July 2007 Archives

My, but doesn’t time fly? It was just over a year ago that TV Today brought you the news that Emu would be returning to children’s television, under the watchful arm of Toby Hull, son of the late Rod Hull.

And it was with some trepidation that this morning at TV Today towers, we received the official press release for the series along with a dinky little promo reel. And you know what, it doesn’t look half bad… Trepidation, be gone!

The set-up is simple – Emu and his best friend Toby move into a supposedly pet free tower block, where all sorts of madcap fun can ensue. Of course, with the block management not being well-disposed towards large blue birds, Emu is always under threat from hapless security guard Ken Cole, who’s forever trying to catch the “eponymous puppet with a penchant for pecking”. Thankfully, next door neighbours Charlie and Dani are on hand to give Toby and the blue bird a helping hand.

Okay, it isn’t exactly War and Peace, but as a kid’s show aimed at 6-11 year-olds, it’s about on the money. Toby Hull is as genial a sidekick as you’d hope to see, playing the straight man well, but also clearly accomplished at the slapstick necessary for this kind of show to work. From the promo reel, he’s quite happy looking like a prat at the wings of Emu for the greater comedy good, much like Mathew Corbett did with Sooty, and course, just like Toby’s late great father.

But the odd thing about the promo is seeing “that bloody bird” to quote Michael Parkinson, moving independently of Toby. There are a couple of occasions when he’s being held in the traditional manner by Toby, complete with false arm, but otherwise he’s quite capable of moving around on his own. He can even pick things up with a wing to pass objects to Toby – high tech or what? What’s even more startling are the little snickers and squeaks that come from the bird – one of Emu’s original charms was that silent, cheeky poker face he had. But as a sop to modern television production, I’ll let that one go.

But the press release is a bit odd and is written in a very confusing manner, especially:

“This is essentially ‘Emu the early years’ with a flapping fresh, young and brilliant blue Emu taking centre stage. Join everyone’s favourite feathered friend, on his adventures! Close calls with beady eyed security guards and scheming, money grabbing neighbours, Emu stays unflappable with sidekick and best friend Toby, who will be assuming the role of a young, unforgettable, Rod Hull.”

From this, you’d be forgiven for thinking that this was a Casino Royale version of Emu, Emu Begins, which mis-sells the series somewhat. It implies that Toby Hull is playing his father, when it’s clear from the promo he isn’t. I think the press release wanted to pay tribute to Rod Hull (and quite right), but methinks another couple of drafts would have helped.

But that’s by the by. After some initial scepticism here at TV Today, it’s entirely possible that we might just be looking forward to this. Any kids show that has Emu sitting in a bath eating popadoms and wearing a shower cap has got to have something going for it… Now if we can just have a return for Dr Emu and the Deadly Dustbins, I’ll be a happy, um… birdy.

Watch out for Emu, coming soon to CITV

Bit of a facetious title, really — but the Society of London Theatre recently invited me to take part in a discussion about Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat for the first of their new podcast series, The Cast.

The first part of the podcast is a discussion about Lee Mead, the casting by television process and the show itself. See if you can spot my deliberate (okay, frankly rather silly) mistake about the new addition to the production…

To listen you can download the MP3 directly. If you want to subscribe, and receive future editions of the fortnightly podcast as they’re published, things get a little more complex. The feed URL is http://www.officiallondontheatre.co.uk/site/mp3/2006/pod/feed.xml, and you’ll need to copy and paste that into whatever podcast subscription application you use. For example, if you use iTunes, you should go to the Advanced menu, select Subscribe to Podcast… and then paste the feed URL into the box.

Update: The Cast is now showing up in the iTunes directory, so you can subscribe to it from the podcast’s iTunes page easily.

After last week’s selection process, this week’s DanceX got down to the nitty-gritty of slimming down the hopefuls. From now on, public votes will decide which troupe, managed by either Arlene Phillips or Bruno Tonioli, is the more popular — and the losing team must drop a member.

Each week’s show is to have a different theme, with Saturday being dedicated to Latin style. After the initial opening number showcasing all fourteen contestants, it was Team Arlene’s job to show what they could do. And, despite a few rough edges, they showed that they were already gelling as a good team. I must admit I don’t share Arlene’s enthusiasm for Emanuel, who has been built up as a ‘leading man’ around which the rest of the troupe revolves. Together, he and Daniel are clearly being built up as the principal dancers, the latter’s street style being showcased by Ashley Wallen’s tightly choreographed routine. The use of seven chair props gave the opportunity of what Bruno termed a “diva moment”, which didn’t quite come off. I do feel sorry for Kalvin, who (based on my limited knowledge) comes across as one of the strongest dancers technically, but who is overshadowed by the showmanship of his two male teammates.

In contrast, Team Bruno’s choreographer, Derek Hough, devised a slower, more sensual piece that suffered because of the odd numbers of dancers, poor Marcquelle having to accompany both Marie and Becky (making all three’s choreography suffer as a result) . But everybody seemed to be having problems with it, with a sense of hesitancy hanging over all seven dancers. Maybe it’s just that being ill at ease with a routine is harder to cover up in a slower dance setting, but even if all the dancers had been on top form I’m not sure that I would have found Team Bruno’s routine as interesting as their competitors’.

On to the songs, and a rendition of Balamores by Team Arlene kicked off with a horrible sound emanating from Emanuel. CeCe Sammy picked up quite correctly that he started badly, noting also that he fared better as soon as Kalvin and Daniel were able to join in. Conversely, Claire’s lead vocal of La Isla Bonita for Team Bruno was nearly scuppered by one of her male teammates on their first line of backing, which was horrendous. Both teams recovered well, though.

Come the final performances, and Bruno’s team began to pull something back in the dancing. Whatever issues Phoenix and Daniele may have off-camera (and there are clearly some, despite their public protestations on stage), they complement each other quite nicely. Too nicely, perhaps — are they each vying for a spot as the team’s sole alpha male?

As it is, the phone vote went in Team Arlene’s favour, so it was up to Bruno to throw out a team member. Daniele was visibly shaken to be left in the bottom two, but as soon as the phone result was called I think it was fairly obvious that he would lose (a) a girl (leaving three girls to three boys), and (b) Becky, as the other girls each stand out more. Somehow, I suspect Bruno’s mind was made up before the rather ineffectual dance-off.

So, Arlene keeps hold of her team of seven and Bruno must rally his reduced troupe for next week’s programme. Latest reports indicate that DanceX is not doing too well in the ratings, producing a lower than average share for BBC1 in its Saturday slot. I think it’s a shame, as the programme is producing some good old-fashioned light entertainment.

Don’t forget that CeCe Sammy, Bruno’s vocal coach, continues her regular column only in The Stage print edition, on sale every Thursday.

• Previously: Week 2 / Week 1

India with Sanjeev Bhaskar (Monday 9pm, BBC2)

The season of programmes to mark the independence of India and Pakistan continues with this likeable documentary in the company of The Kumars at No 42 star Sanjeev Bhaskar. It’s fascinating and incredibly watchable as he explores Mumbai and witnesses the economic changes sweeping across India, through entertainment and business. It feels a little light in places, but Bhaskar is a genial guide who is investing personally in the subject matter, and there’s a promise of weightier matters to come in the next instalment.

Rosemary and Thyme (Monday 9pm, ITV1)

I’m not the biggest fan of Rosemary and Thyme, but this is a rare new episode for the now defunct twee gardening detectives (Felicity Kendal and Pam Ferris). It’s clear ITV is clearing out some of the old dinosaurs sitting in the archive waiting for an airing. Enjoyable if you like Horlicks.

Diana: Last Days of a Princess (Monday 9pm, Five)

An interesting docudrama that, like most programmes about the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, can never be truly successful as there’s so much we’ll never know. Bodies bad guy Patrick Baladi stars as Dodi Al Fayed, but it’s Genevieve O’Reilly who worked so hard in Time of Your Life’s central role, that gets all the attention here as Diana. Her performance is quite startling, and one hope we might have a new drama star in the making. The drama is counter pointed by interviews with Mohamed Al Fayed and others who were close to the last days of the Princess.

Holby City (Tueday 8pm, BBC1)

You know how much I love Holby, and it remains just as good as ever at the moment. But what’s with the swishy filmic look they’ve been using for the last couple of weeks? I like it, but everything looks so dark, you could be forgiven for thinking that Elliot’s office has been swapped with that of Gil Grissom. Tonight, Abra is clearing his desk, and Ric is under increasing pressure as his fiancee’s incompetence grows by the day.

Sensitive Skin (Tuesday 10pm, BBC2)

A final episode for Hugo Blick’s minor comedy drama masterpiece. I weep to think of how many people have missed this delightful piece of television. Beautifully made, written and acted (Joanna Lumley shines like she hasn’t for years), please tune in to say goodbye to Davina. It’s well worth it.

You Can’t Fire Me, I’m Famous (Tuesday 10.35pm, BBC1)

Piers Morgan turns his attentions to Jade Goody and her controversial turn on Celebrity Big Brother and how the show that made her broke her just as quickly. It’s an odd one, this. Last week we had Louis Walsh, who was shocked to be hung out to dry by Simon Cowell as a judge on The X Factor (unless it was just a publicity stunt for the series). He was genuinely sacked. Jade was just stupid, and I hate the thought of Piers Morgan aiding and abetting such a talent desert from gaining any audience sympathy. Jade, it’s over. Deal with it.

Coronation Street (Wednesday 7.30pm, ITV1)

Did somebody replace Coronation Street with Are You Being Served the movie? Steve and Eileen arrive on their ill-advised holiday in Malta, and you know, I could swear that holiday rep was played by 70’s “icon” Robin Askwith. Oh. It is Robin Askwith. Sublime or ridiculous? You decide…

Heroes (Wednesday 9pm, BBC2)

If you haven’t already been convinced to sign on for the long haul with Heroes, just wait until the cliff-hanger of episode 3. Your gob will be well and truly smacked. The show really hits its stride with this episode. There’s enough mystery for me to want to keep coming back, but enough is explained to not to feel cheated in a Lost kind of way. Favourite character so far? Hiro of course!

Ian Rankin’s Hidden Edinburgh (Wednesday 9pm, BBC4)

My favourite crime writer on his favourite city. Bliss. Even if you’re not a fan of the Inspector Rebus novels, Rankin’s down at heel charm brings the city of Edinburgh alive as he peels aside the façade to reveal a darkness hiding just beneath the streets of the city. Many of the locations will be familiar to the readers of Rankin’s deservedly best-selling crime series, which adds a winning dimension if you’re in the know.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (Thursday 10pm, More4)

If Amanda Peet’s Jordan would just stop smiling in that irritatingly enigmatic way, then Studio 60 would be a real winner. As it is, I want to throw something at the screen whenever she’s on it. Thankfully, Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford more than make up for any weaknesses in this great show. It’s make or break time as Matt and Danny have to face the reality of their first episode of the troubled sketch show – will they run the controversial sketch that caused all the problems in the first place?

Drop Dead Gorgeous (Thursday 10.35pm, BBC1)

We bigged up Carmel Morgan’s superb drama series on its first run on BBC3, and finally it gets punted up to BBC1. When 15 year-old Ashley Webb is given the chance to make it as a model, it rips her family apart as they enter a whole new world of ambition and jealousy. It’s brilliantly written by Morgan, and the cast play it brilliantly. Kathryn Hunt, last seen as Corrie’s Angela Harris, is note-perfect as mum Pauline, her eyes opened to the possibilities that Ashley’s new fortune could bring her (and the family, of course). This deserves a better slot than 10.35pm and could have easily swapped places with the dour True Dare Kiss at 9. Highly recommended.

Radio Choice: Will Smith’s The Tao of Bergerac (Wednesday 6.30pm, Radio4)

Comic Will Smith expounds on his obsession with creaky 1980s detective show Bergerac, an obsession raised to dangerous levels by his discovery of an audio book featuring John Nettles reading the text of the ancient Tao. Any radio show with a hook like that has got to be worth a listen.

Well, the BBC is going all out with its support for Heroes, isn’t it? In addition to Heroes Unmasked ( the behind-the-scenes programme which debuted after episodes 1 and 2 of the main series on Wednesday, and continues on BBC3 in future weeks) we now have Heroes: The Official Radio Show.

Airing on digital station BBC7 today, Saturday, at 6.30pm (repeated at half past midnight), the 15-minute weekly programme promises to “pick apart the latest episode of Heroes and look at the latest happenings [and] listen to your theories”. Which could be fun, even though the internet is bursting with spoilerific information about the whole of Series 1, which has been and gone both in the US and, thanks to the Sci-Fi Channel, portions of the UK too.

Still, anything which helps people get involved with their drama is a good thing. If you miss the show on BBC7, it will be available as an MP3 download via the BBC2 website — and I’ll guess that it’ll be scheduled as a podcast as well.

UPDATE: I was right about the podcast — links to subscribe can be found at http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/podcasts/heroes/.

‘Turn off the TV’ is a semi-regular feature highlighting TV-related activity on radio and elsewhere. If you spot something for us to look at, email us at tvtoday@thestage.co.uk.

Little Britain Down Under (Friday 9pm, BBC1)

This nice little documentary follows Matt Lucas and David Walliams as they take their menagerie of comic creations on tour Down Under. Along the way, they record a cameo in Neighbours and draft in Kath and Kim’s Gina Riley and Jane Turner to craft the show into something Aussie friendly. I’m assuming that doesn’t go as far as changing the catchphrase to: “I’m a Sheila!”

Star Stories (Friday 9.30pm, C4)

The British Comedy Award-winning series returns with the story of Take That from the group’s early beginnings to the comeback story of the decade. It’s all very derivative of what Walliams and Lucas were doing years ago, but good fun nonetheless.

The Friday Night Project (Friday 10.30pm, C4)

Shy and reclusive actor John Barrowman is this week’s guest host, alongside Alan Carr and Justin Lee Collins.

The Day of the Triffids (Saturday 7pm, BBC4)

The first three episodes of the BBC’s classic adaptation of John Wyndham’s creepy sci-fi thriller. Even though back then the triffids managed to look a bit plasticy and rubbish, the conviction behind this brilliant piece of TV drama still makes them scary as hell.

Jekyll (Saturday 9.05pm, BBC1)

It’s been a labyrinthine journey to get to this final episode. There have been flashes of brilliance, as you’d expect from the pen of Steven Moffat, one of our best writers. Sadly the cleverness has been let down by some ham-fisted direction and acting and the overall concept being a bit too out there and difficult to categorise. This final episode is no exception, veering wildly all over the place but having something brilliant hiding just under the surface.

British Film Forever (Saturday 9.05pm, BBC2)

It’s fair to warn you that the plots to some of the British film industry’s greatest thrillers are mercilessly spoiled in this opening salvo of BBC2’s Summer of British Film season, so beware. That aside, there’s some good stuff in here, boding well for the rest of this seven-part documentary series. Films under discussion include Get Carter, The Ipcress File, The Long Good Friday and The Third Man. Earlier at 6.05pm on BBC2, you can catch a celebration of classic British film music courtesy of the BBC Proms, and tomorrow night at 9pm, also on Beeb 2, the best Bond film ever, From Russia With Love, is given an airing.

Law and Order: Special Victims Unit (Saturday 10.10pm, Five)

A new series of the Law and Order variant, and it manages to be just as good as ever.

The Great British Village Show (Sunday 6.35pm, BBC1)

All good things come to an end, and so it is that The Great British Village Show ends up at the grand final at Highgrove and the royal presence of Prince Charles and his good lady wife. It’s been a comforting journey, with Alan Titchmarsh and James Martin making genial hosts (and clearly they’re very popular with the ladies), and the battle of the giant vegetables and Victoria sandwich cakes has been utterly compelling (look, I don’t get out much, okay?). Hopefully we’ll see this nice little show back next year, unless it’s revealed somebody used steroids in growing a tomato and it’ll be a victim of the current vogue for deception in TV.

Mountain (Sunday 9pm, BBC1)

Griff Rhys Jones climbing up Britain’s mountains for five weeks. Ho hum. It’ll look lovely, so that’s something.

The South Bank Show (10.45pm, ITV1)

Very few people earn the distinction of being a national treasure, but June Whitfield definitely qualifies – so much so, she gets a South Bank Show devoted to her. Self-deprecating and modest, she talks through her 50-year long performing career, along with contributions from co-stars and writers who have worked with Whitfield over the years. Forget Ab Fab, I’m, here for the Terry and June clips!

A story that slipped in under the TV Today radar in the midst of all the TV deception hoo-ha was actress Elizabeth Dawn announcing her retirement from Coronation Street at the end of the year. Yes, come December, the legendary Vera Duckworth will say goodbye to the famous cobbles, leaving behind a legacy stretching all the way back to 1974.

Vera Duckworth comes from that grand tradition of tough, brassy soap women, cut from the same cloth as the great Ena Sharples and Elsie Tanner (if that’s not too bold a statement). Dawn arrived in 1974 as little more than extra working in Mike Baldwin’s factory, but little by little, her role was expanded. In 1979, Vera gained a husband, Jack, and then, in 1983, the Duckworths were entered into the higher echelons of the Corrie roster when they moved into the Street.

The partnership of Liz Dawn and Bill Tarmey has been one of those enduring soap partnerships that will be difficult to forget, natural successors to Stan and Hilda Ogden’s place in the nation’s affections. They are larger than life characters inhabiting the fabric of a soap yet feeling utterly real at the same time.

Dawn, who was diagnosed with emphysema three years ago, is retiring for health reasons, but it is likely the character of Vera will make occasional guest appearances following the actress’s departure. However, it is expected that Bill Tarmey wall continue in the role of Jack for the foreseeable future.

But from September, there will be a Vera Duckworth shaped hole in the fabric of the Street that will be difficult to fill.

With Liz Dawn’s departure, let’s not forget that strong women are the lifeblood of the soaps. Whether it’s an Annie Walker, a Kat Slater or a Kim Tate, it’s the women who are remembered more than the fellas in the years following their leaving scene. It will be 20 years this Christmas since Hilda Ogden left Coronation Street, and still she’s spoken off in hushed, awe-struck tones. Charlie Stubbs? Who’s he?

And now we have the latest arrivals in Albert Square in the form of the bolshy blonde Mitchell sisters, Ronnie and Roxy. And you know what, on first appearances, they ain’t half bad. They’re in the same tradition of strong soap women that ‘Enders seems to have been lacking since the exit of Kat Moon (nee Slater). Rita Simons as Roxy seems born to the Walford way (well, she does live across the road from the EastEnders studios), and Samantha Janus brings a calm but firm presence to the table as Ronnie.

This pair can only mean good things in general for EastEnders. Characters like Carly and Chelsea are just a bit too nondescript and vague to be truly memorable. Within an episode, Roxy and Ronnie look right at home. Hopefully they’ll provide the likes of Pat and Shirley with more robust sparring partners than they’ve been used to in recent years.

What, with a couple of healthy ratings victories in the soap league table since last Friday’s climactic Phil/Stella wedding drama, and the introduction of a couple of new characters with some fire about them, is this a sign of a leaner, fitter EastEnders punching at its old weight again?

Let’s hope so!

With its characters now well and truly established, last night’s episode of Cape Wrath really allowed the tension to flow to the maximum.

With Danny Brogan being detained by local bobby Wintersgill following the disappearance of handyman Jack, things were never bound to be pleasant. After all, that Wintersgill doesn’t seem to be the fairest of cops, and he seemed to take great pleasure from beating Danny into securing a confession. Of course, what Wintersgill hadn’t been counting on was the Danny knowing a secret code word (“windsong”) to some dark place in Wintersgill’s mind. Whenever Danny whispered it, it seemed to send the policeman into a bit of a frenzy and allowed the producers to flash up some images of a crazy old woman in a wood.

It seems fairly obvious at this juncture that none of the characters in Meadowlands are straightforward. Meanwhile, while Danny battles with Wintersgill and a noose around his neck, his wife Evelyn has still not taken the hint about the town’s creepy doctor and learnt some shocking truth about why she should give up trying to have any more children and more importantly, why Danny can’t be the father of Mark and Zoe. According to Doctor York, Danny is infertile - and always has been. Things aren’t really going well for her. A town she doesn’t want to be in, creepy neighbours, a husband whose past is as murky as the water in the village pond and Aveline from Bread - or Brenda Ogilvie as she is known in this series - trying it on with her son.

Which, it has to be said, was probably one of the creepiest things about tonight’s episode. Seeing her bed Mark Brogan was quite unsettling and not for the faint hearted. But if once wasn’t enough, he went and begged for some more of her loving. Must be desperate. Still, all was forgiven when it emerged that he had removed Jack’s body from the garden prior to Wintersgill searching it. How he managed with all that hair in front of his eyes, we’ll never know. But it meant that when the community gathered to celebrate the town’s third birthday, Wintersgill was forced to admit Danny was an innocent man. For now, at least. No doubt some spanner will soon be thrown into the works which will throw everything back up in the air.

All in all though, episode 3 provided some nail biting tension and was probably the best episode yet. Fine performances all round from the cast, particularly Lucy Cohu as Evelyn and David Morrissey as Danny. There were some witty moments too, particularly with Wintersgill’s nod to Little Britain when he quoted the catchphrase “Computer says no”. Bring on episode 4.

Just read this and try to tell me that the whole world of broadcasting hasn’t gone totally and utterly bonkers.

Is there anything else that can be said on this subject that can inject a note of reason into proceedings? What a revelation, Bear Grylls stopped in a hotel while filming Born Survivor. So what?

Would it be going too far to suggest this is the TV equivalent of the McCarthy witch hunts of 1950s America? In this case, there are no reds under the beds of TV executives, just premium phoneline scandals and Bear Grylls who didn’t want to stump up the cash for his hotel room.

The TV industry needs to stop this madness right now, or it will go into meltdown when an investigation reveals Coronation Street isn’t a fly on the wall documentary series about northern folk.

Just stop it, okay? Please…

In the wake of last week’s very serious and earth shattering revelations about a sustained battery of deception from the BBC (translation: not really), yet more lies and untruths have been unearthed going back decades into the history of the corporation. TV Today has launched a probing investigation to bring you the truth behind the lies. Readers of a nervous disposition might want to go and watch Loose Women instead…

Crackerjack

Declarations by the final host of the popular children’s variety show, Stu Francis, that he felt like jumping off a doll’s house, were misleading, BBC chiefs have revealed. Mr Francis has since admitted that he had no intention of performing said act. The grapes, however, were another matter.

Holby Blue

Holby Blue was a tense, revealing insight into the pressures of modern policing. A later examination of time-shifted recordings using a piece of string and some cheese have revealed that Holby Blue was, in fact, a load of old clichéd nonsense.

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?

Despite the casting of one Connie Fisher in the role of Maria in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s new production of The Sound of Music, nobody can actually recall any answer to the question being given by the corporation. “I watched for ten weeks,” said a Mrs Trellis from North Wales, ‘And I’m still waiting to find out.”

My Family

Despite appearances to the contrary, TV Today has learned that Robert Lindsay isn’t related to any members of the cast. “Lindsay and Wanamaker, they don’t even sound the same! My Family? My…” fumed one irate viewer. “I bet he isn’t even a dentist. You wouldn’t get this sort of tomfoolery in Heartbeat!”

Multi-Coloured Swap Shop

A long disused room has been found in the bowels of TV Centre full of old Etch-a-Sketches, Mr Frosty sets and boxes of Ker-Plunk! with no marbles. Some vague investigations by TV Today spies within the corporation have unearthed fairly tenuous evidence that these are the remnants of incomplete swaps from the legendary children’s show. Police are now looking to question a shifty looking bearded bloke with writing on his hands who was seen hanging around outside the room in about 1981.

The Archers

It might be an everyday story of country folk, but this BBC institution has never had an everyday country animal in the studio. “We’ve always used an animal impersonator,” an insider told TV Today. It is rumoured that former Blockbusters host Bob Holness has been employed by BBC Birmingham for his cow mimicry skills since 1997.

Hancock’s Half Hour

A thorough investigation into the archives has shown that this giant of TV legend was based on a lie from the outset. “Most episodes come in at about 28 minutes,” a Hancock enthusiast told TV Today. “I’m still in shock at this revelation,’ he later admitted in a Little Chef at Watford Gap. It is expected that the BBC will have to pay out millions to disgruntled licence fee payers claiming back the missing minutes.

TV Today will keep our loyal readers up to date with more devious BBC manipulations as and when we get them. Either that, or we’ll just tell you how great Heroes is for the next 24 weeks.

As Mark recommended in yesterday’s Square Eyes, digital channel FX last night started repeating cult crime drama The Wire from the first episode of the first series.

Unusually for a digital channel, it appears that there aren’t any repeats later in the week for those who missed it. Luckily, for this episode only (and for one week only), FX have kindly allowed everybody in the UK to view it online.

The video below is the full episode, and contains scenes which may not be suitable for younger viewers.

The Time of Your Life (Monday 9pm, ITV1)

It’s a shame about this series. At the heart Time for Your Life a really good show waiting to break out, with lots of heart and humour and great character drama. The central hook of the girl who fell into a coma at 18 and weeks up at 35 is beguiling. It started well with decent ratings, but the decision to string a murder mystery storyline out to six episodes was a mistake. The identity of Brian’s killer should have been wrapped up by the end of episode two with the rest of the series’ plots coming from the characters. Still, at least tonight, everything is wrapped up, and I’d quite like to see this back for a retooled second run, although that seems doubtful.

The Wire (Monday 10pm, FX)

I have been told that The Wire is the best drama series ever and that once I’ve watched it, every other drama I watch will feel weak and limp next to it. What, even Rough Diamond? Still, with FX starting a complete rerun of the The Wire, I’m prepared to jump in and see what the fuss is about. I’m always wary of shows that I’m told are the best thing ever – if it’s not up to scratch, there’ll be trouble…

TV Heaven/Telly Hell (Monday 11.05pm, C4)

Poor Sean Lock, he’s worth much more than a hosting a Room 101-style show about celebrities loves and loathes on television. Still, as we’re all generally TV dafties around here, it’s always going to be interesting to tune in – this week, find out what Jack Dee is driven to distraction by on the box.

EastEnders (Tuesday 7.30pm, BBC1)

EastEnders is on a roll at the moment after last week’s storming set of episodes, and as the fallout from Stella’s death continues, two promising new characters totter into the square on their high heels. Yes, the Mitchell clan has more branches than Primark, and sisters Ronnie and Roxy arrive from Ibiza expecting a finger buffet and some champagne – what they get is an empty Queen Vic and dour faces. These blonde bombshells might just be what Albert Square needs to liven things up.

How Gay Sex Changed the World (Tuesday 11.05pm, C4)

Channel 4’s excellent season to mark the 40th anniversary of the decriminalisation of homosexuality continues with this frank account of the major historical moments that led to changing social attitudes to gay lifestyles. Contributors include Matthew Paris, David Furnish and Simon Callow.

The Simpsons: A Culture Show Special (Wednesday 7.30pm, BBC2)

Ahead of this week’s launch of the much-anticipated The Simpsons Movie, The Culture Show comes over all yellow and overbitey to dip into the cultural phenomenon that is The Simpsons. Just what makes this show tick, who are its fans, and will it ever end? This will probably go overboard a touch on the analysis side, when the secret of the show’s success is really very simple. But, as the world prepares to go mad for Springfield all over again, it’s as good as a can of Duff to get in the mood for the movie.

Top Gear – Polar Special (Wednesday 8pm, BBC2)

What’s this? A brand new Top Gear special? You’d think BBC2 had a high profile launch of a much-hyped US import debuting straight after this sure-fire ratings banker. Oh. Hang On…

Heroes (Wednesday 9pm, BBC2)

Finally, the terrestrial launch of one of the best US shows to come along in ages. Heroes has already been on the Sci-Fi Channel, so this is doubtless old news to you multi-channel savvy types around here, but I’ve been gagging to see this for months. I only had Sky installed a couple of weeks before the end of the Sci-Fi run, so it’s shiny and new for me. It plays like a cross between The Tomorrow People and the X-Men with a bit of soapy drama in there to keep it audience-friendly. Thankfully, the Beeb are showing the first two episodes back to back, which is good, as episode one drags a touch. Stick with it though – the cliffhanger to episode two is gob smacking and will hook you in for the long-haul.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (Thursday 10pm, More 4)

Enjoy it while you can! This much talked about, little seen US drama arrives on our shores, and boy, it’s good. Bradley Whitford and Matthew Perry are note perfect as the writer/producer team brought in to revive the flagging fortunes of the titular comedy sketch show. Think Saturday Night Live and you’re about there. The dialogue sizzles, the performances fly, and you have to wonder why it didn’t attract an audience in the States. It is a little smug in places, but that’s an occupational hazard with any Aaron Sorkin show – The West Wing was great, but it could set your teeth in edge in places. Beautiful in its briefness, cherish this one cos it won’t be coming back.

My Name is Earl (Thursday 10pm, C4)

Part of my appointment TV schedule, it’s a crime to see such a poor showing for Earl in this year’s Emmy nominations. This week gives Darnell and Catalina a bit more to do, and they rise to the challenge with aplomb as we learn the shocking truth about Darnell and Catalina helps Earl out with one his karmic balancing acts.

One of the biggest successes of the BBC’s move into digital broadcasting has been the creation of radio channel BBC7. Mostly consisting of archive shows and series from the BBC’s extensive library of comedy and drama, if my DAB radio was to lose the ability to pick up any other channel I probably wouldn’t mind.

From time to time, BBC7 commissions some original content. One such programme is Moths Ate My Doctor Who Scarf, a two-part memoir from comedian Toby Hadoke, the first part of which aired last Friday with the conclusion airing at the end of this week. Based on his one-man show of the same name, he recounts a life growing up with a love for a certain TV science fiction programme helping him through some difficult times.

Now, anybody who even so much as dips into TV Today may have spotted that both Mark and I have exposed our love of Doctor Who from time to time. And so, I suspect that my love of Toby’s show (which I was lucky enough to catch on an all-too-brief visit to the Edinburgh Fringe last year) may have been enhanced by an immediate sense of recognition in Toby’s monologue. That said, I think that anyone who has ever developed a passion for something — be it a TV show, a series of books, a pop group — will recognise much of themselves in Toby’s life story. It certainly helps that the radio programme has developed from a stage show, which in turn has been tuned to ensure that there are as many laughs to be had for non-Who fans as well as those who can identify every particular reference to the series. And the references do come thick and fast, but not at the expense of the story of Toby’s life. Indeed, the radio version is able to play up the social interaction by benefitting from additional voice talents, most notably that of Louise Jameson as Toby’s mother.

The casting is, of course, another Doctor Who in-joke (Jameson played companion Leela to Tom Baker’s Doctor in the mid 70s), but Jameson brings a much-needed warmth to contrast with Hadoke’s own delivery which, although less angry than the tone he uses on stage (see this YouTube clip) is still, for the most part, weary and cynical. In fact, there’s a real melancholic streak running through the whole piece. On stage, this is balanced by the fact that Hadoke’s material generates laugh after laugh, but when listening on one’s own, it becomes the radio equivalent of a modern TV sitcom, where the laugh track is eschewed to allow tragedy and comedy to sit side by side. It’s a powerful, potent mix that is well worth listening to.

If you didn’t catch the first part of Moths Ate My Doctor Who Scarf, it’s available via Listen Again (you’ll need RealPlayer) for the rest of the week; the second part is on Friday at 5.30pm, repeated at 6am on Saturday morning. Both parts are available on CD as a BBC Audiobook, priced £9.99.

So the second week of DanceX saw the 16 finalists each have just 60 seconds to demonstrate how well they can sing and dance, so that they could be picked for either Arlene or Bruno’s team or, in the case of two dancers, sent home for an early bath.

The dancers were split into two for their appraisals: first the eight boys, then the eight girls. What symmetry! How lucky that Arlene ‘changed her mind at the last minute’ and slummed it to Skegness to bring back Chelsey last week, eh?

For me, Emanuel gave the worst dancing performance of the evening out of the boys. It was hesitant and forced, as if he was petrified of flinging himself about the DanceX stage lest he fall off into the audience. As it came to the selection process — the live television equivalent of picking teams in the playground, Bruno’s first pick wisely avoided him in favour of Phoenix, Marcquelle and Daniele, leaving Emanuel free to join Arlene along with teen-friendly dancers Daniel and Kalvin. It was clear from the off that it was going to be those six who were chosen, as each outclassed Jamie and Bobby who looked like they belonged to a different show.

When the girls’ turn came, it seemed that several could only perform with props — be it a mike stand, roller skates (a particularly poor performance from Camilla, especially as she gave up a job on Starlight Express to come on the show) or even a male dancer. It did seem a little off that, after eight boys gave their all in solo performances, the rules seemed to be bent for the girls. However, most of the girls gave reasonable performances (save for the aforementioned roller skate tragedy), until Ashley wowed the audience into a justly deserved standing ovation.

Come the selection process (with the playground element ever more visible, as Bruno and Arlene seemed to regress into ever more childish behaviour), it was little surprise to see Bruno pick Rana first (although it left Ashley to be snaffled by Arlene). He then went on to select Marie and Becky, with Chelsey and Ife joining Team Arlene.

After a final dance by the four remaining contestants, the girls Claire and Camilla were saved, leaving Jamie and Bobby to pack their bags.

So now we have two teams: Arlene has Emanuel, Daniel, Kalvin, Ashley, Chelsey, Ife and Camilla, while Bruno will be working with Phoenix, Marcquelle, Daniele, Rana, Marie, Becky and Claire.

In theory, over the next few weeks the public will be voting for their favourite troupe, and the losing team will have to shed one member — always assuming that the BBC has reinstated their telephone voting system in time, of course. And how many people will really participate by phone, if the final decision about who leaves each show is not in the public’s hands at all?

• Team Bruno’s vocal coach, CeCe Sammy, is writing an exclusive diary in the print edition of The Stage every week. Catch her reaction to Saturday’s show in this week’s paper, out on Thursday priced £1.30

EastEnders (Friday 8pm, BBC1)

Tonight’s the night that psycho Stella Crawford meets her end down Walford way after the revelations over her abuse of lil’ Ben Mitchell. It’s always touch and go whether Enders will get a dramatic climax to a storyline right or not, but this is just about on the money. It’s a real return to form for Phil who suddenly seems to find himself, and the events are nicely played. The action carries on into next week’s episodes.

Jericho (Friday 8pm, Hallmark)

The show that received a last minute reprieve of seven more episodes to be broadcast later this year ends its first season tonight, and well worth a look it is too. It’s easy to see why such a fervent following hooked into this show, being an incredibly detailed depiction of the world following a nuclear attack. Watch out for Britain’s own Lennie James and the line that sparked the peanut symbol of a resurrection campaign.

The Shield (Friday 11pm, Five)

Alongside The Wire, this is one of the most-feted cop shows on US TV in recent years. Tonight, Vic is off the hook with Internal Affairs, but he still has Captain Wyms on his case still as she tries to force him into retirement. And they used to be such good friends. Actually, scratch that, nobody has friends in this show.

A Very British Sex Scandal (Saturday 9pm, C4)

Channel 4 opens its much-trumpeted (and rightly so) season to mark the 40th anniversary of the decriminalisation of homosexuality. This drama, centring on a landmark 1954 court case concerning Daily Mail journalist Peter Wildeblood and Lord Montagu of Beaulieu, is a little clunky in places. But the mix of real-life testimony with dramatised moments, despite a stiff-upper lip Britishness to proceedings, ends up as an effective highlight of how this marked the slow change of social attitudes in Britain.

Jekyll (Saturday 9pm, BBC1)

The penultimate episode of Steven Moffat’s crazy (but incredibly watchable) drama goes off in a whole new direction as Hyde is now in the driving seat of the body he shares with Jackman. But now, the boot is on the other foot as he’s plagued with visions of Jackman’s life. Payback must be sweet! Just when you think you know where you are with this, we then get flashbacks to 1886 when Dr Jekyll meets Robert Louis Stevenson. Audaciously brilliant.

Smallville (Sunday 9pm, E4)

A return for this always-enjoyable superhero yarn focussing on the early years of Superman. Clarke’s still trapped in the Phantom Zone, the not very nice place built by his Kryptonian father. Don’t take it too seriously and this will always be an entertaining romp for a Sunday night.

Clapham Junction (Sunday 10pm, C4)

A compelling piece of drama that continues the season begun with last night’s A Very British Sex Scandal. Through a series of vignettes, a group of gay men’s lives interconnect during a 36-hour period. The preview tapes hadn’t arrived as of this morning, but the cast, featuring James Wilby and Rupert Graves, is clearly top-flight, and writer Kevin Elyot previously penned My Night with Reg, so the subject matter will be sensitively and poignantly handled.

Dexter (Sunday 10pm, FX)

I started to find the tone of this unique drama series a little too perky last week. It’s a natural side effect of the fact we have to find our murderous lead character likeable, so he runs around grinning cheekily and wise-cracking, then goes and offs somebody in gruesome fashion. It’s quite jarring really – Dexter comes over like a children’s TV presenter who beheads his audience every 20 minutes. Still, there’s a lot going on and there’s nothing like it on TV. Thank God.

It’s an arrival that’s been anticipated for months. No, not the final Harry Potter book, but the BBC’s video-on-demand application, the iPlayer.

We’re indebted to Martin Belam of currybet.net for detailing the first 14 days of the application’s life before they’ve even happened.

It’s all worryingly believable.

On a more serious note, Martin’s companion piece rebutting some of the more hysterical “BBC + DRM = EVIL” outcries is well worth reading and digesting.

Today saw the announcement of the nominations for the 59th Primetime Emmy Awards to be held on the 16th September at the Shrine Auditorium in LA.

A quick glance down the list doesn’t throw up any surprises and it seems like a fairly sane, sensible list on the whole, mixing old warhorses and new kids on the block.

Obviously, if I went through every category in detail, we’d be here until the ceremony itself, but here’s a rundown of the main players in the list…

Best Drama series

• Boston Legal
• Grey’s Anatomy
• Heroes
• House
• The Sopranos

An interesting grouping of shows here and one that’s difficult to call, although The Sopranos could be an even bet for its final year on air. Fantastic as it is, I can’t see Heroes bagging this one first time out, but this is a good nod for NBC getting something right recently. As for the other three, Boston Legal is a bit too whacky so we could have three-way race between The Sopranos, Grey’s Anatomy and House.

Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series

• James Spader (Boston Legal)
• Hugh Laurie (House)
• Denis Leary (Rescue Me)
• James Gandolfini (The Sopranos)
• Kiefer Sutherland (24)

Hugh Laurie is the only serious contender here to threaten James Gandolfini who I guarantee will walk away with this one. Again.

Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series

• Sally Field ( Brothers & Sisters)
• Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)
• Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: SVU)
• Patricia Arquette (Medium)
• Minnie Driver (The Riches)
• Edie Falco ( The Sopranos)

Much more of an open pack, although Minnie Driver still has an ability to drive me to utter distraction (and not in a good way). As a hopeless Brothers and Sisters daftie, I’d like to see Sally Field take this, but as with the Best Actor, Edie Falco must be a safe bet to win.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

• William Shatner (Boston Legal)
• T.R. Knight (Grey’s Anatomy)
• Masi Oka (Heroes)
• Michael Emerson (Lost)
• Terry O’Quinn (Lost)
• Michael Imperioli (The Sopranos)

I adore that we live in a world where William Shatner can still be nominated for an Emmy (not to mention a win a couple of years back). This is a list of top-notch talent, and no mistake, but I’m hoping for a first time win for Masi Oka. If ever a character defined a TV show, it’s Hiro, and Oka’s performance is simply delightful. If not, Terry O’Quinn is a worthy contender (he actually makes Lost worth watching).

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

• Rachel Griffiths (Brothers & Sisters)
• Katherine Heigl (Grey’s Anatomy)
• Chandra Wilson (Grey’s Anatomy)
• Sandra Oh (Grey’s Anatomy)
• Aida Turturro ( The Sopranos)
• Lorraine Bracco (The Sopranos)

One problem with the modern phenomenon of large ensemble casts is that the lines between main and supporting actors has become blurred somewhat, and nowhere is this clearer than in this list. If there’s one thing Rachel Griffiths is not, it’s a supporting actress in Brothers and Sisters. She should be up in the Best Actress list alongside Sally Field. But, that’s the way it is, and this will probably come down to a fight between Griffiths and Lorraine Bracco – don’t underestimate the power of The Sopranos…

Outstanding Comedy Series

• 30 Rock
• Entourage
• The Office
• Two And A Half Men
• Ugly Betty

It’s too easy to default to Ugly Betty here, but like Heroes, I’d like to see this zippy show rewarded. Two and a Half Men aside, these are a very strong set of contenders, but if I had to call it, The Office (US version, natch), might pip the others to the post.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

• Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)
• Ricky Gervais (Extras)
• Tony Shalhoub (Monk)
• Steve Carell (The Office)
• Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men)

Obviously I’ll be scratching Ricky Gervais from the list as, frankly, he isn’t any good (gasp!), and Charlie Sheen can go the same way. Steve Carell has to be favourite here – his turn in The Office is superb and one of the finest comedy talents in the US right now (Evan Almighty excepted), but Tony Shaloub is equally masterful as neurotic detective Monk. And then there’s Alec Baldwin – I’d probably give it to him for fear of getting my head kicked in.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

• Tina Fey (30 Rock)
• Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives)
• Julia Louis-Dreyfuss (The New Adventures of Old Christine)
• America Ferrera (Ugly Betty)
• Mary-Louise Parker (Weeds)

America Ferrera has already cemented a win at the Golden Globes for her breakthrough leading performance in Ugly Betty, but she’s up against some heavyweights here. Felicity Huffman will be a tough cookie to crumble – she has that Rachel Griffiths quality of making it all look so effortless, and then there’s the renaissance of Julia Louis-Dreyfuss. Dreyfuss is a veteran of six Emmy nominations and two wins, so she’s been here before. Personally I’m putting my money on Mary-Louise Parker’s winning showing in Weeds.

Finally, a special mention for our very own Jim Broadbent, who grabs a nomination for his sensational titular turn in Longford. Foregone conclusion as far as I’m concerned.

If you read the output from certain media organisations, you’d think that the BBC has been revealed to be a crime syndicate more worthy of being headed by Tony Soprano than Mark Thompson.

The BBC’s announcement yesterday that a number of programmes had breached editorial guidelines relating to phone-in competitions coincided with the publication of an independent report by Richard Ayre, commissioned by Ofcom and available from its website. However, the fact that Ayre found that problems existed throughout all broadcasters seems to have escaped much of the tabloid coverage:

The range of problems was diverse, but the underlying theme is a systemic one – or rather, the absence of systems designed to require, ensure and audit compliance. In the absence of such systems individual mistakes, whether the result of technical failure, misjudgement, negligence or deliberate deceit, too often went unnoticed or unreported and sometimes ignored.

To reiterate, Ayre is talking about all broadcasters there. What happened yesterday was that, while commercial broadcasters have commissioned independent auditors to conduct historical reviews of their premium rate phone-ins but have yet to publish, the BBC actually got round to publishing some of the results of its own review.

The coverage of the BBC’s admission by some media organisations seems to stem from two trains of thought:

• Either the BBC is a bunch of state-funded liberal lefty luvvies who’ve had it coming;
• Or the paper’s owners have a vested interest in one of the BBC’s commercial rivals.

Or, in the case of The Sun, both (the paper is owned by News Corporation, which owns 39% of BSkyB, which in turn owns 17.9% of ITV). Take, for example, this piece of erudite commentary from the paper’s political editor, George Pasoce-Watson (it’s in the right-hand column of this page):

BBC chiefs blow a staggering £450million every year on news programmes.

Yet Sky News spends a TENTH of that, and you can be sure what you see on the news on Sky — which is 39 per cent owned by The Sun’s parent company News Corporation — is accurate. Unlike the BBC.

Overnight, the Corporation has shown itself to be the Arthur Daley of TV news.

Of course, Sky News doesn’t have an extensive bureau of home and foreign correspondents servicing four national TV stations and numerous national and local radio stations. It has, erm, Sky News (although it does also have the contract to supply Five News, and the Competition Commission is currently considering whether its stake in ITV would pose a threat to ITN’s contract with the broadcaster and Channel 4).

Can you be sure that Sky news is accurate? One would hope so — although the channel was fined £50,000 for faking a Gulf War report, so they’re hardly lily-white in that regard. But wait — at what point did the problems highlighted yesterday show deficiencies in BBC News?

That’s right - they didn’t. So quite clearly, Pascoe-Watson is taking a potshot at an unrelated division of the Corporation just for the hell of it.

Still, thank goodness the paper he writes for gets everything right, eh. I mean, I trust it completely when it says that Thierry Henry had to get away from everything English, including his wife. Oh, hang on:

YESTERDAY we reported that Thierry Henry had told friends that the reason he left Arsenal for Barcelona was that he wanted to get away from “everything English”. We are happy to clarify that this is not the case.

Oops.

The upshot of all this is that yes, mistakes happen. Sometimes they’re minor, sometimes they’re incredibly serious. Right now, the BBC is being honest and open about mistakes they’ve found.

For me, that’s the biggest difference between the Corporation and its commercial rivals. And, even with all its faults, for that the BBC can hold its head up high.

Well no, of course it isn’t, and I’m shaking my head in wonderment at the chronic overreaction that’s leaking out all over the media this afternoon in the wake of Mark Thompson’s visit to the BBC Trust. Of course, tomorrow’s newspapers will attempt to blame the BBC for everything from cancelling Christmas to showing Victoria Beckham: Coming to America (the fact it was broadcast on ITV no barrier to objectivity).

There isn’t really a lot more to say (too much has been said already) and I’m finding the whole situation thoroughly depressing. British broadcasting can’t help but air its dirty laundry for the entire world to see. Sigh.

But look on the bright side, there are things to celebrate in the world of TV right now:

Sky Plus: it has changed my life. No really, it has.

Weeds: season two of this award-winning US drama starring Mary-Louise Parker finally hits Sky One on Sunday 5 August.

Harley Street: indie producer Carnival has been commissioned by ITV1 to produce this new medical drama set in the world of expensive medicine. Let’s face it, with Hotel Babylon on Carnival’s books, you know exactly how Harley Street will play. Personally, I can’t wait!

Still Game: the best sitcom on the box is on BBC2 on Thursdays.

Alan Dale: the legendary Jim Robinson himself is going to be in Torchwood. I might even watch.

The Wire: a complete run of this hugely-feted by everybody but its ratings drama begins next Monday on FX, and I’m preparing to be hooked.

Doctor Who: the BBC is still making it. In these dark times, Auntie needs to score all the points it can.

Studio 60: nobody watched it in the States, it only ran for one season, but it arrives on More4 on 26th July.

Ace of Wands: this trippy lost gem of cult children’s TV is available in a tip-top DVD set from the excellent folk at Network DVD.

The Tour de France: ITV4’s coverage is strangely addictive.

And if all that doesn’t cheer you up in the face of so much TV misery, you can always go out and buy Harry Potter 7 at midnight on Friday. Just don’t go telling me what happens, okay?