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Square Eyes 16-18 May

An Audience… without Jeremy Beadle (Friday 9.30pm, ITV1)

It’s perhaps a moribund title for a celebratory look at the life of the late Jeremy Beadle, but is probably a good mark of the man’s sense of humour in this retrospective hosted by Chris Tarrant. Beadle was a familiar part of my childhood viewing thanks to Game for a Laugh, so I shall be there for this affectionate piece with contributions from Henry Kelly, Robert Powell, Sir Alan Sugar and Tony Blackburn.

Derren Brown: Trick or Treat (Friday 10pm, C4)

Tonight’s celebrity guest is David Tennant who, thanks to Derren’s skills of manipulation, gets to experience some Doctor Who style time travel experiments. As fascinating as it is entertaining.

Peep Show (Friday 10.30pm, C4)

If it wasn’t for tomorrow night’s Doctor Who, this would be my top TV pick of the weekend. I’ve heaped loads of praise on Peep Show in recent weeks, and that simply doesn’t diminish. It only seems right and proper that the Bafta-winning series has been recommissioned for a sixth series. Now, if Channel 4 can persuade Dylan Moran to come and make a new series of Black Books, I’ll be a happy bunny.

Friday Night with Jonathan Ross (Friday 10.35pm, BBC1)

Always worth a look, but tonight JR has Sarah Jessica Parker on the sofa ahead of the opening of Sex and the City: the Movie.

Doctor Who (Saturday 7pm, BBC1)

Finally this fourth series of Doctor Who shows off the greatness we’ve seen in previous series with The Unicorn and the Wasp. Gareth Roberts’s script, featuring an encounter with Agatha Christie in the 1920s, is fast, funny, clever, witty and most importantly, scary. It’s exactly what Doctor Who should be, with lots of winks to the adults and an effective monster that will have the kids scurrying behind the sofa. There’s a great guest cast, chief among them Fenella Woolgar as Christie, who is just brilliant - a name to watch over the coming years. This is perhaps my favourite episode of new Who to date.

The Poisoner (Saturday 10pm, BBC4)

Heavy but excellent Emmy-winning drama about Marie Besnard, accused of poisoning her husband after 18 years of happy marriage. Based on a true story.

Love Soup (Saturday 10.25pm, BBC1)

It’s time to say farewell to the lovely Alice this evening as Love Soup gets to episode 12. My, doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun, and the last three months has provided some of the best bitter-sweet and frankly dark comedy you’re ever likely to find on British TV. David Renwick sketches deliciously bleak situations better than anybody, but tempered by the wide-eyed, if world-weary, innocence of Tamsin Greig’s Alice, Love Soup is rendered irresistably likeable. Will we see Alice and her pals from the make-up counter back in the future. We’d better!

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Sunday 8pm, BBC1)

With nobody knowing whether Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is going to be any good or not, it might be safe to hedge your bets and watch the third in Spielberg’s adventure series - you know, just in case…

Bear Grylls: Born Survivor (Sunday 8pm, C4)

Well, it’s either this or Heartbeat. At least with Bear Grylls, there are laughs to be had on the way, especially if you activate your inner Harry Hill commentary. Tonight Bear is in Patagonia where he messes about with ice crevasses, hand glides, and keeps himself warm using his own urine. Aw bless, it’s such homely television.

Ultimate Force (Sunday 9pm, ITV1)

Oh good grief, are there still episodes of this over bloated thing still to go out? I thought this Ross Kemp vehicle had been put out of its misery years ago. It seems there are still three episodes of fun and games with Henno Garvey and Red Troop. It’s the usual macho tedium as the gang are teamed with US Special Forces to go and open a can of whup-ass on some bad guys. It’s kind of like The Unit, only without the added David Mamet. I think you know what I’m getting at…

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