August 2007 Archives

Earlier today, I was at the UK press launch of Disney’s High School Musical 2, which was great fun. A lot of the stuff that I got from there will form part of a double feature in next week’s print edition, but it was a conversation I had with two of the big suits, Rob Gilby (Disney Channel UK MD) and Gary Marsh (President, Entertainment, Disney Channel Worldwide), that turned out to be the most fortuitous.

As I’ve written in our exclusive news story, both men were adamantly in favour of selling their shows for download via Apple’s iTunes service. The ability to download shows via iTunes has been available in the US for some time now, but only came to the UK this week. Disney Channel, as well as the Disney-owned ABC network, are selling a number of series through the store. Unlike some of the VOD services through Channel 4, Sky and the BBC, which are rental services that only allow you to view your purchases for a short length of time, iTunes purchases are yours to keep. They’re still limited by DRM code that prevents you from sharing your purchases with others, but the service is one of the most reliable I’ve used. And it works on my Macs, too…

But I digress. The reason both Gilby and Marsh were so positive was that they see iTunes as fitting their viewers’ needs. Says Gilby:

I’ve had my video iPod for ages, and I haven’t been able to get my own Disney shows on there. Now I can get them all.

Giving people a choice of where and when and how they access our programming is important to us. If they want it on their iPod, we’re going to give it to them on their iPod.

Obviously with less than a week of data, Gilby didn’t want to commit to judging how sales were progressing so far, but Marsh was able to provide a US perspective, where sales have been running for much longer:

I can speak for the model from the US perspective, where our shows have been on [iTunes] for quite some time. Routinely, Hannah Montana and the Suite Life of Zach and Cody have been in the top fifteen shows that have been selling episodically. Concurrent with that, we’ve never had higher ratings. For the last five months, we’ve had our highest months ever. Clearly the availability of these programmes, if anything, is helping the linear channel.

Compare this approach with that of NBC Universal, which has announced that it will not be renewing its iTunes contract when it expires in December, ostensibly in a dispute over pricing policy. Apple wants a one-price-fits-all price scheme which makes it easy and understandable for users; NBCU wants to be able to charge different rates for different shows, possibly incorporating special deals such as bundling films with TV series that share the same star.

Currently, NBCU shows account for some 40% of US TV sales on iTunes, so its departure may hit the store’s appeal to its users. However, I do think that iTunes’ ease of use and lack of time limits on viewing will still remain a compelling reason to use it even if NBCU doesn’t change its mind.

Of course, you may wish to point out that Disney shares a board member with Apple in the form of Steve Jobs, so that they would be unlikely to rock the boat; you’d be right. And as Disney Channel is a subscription service that doesn’t take advertising, the availability of shows on iTunes is not such a concern to them as it to NBC, whose broadcast channel is advertiser-funded.

But ultimately what they say is true: they should be putting their programmes wherever the viewers want to see them. And when they do that, their broadcast ‘linear’ channel grows. Maybe NBC Universal should bear that in mind.

Now, the next thing is to get Apple to do something about UK pricing. At £1.89 versus America’s $1.99 (roughly a quid at current exchange rates) we can’t help but feel we’re not getting great value out of iTunes UK…

Big Brother: The Live Final (Friday from 8pm, C4)

I did it! I haven’t seen one second of footage from this year’s tedious quest for hollow celebrity. If you need me, I’ll be in the corner smashing a frying pan into my face as something more interesting to do.

The IT Crowd (Friday 9.30pm, C4)

To my utmost surprise, I found myself laughing out loud at this last week, so I shall be back for more tonight. It’s still Black Books in a different setting, but cast and script seem to be gelling more than series one, which is all to the good. Moss sounds uncannily like Will Grundy off of The Archers though, which is very disconcerting.

The Shield (Friday 11pm, Five)

Sadly it’s the last in the series, so expect brutal conclusions all round as Vic must form some uneasy alliances to safeguard his position at the head of the Strike Team. Any chance we could have Mr Mackey in the Big Brother house next year? Now that would make me watch!

The X Factor (Saturday 7.50pm, ITV1)

Oh all right then, you got me. I was very dismissive of last year’s Cowell-fest, but I’m well and truly hooked this year (so that probably cancels out my Big Brother-free existence). The gang are off to Manchester, Birmingham and Cardiff to put some more poor souls through some ritual humiliation.

Eurovision Dance Contest (Saturday 8pm, BBC1)

Oh come on now, this is getting silly isn’t it? How much more can the facecloth of dance be rung out? I’m sure with Graham Norton on hosting duties, there’ll be a decent audience for this, especially in the second half when The X Factor has finished. Strictly Come Dancing’s Brendan Cole is there is one half of the couple representing the UK, and there’s a certain camp entertainment value to proceedings.

Rebus (Saturday 9pm, UKTV Drama)

With only a few days to Exit Music, what some are saying is the last of Ian Rankin’s Inspector Rebus books, it’s interesting to check out this original TV incarnation of the tortured detective. Black and Blue is quite far into the series, but it’s the book that really out the books on the map, and these adaptations are pretty fair. John Hannah might not have Ken Stott’s Rebus-esque frame, but unlike the Stott versions, the scripts don’t shy away from the fact that Rebus is a drunk and not particularly pleasant to be around. Good, solid crime drama.

Coronation Street (Sunday 7.30pm, ITV1)

Finally, the highly tedious storyline involving Ashley, Claire and the badly-acted Casey comes grinding to a halt this week, culminating in a balcony-based finale that puts little Freddie in danger. And Norris has a proposal that brings a shock for a Weatherfield veteran.

Coming Down the Mountain (Sunday 9pm, BBC1)

Mark Haddon, he of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, has penned this highly enjoyable and thoughtful one-off drama about the relationship between a teenager and his Down’s syndrome brother. Nicholas Hoult play his familiar role as disaffected teen David, consistently frustrated at the attention his brother receives from his parents. Hoult is great, but it’s Tommy Jessop as Ben who deserves all the praise here for a truly stunning performance. Highly recommended.

The Sopranos (Sunday 9pm, E4)

The final nine episodes of the classic US drama arrive on British shores, so enjoy them while you can. This show has been consistently brilliant, affecting, funny, thoughtful, superbly acted, written and directed, and that quality should be cherished and celebrated wherever we find it. Nine weeks of brilliance. Bliss!

As Matt has highlighted earlier this week, there’ll be no second series for Cape Wrath following disappointing ratings. This is a shame – although I wasn’t the biggest fan of the drama, it was fairly bold and inventive enough to keep me with it through the run, but it just didn’t hold an audience.

Despite this, I am very encouraged by noises being made by Channel 4’s chief programmer, Julian Bellamy, especially, his vigorous commitment to drama.

“There was a Queer as Folk era, a Teachers era and a Shameless era,”

he has been quoted as saying at the Edinburgh International Television Festival. It seems the decision to drop Celebrity Big Brother from the schedules (hallelujah!) is a step towards this new drama era, freeing up a huge chunk of the schedules in the first half of next year. The change in tack on shows such You Are What You Eat in favour of new programmes, including drama, is also sitting very well with this viewer. It’s probably too much to hope that Gillian McKeith and her miso soup will be ejected from the schedules altogether, but a man can dream, can’t he?

Channel 4 really has an opportunity here to reposition itself as an innovative scheduler of challenging and entertaining drama, and a season of 30-minute one-offs this autumn is a good move. Why not go one step further in this new era and establish a fresh Play for Today style strand? It’s time to bring back the auteur writer of the Alan Plater, Jack Rosenthal, David Hare, Alan Bleasdale and Dennis Potter mould, and this would be the way to do it.

Am I hoping for too much here that Channel 4 is looking to reposition as an innovator and leader, like it used to be back in the day? Probably, but the signals from Bellamy can only be seen in a positive light, and I’m eagerly looking forward to seeing what’s delivered.

Although if he dares to attempt dumping Ugly Betty from the schedules in a reduction of import spending, there will be trouble on it’s way from TV Today towers!

With one hand He giveth, with the other He taketh away. And so it was this morning with a report in The Sun, a bastion of truth, that David Bowie was set to guest star in the next series of Doctor Who.

Oh joy, thinks I! This could truly be a golden year for Who, especially following on from the Christmas special with Kylie. He might not the be the greatest actor in the world, but he does have a certain otherworldly charm, as seen in The Man Who Fell to Earth, and come on! It’s Bowie!

And I know I should have thought twice, given that this is coming from The Sun, but a lot of their Whovian based rumours have been pretty close to the mark on more than one occasion.

However, my bubble was cruelly burst by this statement on Bowie’s official site, claiming that the story is:

“absolute tish and tosh.”

While I think I now have a new favourite phrase, I am chronically disappointed at this debunking that one of my favourite performers will not be playing a tin machine any time soon in one of my favourite shows.

Oh well, it’s not even lunchtime and that’s one life lesson learnt already. Next!

DanceX may have finished, but that doesn’t mean that dance has gone from the Saturday night schedules: this week we see the first ever Eurovision Dance Contest. Sixteen countries are taking part, with a further eight transmitting the programme.

From the preview and discussion we were treated to at Tuesday’s press launch, the format will be a mix of Strictly Come Dancing and the Eurovision Song Contest. Each country is represented by a pair of dancers, each selected by different means. The UK’s entrants, Brendan Cole and Camilla Dallerup, were chosen by a panel. Other countries have held televised competitions to select their entrants (in a kind of Dancing Your Mind Up), while others are putting forward the pro-celebrity winners of their version of Strictly Come Dancing.

Each duo will have to dance twice, with each dance lasting no longer than ninety seconds. The first dance will be a ‘traditional’ ballroom or Latin routine, which must be one of:

• Viennese Waltz
• Waltz
• Foxtrot
• Quickstep
• Tango
• Samba
• Cha-Cha
• Rumba
• Paso Doble
• Jive

The dance has to be performed to IDSF rules, which means no lifts, no breaking of the traditional holds, and so on. Although, when I asked what would happen if a dancer broke the rules to impress the voting audience (has no-one seen Brendan on SCD before?) all I got was a shurg of the shoulders. “Each country will have a professional dancer commentating,” I was told. “They will inform the audience of any illegal moves, and it will be for them to decide.”

Seems a bit of a cop-out to me, especially since there is provision in the official rules for disqualification of any couples who don’t conform. Fingers crossed it won’t become an issue, though.

Each couple’s second dance is to be a freestyle performance, where anything goes — but the dance should reflect the national identity of their country. That’s probably going to be easier for countries with an established national style of dance. For Britain, who knows? There may be an element of morris dancing, or a highland fling or two. Presenters Graham Norton and Claudia Winkleman do know some details about Brendan and Camilla’s freestyle routine, but have been sworn to secrecy. (You can hear them give a couple of hints in the latest edition of The Stage Podcast.)

Each country will have two commentators, who must remain silent during the performances, but will speak over action replays after each dance. An EBU spokesman at Tuesday’s event described each pair as comprising “one dance expert and one entertainer” — although in the UK case, we’ll have Bruno Tonioli and Len Goodman, so we effectively have two of each.

The whole project is being produced by Splash Media (whose founders, Jane Lush and Fenia Vardanis, created Strictly Come Dancing when they were both working at the BBC) and Sunset + Vine, who are experts at producing live sporting events. Even if the event is a complete disaster (which, somehow, I doubt it will be) the BBC will be hosting a 2008 Dance Contest, and after that, the event may travel Europe as its older sibling does.

One thing does worry me. In Tuesday’s press conference, the producers were asked about provisions in place to prevent fraudulent voting. The response from Jane Lush was very dismissive. In the current climate where televoting in the UK is under scrutiny as never before, it seemed far too blasé a reaction. Bjørn Erichsen, Director of Eurovision TV, was far more serious. As with the song contest, independent auditors will be on hand scrutinising every aspect of the phone voting, and won’t release any figures until they’ve been verified. As he said, Eurovision has over fifty years of experience in collating votes from all over Europe: in essence, if they can’t get it right, nobody can.

• Eurovision Dance Contest, BBC1, Saturday 1 September, 8pm

So now that the results are in and Bruno’s team have been pronounced winners of DanceX, the promotions for the single are starting to kick off.

The song, Dancing in Repeat, is growing on me, I have to say. It’s not one of those instant dancefloor classics that will be hanging around for months and months, but it’s certainly passable. It’s currently available to buy via download sites (you can buy it from iTunes for 79p), and will be in the shops next week.

At the moment, the group don’t even have a name for themselves, with the single going out under the less-than-original name of DanceX Winners. However, when I spoke to Marie yesterday, she said that they will be getting their name soon:

It’s quite crazy, really, because when we were recording the single we didn’t know who was in the final line-up, or who was going to be releasing the single — we recorded our single a couple of weeks ago… at the moment, we’re still deciding on a name. At the moment, the first single’s going to be ‘Dance X winners’ but after that we’re going to definitely have a good name. We’ve got a few ideas at the moment, but nothing set in stone.

You can hear the full interview (which took place via the world’s worst phone line) in the new edition of The Stage Podcast. As well as talking to Marie, I chatted to Bruno (also in a very noisy location) at the launch of the Eurovision Dance Contest at City Hall last night, before sneaking out onto a much quieter balcony to natter with the Dance Contest’s presenters, Graham Norton and Claudia Winkleman.

You can download and/or listen to the MP3 file directly, or the AAC version with embedded pictures and weblinks.

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So it’s bad news for Cape Wrath fans looking for any answers as to what Meadowlands really is - and why it is in the middle of the desert. A source at Channel 4 tells me it won’t be returning for a second series. She said the show had been seen as something as an “experiment” for the broadcaster, but added audiences had not been as good as they had hoped they would be for the Ecosse production, meaning all the loose ends will have to remain untied for now.

It seems viewers weren’t enticed by the half British, half American show, which had a whiff of Twin Peaks about it and which tried its hardest to be as weird as possible. The actors did a good job too — notably Lucy Cohu as Evelyn. However, all is not lost, as the Channel 4 source said there was a new drama series in the pipeline, which will be announced shortly. Let’s hope it’s as wacky and wonderful as Cape Wrath.

Meanwhile, over on the BBC, stars of Jekyll are waiting with baited breath to hear whether they will be coming together again for a second run of the supernatural drama. Linda Marlowe, who appeared in the show as both Jackman’s mum and Ms Utterson (a casting sneakily kept secret through giving her two separate credits), told The Stage she was waiting to hear whether the show would be coming back. Those of you wanting more had better keep your fingers crossed!

And while we’re talking about drama, it has come to my attention that ITV has dropped a one-off film about the Marchioness disaster. Despite costing £2 million to make, ITV bosses had some issues about the production, including the last scene where some of the characters turn and talk to the camera directly. ITV’s outgoing head of drama Nick Elliott told this year’s Edinburgh television festival: “I don’t believe any drama I am interested in ends like that.” He also said: “I have always had certain problems about the writing and production of this film and we do not feel those creative issues have been resolved.” However, the decision not to show the drama has been criticised by relatives of those who died in the disaster and who want the programme to be broadcast. The fact it cost £2 million should be reason enough for ITV to show it. Can they really afford to waste such huge amounts of cash?

Obviously the ratings hit that DanceX suffered last week at the hands of X Factor had an impact. Not least that the ‘hero shots’ of the judges/mentors at the beginning of this week’s final even used the same music that the ITV1 show does: Nellee Hooper’s Carmina Burana-like choral prologue to Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet. An indication, possibly, that the show’s creators have given up denying the show’s heritage as a mish-mash of numerous shiny floor talent shows from the past five years. Still, although the journey to the final may have been derivative in format, it’s still been fun to watch — and, as with all the best shows, the final turned out to be a fitting conclusion to the series.

As with all the live shows, we opened with a combined number (Don’t Stop Me Now). And despite the horrendous tin-foil outfits the dancers were forced to wear, I couldn’t help wishing that the BBC offered a third telephone number to ring, to vote to allow all ten of them to form a huge supergroup.

In a break with tradition, the weekly ‘battle’ came next, adding to the panoply of clichéd song titles with Dancin’ in the Street. Ashley and Claire were on singing duty only. From Arlene’s team, Emanuel and Daniel showed how well they worked together while their opposite numbers, Phoenix and Marcquelle, demonstrated that acrobatic ability doesn’t start and end with Daniel.

With the combined routines out of the way, we were on to each group showcasing their talents. Arlene’s team were up first, with Great Balls of Fire. For me, the highlight throughout was Chelsey, who seemed to give a natural performance throughout. In comparison, Camilla looked forced and Ashley uncomfortable. Daniel’s seemingly obligatory breakdancing was impressive, I have to admit — but as the supposed backbone of the group, Emanuel was the weak link in this dance. In summing up, Arlene revealed that a big lift involving was missed, but the group managed to cover up the mistake well. It was maybe this that led Bruno to note that they could have been slicker, and that for a jive, many had missed their steps.

Next up, Bruno’s team danced to Michael Jackson’s Black and White. And at least initially, I found the choreography to be much less interesting than that given to Arlene’s group (although, to balance this out, I often think that Team Bruno execute their moves better, especially now that Kalvin has left Team Arlene). As the more showy moves emerged, with Phoenix and Marcquelle break dancing and the girls doing some nice chair work, not to mention a perfectly executed lift, the team redeemed themselves somewhat. As the judges summed up, Arlene praised Derek’s choreography, so I guess a lot of it is down to personal taste.

In the next round, song and dance, Team Arlene sang to Britney Spears’ Toxic. Well, I say sang — the backing vocals were so far up in the mix that it was difficult to tell if any of them were actually singing a lot of the time. Dancewise, Emanuel and Chelsey executed a very difficult lift and flip. Unfortunately, Emanuel’s vocals soon proved just why the backing vocals were so high, managing to lose the key completely at one point. As with Any Dream Will Do, I suspect the studio environment is far from ideal for hearing one’s own voice, but certainly at home it sounded dreadful.

Team Bruno followed, singing (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction. Again, there was substantial reliance on background vocals, but this time they were much lower in the mix. I realise that sound mixing isn’t within the power of the groups on stage, but voters at home really need to hear the people they’re voting for. Here, the mix was good enough to allow the individuals’ personalities to come through. Also, this is where Derek’s less flashy choreography helped, meaning that the troupe could cope with both singing and dancing. Arlene thought the overall sounds was unbalanced, although Claire gave her best performance yet; Bruno praised Marie for taking notes on board. Infuriatingly, there was no hint at what those notes were.

The penultimate round saw each team revive one of their favourite routines from the show’s run. To start, Arlene’s team revived The Rhythm of Life from week 5. Shorn of its Vegas theme (which, if you recall, Bruno expressed doubts about it expressing anyway) it worked as a real showcase for the whole team, although Ashley had technical problems with her mic (or at least, its position in the mix) that was annoying, since she was so good in their first performance of this song. It was briskly followed by Team Bruno reprising Land of 1,000 Dances from week 4. Ironic, really, the both teams picked songs from weeks in which they lost — but this was certainly one of Team Bruno’s strongest efforts and, despite no longer having Daniele in support, this week’s version was just as strong. Arlene may have criticised it on its first performance as not being rock’n’roll enough, but to be honest I could have watched it for another half an hour.

The final performance from each revolved around the single Dancing in Repeat, which the winning team will release. And the groups working on the same material as each other, we got possibly the best means of directly comparing the two teams yet. For me, Emanuel highlighted that his voice does not have the strength that it could have; Marcquelle can be just as acrobatic as Daniel, but is able to blend street moves in with the rest of his repertoire; Claire has a stronger voice than Ashley — or, at least, before her mum starts having a go at me (hello, Joy!), it’s a voice that’s more suited to this type of song.

And so, after a very pleasant interlude from Rihanna (who, if her ankle injury persists, will need a high energy dance act to support her on tour), the results came in, and Team Bruno was crowned victorious. I have to say that, particularly on the performances tonight, that was the right decision — but I do hope that Arlene’s team stay as a five-piece group and develop further. After all, it worked for Liberty X…

• Previously: Week 6 / Week 5 / Week 4 / Week 3 / Week 2 / Week 1

Look out for a follow-up feature (and, fingers crossed, podcast) with the winners of DanceX in the next few days!

New Media Age magazine, which covers all things, um, new media, has a great interview with Jane Lighting, chief executive of Five, which covers a lot of ground.

Five’s been putting its toes very lightly into the video on-demand market, pretty much limiting its sales to CSI and Grey’s Anatomy. Episodes were sold on a transactional model — i.e., you pay for access for a limited period. By keeping their library quite small, it’s made it easier for them to track trends in buying, so they can see how well on-air promotions feed into sales, as well as seeing whether weekends or even the weather affect sales. Lighting sees that as being an easier transition from their existing broadcast model, which of course is ad-funded as well.

One refreshing thing to hear is that Five will be expanding its on-demand portfolio slowly, ensuring that navigation for users is kept as easy as possible. Says Lighting:

Some people are going for offering everything but actually it’s a bit difficult to make your way round it.

4oD and BBC iPlayer, take note…

The other big topic of conversation is of course viewer trust. Five has been in the frame over premium rate phone quizzes, with scandals involving Brainteaser and Quiz Call.

As an industry we’ve had a culture that the duty to the viewer was to entertain. The duty was ‘The show must go on.’ If you were watching a cabaret and a dancer’s shoe came off, she’d keep dancing. This is the culture that exists in the theatre. I think it transferred into television and it stopped at that point. People felt their biggest obligation to the viewer was to entertain at all costs. Almost all costs. And clearly, that is not the appropriate way.

But Lighting makes an important point: Ofcom goes after the broadcaster, not the programme producer, something that Richard Ayre’s report pushes even further. But the broadcast industry as a whole has been pushing more and more back onto the independent producers, so the industry is moving in one direction while the regulators go in the other:

…in fact, the report that’s just come out from Richard Eyre is taking that a stage further and is saying that even the telephony service suppliers should not be in the line of fire but the broadcaster should also be responsible for that.

Now historically, some of the independents have the direct relationship with the telephony service providers. In fact, that’s one of the ways they would make additional money themselves because they would have a deal with them. So the relationship was not between the broadcaster and those companies at all.

So we’re going to have to about-turn quite a lot of structure of our supply chain. And I personally think that we’ve got to make sure that the risk or award balance is more appropriate, that if the upside in the revenues and the rights are sitting somewhere, it’s kind of tough if all the obligations, the fines and the responsibilities sits somewhere else.

Read the full interview at New Media Age

The IT Crowd (Friday 9.30pm, C4)

Let’s make sure that every Channel 4 continuity announcer knows that it’s pronounced I.T., not It, okay? Possibly not the best comedy to come out of Channel 4, but I’m glad they kept with it as it has a good pedigree. And it’s better than Hyperdrive, so that’s a bonus in anybody’s book. It’s still not Black Books though, is it?

Ultimate Caving (Friday 9pm, BBC1)

Gwen Humble. In a cave. Ain’t TV great?

The Edinburgh Show (Friday 11pm, BBC2)

As Edinburgh begins to wind up for the year, Lauren Laverne is happily on hand to give us the wink on what else is still to be enjoyed in the Scottish capital.

Dr Who and the Daleks (Saturday 3.20pm, BBC2)

A curio for the Time Lord in this first of two big-screen outings from the 60s and starring Peter Cushing as Dr Who (sic). It’ll confuse the heck of the kids, but it’s great fun, and the Daleks in colour for the first time look fantastic.

Dance X – The Final (Saturday 8.30pm, BBC1)

This just hasn’t set me on fire in the way that Joseph, and The X Factor did last week, but a final is a final, whichever way you look at it. And there’s nary a clash with The X Factor this week, so the ratings may pick up a touch. Expect the full post-match analysis at some point from Scott.

The X Factor (Saturday 7.40pm, ITV1)

Damn you, Simon Cowell, but I am most definitely in for this new series of amateur warbling, although last week did seem to focus way too much on the nutters rather than the talent. I’m trying to work out what Dannii Minogue is bringing to the table (apart from killer cheekbones), but it’s still entertaining nonetheless. Dermot is doing fine, but the big test will be when things move into the live studio rounds. All in all, the saviour of winter Saturdays is here (the Beeb has the spring sown up with Doctor Who).

British Film Forever (Saturday 9.15pm, BBC2)

This edition of the documentary series should be something of a crowd pleaser as it looks at the history of horror in British cinema. If there’s one thing Brits did well in the movies, it was horror, and naturally, Dracula and The Wicker Man both get a look in.

The Chase (Sunday 8pm, BBC1)

Awww, the last ever episode of The Chase as it disappears from the schedules forever with not much of a fanfare. I don’t know, it just all seemed a bit too over earnest, with lots of laboured acting from Gaynor Fay and the rest of the creaky cast. Still, I’m always sad to see drama canned from the schedules, even if it hasn’t struck a chord with audiences.

Crisis at Jimmy’s Farm (Sunday 8pm, BBC2)

Although highly watchable, I find something quite depressing about Jimmy’s Farm. Everything seems all soooo difficult, and while I’m sure there are real trials to overcome, I can’t help thinking that a lot that goes wrong for pig farmer Jimmy Doherty might be laid a little thick for the sake of the cameras. Or maybe that’s just a natural suspicious streak coming out in the wake of the recent TV scandals. Four episodes catch up with the last 12 months on the farm. Oink!

The Man Who Lost His Head (Sunday 9pm, ITV1)

Ah, bless Martin Clunes, he really has made a niche out of playing curmudgeonly fish out of water, as typified in Doc Martin. I had to look twice at this to make sure it wasn’t just a Doc Martin Bank Holiday special, but no. It just looks like it is. Clunes plays a museum curator sent to New Zealand to negotiate the return of an ancient Maori mask. Could it be that he might find himself falling in love with the country and stop being such a miserable sod? Oh. Hang on.

Broadcast reports that ITV is in talks with Virgin Media about selling or leasing some of its Freeview capacity.

ITV currently broadcasts six channels on Freeview — ITV1, ITV2, ITV3, ITV4, CITV and (since the demise of dubious quiz channel ITV Play) ITV2+1. Virgin, meanwhile, is preparing to launch Virgin 1, but at the moment it only has the capacity to broadcast on Freeview from 8pm to 6am by replacing its existing Ftn channel.

What’s worrying is that, rather than selling ITV2+1, ITV is reportedly considering shutting down CITV. Coming as it does after pulling out of in-house production, it doesn’t exactly bode well for kids’ television from ITV. Mind you, with the impact on advertising revenues of the ban on junk food advertising, plus Ofcom’s refusal to allow a reduction of children’s programming on ITV1, the broadcaster’s incentive for having a dedicated channel is much reduced.

Meanwhile, the BBC is pushing for more children’s broadcasting, not less. Controller of children’s programmes, Richard Deverell, is lobbying for a dedicated CBeebies radio station, which would expand upon the 2pm-5pm slot on BBC7 that already goes out under the CBeebies brand.

Any new radio service would be unlikely to come into effect until digital switchover is complete, and would be subject to a public value test from the BBC Trust and a market impact assessment from Ofcom.

There are also calls to extend the hours of the CBBC channel, which currently closes at 7pm. However, that brings with it its own problems, as CBeebies and CBBC share Freeview channels with BBC3 and BBC4. Still, given the expense of running BBC3, giving it a 9pm start time instead of 7pm and handing two hours over to children’s television could save the Corporation quite a bit of money…

Standards are clearly slipping at Crimewatch as Fiona Bruce wantonly abandoned a strict Victorian code of values in Monday night’s edition to flagrantly flash some very shapely leg.

It must have come as a shock to some of the irate viewers (the Beeb has been ‘inundated’ with over 30 complaints) to discover that Fiona Bruce, 43, is in fact, a very attractive woman. How dare she wear a frock that shows her knees! The harlot!

Give me strength (or a rolled up magazine to administer some much needed slaps). Why is it so terrible for a presenter to make the best of their appearance? Bruce has clearly earned the respect of audiences as a serious news reader/journalist, so does it suddenly invalidate her professional credentials when she decides to glam up a bit? And look at the picture – it’s hardly FHM, is it? Oh my god, she has legs!

I don’t know about you, but when I go to work, I like to look my best - we’re human beings, we’re naturally vain creatures. And if you work in a visual medium, surely it becomes even more natural to look your best on camera. And let’s face it, Ms Bruce looked amazing on Crimewatch. Does that somehow invalidate the integrity of the journalism on display? Of course it doesn’t – I’m intelligent enough to concentrate on what she’s saying and not gibber at her knees (gasp, knees)!

Does my appreciation of Fiona Bruce make me a lecherous sexist pig, objectifying a female news presenter in a sexual fashion? No more so than half the women in my office who routinely drool over the wily charms of Dermot Monaghan on BBC Breakfast. The difference is that Dermot gets away with looking sexy in a suit with all his limbs covered up.

So I’m told.

So let’s remember, it’s not a crime to look fantastic. And I’ll support that viewpoint vociferously – at least until Huw Edwards starts cavorting on the desk in a pair of gold hot pants.

Don’t have nightmares…

In Monday’s Square Eyes, in the middle of finding an avenue for my “jealous rage” against Hugh Laurie, I also found time to highlight my current loathing for Jamie Oliver (look, I’m not really as bad tempered as I come over, okay?). Well, my distaste for the pukka tucker producer has notched up a level thanks to the news that he’s been transformed into a children’s cartoon character by Aardman Animation.

It’s not April Fool’s Day, is it? 52 episodes are reportedly to be produced, featuring Oliver as a plucky ten-year-old, teaching his young audience about the delights of food and health. All very commendable, and that outlook has always been the best thing about Brand Jamie…

But, just look at the picture accompanying the BBC report, showing “Little J” in all his line-drawn glory, which could have been drawn by Hieronymus Bosch. By all that’s holy and sainted, what is that? Jamie looks like he’s been transformed from chubby likeable wide boy into an albino 8 year old who has some major dental issues. If that wasn’t scary enough, he looks like he’s carrying a talking head of broccoli to really give the kids nightmares.

That’s not too much of a worry when compared to the cast of whacky characters assembled for Little J’s culinary adventures. There’s resident scientist, Eggs Benedict, which is a cute name, but I’m not sure about the chicken sitting on his head. That could get quite messy. Then we have Nonna, a “spiritual-cum-culinary guru” who will be Jamie’s guide on his quest. Spiritual and culinary? Richard Dawkins is going to be all over this like a rash, isn’t he?

But these are nothing compared to the warning signs given off by the notion of one of Jamie’s buddies being a depressed ham. Depressed? He looks positively joyous and well adjusted in the picture, but I can see the concept of a depressed ham becoming as popular and cherished among the nation’s children as Eeyore the depressed donkey. One assumes this singular character will be voiced by Brian Blessed on a downer?

Jamie’s desire to educate the nation’s children is, as always, commendable, but this just seems a little ill advised. It could be telling that, as yet, no channel has signed up to the series. Maybe the ham just depressed them too much…

Still, this isn’t as crazy an idea as turning Ainsley Harriott into a cartoon character, alongside Suzy Salt and Percy Pepper. Thank every deity you pray to that little project never got off the ground.

Speaking exclusively to The Stage, writer Tony Marchant (The Mark of Cain, Holding On and the forthcoming ITV1 spy thriller The Whistleblowers) has criticised most UK television dramas as “badly written and unoriginal”, blaming drama commissioners for restricting the development of imaginative and innovative scripts.

Is he right?

In recent years, we’ve had some pretty good dramas coming through. Life on Mars garnered both critical and popular acclaim. Cape Wrath fared less well on both counts, but still proved compelling for those of us who stuck with it. ITV1 has started to pick up after a few sorry years: Mobile was a slick thriller whose overlapping episodic structure kept the audience guessing throughout.

Of course there have been turkeys as well. I’m still trying to wipe all memory of The Outsiders from my brain.

I do have sympathy with his general thrust — that writers should be writing out of passion, not to order:

Are they holding back, are they giving commissioners what they think they want? Or is it simply that most writers are crap? That is what you would think if you watched television. You would have to say the vast majority of work that is put out there is badly written and unoriginal.

But is that any different from previous eras? Give us your thoughts below.

Now that Shameless has its own standing set for all its exteriors rather than being recorded on location, its makers are offering the general public the chance to muck it up a bit.

Channel 4 has set up a competition in which you can design a graffito which will be applied to the set and be featured in series 5 of the show.

Whether it’s scratched, sprawled or sprayed, we want to see what you’ve got. And don’t worry if your drawing talents are as limited as Frank’s parenting skills, you can use any programme including a graffiti maker app or even draw your artwork and we’ll get someone to create it for you when you visit the set! All we ask is that you email your entry as a jpeg. Full terms and conditions for the competition can be found here.

Closing date for entries is 6 September, with winners announced on the 17th.

As part of the new series’ prepublicity, Shameless now has a presence on several social networking sites:

• MySpace
• Bebo
• Facebook: Shameless Profile
• Facebook: Shameless Series 5 Group
• Live Spaces

If you’re on Facebook, feel free to pop along to The Stage’s group, which is growing in size every day!

Regular readers will know that I’m a big fan of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, which airs every weekday at 8.30pm on More4. Part of the fun of this “fake news show”, as Stewart describes it, are the spoof one-to-ones with foreign correspondents, who are actually standing in the same studio in front of a piece of green screen.

Except for this week, when Rob Riggle has been sent to Baghdad for a series of reports. Which makes this first report a little self-indulgent, but all the funnier for it:

Both Riggle and Aasif Madvi are my least favourite of The Daily Show’s current slew of correspondents, but with this one skit they’ve redeemed themselves in my eyes.

Below is a teaser trailer for the second season of Heroes. If you’re currently following the first season on BBC2, don’t worry — it’s so arty that it doesn’t hint at anything regarding plots of this season or the next. However, it does feature some of the faces from season one who return next year — make your own mind up whether you consider that to be a spoiler before hitting ‘play’. More discussion after the break.

I knew there had to be a reason why my anorak sense was tingling on the way to the office this morning, and it was that purveyor of quality tabloid news, The Sun, that broke the story:

“Dr Peter is back in the Tardis”

Oh yes, if this story is to be believed, Peter Davison, aka the fifth Doctor Who, will be appearing alongside David Tennant in a Children in Need special later this year. A while back, Scott highlighted the new fan phenomenon of the “squee”, and on reading this story, I came about as close to squeeing as I’m ever likely to get. Which, on the whole, is not really close at all, but you get the point.

Why the excitement? Well, if this turns out to be true (another Doctor Who actor, Sylvester McCoy, apparently let this slip on stage at a convention), it’s one of the remaining grails left for Russell T Davies to give the fans. We’ve had Daleks, Cybermen and the Master, and aside from a couple of fripperies, the fabled “multi-Doctor” event is about all that’s left.

But most of all, and apologies if I get too gushing here, it’s Peter Davison! My favourite Doctor Who. No, really, he is. While many talk in hushed tones about the mastery of Tom Baker over this most iconic TV character, or rabbit on about their fondness for Pertwee, or patronisingly tell you they were there for Billy Hartnell, nothing can ever replace your first Doctor Who in your affections.

Okay, technically, Tom Baker was my first, and I’ll concede that, by and large, he’s the best of the bunch. But he’s not my favourite and there’s a big difference. Peter Davison is the Doctor who inducted me into the shadowy world of fandom, the change from Tom Baker to Davison having a profound affect on the shiny-eyed 9 year-old sitting in front of the TV in 1981. Or it could have been indigestion.

From that day forth, I saved my pocket money to buy novelisations of the TV stories (no videos back in those days), knew intimate details about official story codes, and had a subscription to Doctor Who Monthly. Which I, um, still do. And all the while, that nice young man from All Creatures and Small was being Doctor Who.

And the reason why the news of the Children in Need special (it’ll probably be a five minute fluff piece, but I’ll take what I can get) excites me so much is that my childhood TV viewing experience has come full circle. 25 years later, my Doctor Who could be appearing alongside my nephew’s Doctor Who, and I think that’s pretty cool. A timely reminder of why I love TV so much in these increasingly dark times for the medium.

Now cue the arguments on the message boards as to whether Davison’s appearance will be “canonical” (I hate that word so much) and why didn’t they pick Paul McGann for this hoonour.. If you need me, I’ll be over here reading Doctor Who and the Caves of Androzani with a silly grin on my face.

Oh dear. The ratings for DanceX, which had been struggling, really plummeted this week, as X Factor returned to storm the Saturday night schedules — only managing to scrape 2.7 million viewers against Simon Cowell’s juggernaut, which peaked at 10.7 million. Still, I know which I found more enjoyable, and it wasn’t the site of no-hopers being ritually humiliated (and behind-the-scenes footage being ‘reshot’). Those of us still watching on BBC1 saw two teams of dancers that seemed more evenly matched than ever before.

The theme for this week’s semi-final was Disco, and commenced with all eleven dancers grooving to Boogie Wonderland. A great way to open the show, although the camera shot looking up at the dancers’ faces as they spun as a group meant that we, as a TV audience, didn’t see enough of the technical accomplishment involved.

Before Bruno’s team danced, we saw the VT of his team struggling with the routines all week — and, on Friday, Phoenix seemingly walking out of rehearsals. Ultimately, his bandmates were able to rally round and support him, keeping the group together.

Dancing to Jamiroquai’s Just Dance, the five delivered a coordinated routine, every dancer in time and working with the four others. Arlene said the footwork was a mess, though, which I have to say I didn’t notice. That’s probably why she’s a choregrapher and I’m just a hack, I guess.

Team Arlene then danced to Shake Your Groove Thing by Peaches & Herb. Having an even number of dancers clearly worked to the team’s advantage, allowing some coupling up to really showcase the group’s abilities. And unlike last week’s clumsy lifts, Emanuel effortlessly managed to lift and control Chelsey. Bruno pointed out that, despite a great performanxe, Camilla was off in places.

On to the singing numbers, and Team Bruno sing I’m Coming Out, starting off with a rap routine from Marcquelle before Claire took over the lead vocals. Not too much in the way of dancing to accompany the song, but vocally it was a pleasure to listen to, which is something that both groups have struggled with in previous weeks. Arlene was very gracious in complimenting the team without offering any criticism, which visibly meant a lot to the team.

Next up, Team Arlene started their rendition of Car Wash with a ‘whoop’ that sent my heart sinking to the floor. Thankfully, things improved as the vocals started. Ashley and Emanuel’s verse together seemed a little off, but that was a little dip in an otherwise creditable performance — again, vastly improved on the group’s previous singing efforts. Their own vocal coach Josh acknowledged that the group had struggled. When Bruno agreed, the audience started booing him. That sort of simplistic attitude from the audience really grates with me — while there is an inherent element of competitiveness from the panels’ comments to opposing teams, they are always couched in knowledge of the craft. Anyway, that’s my rant over for the week, and CeCe complimented Emanuel on his vocal control.

On to the song and dance numbers, and Bruno’s team kicked off with Chic’s Le Freak. Again, a visual and aural spectacle — although there were a couple of downpoints for me: with Marcquelle and Phoenix both lifting Rana, three-fifths of the group were predominantly static for a bit too long. Also, the group as a whole lost time a little just before the close of the song.

Arlene’s team followed up with We Are Family — and again they showed a marked improvement on recent weeks. While Bruno was right to point out that their vocals were not spot on, they actually seemed far more at ease with their performance than they have done before. It seems to me that Arlene has created a dance troupe that can carry — just — a good song, whereas Bruno is working on a group that has good dancers and a good singer. Both are valid, but different, approaches to the task the judges have set themselves.

For the first time this series, we had to wait until a second show for the results of the vote. I really couldn’t call it this week — but I have to admit my heart sank when I heard Arlene’s team had lost. Not because I preferred them — I think each team has its own strengths — but because from that point it was obvious which dancer would be given the axe. It’s been clear throughout that when faced with an odd number of dancers, both Arlene and Bruno favour one more girl than boy. And if a boy was going to have to go, it wouldn’t be Emanuel (to whose charms I remain immune) or Daniel.

So, we said goodbye to Kalvin, even though he’s been one of the most consistent dancers of either team throughout the series. I think that’s a real shame — and dare I suggest that if the public had been voting for individual dancers rather than for teams, he’d still be in. (Mind you, if they did that, the format would be identical to Popstars: The Rivals…)

Heading into the final it seems Arlene and Bruno are neck and neck with five dancers apiece, but as ever it’ll be the performances on the night that determines the winner. Throught, I’d say that Team Arlene has the edge when it comes to choregraphy, but vocally Team Bruno are stronger — what do you think?

• Previously: Week 5 / Week 4 / Week 3 / Week 2 / Week 1

No new Lee Mead-related news to report — but the previous Loppy post was getting far too unwieldy, so feel free to carry on below!

ABC in America has started promoting their autumn shows, including the much-anticipated second season of Ugly Betty. Their promo for that series uses a special version of Mika’s Big Girl (You Are Beautiful) to create a rather wonderful little clip that’s quite brightening this drab August day here at TV Today Towers:

Sadly, we won’t get Ugly Betty Season 2 until 2008. *humph*

Update: See below for a behind-the-scenes “making of” video:

Since it first aired in January 2006, Disney’s made-for-TV movie High School Musical has broken records left, right and centre. A global smash hit, it has been remade as a staged concert, as a full theatre musical, and High School Musical on Ice starts touring the US at the end of this month. Musically, it has produced a Billboard no. 1 album, and at one point most of the songs in iTunes’ Top 10 downloads were all from the musical. The movie itself, which has seen pretty frequent repeats both on US and UK screens, has also spawned singalong and dancealong versions which continue to be huge draws to the Disney Channel on both sides of the Atlantic.

Which all pretty much made a sequel a dead-on cert. High School Musical 2 aired last Friday, and with all the marketing might of the Mouse House behind it, it was always going to get good ratings. However, the figures it actually got were nothing short of phenomenal. Initial estimates suggest that the premiere was watched by 17.2 million viewers nationwide.

If those estimates prove true, it makes the film the most-watched cable television programme in US history, beating a 2006 American Football game by over a million viewers. Not only that, but its audience beat the traditional “big four” networks combined.

HSM2 comes to the UK next month — I’m off to a preview screening tomorrow, and will be interviewing one of the stars for a future issue of The Stage. Before then, we’ll have other features looking at the UK stage versions of the original — so if you’re a UK fan of High School Musical, keep reading The Stage.