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February 2008 Archives

Square Eyes: 29 February-2 March

Coronation Street (Friday 7.30/8.30pm, ITV1)

Dramatic stuff from Weatherfield tonight as Jamie and Violet plan to elope and deprive Sean the chance to be a father to his baby. I’m not sure I like this – Violet’s plan seems to run contrary to how the character has previously been written, and does a disservice to actress Jenny Platt who has played Violet with a great deal of likeable charm for the last few years. Question is: will they get away with it?

Walliams and Lucas: New Heroes of Comedy (Friday 9pm, C4)

Most of us know the Little Britain story and the rise of Matt Lucas and David Walliams to stardom, but sometimes it’s good to return to a well-thumbed volume. This hour-long retrospective doesn’t offer anything startlingly new (or admit that the third series was a bit pony), but the mix of talking heads interviews with their peers, and contributions from the lads themselves, leads to a fairly harmless bit of fluff.

Rob Brydon’s Identity Crisis (Friday 9pm, BBC4)

Ahead of tomorrow night’s marathon showing for the first series of Gavin and Stacey, Rob Brydon embarks on a quest to discover why he takes a generally negative stance towards his fellow Welshman. This is interesting stuff as the comic actor modifies elements of his stand-up act to cast a more positive light on Wales. Featuring interviews with various personalities of Welsh origin, including Max Boyce, one can’t help but warm to Brydon even more throughout this charming piece.

Hollyoaks Special (Saturday 4pm, E4)

As Summer Strallen takes over the role of Maria in The Sound of Music, this programme looks at the audacious publicity stunt pulled by Andrew Lloyd Webber and the producers of Hollyoaks. Strallen has been playing a character in Hollyoaks who attends an audition for The Sound of Music, featuring ALW himself. It’s a fascinating merging of mediums and a blurring of the fourth wall that appears to have paid dividends.

Love Soup (Saturday 9pm, BBC1)

Hang out the bunting, shout it from the rooftops, have a party! Love Soup is back, bringing the divine Tamsin Greig as lovelorn Alice back to our screens. It’s been three years since the first series of this lovely David Renwick comedy, and there’s been something of a format change. Each episode is now 30 minutes, Michael Landes is out, and things now focus on Alice and her colleagues on the make-up counter of a London department store. A second series couldn’t have carried the format forward as it was, so changing tack is a good idea – the trials of Alice and colleagues Milly (Montserrat Lombard) and Cleo (the fab Sheridan Smith) were the most satisfying elements first time round. 12 weeks of fun and frolics in the company of three beautiful ladies – what could be better?

Gavin and Stacey (Saturday 9.30pm, BBC2)

As soon as Love Soup finishes, get yourself straight over to BBC2 for a rerun of the complete first series of Gavin and Stacey. If you haven’t succumbed to the charms of this utterly loveable comedy, then this is your chance. We’ve written about the virtues of the best show to originate on BBC3 many times before, so we’ll say no more. Just enjoy, and then look forward to the imminent second series.

The Cult of Sunday Night (Sunday 8pm, BBC4)

There’s something very comforting about these nostalgic retrospectives of the nations’s favourite Sunday night dramas of yore, and essential viewing for any TV Today reader. This week it’s the seafaring drama of The Onedin Line that gets a dusting down. Prior to this at 7pm on BBC4, you can catch an episode of the classic series, starring Peter Gilmore.

Lewis (Sunday 9pm, ITV1)

In tonight’s exciting investigation for Lewis and Hathaway, the dour detectives look into the death of an Oxford university lecturer. Um… isn’t that like saying the crew of Moonbase Alpha encounters an anomaly in space every week?

Mad Men (Sunday 10pm, BBC4)

Oooh, this looks good. A stylish, edgy drama from Matthew Weiner (The Sopranos) set around the lives of advertising executives in New York in the 60s. Don Draper is a high rolling yet harassed exec just trying to stay at the top of his game in a dog-eat-dog world (and other mixed metaphors). It looks great and the dialogue is fired like bullets with typical style, as you’d expect from a Sopranos graduate. One to watch.

No need to apologise...

Ah, bless Auntie. Once again, the country’s favourite whipping boy is getting a drubbing and has been forced into apologising… for putting stuff on that people want to watch.

Okay, so perhaps the coverage of the Six Nations Rugby and football throughout last Saturday was a touch excessive, but come on people! It’s one Saturday out of the year when the BBC actually gets to the shout from the rooftops about having retained a halfway decent sporting event in the Six Nations. And considering the corporation has paid £160 million to retain the rights to the tournament, I’d want it front and centre on my premier channel. I’ll concede that it may have been prudent to put one of the matches on BBC2, and maybe shunt Match of the Day over there too, just to break things up and a repeat of The Weakest Link on.

Ben Shephard jumps into Dermot's shoes

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Our second bit of Saturday night light entertainment news today — DanceX and GMTV presenter Ben Shephard is further cementing his role as the slightly more sober side of BBC1’s weekend roster, with the announcement that he is to step in to the shoes of fellow former T4 presenter Dermot O’Leary as presenter of the quiz show 1 vs 100.

Now that O’Leary is himself firmly esconced in the ITV1 schedules as presenter of The X Factor, the role was up for grabs. Shephard performed well on DanceX, even if the show itself didn’t, and I think he’ll do well here. Having seen him on GMTV, I think any move towards LE rather than current affairs is probably a step in the right direction…

Seriously, of all the Saturday night quiz shows that straddle the Lottery, 1 vs 100 is a personal favourite, ahead of In It to Win It by a whisker and light years in advance of anything hosted by Eamonn Holmes or Nick Knowles…

Former Fagin to review the situation for BBC1

The first dribbles of I’ll Do Anything news have started to trickle through, with the announcement that the judging panel for 2008’s BBC1 musical theatre talent show will include Barry Humphries alongside old hands Andrew Lloyd Webber, John Barrowman and Denise Van Outen.

Those who only know Humphries via his alter egos, housewife superstar Dame Edna Everage or Australia’s cultural attaché Sir Les Patterson, may be scratching their heads at his inclusion — but he is actually better qualified than any of the other judges when it comes to Lionel Bart’s Oliver!

Red Planet - a hope for the future...

It’s possibly never been more evident that this little thing we call the TV industry goes through peaks and troughs. Let’s be honest, you’d be hard pressed to find many people who think television in the UK is going through a particularly great patch right now. Okay, we have Masterchef (yes, yes, I know), but at best we can say the industry is treading water in the wake of 2007’s catalogue of disasters and revelations.

But, like soaps (just look at the turnaround EastEnders has pulled off recently), these things go in cycles, and it’s not all doom and gloom. Take this story from over on this very website’s news pages. Tony Jordan has let slip that his production company, Red Planet Pictures, is developing a new drama for BBC1’s Saturday night family slot, currently the home of the soon-to-return Doctor Who and Robin Hood. Going under the title of The Ministry, Jordan has said:

Mr Men madness!

A very quick word from me today, as I’m still attempting to get over just what they’ve done to the Mr Men, as detailed in yesterday’s Square Eyes.

A little further investigation has led me to the official Mr Men website that ties in to the new, noughties take on the legendary Roger Hargreaves characters.

It all looks very colourful, bright and bouncy, just the ticket to entertain young children. So far, so good. Yes, there are little aesthetic ticks that are annoying to a child of the 70s who grew up on the fantastic version of the Mr Men as narrated by Arthur Lowe. I can cope with Mr Strong now looking like a triangle on steroids. That’s fine. It’s progress…

But what’s this? Mr Fussy has been renamed with the rolls-off-the-tongue moniker of Mr Pernickety. Eh? Ah, I’m guessing that “Fussy” just isn’t OCD enough for a modern audience.

Square Eyes 25-28 February

Mastermind (Monday 7.30pm, BBC2)

Tonight’s edition of the legendary show supposedly features the cult comedy The Day Today as a specialist subject. Out of intrigue, if nothing else, I’ll be watching.

Masterchef (Monday 8.30pm, BBC2)

It’s finals week, and for once I don’t feel bad for recommending my favourite obsession, as there’s a TV related theme to tonight’s outing. The three remaining cooks (I still want Johnny to win) are packed off to Rochdale to cook for the cast and crew of BBC drama Waterloo Road. So you see, it’s kind of in the right area for a change. It’s such an addictively simple format that still keeps delivering, even though it’s the same year in, year out. Some of this is down to the competing talent, but mostly it’s down to the spiky charms of John Torode and Gregg Wallace.

The Palace (Monday 9pm, ITV1)

And on it grinds in wonderfully camp yet utterly dreadful fashion. If I were Michael Grade, I’d be very worried indeed. Still, Jane Asher remains as fab as ever, so perhaps all is not lost.

Skins (Monday 10pm, E4)

The second series of this so-called teen drama has managed to build on the confident first outing and gets better and better. I say “so-called” teen drama because the branding of Skins does it a huge disservice. It’s a drama that should appeal to everybody simply because it is so damn good. Tonight’s episode focuses on Sid and his father (Peter Capaldi) receiving a visit from Sid’s grandfather, which turns into a fascinating depiction of father-son relationships. It’s hugely clever, showing a narrative flair that’s so rarely seen in modern TV drama.

Hotel Babylon (Tuesday, 9pm, BBC1)

Well, why not? When a restaurant critic (Nathaniel Parker) savages the quality of food at Hotel Babylon, the team hire a celebrity chef, played by Alan Davies, to turn things around. It’s as paper thin as the walls in my flat, but that’s no reason not to like this silly drama. Within the Reithian principals of public service broadcasting, it’s at the very least entertaining.

The Hard Sell (Tuesday 10.30pm, BBC4)

First in a new series that calls on 50 odd years of TV advertising to showcase some of the essential techniques used in selling stuff to a mass audience. The series starts with sex, and inevitably this brings us to Melanie Sykes, the girl who brought sex appeal to Boddingtons and Manchester.

The Mr Men Show (Wednesday 7.30am, Five)

Um… The legendary TV show based on the books by Roger Hargreaves has been given an update for a new generation of fans. There are even some new characters, such as Mr Rude. Who is French and erm… rude. Just don’t pull his fingers. No, really…

Torchwood (Wednesday 9pm, BBC2)

Farting and projectile vomit? Ah, that’s better, Torchwood is almost back to feeling like its old self… No, I joke, because this episode, following straight on from last week’s cliffhanger (if you’re watching on BBC2) maintains the level of subtle character work that has typified this much improved sci-fi drama. It gets let down in the final reel due to some effects work that just outstrips what it’s possible to do on this budget, but that’s a minor quibble. After this, there are interesting times ahead for the Torchwood team.

Dexter (Wednesday 10.35pm, ITV1)

This is a bold move by ITV to stick one of the edgiest and most controversial dramas to come out of America since The Sopranos. Dexter is a pathologist who specialises in blood patterns in his work for the police. He also happens to be a serial killer whose sociopathic tendencies were recognised at an early age and focussed by his adoptive father in a unique way. Dexter only kills bad people, mostly other serial killers. It’s a hard sell, but Six Feet Under graduate Michael C Hall plays this difficult role with a charm that will have you cheering every time he gets the drill out. Exciting and brilliant.

Masterchef – The Final (Thursday 8pm, BBC2)

It’s the final – just saying, that’s all.

Ashes to Ashes (Thursday 9pm, BBC1)

It’s getting better, but Ashes to Ashes clearly needs to work harder than it’s predecessor to remain relevant and consistent, lest it just becomes a sit-com about a grumpy detective and his posh sidekick. This week has some deeper commentary to it as Gene is up against a group of radical feminists following a murder that could lead back to the secret service. One-liners and lots of shouting – mostly from Keeley Hawes for the latter.

That Mitchell and Webb Look (Thursday 9pm, BBC2)

First class sketch comedy from the Peep Show boys, mixing great characters with sly digs at the cheaper end of the reality TV market.

When Were We Funniest? (Thursday 9pm, UKTV Gold)

And that’s the question comedians like Martin Freeman, Jo Brand and Frankie Boyle will be asking between now and Christmas as they weigh in to speak up for a particular decade of comic excellence. Once the cases are made, it’s then over to a public vote where the results will be revealed in a special programme at Christmas.

Mistresses: Series 2 confirmed, but who will be the men?

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I had a full day yesterday, travelling down to Brighton for the first day of BBC Showcase, BBC Worldwide’s annual event promoting and selling its UK shows to broadcasters from all over the world.

A full podcast will be going up later this week, including an interview with Timothy Spall, talking about his role as Fagin in the BBC’s Oliver Twist, and a lively round-table discussion with the cast of BBC/BBC America co-production Mistresses.

As a result of that conversation, TV Today can confirm that the show, a consistent performer in its Tuesday 9pm slot and a success via BBC iPlayer, has been recommissioned for a second series.

Which cast members will be returning, though?

Dis/Connected to be postponed

As Matt has confirmed on our News pages, the BBC has taken the decision to postpone transmission of the latest in its series of drama pilots, Dis/Connected.

Following a number of suicides of teenagers in and around the Bridgend area in South Wales, the Corporation has decided that, for now, they will not show this drama, which revolves around a group of people drawn together by the suicide of a teenage mutual friend, until a later date.

When the Madeleine McCann story broke and soaps such as Coronation Street changed storylines that weren’t particularly similar in the first place, I was critical of their stance (although Mark disagreed). However, here I think that the situation is very different. Media coverage of Madeleine’s disappearance — or the kidnapping of any child, real or fictional — is unlikely to increase the chance of other child abductions happening. However, research “strongly indicates that media representation can and does lead to copycat behaviour,” according to the Samaritans. This is especially the case with BBC Three’s target audience of young people, who the Samaritans say are those most likely to be influenced by media representations of suicide.

There will always be families who find the subject matter of Dis/Connected upsetting, of course: drama should not flinch from telling stories that strike at the heart of human emotions and tell of human frailties. Right now, though, as seventeen families struggle to come to terms with their loss, and when the media (both print and broadcast) have already been far too intrusive into their lives, I can respect the decision of Danny Cohen and his team to delay transmission.

The BBC Three listings page has already been updated to reflect the change in its schedule. The drama will be replaced by the documentary Born Survivors - Kizzy: Mum at 14.

  • The Samaritans is available 24 hours on 08457 90 90 90.

Square Eyes

Ricky Gervais: New Hero of Comedy (Friday 9pm, C4)

I come and go with Ricky Gervais. Sometimes I think he’s a genius who has served up some of the best comedy work this country has seen in many a year. And then I have periods when I find him to be an annoying tedious and arrogant personality who has started to believe his own publicity. Whichever way the wind blows, there’s no denying that Gervais is somebody we’re all still talking about, so he’s got to be doing something right. This documentary charts his rise from unknown comic to award-winning trans-Atlantic star.

Friday Night With Jonathan Ross (Friday 10.35pm, BBC1)

Ahead of Sunday night’s festivities to celebrate his 80th birthday, Bruce Forsyth pitches up here to have a natter with JR. As somebody who has done so much in their lengthy career, let’s hope Ross can find it within himself to ask Brucie a question and then SHUT UP for five minutes to let a genuinely entertaining personality answer it. It’s a vain hope, I know, but fingers crossed!

Primeval (Saturday 6.30pm, ITV1)

It’s the season finale of ITV’s always entertaining, occasionally frustrating adventure drama, and it looks like they’ve pulled out all the stops. The climax will have to work hard to match the quality of last week’s episode, which is easily the best the show has put out so far. Cutter and his team were left at the mercy of the vaguely evil Leek and Cutter’s ex-wife Helen. It turns out they’ve been stockpiling monsters from this season’s episodes, along with the nasty future monster we saw last season. Quite why they’ve been doing this is yet to be established, but I can’t wait to find out.

CSI: NY (Saturday 9pm, C5)

With rugby dominating much of the evening elsewhere, this might be an opportune moment to check out the third entry in the CSI franchise, now into its fourth season. This one is a harder sell than the others – Grissom’s lot still make it look effortless, Miami has a nice line in cheesiness, but I often find the New York incarnation a little too grim to truly embrace. Still, this tale of two seemingly unconnected murders that the team eventually pull together has the usual CSI bells and whistles and will pass an hour nicely.

The Bourne Identity (Saturday 9.45pm, ITV1)

We don’t usually recommend movies, but this first instalment of the Bourne trilogy is one of the best spy thrillers for many a year. Definitely worth a go if you haven’t already succumbed to the charms of Matt Damon’s tortured hero.

Happy Birthday Brucie! (Sunday 6.35pm, BBC1)

Brucie is 80 and how fitting for one of the nation’s most enduring entertainers to be given their very own TV celebration! This spectacular party is packed to the rafters with friends and colleagues desperate to wish the legend that is Bruce Forsythe a warm happy birthday. Faces from the past and present of a 60-year career are on hand to do the odd turn, all under the watchful eye of hostess Tess Daly. Perfect for a Sunday evening.

The Cult of Sunday Night (Sunday 9pm, BBC4)

Oh joy – this entertaining exercise in nostalgia proceeds to a show that defined 80s TV drama in the UK – Howard’s Way. It was a natural successor to The Brothers in many ways, but was considerably glitzier and undeniably cheesy. The usual mix of star and writer interviews are peppered with clips, and before this, at 8pm, you can catch the final episode of the first series. Joyous stuff all round.

Lewis (Sunday 9pm, ITV1)

Watching Lewis is like watching an old lover and realising something is missing. Kevin Whately is a fine actor, but he never looks totally at ease as the man in the seat formerly occupied by John Thaw’s Morse. Perhaps that’s the charm of the series though and Whately is displaying some definite choices in how he now plays his most popular and enduring role. It’s all pretty much as you’d expect in the first of four new investigations for Lewis and the somewhat dour DS Hathaway when bodies start turning up in picturesque Oxford locations. Jokes about the excessive murder rate in Oxford are banned for the next four weeks.

The times they are a changing

Recent pieces over on The Stage’s news pages and here on TV Today about the success of the BBC’s iPlayer have got me thinking about how our consumption of television on a day to day basis is changing.

Okay, okay, this isn’t a particularly radical school of thought, but work with me, it’s Thursday afternoon.

Around half a million of us are using the BBC’s iPlayer every day, and that looks set to rise as the service becomes streamlined and adapts to new platforms. The iPhone and iPod touch developments are particularly exciting (although I’m about a year away from getting either product, with my barely a year old iPod giving me suspicious looks from my bag every time I look at the Apple website).

This is exactly what the remit of the BBC should be, to drive forward new methods of consuming TV and responding to the ever-changing needs of a modern audience. I imagine the figures will spike even higher once the fabled Mac download facility goes live. Well, I’m excited about it at any rate.

'Enders on the move

The notion of EastEnders and other mainstay BBC dramas being forced to move to new premises ahead of the supposed HD revolution is not exactly a new one. However the story seems to have come back in recent days, with attention turning to the 20-odd year old Albert Square set on the back lot at Elstree Studios.

A memo to BBC drama producers would seem to be the cause of the panic, stating:

“Using HD will highlight scenery defects such as repeat taping and painting over scenery flattage joins, knocks and damage, dirt and scuff marks. Knocks, scratches, general wear and tear are distinctly noticeable and need additional time and effort to rectify.”

which would seem to be an exercise in stating the bleeding obvious. I wonder if the writer of the memo has any eggs he can teach the producers to suck while they’re about it.

BBC iPlayer: Half a million a day and rising

Since its public launch on Christmas Day, the BBC iPlayer has had such an impact on my own viewing habits that it’s hard to imagine what life was like without it.

I was at a briefing yesterday from senior BBC personnel about the growth in usage of the iPlayer in its first seven weeks of public usage. As indicated in our news story, 17 million programmes have been downloaded in that time. And that number will grow rapidly: last week, the service saw 500,000 programmes viewed on a single day.

The BBC have released the Top 10 programmes viewed or downloaded - plus, exclusive to TV Today, details of the actual episodes of the drama series included:

  1. Doctor Who Voyage of the Damned (the Christmas special)

  2. Louis Theroux: Behind Bars

  3. Torchwood Episode 1, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

  4. Ashes to Ashes Episode 1

  5. Torchwood Episode 2, Sleeper

  6. Six Nations Rugby England v Wales

  7. Top Gear

  8. Mistresses Episode 3

  9. Mistresses Episode 4

  10. Torchwood Episode 3, To The Last Man

At first glance, the domination of that list by the Corporation’s sci-fi/fantasy shows might imply that the iPlayer is gaining traction specifically amongst a certain sector of the internet audience. But a little look behind the headline figures throws up some interesting information…

Knight Rider ramps up the ratings

Further to our somewhat sceptical piece on Knight Rider a couple of weeks ago, the two-hour TV movie update of the legendary 80s series aired last night on NBC across the pond. Whether it was genuinely good TV or fuelled by nostalgia, Knight Rider noughties style pulled in an impressive 13 million viewers according to early reports.

Despite this, it didn’t stop the critics sticking the knife in, with Mary McNamara of the Los Angeles Times saying:

BBC shows come to iTunes

On-demand distribution of BBC shows just got a little bit easier — and even more Mac-friendly — with the release of several BBC series to buy on iTunes.

The opening slate, which is expected to grow quite rapidly, includes past series such as Little Britain (series 3), both series of Life on Mars and the most recent series of The Catherine Tate Show and Robin Hood.

Notably, though, they are also offering episodes of series which are still airing on the BBC - the roster here including Ashes to Ashes, Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps and Torchwood.

Square Eyes 18-21 February

The Palace (Monday 9pm, ITV1)

Oh yes, this joyously enjoyable but undeniably terrible drama continues apace, and I’m so glad it’s still here! In tonight’s tale of intrigue and bitching behind the curtains of royal life, Princess Eleanor is disturbed in bed by an intruder, and it’s down to a chambermaid to save the day. The incident spooks the normally calculating and confident princess and she moves back to Buck House and the bosom of the family. Knowing Eleanor, it’s probably part of some wider plan – I do hope so!

Being Human (Monday 9pm, BBC3)

After last week’s woefully amateur and ill-conceived Phoo Action (sorry Scott), BBC3 moves on to much safer ground with a flat share comedy pilot. Oh, but hang on, all is not what it seems. It’s a flat share comedy about a ghost, a vampire and werewolf. I see. But that I can cope with – it’s an ordinary situation that an audience can relate to, rendered extraordinary by the characters. Good fun, and if this doesn’t get commissioned for a full series (like Phoo Action before it) I shall write to my MP.

Ghost Hunting with Coronation Street (Monday 9pm, ITV2)

Erm… yes. The mind boggles.

Hotel Babylon (Tuesday 9pm, BBC1)

There’s really not much to separate the merits of Hotel Babylon and The Palace in the camp stakes, so what is it that sets the BBC show above ITV’s royal themed series? Hotel Babylon knows it’s rubbish and let’s the audience know it with a little wink every now and then, and somehow this Max Beesley starrer gets away with it. It’s business as usual in this third run, and things are much better now that Tamzin Outhwaite is no longer in residence as manager. There’s nothing startling here, and do you know, I’d be worried if there was.

Moonlight (Tuesday 9pm, Living)

First episode of a promising supernatural drama from across the pond. Mick St John is a private detective with a fondness for dark rooms and an aversion to garlic. Yes, he’s a vampire. Beyond the thumbnail sketch, this plays much better than it sounds, and you get Britain’s own Sophia Myles on support duties.

Torchwood (Wednesday 9pm, BBC2)

This episode of Torchwood premiered last week on BBC3, but it’s worth mentioning again for its BBC2 outing as it features Doctor Who alumna Martha Jones (Freema Agyeman) in the first of three appearances in the spin-off show. Martha, now working for UNIT, is drafted in to help out when the team undercover some alien skulduggery going on at a pharmaceutical company. Why nobody shouts “Oh my god, it’s Jim from Neighbours!” when they meet the creepy head of the company is beyond me… Yes, he’s played by the legend that is Alan Dale. Torchwood – now with added Jim!

The Brit Awards 2008 (Wednesday 9pm, ITV1)

It’s the Brits, back for a 28th year and this time under the watchful eye of Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne. And it’s live. What? Are they insane?! With Ozzy in residence, anything could happen (and probably will), although Sharon should be able to keep her man under control.

Masterchef (Thursday 8pm, BBC2)

Tonight the semi-finalists will become three, ready for next week’s nail-biting finals. I can’t wait!

Ashes to Ashes (Thursday 9pm, BBC1)

It’s undeniably sillier than Life on Mars, but after some reticence, I’m slowly warming to the charms of Ashes to Ashes. Yes, Keeley Hawes needs to bring her performance as DI Alex Drake down just a touch, but who knows how any of us would react if we were trapped in our own mind – and knew it! Tonight’s episode features some vintage Gene moments as he and the team go undercover at a fancy dress party to investigate the rape of a prostitute.

That Mitchell and Webb Look (Thursday 9pm, BBC2)

A TV Today favourite returns for a second series following a Bafta bagging first run. No doubt there’ll be return appearances for favourites the snooker commentators and Sir Digby Chicken Ceasar, but David Mitchell and Robert Webb have come up with some new characters this year. Most promising are The Helivets, a pair of pretty vets in pink jumpsuits who claim to be able to rescue any pet in peril. Well, it probably works better on screen than it does on paper. Just one more thing: that’s Numberwang!

It's 'Making Your Mind Up' time - Joseph or Maria?

It’s coming round to that time of year again, as the selection process for the Eurovision Song Contest rolls around again. What us oldies still insist on calling Song for Europe and which in recent years has been called Making Your Mind Up has now been renamed again. This time, the song selection show will be called Eurovision - Your Decision.

Thankfully, the inexplicably well employed Fearne Cotton will not be involved this year. Instead, the job of co-hosting with the omnipresent Terry Wogan — and possibly overruling him when the winner is announced — goes to the irrepressible Claudia Winkleman. Terry, meanwhile, will be assuming the role of head judge in addition to being host for the TV show.

While the contest is (notionally at least) about the songs being entered rather than the acts selected to showcase them, all attention this year will once again be focussed on the singers of each shortlisted song. In a break from previous years, the six finalists have been split into three groups: soloists, girl groups and (of particular interest to longtime TV Today readers) Joseph versus Maria.

The latter category will see former Any Dream Will Do contestant Rob McVeigh pitted against a former finalist for How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? Simona Armstrong.

In the other categories, singer and former EastEnders actress Michelle Gayle will compete against former X Factor finalist Andy Abraham, while the girl groups consist of duo LoveShy (Aimee Kearsley and Emma Beard, who previously competed in Popstars: The Rivals) and three-piece The Revelations (Annika Magnberg, Sarah Vitorino and Louise Masters).

Square Eyes 15-17 February

Space: 1999 (Friday 7pm, ITV4)

This week, the Alphans apparently make a shocking discovery. Just like last week. And the week before. I’m detecting a theme here.

EastEnders (Friday 8pm, BBC1)

The mind boggles. Stacey and Bradley at a Doctor Who convention? With a cliffhanger the previous evening that combined the dum-dum-dum of the ‘Enders drums with the Doctor Who cliffhanger scream. And an episode tonight that begins with a cliffhanger reprise, which EastEnders just doesn’t do. Somebody’s having fun with this, but I’m not sure I can cope with all this inter-textuality. EastEnders exists as a fictional TV programme in Doctor Who. Fine. But Jo Joyner (Tanya Branning) has appeared in Doctor Who. Okay, that makes me slightly worried, but I’m cool with that. But where does this leave the Children in Need special from years ago where Doctor Who landed in Albert Square and met Pauline Fowler in the future? I think I need to lie down and do groaning.

Rude Tube (Friday 9pm, C4)

I guess in this age of synergy between various platforms, a show looking at the 50 supposedly funniest and rudest clips posted on the internet is something TV Today has to give a blokey nod to. It’s also juvenile and clearly one for sniggering teenagers, and about as low rent as Channel 4 can get. Oh well.

Pride and Prejudice (Saturday 7.10pm, BBC4)

Frequently in the modern age of television, we are turning to archive programming more and more to remind ourselves that they don’t make ‘em like they used to. Well thankfully they still make ‘em like Pride and Prejudice (see Cranford and Sense and Sensibility if you don’t believe me). Like I, Claudius before it in the 70s, Pride and Prejudice defined costume drama in the 90s and its influence stretches all the way to 2008. This double bill is a perfect way to spend a Saturday evening if you’re having a quiet one – just watch for those breeches!

Primeval (Saturday 7.15pm, ITV1)

One for the Who fans tonight as we note that Paul Cornell, writer of the fantastic Human Nature/Family of Blood two-parter is on scribing duties for this episode of Primeval. A pachyderm (a big old woolly mammoth to you and me) rampages along a busy motorway and our team are called in to… well, to do whatever it is they do. Always good stuff, and as it’s the penultimate episode of the season, expect enough skulduggery in the background to set things up for the finale next week.

Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway (Saturday 8.15pm, ITV1)

Honest to goodness Saturday night light entertainment. Oops, sorry, did I say honest? Well you won’t find me digging up that nasty business over rigged phone voting and defrauding the audience. No siree, not me. That wouldn’t be fair, would it? It’s business as usual with the still cheeky, still Geordie chappies. Will Ferrell is the guest announcer, and there’ll be the usual run of games (there’s a new one called Mouse Trap) and fun with the audience, both in the studio and at home.

The Last Enemy (Sunday 9pm, BBC1)

Oooh, it’s one of those very slick, very contemporary dramas that the BBC does so well (and ITV doesn’t). Benedict Cumberbatch (currently heading my list as the next Doctor Who should David Tennant ever hang up his suit) stars as Stephen Ezard, a maths wiz who returns home to unearth the truth about his brother’s death. The plot is labyrinthine to say the least, so you’ll have to keep up, and there are lots of scenes of people in front of computers that make me wonder why my trusty Mac can’t do those things. But generally this is fairly engrossing, rewarding TV.

Kingdom (Sunday 9pm, ITV1)

By stark contrast to The Last Enemy, here’s a drama that leaves you in no doubt about where you are with it. There’s nothing labyrinthine about Kingdom, but that’s all to the good in my book. Gentle dramas like this are just as valid as edgier, more challenging pieces. Tonight’s second series closer has Peter (an always fluffy and lovely Stephen Fry) having to put up a group of elderly residents from Aunt Auriel’s rest home after a problem with the sprinkler system. High drama indeed. Oh, and Lyle drags up for reasons that I’m sure will become clear at some point in the narrative. Or not.

The Cult of Sunday (Sunday 8pm, BBC4)

Required viewing for you TV Today loyalists. This week, the frothy little nostalgia series reaches Poldark in its run down of those seminal Sunday night dramas. Stars and writers are all on hand to talk about the popularity of this costume saga.

BBC quietly rolls out YouTube video embedding

When the BBC first launched its YouTube channel a year ago, one of the most annoying aspects was that embedding of videos on third party websites was disabled on all the videos. That meant that blogs such as this one would have to send you off to watch a particular clip, rather than enabling you to see it in the context of the conversation about it.

Gradually, that seems to be changing. Several of the most recent additions to YouTube.com/BBC now allow embedding of clips. So, for example, if we were talk about the welcome return of the award-winning That Mitchell and Webb Look next week, we could show you a preview of one of the sketches:

…or revelling in the title sequence for Ashes to Ashes, which debuted on last night’s episode, in all its Eighties electric guitar C.A.T.S. Eyes/Dempsey and Makepeace glory…

Sadly, not all the BBC’s clips are available to be embedded, though…

NBC strikes quickly

And slowly the grinding wheel of Hollywood begins to turn again as the TV networks start to emerge, blinking into the sunlight, from under the shadow of the Writers Guild of America strike. Soon the casualties of war will be made clear for all, but in the meantime, NBC appears to be the first to move on. And it seems the strike has worked in favour of several shows.

The most high-profile beneficiary of the strike is Heroes, the second season of which was curtailed after 11 episodes when the strike bit. And the perceived wisdom on these episodes is that they were, on the whole, a bit pants (no, not the Lycra variety.). Even Heroes’ creator and exec producer Tim Kring went on record before the hiatus to actually agree with the overall negative feeling about the previous season’s breakout hit.

Phoo must be joking

Following on from Mark’s disappointment with BBC3’s drama pilot Phoo Action, we now hear that a full series of six episodes has now been commissioned.

Now, I actually quite liked bits of Phoo Action, although I did feel that there was a high octane half hour of television stretched into an hour’s worth of schedule. With a faster pace, snappier scenes and a sharpened script, it could develop into quite a fun series.

Except that even then, I think half an hour is too long for an episode of this series…

I am officially old

…according to BBC3 at least.

A great note of sadness last night as I watched Phoo Action on the newly regenerated, daahn wiv the kidz BBC3. I didn’t have a clue what the heck was going on. I thought I’d stumbled onto Fox Kids by mistake.

As I watched through narrowed eyes, brow furrowed, the room went cold as I realised I had finally, at the ripe old age of 36, become too old to understand programming aimed at the yoof market (that’s 16-34, apparently). It’s all dad dancing and fawn slacks from here on in.

And then I felt better this morning when discussing Phoo Action with a colleague over a slice of toast. He considered my dilemma, nodded sagely and said:

“Perhaps it was j