December 2008 Archives

Christmas is a time for family, for togetherness, for giving, peace and goodwill to all people. Oh, and a double helping of EastEnders and an hour-long Corrie, of course… Mostly I’m looking at Christmas Day events in Soapland for this column as there are so many visits to our favourite soaps across the festive season, it’s enough to make you dizzy!

EastEnders (Christmas Day, 8/8.30pm, BBC1)

An Albert Square Christmas is always a special affair, where stalls for the year ahead are set out. Revelations on Christmas Day have a habit of running through EastEnders for months to come, as with last year’s bombshell of Max and Stacey’s affair. This year seems to have taken that storyline as a template as Suzy Branning is coerced into giving Sean Slater the worst Christmas of his life. To say it’s a cracker is something of an understatement (ho, ho… erm, ho). Elsewhere on the Square, Dot has something of visitation from a ghost of Christmas past as an EastEnders legend returns…

Coronation Street (Christmas Day 7pm, ITV1)

Oooh, that Tony Gordon, he’s an evil minx, isn’t he? He’s not quite in the Richard Hillman class of Corrie nutter, but he’s not far off. On Christmas Eve, Mr G receives a visit from Jed, who in no uncertain terms tells him he knows what happened on the night Liam died. Oh dear, that’s torn it. Something tells us Jed will be getting stuffing of a different kind this Christmas… Also the Steve/Becky/Michelle love triangle gets even trickier as Steve treats Becky to winter wonderland in the Streetcars office. Wow, that Steve McDonald, eh? He sure knows how to out the moves on a girl, doesn’t he?

Emmerdale (Christmas Day 6pm, ITV1)

While the rest of us are watching Doctor Who, those few tuning into Emmerdale on Christmas Day will be in for a chilling tale of what lies beneath as recent misdemeanours are uncovered. Victoria Sugden locks lips with Daz and then does a runner (can’t say we blame her), heading out into the cold where she takes a plunge in the iced over lake… And what she finds beneath the icy depths will have nasty repercussions for at least three village residents. And the villagers gather for Reverend Ashley’s final service, but could help be at hand for the church?

Hollyoaks (Boxing Day 5.50pm, C4)

It’s crunch time for Warren and Louise, but will Lou carry out her revenge plan? And do you care? Answers on a postcard please…

Musical stars of the West End, including Maria Friedman and Matt Rawle, will feature in a specially-recorded Radio 2 concert on Boxing Day, celebrating music from Disney films and shows, writes Nick Smurthwaite.

The concert was recorded at the Lyceum, home of The Lion King, on December 8, with a cast that included many original Broadway stars of Beauty and the Beast, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Aida, Little Mermaid and The Lion King, all accompanied by the BBC Concert Orchestra.

In addition to those Disney films already translated into stage shows, such as Tarzan and Mary Poppins, Radio 2 Celebrates the Music of Disney will also feature songs from the classic movies Toy Story, Jungle Book, Lady and the Tramp, Fantasia and Aladdin. The American singer Josh Groban will host the show.

Meanwhile, Christmas Day’s Radio 2 schedule includes a fascinating look back at the Goons through the eyes of the grown-up children of Peter Sellers, Spike Milligan and Harry Secombe.

Having declined to talk about the Goons for years, actor Andy Secombe, at the age of 55, feels ready to examine the experience of growing up “in the febrile atmosphere that surrounded the creation of one of the most influential 20th-century British radio comedy shows”.

In Growing Up With the Goons, Secombe goes in search of fellow sufferers, such as the daughters of Milligan and Sellers, as well as 91-year-old Charles Chilton, a surviving producer of The Goon Show and a long-retired BBC studio manager who did the all-important sound effects. He also talks to Now Show comics Mitch Benn and Steve Punt, whose respective dads introduced them to the wonderful world of Neddie Seagoon, Eccles and Grytpype-Thynne.

Radio 2 also offers a pair of divas on Christmas Day - Bette Midler and Liza Minnelli - sadly not sharing a bill, but hosting their own specials. In The Bette Midler Christmas Show - The Best of Bette, Midler shares her favourite music. Minnelli’s show, Liza With a ‘Z’ - And All That Jazz, amounts to a tribute to the great musical duo Kander and Ebb, who gave her some of her greatest songs, as well as being close friends.

Minnelli first met Fred Ebb when she was a teenager living alone in New York. Of his role in her life, she says: “I was 16 and Fred soon became my mentor, my best friend, my inspiration, my guide and my parent figure. There was a door opening for both of us and we walked through it together.”

The song Liza With a Z, she says, was the greatest gift she ever received as a performer. “They became my voice and later, they both told me, I became theirs.”

Our own pocket-sized diva of the airwaves, Sandi Toksvig delves into the broadcasting bran tub on Radio 4 to present Pick of the Year, while author Terry Pratchett, creator of the Discworld series of books, gives an insight into his tireless fascination with how things work in a special edition of With Great Pleasure at Christmas.

On New Year’s Eve, Radio 2 will remember Sir Bill Cotton, who died in August, in Showman and Star-Maker. In his time as controller of BBC Light Entertainment and then head honcho at BBC1, Cotton was responsible for The Generation Game, The Two Ronnies, Are You Being Served?, Dad’s Army, The Morecambe and Wise Show, EastEnders and Parkinson.

His nickname was ‘Uncle Bill’ and he was renowned in the sometimes chilly corridors of the BBC for being as open and friendly to the cleaning ladies as he was to the heads of department.

The son of a once-famous bandleader and TV personality, the sober-suited Cotton had a streak of flamboyance himself, once standing in for his indisposed dad on a radio show. Responding to the charge of being middle-brow and intellectually challenged, Cotton once said: “The great thing about being mediocre is that I am always at my best.”

Another broadcasting legend, Bruce Forsyth, is celebrated in Strictly Come Brucie on Radio 4 on Christmas Day. In a rare, in-depth interview, Forsyth talks to Paul Morley about his extraordinary career, now in its seventh decade.

He talks frankly about his family background, auditioning at the Windmill, National Service and his 16 years on the variety circuit before striking gold on Sunday Night at the London Palladium. He reveals what it takes to remain at the top for so long, and how important it is to take time off.

Let’s hope his exemplary career will at last be rewarded by a long-overdue knighthood in the New Year’s Honours.

Okay, so after last week’s cock up we have three couples as planned in the final. And really, that’s what the cause of last week’s problem was: the method by which the judges’ and public votes were tallied up, combined with the dance-off system introduced last year, doesn’t really work with only three competitors. It was by luck rather than good judgement that the same thing didn’t happen last year, which also had three competitiors in the semi-final after Kelly Brook withdrew.

Anyway, again there’s no review of last week, and there won’t be of this week — time pressures are just too great, I’m afraid. But we do have a scoresheet:

Strictly Come Dancing scoresheet, week 14 (final) [PDF]

The way the evening will progress is this: each of the three couples will dance twice, with two of their highest scoring dances (one Ballroom, one Latin). Then a vote count will be taken (including all last week’s phone votes), at which point one couple will leave.

The remaining two couples will then perform in a group Viennese Waltz and a show dance. I have no idea whether the judges will be scoring these routines, but I’ve left space on the scoresheets in case they do.

After that, it’s all over bar the voting, and we’ll have a new couple’s name on that tacky glitterball trophy. Ignoring the off-the-floor shenanigans for a moment, it’s actually been one of the most entertaining series on the dance floor. But at fourteen weeks, I do feel it’s been stretched out for too long. Last year’s series felt the right length.

But anyway, on with the scoring, and see you all next year!

Parents of the Band (Friday 8.30pm, BBC1)

Only kidding! I’d rather grow a beard like Jimmy Nail’s than watch this tat.

Peter Kay’s Britain’s Got an Extra Pop Factor… (Friday 9pm, C4)

Channel 4 must be cock-a-hoop at the ratings comedian Peter Kay’s latest offering for the channel earned (even on the repeat), so this follow up show is going to be more than welcome. Find out what happened to competition winner Geraldine (Kay) after winning the country’s best talent contest, with more than a tongue firmly wedged in cheek.

Gavin & Stacey (Friday 9.30pm, BBC1)

The best comedy on the box (even on a repeat run), heads towards next week’s Christmas special, as the Billericay side of the family head down to Barry for Gwen’s birthday. There are storm clouds on the horizon for Gav and Stace, but the highlight tonight is a duet between Nessa and Uncle Bryn. Bliss.

The IT Crowd (Friday 10pm, C4)

Thank God for Channel 4 tonight, as pickings are very slim elsewhere this evening on the box. At least we get a good 90 minutes of comedy on C4, with The IT Crowd following Peter Kay. Tonight, Roy and Moss discover the delights of social networking websites.

Strictly Come Dancing (Friday 6.40pm/9pm, BBC1)

The final of a once great show that has been tainted by ill-judged decisions along the way this year. Sorry guys, you lost with me John Sergeant, and then continued to tell the audience they didn’t matter with last week’s cock up. Ah well, keep dancing, eh. Sorry, I won’t be back next year.

Outnumbered (Saturday 9pm, BBC1)

Although the children get all the praise in this effortlessly lovely comedy, Claire Skinner and Hugh Dennis deserve equal plaudits for their turns as Mum and Dad. Amidst cutesy improv from the kids, they manage to keep their heads above water and portray a married couple who long ago ceased to remember why they got married. There’s some heartbreaking stuff along the way here nestling within the comedy, but of course, it’s Karen who steals the show every week - this week she has some choice words for Satan.

Lark Rise to Candleford (Sunday 7.45pm, BBC1/BBCHD)

If ever there was a Christmas special to get you all toastie and warm and in a very festive mood, this is it. Snow, carols, a bit of a ghost story and plenty of cheer from the good people of Candleford and Larkrise. It’s all so very lovely, this prelude to the new series of the period drama deserves to be eaten with hot buttered crumpets and a nice cup of tea.

Clash of the Santas (Sunday 9pm, ITV1)

A brand new outing for Mark Benton and Robson Green in a comedy drama that ITV clearly think is more loved than it actually is. I don’t get Mark Benton - a TV actor of very limited range who seems to be hailed as some great talent. I’ve never seen it, but it’s all down to taste I guess. In this light bit of fluff, neighbourly rivals Colin and Howie clash over the World Santa championships in which Howie (Benton) is representing Britain, with Colin (Green) as his elf. It’s harmless, but very, very one note.

While the drama and comedy programmes make all the big noise at Christmastime, it’s the light entertainment departments that often have the most fun.

Britannia High Finale Saturday December 20, 5.30pm ITV1
One can only wonder how well Britannia High would have gone down if it had been given this slot from the start, which feels far more appropriate for the kids-plus-the-occasional-adult audience it finally seems to have decided it wants. A stage show broadcast live from Manchester, this show should showcase the talents of the series’ key performers in ways that the variable scripts haven’t always allowed. I bumped into actors Matthew Thomas (Jez) and Sapphire Elia (Claudine) earlier this week after their rehearsals: they tell me that the live show will also include pre-recorded dramatic scenes, tying up the loose ends from earlier in the series.

Strictly Come Dancing: Grand Final Saturday December 20, 6.40pm & 9pm, BBC1/BBC HD
Best to draw a veil over the elements of the series that have twice seen it hit the headlines for all the wrong reasons. Concentrate instead on one of the closest finals in years, as technician Rachel, showman Tom and comeback queen Lisa battle it out for what is admittedly the tackiest trophy in television.

Judy, Frank & Dean: Once in a Lifetime Saturday December 20, 8.10pm, BBC4
As part of BBC4’s Swing Season, this is a welcome show of a TV special from 1962 featuring the combined talents of Judy Garland, Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin back when they were all at the top of their game.

Greatest Christmas Comedy Moments Sunday December 21, 9pm, Five
Most of the source programmes for this clip show will be aired at some point over the festive season: better to digest their best bits all in one go here, and free up your time for all the new fare that’s also on offer.

Arena: Paul Scofield Christmas Eve, 10.15pm, BBC2
One of the greatest losses to the industry in the past year, Paul Scofield’s career is documented in this thoughtful documentary. From his time at Birmingham Rep, his legendary King Lear (voted by RSC actors as the greatest ever Shakespeare performance) to his Oscar-winning turn in A Man For All Seasons, Scofield’s work and life is eulogised by friends, colleagues and family.

Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Special Christmas Day, 7pm, BBC1/BBC HD
Dancing on Ice at Christmas Christmas Day, 8pm, ITV1
The now-traditional SCD Christmas show, which sees this year’s three finalists compete against dancers from previous series, has no John Sergeant and no phone voting, so there should be little to distract. It’s joined this year by ITV’s own celebrity dance spectacular, as previous competitors join either Team Torvill or Team Dean to decide who as the best triple salchow.

The Messiah from the Barbican Christmas Day, 7.50pm, BBC4
If you prefer something a little more cultured to help you digest your turkey, there can be nothing better than the LSO, conducted by Sir Colin Davies, in a performance from 2006.

The Man Who Made Eric and Ernie Boxing Day, 8.30pm, BBC2
Another great who left us this year, Bill Cotton wrote the rulebook on TV light entertainment. This tribute includes many of the faces who owe their careers to the man, including Bruce Forsyth, Ronnie Corbett and Michael Parkinson. As further tribute, three Christmas specials from his reign follow on BBC2.

Today it’s the turn of comedy with the BBC coming out on top with a broad range of shows for young and old. Come on ITV, what’s going on? Harry Hill aside, that’s a poor showing…

Lead Balloon (Tuesday 23rd December 10.15pm, BBC2)

A seasonal themed episode of Jack Dee’s often brilliant, frequently uncomfortable character comedy to close the largely excellent third series. Rick is in panto playing a pirate, so expect lots of bah-humbugging from the curmudgeonly comic, although he does have a moment of rare kindness at one point that’s in keeping with the Christmas flavour. And of course, we have more fun with Magda, who is proving to be one of those glorious comedy characters that steals every scene she crops up in. Brilliant.

The Peter Serafinowicz Christmas Show (Tuesday December 23rd, 10.55pm)

Some people say this sketch show is massively underrated, some say it’s just rubbish, which probably means it falls somewhere in the middle, like the vast majority of sketch comedy. Slightly kooky, Serafinowicz’s brand of humour is vulnerable to falling flat on its face for being slightly too out there, but in a world where somebody commissioned the dire The Kevin Bishop Show, I’ll take this any day.

My Family (Christmas Eve, 8.30pm, BBC1)

Another Christmas, another My Family Christmas special. Ah well, we can’t have everything, can we?

Gavin & Stacey (Christmas Eve 10pm, BBC1)

A shining star on the comedy horizon this Christmas, this feature length festive edition is as sparkling and special as the two series we’ve already had, and one can only hope this isn’t the end for our favourite Anglo-Welsh team-up. Stacey’s clan are heading for a Christmas in Billericay. Gavin might be moving to Wales (shush), Mick is getting up close and personal with the turkey, and Smithy is coping with fatherhood. Brilliant, effortless comedy.

Wallace and Gromit: A Matter of Loaf and Death (Christmas Day 8.30pm, BBC1)

I’m not sure of the scheduling for Wallace and Gromit’s return to television for the first time in 13 years. I know a lot of kids will still be up, but this is surely made for an earlier, just after teatime slot. Talk about a change of pace, being sandwiched between two episodes of dour Christmas EastEnders. Still, I’m not complaining, the eccentric inventor and his faithful dog are as fresh and fun as ever. Cracking stuff, Gromit!

The Royle Family (Christmas Day, 9.30pm, BBC1)

The First Family of British television make a welcome return in a brand new episode for Christmas. Denise is cooking Christmas dinner - that can’t end well…

Harry Hill’s TV Burp Review of the Year (Boxing Day 7pm, ITV1)

Harry casts his wicked eye over some of the TV highpoints, low points and just plain absurd points from the year gone by. I’m not sure if the show has lost its edge a touch, but Mr Hill can still raise a titter or two.

Morecambe and Wise 1975 Christmas Special (Boxing Day 9.30pm, BBC2)

It just wouldn’t be Christmas without at least one visit from Eric and Ernie. Prior to this at 8.30 is The Man Who Made Eric and Ernie, with stars paying tribute to the late, great Bill Cotton who died earlier this year. He was instrumental in the success of Morecambe and Wise and The Two Ronnies, amongst others, and this business we call TV owes him a debt of gratitude.

All New Shooting Stars (Tuesday 30th December 10pm, BBC2)

Following a documentary at 9pm, Vic Reeves, Bob Mortimer, Matt Lucas and Ulrika Jonsson return for a one-off special of the cult panel show, with Jack Dee taking on the other team captain role.

If the Christmas TV and radio schedules aren’t enough for you, then the holiday season is the time to listen to podcasts, writes Ewan Spence. From topical humour and current affairs, to music, fiction and education, there’s something for the whole family. All links point to the website of the show, where you’ll find details on how to listen to the show on your iPod, PC or MP3 player

Podcasting is worldwide, so while Radio 4 has the Friday Night Comedy podcast, there’s a little show on the other side of the Atlantic that is an almost perfect mix of quiz and topical comedy, albeit with a distinctly American flavour. Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me has been running for more than ten years and its gentle wit and family atmosphere are hallmarks of the show.

Table Rappers - Persistent Spirit is the first in a planned series of audio books, which author Neil Dixon brings to life through a reading of the text. But it’s far from an author in search of a microphone, as Dixon uses the serial nature of podcasts coupled with an atmospheric sound mix to bring his characters to life.

Stephen Fry is an early adopter of technology - he was the proud owner of the second Apple Mac in the UK. Stephen Fry’s Podgrams brings his musings and thoughts to the world in this occasional series of shows. The recent addition of a video ‘podgram’ shows both a keen user of modern technology, but also a man at peace with the world and those around him.

With countless podcasts showcasing new music to the world, unsigned bands and DJs have been quick to take advantage of a new way to get music to listeners. In Three From Leith, Scotsman Grant Mason chooses three tracks that have appealed to him in this conveniently-sized podcast of mostly unsigned music.

One of the most well-known pieces of electronic music is the original Doctor Who theme tune, performed by Delia Derbyshire. From a cappella and jazz to ballroom dancing and spaghetti western, Whomix Radio presents countless reinterpretations from artists of this famous signature tune. Prepare for the audio journey of a lifetime.

• For more Christmas TV and radio previews, buy this week’s double issue of The Stage, which also contains reviews of 2008 in TV, radio and live entertainment. Plus, don’t forget TV Today’s own Square Eyes and Turn off the TV previews

As it’s the festive season and TV Today will be winding down for its annual break (although we may pop up across the holiday season now and then), we thought we’d take a different approach to our Christmas recommendations this year. Over the next few days, we’ll be bringing you our top TV picks from each genre, and we start today with the hot drama to accompany the mince pies…

Lark Rise to Candleford (Sunday 21st December 7.45pm, BBC1/BBC HD)

I shall cover this in my Square Eyes column for the weekend ahead, but as a festive edition of one of the Beeb’s drama successes of the last year, it’s a must to get you in the mood - preferably with mulled wine in hand.

Clash of the Santas (Sunday 21st December, 9pm, ITV1)

Robson Green and Mark Benton return to their festive roots as Colin and Howie as the two friends and arch rivals travel to the World Santa championships in Lithuania. Colin is representing Britain with Howie as his elf, but Howie might find a way to turn the tables on his smug mate. Mildly amusing in the way that these have always been, but nothing special.

Crooked House (Monday 21st December, 10.30pm, BBC4)

Christmas always needs a ghost story, and Mark Gatiss, himself a huge fan of those wonderful MR James festive chillers, writes and stars in this sumptuous and atmospheric three-part horror portmanteau. Gatiss is the museum curator with tales to tell about a mansion house with a sinister history. Philip Jackson also stars in this first tale, which continues over three nights, with an omnibus on 27th December at 9pm. Don’t turn the lights out!

Doctor Who (Christmas Day 6pm, BBC1)

As ever, the good Time Lord provides the cornerstone of the Christmas Day drama landscape, and this festive special (the fourth since the series returned) marks the beginning of David Tennant’s final journey in the role. It’s the usual frothy fun and adventure, seeing the return of the Cybermen in a snow-bound Victorian setting, Dervla Kirwan as a chilling villain and David Morrissey playing a chap called the Doctor. Mmm, surely some mistake there. One to enjoy with all the family.

Caught in a Trap (Boxing Day, 9pm, ITV1)

Connie Fisher stars in this light, fact-based drama, attempting to forge a career for herself away from the safety of Maria. Will she manage it? She stars as Gemma, down at heel and stuck in a dead end job, but who starts nicking the parking meter money she collects to fuel an obsession with Elvis memorabilia. It’s an odd one really, but kudos to Fisher for trying something so utterly different to what she’s best known for.

The 39 Steps (Sunday 28 December, 8pm, BBC1/BBC HD)

A tense and traditional adaptation of John Buchan’s classic adventure thriller, with ex-Spook Rupert Penry-Jones taking on the role of the heroic Richard Hannay. It’s a role he seems born to with those square-jawed good looks, and cuts rather a dapper figure belting around the Scottish Highlands with German Spies on his trail. There are other Hannay stories, so perhaps this is the start of a new Christmas tradition…

Affinity (Sunday 28th December 9pm, ITV1)

Andrew Davies (the king of the adaptation) takes on Sarah Waters’s second novel, Affinity and does a damn good job. Anna Madeley (who must be relieved that The Outsiders never went to series) is Margaret, an unhappy woman in 1870s London. Whatever she’s looking for in life, she thinks it might be found by helping the criminals locked up in Millbank Women’s Prison. Here she is drawn into a tense friendship with spiritualist Selina (Survivors’ Zoë Tapper), and the story unfolds with Gothic atmosphere, sexual tension and ghost story undertones. Excellent.

Jonathan Creek (New Year’s Day 9pm, BBC1)

A welcome return for Alan Davies as the scruffy, lovable designer of magic tricks Jonathan Creek for the first time since 2004, as always penned by David Renwick. And even more joyously, Julia Sawalha is out (she never gelled with Creek for me), with Sheridan Smith providing a much more satisfying sidekick as psychic investigator Joey. It’s a traditional JC festive episode with a creaky old country house and an impossible disappearance, but it’s the interplay between Davies and Smith that makes this really special. Fingers crossed for more Jonathan Creek in the very near future.

I have to start this week’s review with a couple of apologies. First of all, it’s a little late, so I’m sorry for that. Also, I was on the train last night and got talking to a couple of regular readers of these reviews. Yes, I know, we have some. Who knew?

Anyway, I was (good-naturedly) berated somewhat for not giving enough credit to Sapphire Elia for her performance in ‘her’ episode, episode 6, Miss Independent, in the face of the worst script of the series. And looking back on that review, they were perfectly right — I didn’t give the girl her due.

I did promise to retrospectively rectify it this week, and I’m happy to do so. Not that anybody watching this week’s episode would have been in any doubt, because she managed the same again this week. In the face of yet another below par script, Sapphire Elia again showed that she’s better than the material she’s given to perform — as, indeed, did the rest of her castmates.

It really is slim pickings out there this week, as the schedulers run out of decent programming prior to the big burst over the Christmas break…

Taggart ITV1, Monday 9pm
I have to admit that Taggart is one of those shows that I can never find myself going out of the way to watch — but, if I come across it in an evening of channel-hopping, I can quite easily find myself getting absorbed in very quickly. It helps that the stories don’t feel the need to pad themselves out to feature length. This week’s tale involves the uncovering of two entwined skeletons from 25 years ago. It’s quite odd, I suppose, that what other dramas would call a “cold case” is pretty much the same age as the series itself…

Horizon BBC2, Tuesday 9pm
Quite possibly the first outing for Horizon in The Stage’s TV previews, but this series more than ever has seen the once-noble documenter of science and reason descend into entertainment-with-education-as-by-product. It’s almost like the production team look at the relaunched Top Gear with envy, but don’t quite have the heart to go the whole hog. Here, the ever-amiable Danny Wallace takes a trip round the world to see what advances are being made in the field of robotics.

The Royal Variety Performance BBC1, Wednesday 7.30pm
The light entertainment spectacle of the year is here. While the bill seems dominated by pop acts — Leona Lewis, Pussycat Dolls, Rihanna, Duffy, Cliff Richard and the Shadows (who have reformed for their 50th anniversary) — there will of course be comedians and more than the odd “spesh” act. Of course, Britain’s Got Talent, the show which did so much to revive the respectability of the RVP by treating a spot on the bill as something worth coveting almost more than the prize money, contributes series 2 winner George Sampson. BBC talent shows also get in there, with Last Choir Standing winners Only Men Aloud also appearing.

EastEnders BBC1, Thursday 7.30pm
Charlie Brooks returns as the villainous Janine Butcher, the only member of said family for whom that surname seems curiously appropriate. While the character is often such a comic-book grotesque, that in itself is no bad thing in a series which does occasionally need to be hauled out of the ruts it keeps falling back into.

Have I Got News For You (Friday 9pm, BBC1)

Jerry Springer guest hosts the perennial panel game show.

Gavin and Stacey (Friday 9.30pm, BBC1)

There is a scene in this episode of Gavin and Stacey that will leave you gob-smacked. If you can ever eat corn on the cob or Kentucky Fried Chicken ever again, then you’re made of stronger stuff than I. And that’s all I’m saying.

The IT Crowd (Friday 10.05pm, C4)

I’ve said before that this is not the greatest sitcom in the world, but it’s better than a lot of the rubbish that’s been slarted out in the name of the comedy over the last year. Parents of the Band, anybody? Shudder. Tonight, Matt Berry steals the show once again as Douglas, the sleazy boss of the company as he’s interviewed by a journalist. Those three in the basement do some stuff too. Probably.

Harry Hill’s TV Burp (Saturday 6.40pm, ITV1)

There are still moments of brilliance from TV Burp, but this extended run does seem to have watered the show down a touch. Very often, less is more. There’s only one way to find out…

Merlin (Saturday 7.10pm, BBC1)

The final episode of a series that has proved, after 13 weeks, to be a very hit and miss affair, ranging from episodes with some genuine thrills and scares, to others with people just sitting in rooms talking about stuff. But Merlin has delivered the ratings, so a second series is surely expected. In tonight’s finale, Nimueh (an excellent Michelle Ryan) is back to give Merlin a terrifying choice.

The X Factor Final (Saturday 7.10pm/9.40pm, ITV1)

And here it is, the final showdown between JLS, Alexandra Burke and an ewok. I’m not going to express my dismay at some of the voting off that’s gone on this series as, with John Sergeant on Strictly, the public vote is king and has to be obeyed. Perhaps the biggest revelation of this series has been Cheryl Cole’s rehabilitation from wild girlband member with a controversial past to much loved national treasure. It’s a funny old world, innit?

The Girls Aloud Party (Saturday 8.40pm, ITV1)

Well I know where I’ll be at 8.40 - glued to ITV1 for an hour of fun and frolics with my favourite girl band. No seriously, I am as unashamedly lowbrow as it comes.

Wallander (Sunday 9pm, BBC1)

Final of three excellent, if dour, detective dramas starring Kenneth Branagh as Kurt Wallander from the books by Henning Mankell. When one of Wallander’s colleagues is murdered, the introspective ‘tec starts to question his own judgement and work.

The Old Curiosity Shop (Sunday 9pm, ITV1)

A welcome rerun for this ITV adaptation of the Dickens classic from 2007, starring Derek Jacobi as Grandfather, owner of the titular shop. It’s quite grim in places, but with some marvellously light touches along the way. Enjoyable as only Dickens can be at this time of year.

Spooks (Sunday 10.50pm, BBC1)

Another chance to see the cracking season finale of the best run of Spooks since the very early days. Superb!

As a quick pre-Christmas present, here’s a very, very small teaser for the series of Being Human, BBC3’s supernatural flatshare drama.

At some point, it seems that there’ll be a production blog following the series’ progression.

Being Human was first transmitted in February 2008 as a 60-minute special as a part of BBC Three’s drama pilot season. It returns, in 2009, as a witty, sexy and thrilling six- part drama on BBC Three.

The Being Human blog is your chance to go behind the scenes. View exclusive footage and add your comments to posts from the cast, the writer and the Being Human production team.

Apologies for the lack of a Week 12 review — with preparations for our Christmas double issue, various articles for TV Today and reviewing of pantos, there just hasn’t been time.

Anyway, this week’s show is the semi-final, with just three couples left in the competition. Until John Sergeant quit, of course, we were expecting the same number to have made it all the way to the final.

This week, all three couples must dance the Argentine Tango — which, as we know, is Vincent’s speciality, so his performance with Rachel must surely be worth watching. For their second dance, each couple is, in the words of the BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing website:

their favourite dance of the series, performed to new music and with new choreography

Which, unless I’m much mistaken, pretty much means “a new dance”, doesn’t it?

Anyway, in preparing this week’s scoresheet I’ve assumed that there will be a dance-off, with only one couple given a guaranteed place in next week’s final.

Strictly Come Dancing, week 13 score sheet [PDF]

Don’t forget that both this week and next, the results show is back on Saturday nights…

The EMI Story Radio 4, Saturday 10.30am
EMI was one of the music industry giants, but had been loss-making for years before being bought by private equity company Terra Firma. The deal saw massive job losses, cost cutting all round and complaints from artists and their agents. Terra Firma boss Guy Hands talks to Damian Reece about the controversial takeover.

The Saturday Play: Blithe Spirit Radio 4, Saturday 2.30pm
Roger Allam stars in Bert Coules’s new adaptation of the classic Noel Coward play. Writer Charles Condomine hosts a seance as research for his new novel — but is most put out when the ghost of his first wife, Elvira, turns up and seems intent on disrupting his relationship with second wife Ruth… Maggie Steed also stars as the medium, Madame Arcati.

Straight in at Number 1: the Rise and Fall of the Charts Radio 2, Saturday 7pm
Once an act’s success hinged upon the sales of its singles. Then, the singles became marketing tools to promote the more lucrative albums market. Now, albums have themselves become promotional items, as the real money comes from touring. Has this made the music charts less relevant — or do digital downloads make them a better barometer of public taste than they have for years? Paul Gambaccini concludes his look at the charts.

Elaine Paige on Sunday Radio 2, Sunday 1pm
EP’s guests this week are the current cast of West End musical La Cage Aux Folles, Nick Cunningham, Paula Wilcox, Tracie Bennett and Douglas Hodge.

Classic Serial: Coram Boy Radio 4, Sunday 3pm
Jamila Gavin dramatises her novel about eighteenth century orphans, which was so successfully adapted for the National stage in 2005. Marc Warren stars as Otis Gardner, the Coram Man, who earns his money in a very gruesome way… As with the stage version, music plays an integral part, with a choir performing arrangements by Margaret Vincent.

Drama on 3: Samson Agonistes Radio 3, Sunday 8.15pm
Radio 3 continues its celebration of the 400th anniversary of John Milton’s birth with this new production of his dramatic poem, directed by John Tydeman and starring Iain Glen as Samson. Written in the form of a Greek tragedy, with the Chorus commenting on the action, it follows the Biblical story of the blind Samson wreaking his revenge on the Philistines who have imprisoned him — a powerful subject for Milton, who was blind himself when he wrote this piece three years before his death.

Book of the Week: Nella Last’s Peace: the Postwar Diaries of Housewife 49 Radio 4, Monday-Friday 9.45am (repeated 12.30am)
The inspiration for Victoria Wood’s award-winning ITV drama, Nella Last’s diaries for the Mass Observation Archive are here read by Imelda Staunton.

Woman’s Hour Drama: A Small Town Murder Radio 4, Monday-Friday 10.45am (repeated 7.45pm)
Meera Syal stars as Jackie Hart, a family liaison officer within a CID murder investigation team. When a Shakesperean scholar is killed, Jackie comes to suspect that his relatives know more than they are letting on… Barbara Flynn and Maureen Beattie also star.

Afternoon Play: Wodehouse in Hollywood Radio 4, Monday 2.15pm
In 1930, MGM film studios paid PG Wodehouse $2,000 a week to soup up the dialogue for their new talking pictures. Tim McInnerney stars as a Wodehouse who finds himself becoming “lazier and lazier” in La-la-land. Tony Staveacre’s comedy combines Wodehouse’s writings with fictional scenes.

Book at Bedtime: A Christmas Carol Radio 4, Monday-Friday 10.45pm
A ten-part serial to take us up to the pre-Christmas weekend, with David Jason reading perhaps Britain’s best known Yuletide ghost story.

Afternoon Play: How To Be An Internee With No Previous Experience Radio 4, Tuesday 2.15pm
The Afternoon Play’s two-day Wodehouse-fest concludes with Colin Shindler’s play about his wartime experiences. After making a series of light-hearted radio broadcasts from Berlin about his internment at German hands, he was interrogated by MI5. If found guilty of treason, he could be executed. Tim McInnerney reprises the wole of Wodehouse, while Alex Jennings plays his interrogator, one Malcolm Muggeridge…

Will Smith’s Mid-Life Crisis Management Radio 4, Wednesday 6.30pm
Will Smith is one of those people who’s always seemed middle-aged, despite being young. But now, he’s turned 35 and begun to stress… Such is the setup for Smith’s new sitcom, also starring Roger Allam as Will’s godfather, Peter.

The Cornwell Estate Radio 4, Wednesday 11pm
Phil Cornwell (Dead Ringers, Stella Street) heads the cast of this new sitcom from Andrew McGibbon. Dave Kafka is a typical Cockney geezer, returning to a London housing estate after a spell ‘inside’. Felix Dexter and Tony Gardner also star. Intriguingly, this radio show will also be broadcast as a film on BBC interactive (i.e., via the red button). How will that work, I wonder?

Wah! Wah! Wah! Waaaaa! The Comedy Scores Radio 4, Friday 11am
From the days of the silent movie, comedy has been accompanied by a very particular style of musical soundtrack. Musician Huw Williams examines how music and comedy complement one another and, with the help from MA students at Kingston University, look at how the next generation of composers approach the task.

Friday Night is Music Night Radio 2, Friday 7pm
Since winning Maestro, in which celebrities competed to become a classical music conductor, Sue Perkins has clearly caught the baton-wielding bug: here, she conducts the BBC Concert Orchestra in a performance of several seasonal numbers.

The Friday Play: When the Bough Breaks Radio 4, Friday 9pm
Based on opera director Julia Hollander’s memoir of the same name, When the Bough Breaks tells the story of Dan and Clare, who face a terrible series of decisions when their daughter is born with severe brain damage. A harrowing and emotive way to end the radio week.

I figured we’re well overdue for our regular eighteen-monthly plug for William Gallagher’s UK DVD Review podcast. The weekly review has this year expanded its horizons a little, embracing HD-DVD, BluRay and iTunes programmes.

Next weekend’s show will be dedicated to the annual listeners’ poll, where William compiles a chart of the most popular DVDs as voted by ordinary people. I’m pleased to say that Dr Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, which I recommended to William back on its iTunes release, has made the top ten. This morning, he recorded a short interview with me about the musical, which will form part of the show.

My lips are sealed about the position Dr Horrible reached in the chart, but I will say it did surprise me just how popular it seems to have been with the UK DVD Review audience. I honestly expected it to not even make the chart, especially as at the moment it’s not even available on DVD.

After their sojourn into the cinemas with The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, Wallace and Gromit are back in their natural 30-minute film format with a Christmas Day outing, A Matter of Loaf and Death (the working title, Trouble At t’Mill, being presumably too dialect-dependent to sell well).

As usual, Peter Sallis provides the voice of Wallace, while Gromit lets his eyebrows do the talking. They are joined by the voice of Sally Lindsay (Coronation Street, Scallywagga) as new love interest, Piella Bakewell. And there may be a whiff of romance in the air for Gromit, too…

I’ve had a little sabbatical from the hushed cloisters of TV Today over the last week or two (and have been enjoying Anna’s fantastic postings - Julia Davis as Doctor Who, brilliant!). I’ve got a stack of TV goodies piled up on the old Sky Plus, including the latest episode of Survivors. But top of my viewing list to catch up on were the last couple of episodes of Spooks, neatly dovetailing into last night’s incredible season closer.

Sometimes on these very pages we despair of the state of British television and the levels it seems capable of sinking to these days. But this latest run of the perennial Spooks would restore the faith of even the most weary audience member or jaded television hack. Personally I thought it was stunning, all eight episodes, with the last three hitting new heights of tension and storytelling for the series.

Really? Yes, really. For a show to be in its seventh season, to maintain healthy ratings and audience share, and to be able to pull out a run of eight episodes that are as good as, if not the better, than the first couple of seasons, is quite a startling achievement.

TV Today woke up to sad news this morning: the passing of Oliver Postgate, half of the Smallfilms team (with Peter Firmin) who created Ivor the Engine, Noggin the Nog, The Clangers and Bagpuss, among others.

If there’s one one word that can truly be said about the pair’s creations, “eccentric” is the word that first springs to mind. Not eccentric in the carefully focus-grouped, market research-led way that Teletubbies and In the Night Garden are, but truly, wonderfully mad. A steam engine who sings in the local choir? A saggy old cloth cat who oversees a lost items renovation service run by mice? Knitted moon-dwelling aliens voiced by swanee whistles? Smallfilms’ output was unparalleled in either its absurdity or its popularity.

Below, a clip from a Children In Need QI special which concentrates on one of the most famous episodes in The Clangers’ history, as well as touching on some of the Postgate greatness:

In recent years, Postgate moved away from TV production, but his website shows that he never lost interest in children’s television…

The Sarah Jane Adventures BBC1, Monday 4.35pm
An unashamed second week in a row for recommending SJA, as this second series embarks on its final two-part story. Phil Ford’s script for Return of the Bane reunites Sarah Jane not only with the woman who “created” Luke, Mrs Wormwood (Samantha Bond) and Sontaran Commander Kaagh, but a much older friend — one who will be recognisable to those who remember Sarah’s original days travelling with the Doctor. Yes, Brigadier Sir Alistair Lethbridge-Stewart (Retd) is back!

If the excitement is just too much and you can’t wait for the concluding episode, it’ll be on the CBBC Channel at 5.15pm.

Spooks BBC1, Monday 9pm
I have to say, this series of Spooks has been just about the best yet. The writing and pacing of each episode has been sharper, making each story feel justifiably strong enough in its own right, whilst retaining the sense of continuity that was trumpeted so much last year. And last week’s episode, which revealed Connie as the Sugar Horse mole (just before killing Alex in one of the most gruesome WTF? moments of recent times) was superb. The series comes to a conclusion tonight, as the team struggle to stop a group of disaffected former KGB agents from detonating a nuclear bomb in London.

Thankfully, both Spooks and Sarah Jane Adventures will be back for new series next year. Hurrah for the BBC!

Wallander: Mastermind BBC4, Monday 10pm
BBC4 continues its short season of the Swedish-produced version of the police novels. I sense a compare-and-contrast coming along…

EastEnders BBC1, Tuesday 7.30pm
The plotline concerning Tony’s grooming of poor Whitney reaches a high point, as Bianca learns the truth about what has been going on. If there’s one thing that has made this storyline work above all else, it’s young actress Shona McGarty as Whitney.

Survivors BBC1, Tuesday 9pm
Joseph Millsom (previously Maria’s dad in The Sarah Jane Adventures — did we mention we like that show?) guest stars as Jimmy Garland, an ex-Army officer who has an ancestral claim to an old mansion. Said mansion has been taken over a group of young boys, and Abby (Julie Graham) turns up to see if one of them is her son, Peter. I remain in two minds about Survivors — but neither of them scream “must watch”, I’m afraid.

Little Dorrit BBC1, Wednesday & Thursday 8pm
The Beeb’s Dickens adaptation draw to a close this week, as Mr Merdle’s bank goes bankrupt and the effects are felt throughout all strata of London life. A number of favourite characters head back to the Marshalsea Debtors’ Prison, and the secret which Arthur’s mother kept hidden is finally revealed… In such a huge cast it’s hard to single out individuals — but, helped by Andrew Davies’ writing, Claire Foy has helped imbue some real charm to one of Dickens’ most sickly sweet characters.

Comedy Classics: On The Buses ITV1, Thursday 10.40pm
LWT made seventy-four episodes of this sitcom, which seems to have dated far quicker than many of its contemporaries. Still, the image of bus inspector Blakey remains one of the most iconic in TV comedy history. This tribute comprises a documentary narrated by Ronnie Ancona and a showing of episode Brew It Yourself.

It’s been over four years since Jonathan Creek last graced our screens, but this year we’ll be getting a one-off special on New Year’s Day.

In much the same way as Doctor Who changes companions, Alan Davies gets a new sidekick for this series in the shape of Sheridan Smith (who has her own DW credentials, having played the role of Lucie Miller in two series of audio adventures for Big Finish Productions, broadcast on Radio 7). Stuart Mulligan returns as Jonathan’s magician employer, Adam Klaus. And beyond that — for now, the story is as mysterious as the spoof newsreel footage above…

After the jump, some more clips courtesy of the BBC (one of which has a guidance warning attached). Some spoilers may be included…

Last week, my favourite writer of anything television-related, Nancy Banks-Smith, reviewed a recent episode of Coronation Street, singling out the writer for praise:

I was cheered to see that the scriptwriter of Coronation Street (ITV1) was Damon Rochefort. He always raises the tone of the show.

And you know what? He does the same for Britannia High. Every week, I’ve been steeling myself for the usual BH mix: a mess of talented young performers coping with variable qualities of songs, sometimes dubious pop-video-style direction, all held together with a distinctly ropey script.

Something went wrong when they made this week’s instalment. They added good characterisation, properly paced plots, comedy that was actually funny. All in a script by Damon Rochefort. One can only wonder what the struggling series’ ratings would be like now if the show had been this strong from the start.

It’s quarter final stage, and only four couples remain. It’s shaping up to be an extremely close competition, with no clear front runner. This week, Austin and Erin nudged past Rachel and Vincent in terms of average scores from the judges, although at 34.40 and 34.30 respectively it’s neck and neck.

Lisa and Brendan’s average score, meanwhile, at 33.00 finally takes them above Cherie and James in the overall series leaderboard, but places them bottom of the remaining couples. They shouldn’t be too disheartened, though — when splitting averages into Ballroom and Latin disciplines, they are ahead in Ballroom, with their average of 36.00 putting them just ahead of Rachel and Vincent’s 35.80.

All these stats and more are in the judges’ scores league table on this week’s scoresheet:

Week 12 scoresheet (PDF)

If you haven’t overloaded on stats yet, the BBC’s website has come up with its own statistics-based trivia.

Don’t forget to come back here and share your scores. And of course, don’t tell us here who gets knocked out, if you manage to find out between the recording of the results show and its broadcast on Sunday night…

Dani’s House Friday 4.35pm BBC1
It’s getting to the end of the series for this CBBC sitcom, but all previous episodes are still available via the iPlayer. While the writing is a bit simplistic and the unnecessary laugh track is far too intrusive, this comedy in which Dani Harmer plays a teenage actress is far superior to After You’ve Gone, the primetime sitcom in which she also stars. In this week’s episode, Dani has to get ready for her first awards ceremony, while her old acting class friend, Mo White, returns from the United States a superstar. While you may wonder why former Blue Peter presenter Zoe Salmon has been cast as a famous actress, bear in mind this is the same BBC that confuses Nicholas Lyndhurst with a talented sitcom performer.

I’m a Celebrity… Friday 8.30pm ITV1
A two-hour finale in which this year’s top talentless non-entity gets to ensure that they’ll at least be in work this time next year, albeit passing commentary on the 2009 series.

Merlin Saturday 7.25pm BBC1
After taking an age to hit its stride, it came as something of a shock to realise that this week’s episode is the penultimate instalment. When Gwen’s father is discovered helping a sorcerer turn lead into gold, he is arrested under threat of death. Morgana takes matters into her own hands, which never tends to go well…

Harry Hill’s TV Burp Saturday 8.15pm ITV1
The ongoing shuffling of the Saturday schedules continues, but this week sees a welcome later evening slot for TV Burp, nestling contentedly between the heaving bosoms of two The X Factor semi-finals shows.

Who is Kurt Wallander? Saturday 9pm BBC4
After Kenneth Branagh’s debut as the Swedish detective last week, BBC4 investigates Henning Mankell’s literary creation. And to Swedish TV’s own take on the character, Before the Frost follows at 10pm, while Mastermind is shown on Monday night.

Outnumbered Saturday 9.10pm BBC1
The best sitcom on TV continues. After a half-term holiday, the family are stuck in a foreign airport when their flight home is delayed. With three children in tow, parents Hugh Dennis and Claire Skinner will

British Comedy Awards Saturday 9.15pm ITV1
After events of the last couple of months, disgraced TV presenter Jonathan Ross relinquishes hosting duties to a TV presenter with an unblemished record. Oh no, hang on, it’s Angus Deayton. Ironically, both Ross and Russell Brand are in the running for gongs. For those who can stomach it, ITV2 has an after-party show at 10.45pm.

Britannia High Sunday 6.30pm ITV1
BH’s audience figures may have bee dwindling to ever smaller numbers, but the loyalty of those still watching can’t be questioned. While it’s far from the best scripted drama on the planet, its young cast work their hardest to make the show as enjoyable as possible. And if they don’t do the trick, there’s surely mileage to be had in a drinking game (over-18s only, natch). Down in one if the cast burst into a spontaneous song and dance routine! This week’s episode pushes dance teacher Stefan to the fore, giving the criminally underused Adam Garcia chance to show just why he was cast in this show in the first place.

Take That Come to Town Sunday 8.00pm ITV1
Basically an hour-long plug for the resurgent boyband’s new album The Circus, made by Globe Productions, the TV arm of the band’s record company Universal (and, incidentally, co-producers of Britannia High). Who needs product placement guidelines when you have an hour of primetime to promote your merchandise, eh?

Wallander: Firewall Sunday 9.00pm BBC1
Last week’s debut film did, let’s be honest, suffer from the “Oh, I recognise him, he must be the culprit” factor which dogs British-made murder mysteries. On that basis, I’ve looked down the cast list for this week’s Swedish police procedural and have a pretty good idea who this week’s murderer may be. Which should leave me with more time to admire the washed-out cinematography, beautiful architecture and Kenneth Branagh’s crumpled jowl.

FILM: Camp Monday 1.05am Channel 4
Set your video/PVR/Sky+ box — this film premiere is on at a ridiculous time, almost as if Channel 4 are ashamed of having it in their repertoire. That’s a shame, as this cheery comedy set in an American performing arts summer camp is a delight. Writer/director Todd Graff, whose script draws on his own experiences, could certainly show the writers of Britannia High a thing or two.

Talking about Lionel Radio 4, Saturday 10.30am
With the latest West End revival of Oliver! about to start previews, this timely documentary looks at the life and career of its writer, Lionel Bart. As well as his most well-known musical, he also wrote Fings Ain’t Wot They Used T’Be as well as many songs, including Cliff Richard’s Living Doll, Tommy Steele’s Little White Bull and the theme to From Russia With Love. Away from the stage, he struggled with alcoholism and depression, succumbing to a long battle with cancer in 1999. Eddie Mair presents this look at his life, with contributions from Tim Rice, Cameron Mackintosh, Miriam Karlin and Barbara Windsor.

Out to Lunch Radio 2, Saturday 1pm
Russell Kane and his team of comedians return for a sixth series of stand-up, sketches and music.

The Saturday Play: Giving up the Ghost Radio 4, Saturday 2.30pm
Adrian Bower stars as Scott, a firefighter haunted by the death of his close friend and co-worker Jacko, in a drama by Lynne Truss.

Straight In At Number 1: The Rise and Fall of the Charts Radio 2, Saturday 7pm
When it comes to the UK Top 40, Paul Gambaccini (co-founder of the Guinness Book of British Hit Singles) knows his stuff — so this guide to the changing status of the singles music chart should be a knowledgeable listen. Concludes next Saturday.

Elaine Paige on Sunday Radio 2, Sunday 1pm
EP is joined this week by a little-known, shy and retiring singer by the name of John Barrowman. Somehow I suspect his “fruit and nuts” will not be making an appearance…

The DNA List: Len Goodman Classic FM, Sunday 3pm
I have to admit that we’ve ignored our commercial radio chums in our weekly round-ups so far. This week’s edition of the chat show in which Danny Wallace talks to guests about their influences sees him joined by Strictly Come Dancing judge Len Goodman. Sadly it’s the last in the series, that’s how slow we’ve been to mention it…

Drama on 3: Great Escape Radio 3, Sunday 8pm
This new work by Zimbabwean playwright Andrew Whaley is a biting satire set during 2005’s Operation Murambatsvina, during which thousands of black Zimbabweans were forcibly moved from their homes. Desperate to leave their home country and forge a new life in South Africa, two men try to tunnel their way out using a machine powered by old policies and dreams of a better nation. Joseph Mydell and Christopher Odi (who were both in the RSC’s production of Breakfast with Mugabe) star.

Woman’s Hour Drama: To The North Radio 4, Monday-Friday 10.45am (repeated 7.45pm)
Catherine McCormack and Julian Rhind-Tutt star in this adaptation of the 1930s novel by Elizabeth Bowen. Sisters-in-law Emmeline and Cecilia run a small travel agency together, but when Emmeline begins a relationship with a caddish barrister, their lives will, as you probably expect from this sort of drama, be changed forever.

Afternoon Play: The End of the Alphabet Radio 4, Monday 2.15pm
Given a month to life, Ambrose sets out with his wife Zipper to visit twenty-six places of interest in alphabetical order. David Haig and Juliet Stevenson play the couple at the heart at this adaptation of CS Richardson’s debut novel. With support from Adam Godley, Carolyn Pickles and Philip Fox, this is a cut above the usual AP fare.

80 Not Out Radio 4, Monday-Friday 3.30pm
A series of story readings by actors in their 80s, to celebrate the 80th birthday of Bernard Cribbins. Alec McCowen, Jill Balcon, Donald Sinden, Liz Smith and Cribbins himself contribute.

Afternoon Play: Eight Feet High and Rising Radio 4, Tuesday 2.15pm
Liam is 8ft 6in tall and lives in a cramped room. Ethel is 4ft tall and brings out the latent bully in everyone. Sarah Jane, the canine agent, has all the PR skills of a flea-bitten mutt, and Pat, Liam’s mother, weighs 30 stones and is obsessed by game shows. James Alexandrou, going great guns since leaving EastEnders, leads the cast as Liam.

A Charles Paris Mystery: The Dead Side of the Mic Radio 4, Wednesday 11.30am
The start of a new four-part mystery for Charles Paris, the actor-turned-detective played so brilliantly by Bill Nighy. Charles secures a place in the BBC Radio repertory company, a welcome piece of stability after the chaos of his home life. But it’s not long before a young studio manager is found dead, and murder stalks the corridors of Broadcasting House…

The Verb Radio 3, Friday 12 December
As the creator of the Alex Rider teenage spy novels and ITV wartime drama Foyle’s War, Anthony Horowitz has become a deservedly successful writer (let’s glide gracefully over the sheer awfulness of Crime Traveller). One of Ian McMillan’s guests this week, Horowitz has written a new mini-drama especially for the programme about Antarctic explorer Ernest Shackleton.

Finally, I hear you cry! Yes, this week’s review has been painfully slow in arriving, I must admit. Profuse apologies. So straight down to business: five couples, ten dances, two disciplines — one elimination. But who was it to be? We kicked off with the ballroom dances.

First off were the current highest-scoring couple, Rachel and Vincent, with a waltz. Unlike some of our commenters, I felt last week’s perfect 40 was well-deserved, and was worried that they wouldn’t keep up the standard. However, I was reassured by another beautifully romantic dance. While Craig didn’t like Vincent’s choreography in places, I thought it was rather sweetly done, with several of his trademark sophisticated but understated flourishes. A great start to the show, and with judges’ marks of 9 + 10 + 10 + 10 = 39 points, set a high standard for everybody else to aspire to matching.

Lisa and Brendan were next up with a Foxtrot. Lisa’s elegance really works n her favour in the ballroom disciplines, and they did so even more here. She looked so much more comfortable than she has in a long time that her confidence helped deliver a wonderfully warm routine.

That said, the judges’ marks of 9 + 10 + 10 + 10 = 39 placed it equal with Rachel and Vincent’s dance, and personally I would have put it a smidgen lower.

Christine and Matthew’s Tango suffered from having to grapple with a rock song (Addicted to Love). Without the traditional tango score to push against, the choreography felt as if it was all over the place — and sadly, Christine danced to match. Her body looked as if it lacked any tension at all, especially compared to Matthew, which helped contribute to what Arlene described as a “rag doll” look.

The scores of 6 + 7 + 8 + 7 = 28 were fair, I thought. And with the two boys up next, it put Christine on a very dangerous footing.

Back to the foxtrot with Austin and Erin dancing to L-O-V-E. With Erin being an expert at this dance, it was perhaps inevitable that they did well here, but that inevitability didn’t make their dance any less joyful to watch. Erin’s choreography, as ever, was full of basic moves that showed off both dancers to their best ability.

I didn’t see what Craig was talking about when it came to Austin’s feet, so consequently I thought his score was a little low. Still, 8 + 9 + 9 + 10 = 36 was a strong score.

Completing the ballroom section, Tom and Camilla danced a Waltz to Moon River. Again, it was another dance that captured a really romantic element to the routine — but as both Bruno and Craig noted, Tom’s posture in hold could be better. Cue another spat with Len, which to use Len’s phrase is really beginning to get on my wick. I’m not exactly at the point where I’m sympathising with Craig, but it’s getting close. That’s a worrying sign.

Back to the dancers, though, and the scores of 7 + 7 + 10 + 9 = 35 showed the disparity of thought amongst the judges. That’s a good thing, as long as it doesn’t descend into name-calling, surely…

First of all, the Daily Mail complains that John Barrowman got his penis out. Which is an everyday experience for those who work with him, but apparently this is a disgraceful act even though, because it was on radio, no member of the public saw it (while there was a webcam in the studio, apparently it wasn’t working).

Then, ITV decides that the economic climate is perfect for another property show:

ITV3 has commissioned a glossy property show for its first factual series, based around its most popular dramas.

Live the Dream As Seen on Screen will profile six dream British lifestyles, across a 6 x 60-minute series. It will be presented by Melissa Porter and Nick Barratt. Each episode will profile three magnificent homes and the people who “live the dream”, ranging from the Cornish cottages that feature in Doc Martin to art deco properties as seen in Poirot.

The world has gone mad.

When Catherine Tate became the Doctor-Donna for those few brief, glorious minutes in Journey’s End, a lot of people’s fears that a female actor couldn’t play the lead in Doctor Who were assuaged — she was quick, intelligent and just a little bit mad. A true Doctor, in other words. However, when it has come to discussing women who could take the role, bloggers, journalists and fans alike seem to have become stuck on a rather limited range of names.

Billie Piper still gets a regular name-check, though that would need some seriously inventive plotting, and Joanna Lumley, perhaps because of her time in the freaky ITV sci-fi show Sapphire and Steel, has been frequently connected with the role. In fact, she had already played the Doctor in a Comic Relief skit, written by none other than the new Doctor Who lead writer and executive producer Steven Moffat.

But for me, there is one actress perfect for the role who is being overlooked: may I offer for your consideration Ms. Julia Davis…

I know it’s only the 1st of December, but the TV Christmas season is already kicking off. The listings magazine schedules change completely (next week’s Radio Times, with its Doctor Who-themed cover, came out on Saturday instead of the usual Tuesday).

And now the big channels are starting their preview trailers, starting with two from BBC1. The drama trail is directly below, and the comedy one is after the jump…

The Sarah Jane Adventures, BBC1, Monday 4.35pm
The second part of The Temptation of Sarah Jane shows the fallout following Sarah Jane’s decision to sabotage her father’s car and therefore prevent the death of her parents. Has she never seen Father’s Day? Messing with fixed points in the past is never a good idea. Luckily, Luke, Clyde and Rani are on hand to try and sort out the resulting mess.

The Story of the Costume Drama ITV3, Monday 8.00pm
Keeley Hawes narrates this new series charting the history of period dramas on screen. From quaint tales of rural life, to red-blooded bodice-rippers, costume dramas have provided some of television’s most glorious and memorable moments, many of which will be repeated here. I suspect that the odd reference to ITV’s recent Austen season might just be thrown in too.

Spooks BBC1, Monday 9.00pm
Evidence is stacking up against our hero Harry in MI5’s quest to find the mole, and despite the best efforts of Lucas (who takes matters into his own hands and heads off to Moscow) and the rest of the team, it’s hard to see how he’s going to get out of this one. Meanwhile, there are hints at the series finale, as it becomes clear that the Russians are becoming a little anxious about the planned US missile defence base, and are willing to take drastic actions to prevent it going ahead.

Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘n’ Roll: the 60s Revealed Five, Monday 9.00pm
You’d think that there is hardly anything left to ‘reveal’ about the great culture shift that took place in the 1960s, but this three-part series actually offers something new. Bernard Braden recorded interviews with young celebrities at the time, and intended to repeat the exercise every three years. In reality, the chats remained unbroadcasted, and this is the first time that the likes of Lulu and Davy Jones from The Monkees have seen any of the footage. Their reactions, of course, have been filmed for our enjoyment.

Survivors BBC1, Tuesday 9.00pm
This eerie update of the 1970s sci-fi classic reaches its half-way point with this episode, and Abby (Julie Graham), Greg (Paterson Joseph) and Tom (Max Beesley) are still discovering people who managed to beat the plague. There’s a family who seem utterly unaffected by the otherwise devastating virus, and we see the return of the last government member standing, Samantha Willis (Nikki Amuka-Bird), who starts to take a rather ruthless approach to her self-imposed responsibilities.

The Culture Show BBC2, Tuesday 10.00pm
You may have seen on the news last week Sir Tom Jones - still snake of hips and orange of complexion - busking on the South Bank in front of around 1000 bemused spectators. He was doing it for a regular Culture Show item in which musicians busk in order to raise money for charity, but this one, understandably, got a little more attention than usual. You can watch the performance footage on this week’s programme, along with a Nick Park interview, no doubt intended to get us even more excited about the Wallace and Gromit Christmas Special (not that that is possible, in my case…)

Little Dorrit BBC1, Wednesday 8.00pm
The many plotlines which run through this story are now finally drawing together, and the pace is ratcheting up nicely. In this episode, the dozy dandy Sparkler is still fawning over Fanny’s every move in Venice, and Amy and Arthur are still fawning over each other.

The Devil’s Whore Channel 4, 9.00pm
Like a veritable Moll Flanders, Angelica (Andrea Riseborough) is now awaiting execution after giving birth in Newgate Prison. Clearly, in this time of betrayal and divided loyalties, there is no time for sympathy and understanding. Elsewhere, Sexby (John Simm) watches with a fixed expression of disgust as Cromwell (Dominic West) turns from glorious anti-hero to brutal leader.

Lead Balloon BBC2, Thursday 10.00pm
More from the low-key sitcom that has me ignoring the jokes and simply trying to work out which character I hate the most. It’s a tough call (even Rick’s wife is annoyingly smug), but it has to be the odious co-writer Marty, who I get the feeling we’re actually meant to side with. This episode could be something a little out of the ordinary, however, as Rick decides to change his ways, and attempt to see the good in those around him - rather him than me.

Star Stories: Elton John Channel 4, Thursday 10.00pm
The so-so comedy series starring Kevin Bishop returns for a third outing, which will later lampoon the lives of Heather Mills and Peter and Jordan, (the phrase “shooting fish in a barrel” does come to mind). Tonight, though, it’s the turn of Elton John so expect plenty of references to hissy-fits, Donald Duck outfits and dubious hairpieces.

One of my favourite DVD director’s commentaries is for the Matthew Broderick movie WarGames. The commentary explains how to combat the problem of how to get across a large amount of exposition in a short space of time, the writers constructed a meeting where everybody was angry with everybody else — as that’s the only situation where people will say things to each other that everybody already knows, thus letting the audience in.

While in WarGames the technique is used for exposition, in this week’s Britannia High the purpose is more personal, as Claudine (Sapphire Elia) lets rip at her fellow schoolmates. That one scene of uber-bitchiness was a high point in an otherwise lacklustre episode.