon and Eli plan a robbery that goes horribly wrong and sees Marlon with a bullet hole in his chest and liberal splatterings of blood on the wall. The pictures doing the rounds in the press seemed quite brutal for 7pm, but Emmerdale has had its knuckles rapped before for going too far.

Lenny’s Britain (Tuesday 9pm, BBC1)

Lenny Henry travels around the country to find out what makes the nation laugh. Which seems to be an exercise in shutting the barn door after the laughter horse has bolted going by Lenny’s recent comedy outings. Actually, this isn’t bad, and Henry is on good form, mainly because he isn’t trying to convince us he’s still funny and is enjoying being back in his hometown of Dudley.

Andrew Marr’s History of Modern Britain (Tuesday 9pm, BBC2)

This joyous documentary series reaches the 1980s and Andrew Marr dissects the legacy of the Thatcher years in immense detail. He’s an enthusiastic lecturer and his writing encourages the audience to throw some shake ‘n’ vac on this well-worn carpet of history and look at the familiar pattern in a new light. Wonderful!

The Apprentice (Wednesday 9pm, BBC1)

The television highlight of the week for me, The Apprentice reaches the final interview stage and it’s crunch time for Simon and Kristina. My money is on Kristina – she fits all the criteria, hasn’t done my head in once throughout the entire series, and looks seriously committed to taking on a job with the Sir. But this is The Apprentice, and you never know what might happen. Especially when you’ve got Adam working for you in the final task – he could bring the mood down at a wake to be honest. Katie is conspicuous by her absence among the faces from previous weeks. Good.

Will and Grace (Wednesday 11.05pm, C4)

More of the same from the always-enjoyable US sitcom, but more bonkers scheduling from Channel 4. Do we really need Britney: Off the Rails at 10pm? No, of course we don’t. It’s a tough job, but Channel 4 has succeeded in making Five look positively highbrow.

The Bill (Thursday 8pm, ITV1)

It’s easy to forget that The Bill is still there, which is a clear sign that it’s probably due for retirement in the next couple of years. Tonight’s episode is notable for the arrival of a new DC at Sun Hill. Grace Dasari is played by This Life refugee Amita Dhiri, which refreshingly bucks the trend of staffing this long-running cop shop with ex-soapies. Louisa Lytton as a copper? You are having a laugh, aren’t you?

Dalziel and Pascoe (Thursday 9pm, BBC1)

The BBC seems to have forgotten what to do with this mainstay ratings winner and tends to throw it into the schedules at random times. Although there may be method in the madness, with good alternatives on both BBC and ITV that will hopefully dent the ratings of that tedious load of old rubbish on Channel 4 (Hint – I mean Big Brother). Andy’s back from a holiday in Oz leading to some vintage Dalziel grumbling, but he’s soon back to the job in hand with the deathly dull Pascoe to investigate a murder. Of course.

My Name is Earl (Thursday 10pm, C4)

Channel 4 finally gets round to showing the second season of My Name is Earl, one of the funniest sitcoms to come out of the States in recent years. The charm of Earl is all down to the performances, from Jason Lee’s likeable turn in the title role, to Jaime Pressly as his ex wife Joy, tart with a heart (well, it’s somewhere in there). Easy to watch and high on laughs.

Apologies for my brief stint away. I have however, cut my holiday short and returned in time for the Grease is the Word final. Well, not quite, but I am back for the culmination of ITV’s punt at the musical theatre talent show.

And while Anna, who kindly stepped in and took over while I was off on my travels, has covered this week’s televised show, I trotted along to Fountain Studios in Wembley to watch the event in person. So rather than retreading the ground which Anna has already trod (excellently) in her blog, I thought I’d offer some thoughts on how watching the contestants perform live differed from when following them on the TV.

1. The ITV warm-up guy really likes Brian Friedman. I’ll say that again - really likes him. In fact, much of the warm up act simply consisted of him lavishing praise on Brian and his choice of outfit. Especially the faux leopard-skin boots. He really liked them.

2. Zoe Ball is quite incredibly tall.

3. Anthony Kavanagh is not incredibly tall. In fact, had he won, I worry whether he might have been shorter than the rest of the male members of the company. Certainly, if he and Michelle Antrobus had been chosen as the winners, there would have been a real problem with their height ratios.

4. When you’re live in the studio, it’s sometimes hard to hear whether the contestants are hitting all the right notes. The crowd noise is deafening and it made me think it might be forgiveable if the judges occasionally made mistakes or missed bum notes, which appear more obvious when you are watching at home on TV.

5. Susan McFadden has a wonderful voice. I wasn’t 100% convinced by Susan until I heard her at the final. In fact, if I’m honest, I’d been rooting for Michelle. However, Susan was undoubtedly better on the evening and, lets be honest, she always looked the part.

6. Having said that, Michelle clearly has a career in front of her. She may not have quite been right for the part of Sandy, but her acting was streets ahead of anyone else in the competition.

7. In a bizarre coincedence, Danny Bayne performed I’m Your Man by George Michael, when George himself was on stage only a few hundred yards up the road from the studios at Wembley Arena.

8. Anthony does a mean karaoke performance. Yes, after the show, Anthony wowed the crowds with a quick turn on the mic. He clearly does have his mojo back…

While I was there, I also managed to have a quick chat with Susan and Danny post victory (In fact The Stage was the only newspaper to get access to them straight after the show) and I had a word with David Ian about whether he was pleased with the end result.

All being well, we’ll be podcasting them on the site on Monday. So keep an eye out.

One final thing. Watching it live, it seemed like the right result to me - both Danny and Susan undoubtedly outshone Anthony and Michelle vocally on the night. Did that come across on the televised show?

With six million pounds’ worth of tickets already sold for the production of Grease which will star the winners of this show, it was important that the viewers made the right decision. We did it with Connie in How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? so we could do it again. Yes, last night was the final of Grease Is The Word in which Anthony was up against Danny B for the role of Danny, and trying to become Sandy were Michelle and Susan: David Ian said that the winners’ lives would change forever within ninety minutes. All four started with a group performance of Grease Is The Word and, as is often the case, Anthony seemed the first to settle his nerves and give a really charismatic performance (charismatic is what he does best, of course). Danny B looked a little shaky, but grew into it - and the girls looked and sounded as sweet as ever.

Anthony and Danny B were first to do an ‘assessed’ performance, as it were, singing that fabulous doo-wop ballad Sandy. It has to be said that Danny B’s voice stood out immediately; it has depth and warmth and is generally just much stronger than Anthony’s. David Ian said that it was tough to choose between the two, and both David Gest and Sinitta followed suit, refusing to pick a winner - Brian said what we were all thinking, that Danny B’s got the voice, and Anthony’s got the charm.

When Zoe asked Anthony how he was feeling, his attitude that it was “nearly all over” worried me slightly; it seemed that he felt to be at the end of something big, rather than at the start of it…

Next up the girls sang Sandy’s big solo song - Hopelessly Devoted To You. It’s perhaps unfair to say, but when you look at Susan you do see Sandy - luckily, she’s got the voice to back it up, and she dominated in this performance. Michelle is always an endearing presence, though, and acts her way through songs sublimely. During the comments, Sinitta praised Michelle’s acting, Brian praised Susan’s voice, and David Gest showed an immense misunderstanding of the word onomatopoeia (I think he meant alliteration…)

After a quick good luck message from none other than Olivia Newton John (nothing from John Travolta - now that really would have been something) Anthony performed Got The Music In You. He coped with the falsetto absolutely fine, and as always he worked the crowd with his cheeky charm, but I really was concerned about his voice. It’s not that he’s ever out of tune, I’m just not sure that it’s got the strength to fill a theatre night after night. David Ian said, rightly I think, that the song didn’t really show us anything new, and overall the comments were decidedly, and understandably mixed.

In his solo performance, Danny B. played to his strengths, as he made sure he picked a song that showed off his dancing ability, namely I’m Your Man. It was 100% a performance geared towards the role he was going for, and that shows intelligence and commitment. His voice was, as usual, strong and secure, but there were times when he dropped focus, as we’ve seen with Keith over on The Other Side. David Gest wasn’t massively impressed, but the rest gave credit to him for thinking about the performance, and Brian noted that his dancing sets him apart.

Now to the girls’ solo performances. Interestingly, while Danny B. made sure that his act showed off what he can do well, Michelle went entirely the other way, and tried to prove that she can just sing, without falling back on her own dance skills. And you know what, it paid off. She may have started When You Tell Me That You Love Me just a little nervous, but her confidence grew and grew, and by the end, you’d have put money on her being the best singer in the competition. Sinitta called it a passionate and brave performance and Brian said “you slaughtered that song - and that’s a good thing”.

Susan sang One Moment In Time, and gave a more contained performance than Michelle - perhaps she felt she had less to prove on the singing side of things. She let the song develop naturally, rather than going for the money note straight away, and as such allowed us to see her act her way through a number, which was nice to see. David Gest was unreserved in his critique: “When you wail you become one of the greatest singers I’ve seen in the last two decades” and both David Ian and Brian expressed their preference for Susan.

As I was watching the couples perform together in Summer Nights, I realised that my allegiances were swapping from candidate to candidate all the time. Susan’s voice is gorgeous, but she was actually out-sung by Michelle in the last ‘round’. Danny B seems the all round performer, but you can’t ignore the fact that Anthony has a certain spark about him. Luckily, existing members of the cast of Grease - originally sceptical - thought they were all great too, and were completely won over in an acting class with their potential leading performers.

It was time for the result. After the mandatory twenty second wait, Zoe announced that Susan would play Sandy, and Danny B would be taking the part of his namesake. I’m sure that David Ian was very pleased with that outcome - he’s got two performers there who can act, dance and sing, who have been consistent, and who looked absolutely made for each other in the final, celebratory song, We Go Together. Us viewers, we’re a clever lot.

And what about the show overall? Well, I’ve always felt it was a shame that Zoe wasn’t allowed to be more of a part of it, as Graham Norton is over on Joseph, and the single-show format still feels drawn out. They’ve got lessons to learn from the slick Any Dream Will Do, but after just four weeks of following it properly, I really did care about who won, and it was much more than the talent contest some of us ITV cynics thought it might be. Above all, of course, they’ve emerged with two performers who can really do the job.

Hard to believe we’re finally here. A week later than anticipated, but in a couple of hours we’ll have a new West End leading man. Or should that be Lee-ding man, if the bookies are to be believed?

We start with all twelve finalists, reunited for Go Go Go Joseph. Ah, Chris Crosby, you were gone too soon. Ah, Anthony, still holding in your stomach, I see. Ah, Daniel, your fans are quite mad, you know. Good taste, mind, but quite, quite mad…

And with the chandelier dropping as heavily as one of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s botched punchlines, it’s on with the show. Actually, you’ve got to hand it to ALW, his Blofeld impression may be complete rubbish, but he’s really entered into the spirit of Saturday night television. But tonight isn’t about him, it’s about three young singer/actors who are about to embark upon the next stage of their careers. One of them will be at the Adelphi in a few weeks, but I’m sure that we’ll see more of the others, too.

First up is Lewis, with his version of Kiss. But I’m sorry, ‘the Tom Jones song’? How about the ‘Art of Noise cover of a Prince classic with vocals from Tom Jones’? Quibbles aside, if Lewis had delivered this sort of performance throughout the run, he wouldn’t have found himself in the sing-off three times. Out of nowhere, it seems, he’s worked out how to bring both the studio and television audiences along with him, and introduces enough choreography that shows he can sing and dance at the same time without overpowering the vocal. It’s like turning eighteen made him a man.

John: “Showman, Showman, Showman… I’m sorry you saved it to the last show.”
Bill: “More than anything, you’re a winner.”
Andrew: “The cry-baby fried us, baby, tonight. You’ve made the best journey of anybody in this programme.”

Second is Keith, singing Stevie Wonder’s For Once In My Life. Unfortunately, it seems to be in slightly the wrong key for him, with several of the notes in the verses dropping to the limits of his bottom register — and when that happens, his instinct is to drop his chin down. The rest of the time, though, his vocal is as good as it has been through most of the competition. Unfortunately, camera angles don’t show whether he’s cured his odd standing posture. He looks, to me, like he’s still leaning too far backwards.

Zoe: “When I hear you now, it knocks me for six… Scotland’s loss is the West End’s gain.”
Denise: “You sing fantastically every week… from superstore to superstar.”
Andrew: “You really can sing wonderfully, and you’ll have a career whatever happens tonight.”

And now we have Lee. To all those who complained that Lee shouldn’t be here because he’s a professional — wake up. What did you think a West End actor should be? It’s an open audition that may have enabled an amateur to turn professional, but the key is whether someone can do the job. Anyway, here he’s singing The Devil in Disguise, which is a very good performance. But is it a great one? There’s something missing for me, I’m afraid — although I know that the sound levels in the studio are far from ideal (and have been throughout the series), Lee is the first one to sing slightly off-key as a result, going sharp in a few places. The choreography is simple — just walking around, really. To be honest, I expected Lee to blow me away, but Lewis impressed me far more tonight.

John: “You’re a lead in disguise… I forgave you the tuning issues, but the audience loved watching you.”
Zoe: “These boys are on their last dregs of energy… I’ve been tough on you…”
Bill: “This boy is a great interpreter of songs…”
Denise: “…And he’s sexy.”
Andrew: “What happened on the stairs [the sharp note]?… It was terrific.”

Can I just say, by the way, that I do write my notes as the performances are going on? I’ve had a couple of emails throughout this that ‘suggested’ (a polite way of putting it) that I just borrow what the judges say. If that were true, I’d be repeating everything three times while jumping up and down (John), coming up with cheesy catchphrases (Denise), finding something to sit on the fence about (Bill) with a vehement Brummie accent (Zoe)… Nope, it’s all me. Even when I found out that all the Josephs read my reviews, I just carried on regardless. I’ve enjoyed it, though, and I hope you have too.

For his second solo spot of the evening, Lewis sings Beyond The Sea. And for all Bill’s repetition that Lee is a great interpreter of a song, some of it’s clearly rubbed off here. A great big band swing number, and there’s a tremendous confidence there.

Zoe: “Vocally, you’ve picked yourself up… last week you were stunning, and you’re breaking my heart tonight.”
Bill: “You’ve matured and matured and matured… I hope the idiots who bullied you in school are feeling like that right now.” (Hear, hear!)
Andrew: “You’ve come through magnificently… you took that song with a maturity I would not have even dreamt of at the beginning of this programme.”

Next up, Keith performs Moondance, which has become a big band standard since Michael Bublé first covered it. And vocally, I think he’s stronger than Lewis in this style as in so many others — but yet again, I find myself easily distracted when watching him on stage. This is one performer where as little choreography as possible works to his benefit; is that really what the West End needs?

Denise: “Hot, hot, hot! You sing well, and you move great.”
John: “Joseph doesn’t really dance around this much, he just sings ballads, and you are the best singer of ballads.” (Are we finding just a Joseph, or an overall West End star? This is the question that the BBC always struggled with)
Andrew: “You’ve got this incredible voice, but you’re not necessarily a natural dancer.”

The final big band number comes from Lee, with New York, New York — and another song that starts too low for his voice. Once it reaches a more comfortable register, though, his acting chops really come through. From a poor start, he quickly recovers to deliver a barnstorming number that defines the term “showstopper”.

Bill: “I know what you’ve given up to take on this competition… I should have seen back then, what everybody else has seen for the last eight weeks. You are not an understudy, you are a star.”
Zoe: “That was an amazing performance. There couldn’t have been a finer song to show off your fine, fine voice.”
John: “Frank and Liza, move over for Lee!”
Andrew: “You’re a fantastic performer… a great showman.”

So with two songs each, the lines are about to freeze, but first we have a group performance of West Side Story’s Maria. Lee gets the choicest lines, but deserves them: Lewis keeps up, but Keith shows his inexperience, coming a poor third by comparison.

As the lines are frozen and the votes counted, last year’s How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? winner, Connie Fisher, turns up live in the studio (I hope the Palladium audience is happy with Aoife in her place). At this point, she was in Lee’s position — clear favourite with two good performers nipping at her heels. Will the same happen this time? As the results come in, Lee is through. In third place, and out now in the first programme of the evening, is Lewis. Personally, I think that wasn’t the right decision — but now, between Lee and Keith, it’s imperative that Lee wins.

As Lewis hands his coat back, I look forward to whatever he does next. Something tells me it won’t be too long before he’s a major star.

In the second show, Keith and Lee have to give an encore performance of what they thought was their best performance of the series.

Keith goes with Always On My Mind from week 7. It certainly appeals to strengths — an evocative ballad with little to no movement on stage. BUt how on earth can he compete with Lee, who reprises Paint it Black from week 8. Lee’s performance not only showcases his acting ability, but it’s the epitome of the perfect song for the series — a pop song known to the non-musical-savvy section of the audience, but carried with all the weight and conviction that only a true musical theatre performer can deliver.

The ten eliminated Josephs reunite for The Boys Are Back In Town, and each shows how much better they can be when the pressure of competing isn’t weighing on their shoulders. I genuinely have missed some of them. Although in just a couple of weeks, Craig seems to have put on a fair bit of weight… Andrew fluffs a joke aimed at ITV’s Britain’s Got Talent (and very good it is too), currently playing on the other channel, while introducing the remaining finalists’ duet of Jesus Christ Superstar. Keith takes the lead, and you really can see that sparkle in his eyes come and go. At times, he’s 100% engaging, but it switches off in an instant. Would it, I wonder, be that visible to a stage audience? The judges have picked up on it in previous weeks, so I’d guess so. Lee kicks into high gear with his portion of the song. It really is an acted performance, rather than a sung performance with moves. Can there really be any doubt at this stage who deserves to win? Graham turns to Andrew, who refuses to be drawn on who is better. Wimp(!)

After a great VT recap of the last eight weeks of live shows (sniff!), we come to the result. And Lee, deservedly, gets the crown. As I said before, it’s not about him having been a professional before he started — if anything, that made it a greater risk for him to even embark on this most peculiar of audition processes. I don’t think it’s any secret that my particular favourite went out a few weeks ago, but the look on Andrew Lloyd Webber’s face says it all for everybody — it was a great choice, and Lee Mead, like Connie before him, will doubtless be a West End fixture for years to come. And as we end with the show’s first live rendition of Any Dream Will Do — ironically, initially delivered a little sharply — it caps a great series of shows that has helped get the concept of musical theatre into many more living rooms. It’s not a perfect format but, as ITV has shown, it’s a lot better than it could have been…

• All Grease is the Word and Any Dream Will Do fans — stay tuned to The Stage online, and in print, for some great content in the weeks to come…

Coronation Street (Friday 7.30pm, ITV1)

What fresh madness is this? Denise makes a pass at Ken?! Is nothing sacred? Actually, after the way Drearie has been treating her poor husband recently, I wouldn’t blame the Corrie legend for sticking some divorce papers in the post and start making brews full time down in Denise’s hair salon. Are the Barlows heading for the Weatherfield rocks?

Housewife, 49 (Friday 8.30pm, ITV1)

Another chance to see Victoria Wood’s Bafta storming performance as Nella Last, an ordinary housewife who put her thoughts down on paper during the Second World War. Brilliant stuff.

Ugly Betty (Friday 9.30pm, C4)

It’s the finale of what has been a fantastic first series that made a new star out of America Ferrera and introduced us to a cast of grotesques that have become like friends to hang out with on a Friday night. Things could be about to go a stage further for Betty and Henry (the sweetest TV romance this side of Gavin and Stacey), but a bombshell is delivered that stops them in their tracks. Poor Betty.

Doctor Who (Saturday, 7.10pm, BBC1)

Steven Moffat, whose new drama series Jekyll launches in a couple of weeks, pens his third script for Doctor Who, and as you’d expect, it’s fantastic. Beware – if you have little ones, Blink will scare them silly- – in a good way). This episode is what has become known as the ‘Doctor-lite episode’, allowing two blocks of filming to be ongoing at the same time. Involvement from David Tennant and Freema Agyeman is minimal, with the Doctor and Martha trapped in the 60s without the TARDIS and communicating with a girl called Sally Sparrow through a series of DVD extras. There’s a haunted house of the traditional variety, some of the scariest monsters the series has served up and one fantastic joke that will have the fans on the floor. Clever, Mr Moffat. Very, very clever…

Doctor Who Confidential (Saturday 7.55pm, BBC3)

More Doctor Who, and this is a special edition of the behind the scenes show as it’s directed by some bloke called David Tennant. Nice to see the Confidential team giving somebody their big break… Under the title of Do You Remember the First Time?, Tennant, a big Who fan himself, talks to the personnel working on the new series who are fans themselves. And it’s lovely, full of charm and affection, and if you’re a Doctor Who fan, this will make you want to go and watch all your old DVDs straight afterwards.

Any Dream Will Do (Saturday 8.05pm, BBC1)

And here we are at the end of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s search for a new Joseph to take the West End by storm. It’s easy to criticise the format of these shows, but it’s been a thoroughly entertaining run, all helped along by Graham Norton’s effortless stewardship, and comments from the enthusiastic judges (although I wish Barrowman would stop shouting sometimes). For me, the only contender is Lee, but that doesn’t take anything away from the other two at this stage.

Grease is the Word (Saturday 7.55pm, ITV1)

Grease is also coming to an end this week, and to be honest, this one hasn’t grabbed me in the way Joseph has. It’s always felt a bit low rent, and the judges are just not in the league of roster over on the Beeb. Sorry.

Gavin and Stacey (Sunday 9pm, BBC3)

This sitcom has been one of the best things to come out of BBC3 in ages and bucks the trend of actually being funny. Brilliant scripts from Ruth Jones and James Corden (who funnily enough give the best lines to their characters), a charming and believable central relationship and great performances from all concerned make this a contender for a nice long runner. After last week’s revelation that saw Gavin walk away from Stacey, will the wedding actually go ahead, and will Smithy give the worst best man’s speech ever heard? What do you think?

The Apprentice: Why I Fired Them (Sunday 9.30pm, BBC2)

As I rub my hands together with glee at Wednesday’s upcoming final, Sir Alan casts his eye back over the unsuccessful candidates in this year’s contest and sums up why they weren’t up to task. I’m wondering if Katie will actually be lumped in with this lot seeing how she wasn’t actually fired, robbing me of a moment of satisfaction to see Sir Alan throwing those words at her.

Talk to Me (Sunday 9.30pm, ITV1)

A good, solid four-part drama from ITV that seems, for once, to be about people who seem to vaguely have a foot in the real world. Sort of. Max Beesley is the oversexed DJ who decides it’s high time he got off with the wife of his best mate (who also happens to be his producer). Danny Brocklehurst turns in his usual quality script, although Beesley is a touch miscast. That can be overlooked in the face of something halfway decent to watch from ITV.

Last night was the press launch for Britain’s Got Talent, the latest co-production between TalkbackThames and Simon Cowell’s SyCo for ITV1. Eschewing the singer-only shenanigans of The X Factor, BGT goes back to the heart of British live entertainment: the variety act.

Stripped over nine successive days starting this Saturday, the show will whittle down thousands of light entertainment artists to find a winner who, as well as winning a £100,000 cash prize, will get a guaranteed spot in this autumn’s Royal Variety Performance.

As with X Factor, there are a series of audition shows (which will be aired on June 9-13) until a series of three live ‘semi-finals’ (June 14-16), with eight acts battling for enough phone votes to get through to the grand final. Two acts from each semi-final will return for the Grand Final on June 17.

I have to admit, prior to seeing the first recorded audition show, I was wary. After all, the X Factor audition programmes (as with their Grease is the Word offspring) tend to fill an inordinate amount of screen time with plainly deluded wannabes being abused and humiliated by the judges. But there’s little of that here. That’s partly, I suspect, because of the quality and diversity of the acts. A bigger factor, though, is the fact that all the auditions take place on stage, with a theatre packed to the rafters with members of the public. The result is an electric atmosphere that has no chance of ever descending into mean-spiritedness.

As a result, all three judges — Piers Morgan, fresh from the US version, America’s Got Talent, actress Amanda Holden and the ubiquitous Simon Cowell — come across as likeable, enthusiastic and supportive. When allied with the infectious good humour of presenters Ant and Dec, ITV are clearly onto a winner here.

In the first show, look out for a male baton twirler, who was discouraged from the hobby by parents who feared he may be bullied. With his grandmother’s support, he puts in a superb performance. The TV hack beside me at the press launch (whose identity I’ll not divulge to spare her blushes) was blubbing at the emotional reception he was awarded by the audience.

If the standard of the show can be maintained across all nine days, then not only will the show be a success, but there’s a strong chance that the humble live variety act, a staple part of The Stage’s professional audience throughout our 127-year history, could well enjoy a much-needed revival.

• Britain’s Got Talent starts on Saturday June 9, 9.25pm on ITV1.

We spend a lot of time here at TV Today shouting the odds over the often-ridiculous actions of broadcasting companies and their ambivalence towards actually listening to what audiences want. And as far as Channel 4 goes, a channel that really has had a bad week, I really can’t be bothered having a go. Get your house in order…

But over in the States, a nice story about a TV channel’s relationship with its audience has emerged for once. Some of you may be fans of the CBS show Jericho, following the trials of a township after a devastating nuclear detonation. It stars Skeet Ulrich, and early episodes were well received with both critics and audiences. However, buoyant ratings were punctured somewhat when the show took a mid-season break of three months, one of those things peculiar to the US television. On Jericho’s return, the audience didn’t. Cancellation followed a cliffhanger ending in May.

Ah well, that’s the way it goes sometimes… but hold on. It pays not to count a dedicated cult audience out, and Jericho’s hard core fan base were soon deployed in one of the most impressive Save a TV Show campaigns in TV history. Probably…

Petitions and letters were signed, phone calls made to a CBS executive when their number was unearthed, and, most prominently, a reported 50,000 pounds of peanuts were delivered to CBS’s New York offices. The latter is a tribute to a line in the season finale. It seems that cult fan bases have a sense of humour after all.

And so today, probably to stop the deluge of nuts, more than anything, CBS President of Entertainment, Nina Tassler, announced that Jericho would be returning after all with an order for seven new episodes, with the promise of more if ratings pick up.

This gives me a little warm glow in my usually cold as ice TV lover’s heart. Of course, CBS wouldn’t even think of going ahead with the new commission if it didn’t see the potential to make a quick buck. Whether or not the new episodes of Jericho rate highly or not, such a dedicated fan base means guaranteed DVD sales (the first season will be available in September). The new episodes will, at the very least, break even, and might even make a bob or two on the sell through market. And potential advertisers will be more than happy with the audience demographic skewing towards a desirable audience in the 18-49 demographic. So, everybody’s a winner – the fans get new stuff, the network makes money. Hurrah!

This isn’t the first time CBS has relented on bringing a show back after cancellation. Cagney and Lacey was cancelled in 1983, but was delivered a reprieve the following year, probably thanks to Tyne Daley winning the Emmy for Best Actress. Another four years and more Emmy awards for both lead actresses followed. Star Trek seemed to get cancelled every year, and then made a legendary comeback in the late 1970s to spawn a series of 10 movies and countless spin-off TV series. And my personal favourite, Firefly, cancelled after barely a dozen episodes, persuaded Universal to commission a movie following stellar DVD sales.

This goes to show that you should never underestimate the tenacity and enthusiasm of an audience when their favourite show is under threat. I shudder to think what will happen this time round when the BBC finally decides to rest Doctor Who again (although I doubt that’s going to be happening anytime soon).

Although one has to sympathise with Tassler, who in her statement on the subject, put in a final, desperate plea:

“PS. Please stop sending us nuts.”

In the news section of this very website, Matt has been reporting on the industry fury at the BBC’s new policy on closing credits for the Corporation’s programmes. Well, it isn’t just industry fury on show, as an audience member, I’m furious!

Did I see correctly at the end of last night’s Springwatch as the screen reduced into four very tiny squares filled with a moving, senseless, scrawling nonsense? It looked ugly, unprofessional and thoroughly un-BBC like. Worse than that, while ITV has been condensing credits for ages now, I doubt even such an independently minded channel would go to these ridiculous lengths.

I find this statement from the BBC to be somewhat troubling:

“Research shows up to 80% of viewers leave a programme at the start of the end credits.”

Yes, and? Chasing audiences is, so we’re told, anathema to the very core of the BBC and its public service remit, so really, you shouldn’t be worrying about that. I think it’s more likely that 80% of your audience will have turned off waiting for that bloody hippo to swim to the surface…

Closing credits are about celebrating the talent that has put together the great show you’ve just watched, the creative people who have entertained, informed or educated us.

But further than that, what about some of the great closing credits we’ve had over the years? Just think of a world where we’d never heard the phrase

You Have Been Watching

Doesn’t bear thinking about, does it? I was always mortified if I couldn’t see which way Worzel Gummidge fell at the end of each episode. How about that noughts and crosses game during the closing music of Terrahawks. Oh. That was just me then…

But the point remains that, on the whole, the Beeb’s actions in this are NOT A GOOD THING.

Auntie, you should be ashamed of yourself.

and I still haven’t cracked. It’s early days, I know, but onwards and upwards. I’ve discovered that pairing my socks is a handy alternative the tedium, and it calms me down when I realise that ER isn’t on until 11.05pm thanks to BB sitting like a brick across the schedules.

I’m also proud of the fact that, even with tabloid exposure, I know the names of not one housemate. This is a first.

Join me in my quest, you know it makes sense!

Coronation Street (Monday 7.30/8.30pm, ITV1)

A big Corrie storyline reaches something of a climax tonight as Paul Connor finally goes nuts and decides to stuff Leanne in the boot of his car and go for a little drive. This one has been brewing for a while, and it’s a fantastic pay-off ,ending in a stunning car crash that leaves Paul fighting for his life. Leanne’s also left fighting for her boyfriend, as Liam knows the truth about her real job. Note to EastEnders: this is how to do a car crash.

Prison Break (Monday 10pm, Five)

Um, with this having being commissioned for a third season, I’m a little confused as to how it can still go under the title Prison Break. Shouldn’t it now be Prison Broke? Entertaining, but the premise is stretching ever thinner.

Rob Brydon’s Annually Retentive (Monday 10.30pm, BBC3)

Annually Retentive bows out of its second series with the usual high quality, but with a format change that sees Rob going back to his roots in Wales, riffing on mercilessly on Who Do You Think You Are? One of the most intriguing comedies to come out of BBC3, and one that easily deserves a third commission.

A History of Modern Britain (Tuesday 9pm, BBC2)

Andrew’s Marr’s excellent series reaches the late 1960s, moving into the 1970s, and finds a country in a dark mood on the turn of the decade. There was a very bleak outlook, with terrible economic decline, Vietnam, the worsening situation in Northern Ireland, and, on the whole, a general malaise getting into the very fibre of Britain. A brilliant series.

Trinny and Susannah Undress (Tuesday 8pm, ITV1)

There’s very much a sense that, since moving to ITV from the Beeb, Trinny and Susannah aren’t as good as they used to be. Mmm, not sure about that, as I thought they were pretty iffy in the first place. I find it questionable that anybody in the TV industry thinks it acceptable to place people who have deeper problems than getting a new frock will solve on television for all to see, and then hammer home some therapeutic ritual humiliation. And can anybody please explain how this pair go from choosing new outfits for people on the Beeb to being marriage guidance counsellors on t’other side? I mean, really…

Holby Blue (Tuesday 8pm, BBC1)

I keep checking in to see if this has got better. It hasn’t.

Challenge Anneka (Wednesday 9pm, ITV1)

Somebody, somewhere at ITV is clearly having a laugh.

The Apprentice (Wednesday 9pm, BBC1)

We’re in the final furlong of a fantastically entertaining third series of The Apprentice, and now business acumen is out of the window because now it’s totally down to personality and succeeding on your own merit. In the interview round, the candidates are grilled by three of Sir Alan’s top execs, and they have proven to be brutal in previous years. I fear for Tre’s chances in this round as his arrogance might just rub the interviewers up the wrong way, and I pray that Katie is unmasked as the smug charlatan we know her to be. Simon is a little boy lost at this stage, and my hopes for an interesting final lie with Christina and Lohit. Bring it on!

Will & Grace (Wednesday 11.05pm, C4)

Oh well done Channel 4. What a blinding piece of scheduling, placing the final season of Will & Grace on at 11.05pm. Thank you Big Brother for once again leaving absolutely no room in the schedules to put some decent TV on. Irritation at this aside, enjoy this final time together with Jack and Karen (oh, and I seem to recall there were characters called Will and Grace too). This first episode is notable for having being broadcast live, which seems a perfect fit for the sometime theatrical nature of the gags and the performances. I just hope I’m still awake…

Hustle (Thursday 9pm, BBC1)

A solid final episode of this fourth series of cons and beautiful people that suffers from possibly being a little too tricksy for its own good. This series has benefited from some episodes being set in the States (almost a sleight of hand to hide the departure of Adrian Lester), and the Vegas backdrop works well here. The Mafia pay a visit to Albert, so the gang decide to go hell for leather and pay them a visit back. Fingers crossed for a new series.

You Can Choose Your Friends (Thursday 9pm, ITV1)

You know I’m a sucker for heart-warming, undemanding fare, and this one-off comedy drama fits the bill nicely. A nice, middle-class family all come together to celebrate the 45th wedding anniversary of their mum and dad. You don’t need to know the rest, I’m sure you can guess what transpires. This is worth it, if nothing else, for the reunion of Julia McKenzie and Anton Rodgers as mum and dad – TV legends, together again. Any chance of a new series of Fresh Fields? Wait a minute, where did you all go..?

This week’s penultimate show should, in the original scheme of things, have been the final, until the BBC managed to squeeze an extra programme into the run. As it is, we’re going to have to wait another week to find out who is going to be donning the real coloured coat. This week’s opening song didn’t give too much away — as with last week, Lee’s voice dominated the mix, while visually it’s hard to fault Ben.

Asked right at the off if he would be happy if any of the four remaining Josephs won, Andrew Lloyd Webber replies, “Yes… just about”. That’s a no, then.

There’s no theme for the solo songs this week. First up, Keith is given Barry Manilow’s Could It Be Magic?. And it starts off as Manilow’s version does, as a soft rock ballad, before picking up the tempo and becoming more like Take That’s version. Unusually for Keith, whose strength has been in the ballads, he comes across better as the speed picks up. Facially, though, there’s something lacking there — I can’t see any sense that he’s acting out the character of the song. John Barrowman says he’s brilliant, noting that he gave fellow judge Denise goosebumps. For Bill, it was a great vocal performance but he needs to work on the heart of the song. Denise reckons the West End needs to check him out (and for those confused by Daniel’s comments the other week about judges being fed lines to say, I’m sure it’s those sort of cheesy one-liners he meant). For Andrew, Keith is just a heartbeat away from being complete magic.

Next, Ben sings Ease On Down The Road from The Wiz. Yes, a song that originated in musical theatre! That said, it’s one that has very little in the lyrics to allow a sense of character to break through. And despite being made famous by Michael Jackson, the choreography is, dare I say, a little pedestrian. It certainly doesn’t allow Ben’s normal ebullience to shine to its greatest effect, which makes his vocal flaws all the harder to forgive. As usual, it’s good to watch (although he’s been better) but hard to listen to. Zoe says he can wipe the floor with the rest of guys with his stage performance, but Joseph often sits still and gives a controlled vocal performance — and he’s not sure he can do that. Ben counters back straight away — as I feel I’ve said so many times before, that’s a risky strategy to take when the audience at home is voting. He says he worries that Zoe is sitting waiting for him to do the hard notes — but as Denise rightly points out, opening night as Joseph in front of national newspaper critics will be far, far harder. John leaps to Ben’s defence and says that he’s a star. Bill says that he has to take compliments — he is phenomenal. Instinctively, though, he feels that Ben isn’t right for Joseph. Andrew compares Ben to Maria’s Aoife, who was a great performer. He didn’t get the laid-back performance he was hoping for, he says, but Ben is a talented performer.

Next up, we had the second apology of the week over the technical debacle of the Joseph school choir search. I’m hoping to do a blog post about this topic before next week’s final, so we’ll move on straight here to the first set of duos. Keith and Ben sing the first Lloyd Webber song of the evening, Only You from Starlight Express. And Ben shows that he’s more than just a Robbie Williams-like showman, he’s also a good musical actor. His vocal is vastly improved here. Keith is vocally good as always, but again I look at him and I see a singer, not a character singing a song. Andrew notes that Ben’s role is written for a much older man, but both Josephs took all his notes. Denise says that her eyes were drawn to Ben, and her ears to Keith, which is a fair appraisal. Ben starts the backchat again — really, when will contestants learn? John notes that Ben sang a ballad beautifully, for once, and is really confused about which one was better.

Back to the solo performances and Lewis sings the Neil Diamond classic Sweet Caroline. I have a feeling this is one of those performances he’s going to look back on and cringe, as the tuning is all over the place. That said, it’s a very good performance, really working with the lyric and connecting well with the audience. John agrees, saying he was simple, sincere and sweet — but questions whether Lewis has the ‘fire’ to want the Joseph role; is he just looking for fame? Bill says he’s always been convinced Lewis could be Joseph, but the question mark is over confidence. Lewis is growing every week, but isn’t there yet. He needs direction more than anyone — but takes direction better than anyone. For Denise, she can see the fire that John doesn’t. Andrew worries that lewis would go to bits if he got terrible reviews (which Bill reckons won’t happen). That’s twice in the same week that theatre critics have been referred to as these fearsome creature able to destroy actors’ confidence. We’re a nice lot, really! Well, some of us are, at least…

With the final solo performance of the evening, Lee is given Bon Jovi’s Livin’ On a Prayer. Of the four solo songs, this possibly has the most overt storytelling aspect to it, but with a lyric in third person it’s more of a narration than anything more tangible. Lee makes a decent stab at conveying the emotion within a rock’n’roll performance, though. But what is it with the choreography tonight? Everybody’s been bouncing up and down those stairs. Near the end, he messes up the lyric (missing out on ‘Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear’) but recovers effectively. I daresay a theatre audience wouldn’t notice, and that’s the sign of a professional. Zoe attributes his slip to being scared, and praises his recovery, but says it wasn’t a 100% performance. Bill sticks up for Lee having a professional background, which some viewers have criticised (are they mad?), and says that Lee could be an international star rather than just a West End one. Andrew again praises Lee’s coverage of his lyrical slip, and says that on stage any actor would have to do the same.

For the second duo of the evening, Lewis and Lee sing Oh! What A Circus from Evita. And both are excellent. Indeed, it’s notable just how much better all four have been when placed in a proper musical theatre scenario. You’d expect Lewis to be outclassed by Lee, but he steps up and does an extraordinary job. Andrew notes that they both took every single note, and were both exceptional. For Zoe, Lewis became a musical theatre singer in that song. And we don’t have time for any more comments, which is possibly as a result of Ben’s backchat causing a slight overrun in the running time — although it’s more likely to be due to whatever behind-the-scenes delay led Graham and Andrew to clearly extend their choir school for longer than expected.

In the results show, the final group performance of the evening is the Queen/David Bowie classic Under Pressure. Lewis and Lee draw the short straws, being given yet more falsetto lines, and Lewis copes far better than Lee. Other than that, all four give very good performances.

In a VT segment, the four remaining Josephs go behind the scenes at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane to meet the cast of Lord of the Rings. Ben asks Brian Protheroe, who plays Saruman, who he would feel playing alongside an actor who’d won a role through television. His reply is:

If I was in a show and you had won a competition for a part, I would be a little wary, and you’d have to prove yourself to me. And that’s probably what you’re going to have to deal with.

I think that’s a very mild form of reaction from the industry — some of the mail we’ve got in to The Stage has been much more extreme — but I think the Any Dream Will Do production team deserve credit for at least acknowledging the tensions within the acting profession that shows such as this have caused.

Back to the studio, and asked who isn’t Joseph, Zoe and Bill pick Ben while Denise and John go for Lewis. And the phone votes agree, as the pair are in the sing-off again, which means Lee and Keith go through to the final without ever having been in the sing-off.

This week’s sing-off song is I Dreamed A Dream from Les Miserables. Two weeks ago, the same musical gave us Bring Him Home and Daniel’s valedictory performance. Neither Ben nor Lewis can achieve those heights here, with both struggling when the song hits the bottom end of their range. But all the way through, Lewis carries himself with a confidence that Ben doesn’t quite manage. And so, with his last save of the series, Lewis goes through to the final while his old Italia Conti schoolmate, Ben has to hand in his coat. Sadly for Ben, his departing Close Every Door doesn’t hit the high standard of some of more recently departed Josephs, with his voice again not quite getting to where it needs to be. The final will be the poorer for his absence in the competition, but it still promises to be a spectacle.

After Human Nature last week’s opening salvo in this two-part Doctor Who story, one question prayed on my mind: how do you top that? Easy, you put out an episode that provides more of the same, but ratchets up the emotional, action and creepiness factor to provide an episode that, dare I say it, is even better than last week…

I could say, once again, that Freema Agyeman is magnificent. But that goes without saying. I could say, once again, that David Tennant’s performance takes us in new directions. But that too, goes without saying. Everything I wibbled on about last week is still here, from the script and direction to the brilliant performances (step forward Harry Lloyd). But I don’t want to get boring.

Instead, I’ll focus on the themes put forward here in Paul Cornell’s emotionally charged script (which some of you may know was based on his much-feted Doctor Who novel, Human Nature, from the 90s).

Last week, in the first of two semi-finals, we found the two guys who will be competing for the role of Danny - Anthony and Danny B. Tonight, it was time to find the two final Sandys. The four left in the competition are Alison, Susan, Vicky and Michelle, and while I wouldn’t say that the standard is higher among the ladies than it was among the men that were left at this point, it is certainly more even. Each of them are solid in two of the three areas - dance, vocals and acting - that make up that dreaded ‘triple-threat’, but it seems that the watch-word tonight was definitely ‘acting’. David Ian was at pains to point out, on several occasions, that Sandy only sings one song her own, that it’s the acting that’s really important. With that in mind, each of the girls took part in an acting class with Ben Richards, under the watchful eye of Paul Nicholas. Here’s how they got on…

First to sing was Alison, but first we saw a short clip of that acting class. Her American accent was as good as any of the other girls in the competition, and Ben thought that she’s a great sweet Sandy - but might struggle with her raunchier side. The poor girl - in a night of quite poor uptempo song choices, I reckon - was landed with Better The Devil You Know to try and show off her voice - not an easy thing. Nerves, I think, got the better of her, and it came through her in her voice. David Gest said that it was a poor all-round performance, which seems a little harsh, but you had to agree when all the judges criticised her vocal. David Ian made a good point that Alison may actually be better suited to the quirkier role of Frenchie.

Susan came next, and it was two thumbs up in terms of acting from both Ben and Paul Nicholas. Ben said that she was a great, honest actress, and Paul could see her portraying both sides of Sandy’s character really well. So far so good. Susan got a better song to get her teeth into, I Love Rock and Roll, and she seemed to have fun singing it. It was a polished and assured performance both vocally and in terms of dancing - not spectacular perhaps, but certainly professional. Brian thought that it was a bad song choice for her, but the comments were generally really positive, and David Ian certainly thinks she’s got the perfect look for Sandy.

Third to take to the stage was Vicky, and it was clear from the start that acting is her weak link. Paul said that she has a great physical presence, but Ben was worried that she lacks confidence, and it has to be said that her accent was pretty poor. Boy she can certainly sing though. Vicky may have had a slightly slow start to this performance of Lady Marmalade, but when she lets rip, it’s clear that she’s the best singer in the competition. Tellingly, though, the comments did tend to centre around her acting, despite high praise for her singing, her dancing, and the fact that she has improved consistently throughout the competition.

Last up was Michelle, and she was another great little actress. You’re instantly drawn to her on the stage, and the accent’s great. Ben loved her big brown eyes, and pointed out that her dance training means that she can hold herself and strut really well. She had a tough time of it with the song choice (again!) though, Get The Party Started really isn’t made for a sweet voice like hers, and there were several dodgy notes. But she made as good a job of it as was possible, and Sandy never has to sing a song like that. All of the judges praised Michelle’s acting skills, but had to admit that her vocals aren’t the strongest.

At this point, the judges decided to send Alison home, which was predictable, despite the fact that there wasn’t much between the four girls when you take all three elements into consideration. But in the end, it seems that her voice just isn’t up to the task.

Then it was onto the ballads, and, to be honest, it was just a case of confirming everything we already knew about the remaining contestants: Susan and Michelle put in clean performances, and Vicky absolutely blew the roof off with her rendition of Because of You. But it seems that David Ian’s constant reminders that Sandy needs to able to act more than she needs to be a phenomenal singer paid off, and the viewers decided that Vicky should go home. It seems a shame to lose such a great voice, but in the end the all-rounders have won through, as they perhaps should. Next week, it’s the final: Anthony vs. Danny B, and Susan vs. Michelle.

Celebrity Masterchef (Friday 7pm, BBC1)

Just as much fun as Masterchef proper, this has all the usual elements that make this show such a TV Today obsession. Greg loves his puds, John’s powers of observation are sharp (“That’s a plate of food…”), and the celebs get flustered when their soufflés fail to do whatever it is soufflés do. Tonight is the first quarterfinal. Have the celebs got what it takes to impress John and Greg?

Ugly Betty (Friday 9.30pm, Channel 4)

Penultimate episode of the fun, frolicsome first series of Ugly Betty, but rejoice, because a second is on the way! The Suarez family head down to Mexico to await Ignacio’s visa, giving us prime opportunity to meet the rest of the clan (who will no doubt pop up next year). Elsewhere, it’s all going tits up at Mode, but Daniel doesn’t care as he’s popping happy pills like Smarties. And every week, I still have to look twice and make sure that really is Jim Robinson from Neighbours…

The Friday Night Project (Friday 11.05pm, C4)

Against my better judgement, I’ve always liked The Friday Night Project. Obviously that doesn’t include a show called The Friday Night Project with Jimmy Carr and the redhead from Rob Brydon’s Annually Retentive. I mean, what was that about? There’s something endearingly innocent about the rapport between Alan Carr and Justin Lee Collins, and tonight David Walliams is the guest host.

Doctor Who (Saturday 7.10pm, BBC1)

Okay, I’ll try not to be gushing here, but after last week’s fantastic opening episode, The Family of Blood was going to have to do something very special to top Human Nature. And it just about does it as a terrified John Smith faces up to the reality that he really is the Doctor, and the Family go to any lengths to bring the Time Lord out into the open. Throw in some battles with scarecrows, a tragic love story, the brilliantly creepy Harry Lloyd as the evil Baines and a genuinely moving ending, this is the only drama you need to watch this weekend.

Any Dream Will Do (Saturday 8.05pm, BBC1)

Ooh, innit nail-biting? One week left until the final, so the tension in this penultimate round will be ramped up to the max. For what it’s worth, I’m still rooting for Lee.

Seven Ages of Rock (Saturday 9pm, BBC2)

This show deserves a much wider audience than its actually getting, being a superbly made documentary series on the history of rock music. This week’s is a little more vibrant than usual, coming to 1975 and the dawn of the punk movement. Not as angry as you might think, it has contributions from some of the architects of punk, including John Lydon who expounds at length on the experience of live performances with the Sex Pistols. Riveting.

This is Your Life (Saturday 9.25pm, ITV1)

Sir Trevor McDonald takes up the big red book. But I’m confused… This is supposedly a one-off return for the legendary TV show, but my question is: why? What’s the point? It’s well-known that the subject of this show is Simon Cowell (he was surprised by Sir Trev on the set of the American Idol final) and that it will feature music performances, but still… Unless ITV are treating this as a pilot, or intend to just roll out the show as a promotional show for its expensive stars. Ant and Dec, come on down!

Coast (Sunday 8pm, BBC2)

They don’t half knock this show out at the Beeb, but then, there is an awful lot of coast to examine. The hugely watchable Bafta-bagging natural history show returns with the usual sumptuous scenery and fantastically bubbly and enthusiastic commentary from the experts on hand. And thankfully, one of my TV crushes of the last year, Dr Alice Roberts is still hand to brighten the show up even more.

The Chase (Sunday 8pm, BBC1)

Mildly entertaining drama The Chase returns for an extended run of 12 episodes. That is if you can get past those tediously irritating trailers (‘Lady muck!”). Gaynor Faye has always been something of an irrational hatred of mine (I’m sure she’s very nice), but there’s a good cast on call elsewhere, including Michelle Holmes and Nicola Stephenson. Will the vet-based drama have the legs for 12 episodes? I hope so, because extended runs are the future of British drama.

The Apprentice – Beyond the Boardroom (Sunday 9pm, BBC2)

A look at the remaining candidates left in this year’s contest to become Sir Alan’s newest apprentice. Friends and parents give their insights into the personas on show, not to mention the thoughts of the Bodie and Doyle of the series, Nick and Margaret. I still say they need their own show.

How We Built Britain (Sunday 9pm, BBC1)

David Dimbleby. Walking around pretty buildings. Cool.

Some of the newer visitors to TV Today (and we know there are lots of you — readership to the blog went up by a whopping 73% month-on-month in May) may not be aware of all the news coverage that The Stage provides.

Just this week, we have reported on the following:

• Big Brother criticism could harm Channel 4’s public sector case
• Magpie presenter Bastable dies
• BBC to move 1,500 staff members to Manchester
• Sex and the City actress to star in ITV1 Kipling drama
• Dance to play Wolfenden in BBC gay decriminalisation special
• Timothy Spall and son to star in Forster classic for ITV1
• Ofcom’s spectrum auction delayed until autumn
• Code to call time on reality show cruelty
• Producers lobbied to increase home grown programmes
• BBC to screen National Theatre of Scotland hit Black Watch
• Hunt leaves BBC to lead Five’s programming
• BBC to investigate phone-ins after “grave mistakes”

In this week’s print edition — available around the UK for the princely sum of £1.30 — there is plenty for TV lovers to enjoy:

• Actress Sheridan Smith talks about moving from BBC Three’s Four Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps to The Little Shop of Horrors in the West End, as well as her ongoing roles in BBC sitcoms Love Soup and Grownups.

• Comedian Richard Herring talks about his new one-off drama, You Can Choose Your Friends, which is broadcast on ITV1 next Thursday. Initially conceived as a sitcom idea, the drama revolves around the 45th wedding anniversary of Ken and Margaret (Anton Rodgers and Julia McKenzie), with Herring playing their son, Ian.

• Ronald Wolfe, writer of classic comedies such as On The Buses and The Rag Trade, has been attending the Rose d’Or festival in Lucerne since the Seventies. He looks at the television festival, explaining why it is such an important event in the television industry calendar.

And of course, there are pages and pages of recruitment adverts. You never know — one of them could end up being for one of British television’s most famous presenting roles…